The Brightest Darkness

by Kate L. Mary

  “Good,” I said, smiling up at him. “Because I am, too.”

  The lower level wasn’t nearly as busy as I’d expected, though. Harper was busy making soap, with Tracy at her side, but they were the only ones there. I’d expected to find Blake making bullets, but he was nowhere in sight, and since we knew he wasn’t in the control or in the common area, I had no clue where he could be. Not outside tending the animals, that was for sure. First of all, we’d given the kids part of that job, and secondly because no one went out alone anymore.

  “Wonder where Blake is,” Kellan muttered.

  “I was thinking the same thing.”

  Footsteps pounded down the stairs, and we turned just as Bill stepped through the doorway. Like us, he seemed to not be able to find what—or who—he was looking for, because he frowned when he looked around.

  “Just the person I wanted to see,” Kellan said.

  “Wish I could say the same.” Bill pressed his lips together in a thoughtful expression. “I’ve been up and down these stairs looking for Christine but can’t seem to find her. You haven’t seen her anywhere, have you?”

  Kellan and I exchanged a knowing look. Christine was missing and so was Blake…

  “Not this morning,” Kellan replied, a little too fast to go unnoticed.

  “Blake was here a little bit ago,” Harper called out. “He and Christine left together.”

  Bill’s eyebrows lifted. “That so?”

  Harper’s round eyes widened, and a blush spread across her cheeks, and beside her Tracey smirked.

  “I don’t think it means anything,” the teen said, tugging at her braid the way she so often did.

  “It’s not a big deal.” Bill waved his hand then turned to us. “You wanted to see me?”

  “I did.” Kellan looked around. “Let’s walk back up.”

  Curiosity shone in Bill’s brown eyes. “Is this a conversation I’m going to like?”

  “Not sure about that.” Kellan started walking, nodding for Bill to follow, and I did as well. “But it’s something we need to address before it turns into something neither of us likes.”

  18

  Kellan didn’t start talking until we’d reached the level above the hydrogarden. “I think there might be an issue with Ernie.”

  “How’s that?” Bill asked.

  “He said some stuff to Cade about me being too young to be a leader, and I’m sure you’ve noticed he’s been less than friendly toward me.”

  Bill waved his hand like he was trying to brush Kellan’s concern away. “He’s hard to get a read on sometimes. I’m sure you’re just imagining things.”

  “Not to contradict you,” Kellan said, “but I think he’s very easy to get a read on.”

  “He doesn’t like Kellan,” I added. “It’s obvious.”

  We’d just reached level nine when Bill stopped walking. “Even if this is true, what do you expect me to do about it? He’s a grown man. He’s going to have to get over it or live with it. Those are the only two options.”

  “From what I hear,” Kellan said slowly, “he’s considering a third option.”

  Bill’s eyebrows shot up. “You mean he wants to take over?”

  “It seems that way to me.” Kellan paused, waiting, and when Bill said nothing, he continued. “How involved in the decision-making process was he back in the hangar?”

  Bill look down. “A good deal.”

  “So you can see why he’d feel threatened.”

  “I can.” The other man lifted his gaze from the floor, frowning like he didn’t want anything to do with any of this. “And I understand why you feel threatened, too, but I think you’re overreacting. This is your place, and Ernie knows that. He’s just trying to figure out where he fits in. That’s all.”

  “I hope you’re right,” Kellan said. “And for the record, I don’t feel threatened, but I do think it’s important Ernie understands how we work here. We’re a team. That’s how we make decisions. I don’t want him thinking if he pushes hard enough, we’ll all fall in line behind him. That’s not how it works.”

  “He’ll be okay.” Bill slapped Kellan on the arm. “But just to put your mind at ease, I’ll talk to him. Let him know this is a democracy. He has just as much of a say as everyone else.”

  “Good,” Kellan said. “I appreciate it.”

  “Any time.” Bill looked back the way we’d just come, and then to the stairs in front of us. “If you happen to see my daughter, let her know I’m looking for her, will you?”

  “I will,” Kellan said.

  “Good. In the meantime, I’ll head on up and have a talk with Ernie.”

  “Thanks, Bill.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  We stood side by side, watching Bill disappear up the stairs. When he was gone, Kellan took my hand and started walking.

  “You think Blake and Christine are together?” I asked.

  “Seems like they might be,” he replied. “At least Bill didn’t act too upset by it.”

  “Assuming he knows.”

  Kellan looked my way and grinned. “He knows.”

  “Yeah.” I laughed and shook my head. “What do you think about Ernie?”

  “I think Bill might be a little too optimistic, but I’m hopeful that he’ll fall in line once he sees I’m not actually calling all the shots.”

  “How are you going to show him that?”

  “A group meeting, maybe? We can get all the adults together and talk about whether it’s safe enough to send people out to hunt or fish. We could use some meat.”

  The very idea of leaving the condo put a skip in my step.

  Kellan grinned my way. “I take it you like that idea?”

  “I’m dying to get out of here,” I said, “and I know you have to be, too.”

  We’d just reached level four when he stopped suddenly and pushed me up against the wall. “Actually, I’ve been rather enjoying our time. No distractions.” He kissed me, slow and deep, then his lips traveled down over my chin to my neck. “As much alone time as we want.”

