Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating

by Adiba Jaigirdar

  It’s not like letting her cheat on the test actually has any effect on me. She’s the one looking, and she’s the one who’s going to struggle when it comes to her Leaving Cert. Really, she’s just hurting herself, and I’m just doing what needs to be done in order to make sure the school has the best Head Girl.

  Before I can think about it for too long, I lean back in my seat and push my test paper a little closer to Aisling. So it’s easy enough for her to make out what I’ve written. All she has to do is look over. I finish the test definitions like that, and ignore the look of satisfaction and delight on Aisling’s face.

  “How’d you do?” Hani asks when she comes over to collect our test papers at the end of class. She barely glances at me.

  “Pretty good, I think.” Aisling slings an arm over my shoulder as she says this. Like we’ve been best friends our whole lives. “I actually studied this weekend, so … I think I’ll do pretty good.”

  Hani looks slightly confused, but she just nods her head. “Ishita?”

  I shrug. “Yeah … okay. Probably. You?”

  “Yeah. Okay, probably.” She grabs our test papers and passes them to Ms. Taylor.

  Later that day, when I join the three of them for lunch in our base classroom, Hani is sitting facing the wall, with Deirdre beside her and Aisling opposite her. Conveniently, this is the only position where it’s impossible for me to sit beside her. If the others think this is strange, they don’t mention it. They just look happy to see me. I’ve never seen my classmates happy to see me before. A strange feeling surges through my chest at their expressions. I’m not sure if I like it or hate it.

  “We should totally do something again this weekend,” Aisling says as we tuck into our lunch. “Like … we could go to a movie. What’s on the cinema?”

  “Um …” Deirdre pulls out her phone and tinkers around on it for a moment. “Well … there’s like a bunch of superhero movies, obviously. There’s a new Pixar but it looks kind of bad. There’s another Disney remake and … basically nothing interesting.”

  “So … not the cinema,” Aisling says. “Suggestions, Ishita? What do you like doing in your free time?”

  “Um … studying?” I say.

  Aisling and Deirdre burst into a fit of giggles like I’ve told a joke. Even Hani’s lips twitch like she’s trying very hard not to smile.

  “Okay, we’re definitely not doing that,” Aisling says.

  “Maybe Humaira has some suggestions?” I shoot her a look, and she finally looks up to meet my eyes. I still can’t read her expression. Usually, Hani is like an open book. Anger, frustration, happiness … all of that is written on her face clear as day. Now, though, it’s like she’s closed up the book for me, and I don’t know how to get her to open up once more.

  “I don’t know,” Hani says. “Maybe we should just play it by ear.”

  “Well, I think Colm and Barry have that football match Saturday morning? Maybe we could go support them and then hang out together?” Deirdre suggests.

  “That sounds perfect,” Aisling says. “We can go to Eddie Rocket’s and get milkshakes.” Another place that has barely any vegetarian options. I don’t say that out loud this time. I’ve learned from my mistakes. And I don’t want to jeopardize everything now. Still, I try to catch Hani’s eyes, but she’s not looking at me. She’s looking everywhere but at me.

  “Hey, Hani … do you think we can talk outside the classroom for a second?” Hani’s eyes snap to me and a frown appears on her lips. Before she can reply though, Aisling cuts in.

  “Sorry, you’re not allowed to do that.” She slings an arm around me once more and it takes a lot to not try and claw her hands off of me. The way she touches me feels too familiar, too comfortable. Way more comfortable than I want her to be.

  “We’re not?” I ask, trying to wiggle out of her grasp without making it seem like I am.

  “No … because it would be pretty unfair of you guys to go off somewhere and start shifting or whatever, when we can’t do it.”

  Hani does catch my eye at that. I’m happy to say that she looks as confused as I feel.

  “Um, you could shift Deirdre anywhere you wanted,” I say. “I mean, I wouldn’t stop you.”

  “No …” Aisling rolls her eyes and finally lets me go. “I mean, because we’re in an all-girls school, and Barry and Colm are like super far away. It’s not really fair. It’s like … heterophobia.”

  “Well, we weren’t going to—”

  “Heterophobia doesn’t exist, Aisling.” Hani snaps before I can finish my sentence. “That’s a ridiculous word.”

  “If homophobia exists—”

  “Yes, because …” Hani trails off, before shaking her head and standing up abruptly. Her chair scrapes loudly when she does. She doesn’t really look at any of us. “I have to go. I … didn’t do my Irish homework, so … I have to go.” With that, she grabs her bag and rushes out of class.

  “What’s up with her?” Deirdre asks. “She’s been in a bad mood all day.”

  Aisling asks. “I’m sure she’ll come around.”

  “I should talk to her,” I say, getting up too. “I’ll … make sure she’s okay … and help her with her Irish homework.”

  “Is this your guys’ way of—”

  “No.” I cut Aisling off before she can say anything else homophobic. I shoot her a small smile. “See you guys later.” I give them both a little wave before slipping out of the classroom.

  chapter twenty-seven

  hani

  “CONAS ATÁ DO CHUID OBAIR BHAILE AG DUL?” ISHU WALKS up to me with a hesitance that is definitely not on brand for her.

  I sigh. “What are you doing here?”

  “Helping you with your obair bhaile, obviously,” she says, sitting down beside me on the ground. It’s going to get her skirt dirty, but she doesn’t seem to mind. “Aren’t you cold?”

  “A little,” I say.

  “I would give you my jacket if I hadn’t left it in my locker,” Ishu says. “That would be like … the thing to do, right?”

  This is exactly the reason why I didn’t want to talk to Ishu. Because she says stuff like this and sends my heart into a tizzy. Makes me think that there could be something going on here, reminds me that we maybe could have been something, but we obviously aren’t. And really, it’s my fault. I came up with this whole fake dating gimmick to start with.

  I just sigh and scoot away from her. I dig into my bag and look for my Irish book, but of course I’ve left it in my locker. I don’t even think I have Irish after lunch, but since it’s the excuse that I used, I’ll have to stick to it. So I just take out a copy and my fóclóir. Opening up my foclóir, I begin to sift through it, like there’s a particular word I need to find.

  “Your Irish homework is …?”

  “Writing,” I say. “About … stuff. A timpiste. So I need to find some words. To do that. Let me focus, please.” I don’t glance at her, but I can feel her looking at me for far too long.

  “Should we talk about Saturday?” Ishu finally asks. “Like … we don’t have to, but I don’t like you being mad at me.”

  I put down my foclóir and glare at Ishu. “I’m not mad at you.”

  “That’s convincing.” She deadpans.

  “Don’t be cute!”

  “I’m not being cute!” Ishu exclaims. “I’m just … I’m sorry,” she says. That word still sounds strange coming out of her lips. “I’m sorry if I said something that made you uncomfortable. I just … I was just joking on Saturday and …” She takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

  “I just don’t like when people joke about stuff like that,” I say. “Because … the whole thing with Aisling and Dee and … I don’t know.” I shake my head. “I want us to be friends. And I know that we’re doing this dating thing, but … we can’t … I don’t want us to make it into a joke, even if it’s not real.”

  “I won’t,” Ishu says quickly. “I didn’t … I wasn’t trying to …” She
seems at a loss for words. Flustered. There’s even a slight flush rising up her cheeks. If only Ishu wasn’t joking about being girlfriends. If only this weren’t a fake relationship. Then things would be a lot easier.

  “Are we friends?” I interrupt her stutters.

  “Yes.” Her voice is more confident than it has been this whole conversation. “Even if it pigeonholes us or whatever, we’re friends.”

  I nod. “Good. And we’re … pretending to be girlfriends.”

  “Yeah …” Ishu says. “And we love heterophobia.”

  I have to laugh at that. “Aisling is so ridiculous sometimes.”

  “She is,” Ishu smiles. “She’s …” Ishu hesitates, like she’s having to really choose her words here. Like she’s not sure how to say the next words she has to say. “What do you like about Aisling?”

  That’s definitely not the question I expect.

  “I don’t know. She’s … a good friend,” I say.

  “In what way?”

  “Um … she’s fun. I always have fun when I’m with her,” I say. “I mean … you can see why I’m friends with her. You’ve hung out with her. With them both. You like them, right?”

  She nods slowly. “Yeah. They’re both … interesting.”

  “Aisling definitely likes you,” I assure her. “Like … she thinks you’re cool.”

  “She told you that?”

  “No, but I can tell,” I say. “She sat next to you in biology. On purpose. She could have sat next to me, or on the other side of the table like she usually does.”

  Ishu nods again. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess our plan really is working, huh?”

  I smile. There’s not a whole lot of time until we vote for Head Girl. I just have to find a way to keep my feelings at bay and get through these next few weeks.

  “We obviously came up with a really good plan.”

  I make the decision to try and lay low for a little while. After all, the summer exams are only weeks away and I definitely haven’t been focusing on my studies. If I can steer clear of Ishu and me spending time together alone, I should be all set. Hanging out with Aisling and Dee is fine because they always take over the conversation anyway.

  I can do this.

  At least that’s what I tell myself. I’ve convinced myself of it.

  The next morning, Ishu greets me at my locker like that’s something we do.

  “Morning,” she says.

  “Morning …” I’m definitely not a morning person, but I’m even worse when I’m ambushed like this by a girl I was dreaming about just a few hours ago. “What are you doing here?”

  “Well … applications for prefect and Head Girl are closing today,” she says. “You applied for prefect, right?”

  “Yeah … obviously. I told you that I did, didn’t I?”

  “Well … that means the teachers are going to start considering us soon. We’re going to have our interviews and then the votes.” Ishu’s eyes are getting wider and wider with every word that she speaks. “And then—”

  “Ishu … stop freaking out.”

  “I just think we need to make more of an effort, you know?” she says.

  “An effort to …?” Instead of answering my question, Ishu leans forward and takes my hand in hers.

  “To look like the couple we’re supposed to be?” she says. “I mean, other than some Instagram photos it’s not like we’re going to win cutest couple in our yearbook or anything.”

  “Okay, we don’t vote on that crap,” I say, pulling my hand away from hers and pretending that I have to eagerly search for a book in my locker. I mean, I do have to search for books in my locker but suddenly I can’t even remember what subjects I have this morning.

  “Did you just curse?” Ishu sounds amused.

  “Crap is not a curse word,” I say. “Other words that are synonyms of crap might be. But crap … isn’t.”

  “Okay, okay,” Ishu says. “Look … I know it might not be comfortable but it’s kind of what we both signed up for. Holding my hand isn’t that bad, right?” She looks at me with the kind of smile that definitely looks strange on Ishu’s usually grumpy face.

  I sigh. “No … holding your hand isn’t … that bad,” I concede. If I was being honest, I would say that holding her hand was probably the nicest thing I have done in a really, really long time. But I guess I’ve not done the honesty thing for a while now, either. “We don’t have to do any weird couple-y things, right? Like … canoodle?”

  “What the hell does canoodle mean?” Ishu asks.

  “I don’t know, like … the stuff you see couples doing.” I feel my cheeks warm because suddenly us being a couple is all I can see.

  “Just holding hands. Hanging out?” she asks. “Is that okay?”

  “Yeah,” I say. I know Ishu is only asking because of what happened on the Luas the other day. I guess I appreciate her checking my boundaries.

  “So … are you finished with your books?” she asks, extending her hand like she’s been waiting for me. “I’ll walk you to your first class?”

  I have to smile, because things like this do not seem like Ishu things at all. I guess she’s pretty dedicated to being Head Girl. And this is definitely a great way to show everyone that she is a likeable, charismatic person. Who knows the right people.

  So I shut my locker door and slip my hand into hers. Her hand is soft and warm, and somehow the exact shade of brown as mine. And also somehow the exact shape and size to fit into mine perfectly.

  “So … did you do anything fun after class yesterday?” she asks. I know she’s trying to make small talk but it just feels awkward. Everything about this feels awkward and weird and unnatural.

  “Just … studied,” I say. “We have exams coming up so … I need to brush up on stuff. I’m really bad at maths.”

  “Oh,” she turns to me with a frown. “You know I’m really good at maths? I could help you study?”

  “That’s … okay,” I say in the nicest way I can. “I’m not great at studying with other people.”

  “Right,” she says. “That’s fair.”

  “Well …” I point to the double doors of the art classroom. “This is me.”

  “Okay … I’ll see you at lunch?” Ishu asks.

  “Yeah.”

  She shoots me a smile and turns away. Toward whatever class she has, I guess. The strange thing is, despite how weird and awkward and unnatural Ishu walking me to class felt, I still feel a strange emptiness at her being gone.

  As much as I don’t want to have any feelings for Ishu, I can’t help that I keep opening up our guide. It almost feels like second nature.

  I haven’t added anything to it since that day on the Luas—neither has Ishu. Still, I can’t help but scroll through it every once in a while—always wondering about what it would be like if all of this were real and not pretend.

  It’s as I’m looking at the guide wistfully on Thursday night that I notice a new user appear at the top of the screen. Unlike Ishu’s circular blue I, this circle has an orange N inside it.

  I blink my eyes, wondering if I’ve imagined it, because the next moment it’s disappeared. But my heart is hammering in my chest. I couldn’t have imagined it.

  Slowly, I click the blue share button at the top of my screen, half afraid of knowing the truth. And what I read makes my breath hitch in my throat: Shared with: Ishita Dey and Nikhita Dey.

  chapter twenty-eight

  ishu

  BY THE TIME THE WEEKEND ROLLS AROUND, HANI AND I are still as awkward as ever. The easy comfort that we once felt with each other seems to have been stripped away. In fact, for most of the week Hani spent as little time with me as possible. Sure, she let me walk her to her classes like we’re a real-life couple, but for the entire week we barely texted or talked at all. Like we’re not even friends.

  “So, will we see you at the football match tomorrow?” Aisling asks at the end of Friday. “Ten o’clock at St. Andrews, and lunch afterward?”


  Hani catches my eyes at the invitation, and I’m not sure what exactly she’s thinking. She’s been a closed book all week.

  “You know, I probably won’t make it,” I finally say. “Exams are coming up and … I have some family plans?”

  “Oh.” Aisling doesn’t exactly sound disappointed, but she doesn’t look happy either. Who would have thought Aisling of all people would want to spend her weekend hanging out with me?

  “Well, we’ll miss you,” Dee says. “But it’ll be like old times, with the three of us, right?” Dee’s smile flickers between Aisling and Hani.

  “Actually, I won’t be able to make it either.” Hani doesn’t look at any of us as she says this. Instead, she focuses on her locker, fiddling with the books inside. “I’m busy this weekend.”

  “Are you guys ditching us to hang out together?” Aisling does look a bit annoyed now, though she chuckles like it’s supposed to be a big joke.

  “Definitely not.” Hani finally turns to her with a reassuring smile. “We wouldn’t do that to you guys.”

  “Are you really busy this weekend?” I ask Hani as the two of us head out of school. Hani is walking toward the bus stop as usual, and I’m off to the Luas.

  “Did you really forget?” Hani asks.

  “Did … we have plans this weekend?” I distinctly remember Aisling and Dee trying to make plans with us, but as far as I know we didn’t settle on anything other than the football game.

  “Your parents invited us to a dawat?” Hani turns to me with a raised eyebrow. It finally dawns on me—the dawat that Ammu and Abbu had reminded Hani of every time they ran into her. Turns out, they should have been reminding me.

  “Shit.”

  Hani chuckles, though her heart doesn’t seem quite in it. We reach the fork in the road, where Hani turns left and I turn right. She hesitates for a moment. That moment is all it takes for my heart to start hammering in my chest.

  “You remember … the rules from the guide, right?”

  I don’t know what I was expecting her to say, but it was definitely not that.