  “You have provided quite the distraction.” I threaded my fingers through his hair and closed my eyes, loving the feel of his lips on my skin.

  He kissed his way back up my neck, but when he reached my lips, he allowed his mouth to hover over mine as he said, “Maybe I can distract you a little more.”

  “Maybe,” I said, grinning.

  The smile was wiped from my face when he kissed me again, hungrily this time, almost desperate. Yes, being cooped up had its benefits.

  The next morning, we gathered in the common area so we could talk. We’d told everyone in the shelter about the meeting, and all five of us from our original group were gathered around the couches, but most of the newcomers had chosen not to be involved. The only people who’d shown up were Bill, Ernie, and Christine—and I had a feeling she was only here because of Blake. It seemed this group had been less of a democracy than we’d thought. I only hoped Ernie didn’t try to derail our meeting with demands.

  “We’ve asked everyone to join us so we could discuss what our next step will be,” Bill said, looking everyone gathered in the common area over.

  Ernie sat across from him, his expression unreadable behind his taped glasses, while Kellan sat to Bill’s right. He was sitting back, though, letting the older man start the meeting so he could show Ernie how we liked to do things.

  “What exactly does that mean?” Ernie was the first to speak up. Of course.

  “Simple.” Kellan leaned forward a little so he was more front and center. “We need to decide if it’s safe to go out yet, or if we should wait a little longer to make sure Andrew is gone.”

  “It’s been two months,” Emma said. “I think he’s moved on.”

  “The hordes have stopped,” Blake added. “If we were still getting them, I’d worry Andrew was still around and playing with us, but things have returned to normal. A few zombies here and there, but that’s it.”

  Ke
llan looked at Cade. “What do you think?”

  “I’m with Blake and Emma,” he said.

  Kellan exhaled, but nodded like he thought they might be right. “It does seem like a long time to just hang around.”

  “Are you serious?” Ernie threw his hands in the air. “This guy ambushed you, killed your friend, kidnapped another one, and you really think he just gave up and ran off.”

  “Maybe he found someone else who’s immune,” I said.

  “Right. They’re hanging out on every corner.” Ernie snorted, and when his glasses slid down his nose, pushed them back with his middle finger. I had a feeling the gesture was directed at me.

  Emma pointed at me. “We have two immune people in our group, so it stands to reason there are more around.”

  “I think you’re all being insanely naïve, and it’s likely to get us all killed,” Ernie snapped.

  “What do you suggest?” Kellan’s voice was calm, even and measured. “That’s why we’re here, so we can talk it through and make a group decision.”

  “I suggest sitting tight for a little longer. We have supplies. We’re not going hungry. It only makes sense.” Ernie crossed his arms and his mouth scrunched up, reminding me of an angry child.

  Kellan looked toward Bill, as did Ernie, but the other man only stared at the floor and remained silent. Looked like we weren’t going to get any help from him.

  “If no one else has anything to add,” Kellan said after a tense minute of silence, “I guess we’ll just put it to a vote.”

  “I’m all for getting the hell out of this shelter,” Blake said.

  Christine, who stood at his side, beamed up at him. “Me, too.”

  “You know I’m ready to get out,” I said.

  Emma raised her hand like a child in a classroom. “It’s safe. It has to be.”

  “I think so, too.” Cade slipped his arm around her shoulder, nodding.

  “You’re a bunch of kids.” Ernie looked at us like he thought we’d lost our minds. “You have no business making decisions for the rest of us.”

  “Kids or not.” Kellan’s voice took on a cooler tone that didn’t faze Ernie in the least. “This is how we do things. How we’ve always done things.

  “No one is going to make you leave the shelter,” Cade pointed out. “You can stay here if you want.”

  “But you’re making the decision for everyone else,” Ernie shot back.

  “We voted,” I said. “That’s how it works here.”

  “Well, maybe it shouldn’t,” he grumbled.

  “That’s enough.” Bill finally tore his gaze from the floor. “We talked about this already, Ernie. This is how things are done here. Understand? You got a chance to say your piece, and you did. It’s over. They voted, and you lost. Don’t make it a bigger issue than it is.”

  Ernie got to his feet, shaking his head. “I understand that you’re letting a group of kids put all of us at risk.”

  “Call me a kid one more time,” Cade said, “and I’ll knock you on your ass. I’m thirty-four years old. I’ve experienced all the same shit over the last nine years as you. We all have. None of us are children.”

  Ernie shook his head again, but instead of continuing the argument, he stormed off.

  “That could have gone better,” Kellan said when he was gone.

  I looked at Bill. “I thought you were going to talk to him.”

  “I did, right after our earlier conversation.” He let out a deep sigh. “In fact, he was even talking about how he couldn’t wait to get out of the shelter.”

  Kellan’s back stiffened. “Are you telling me he only threw that tantrum because he wanted to contradict me?”

  Bill’s frown deepened, making the lines of his face more pronounced and adding years to him. “I don’t want to think that’s true.”

  “But it is,” I said.

  “If you’d just let him talk first.” Bill ran his hand over his smooth head. He looked agitated, but it seemed to stem more from the conflict than from the fact that Ernie had just acted like a five-year-old. “If you’d let him take the lead and go from there, none of this would have happened.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Kellan let out a bitter laugh. “I’m not going to massage the guy’s ego every time we need to make a decision.”

  “That’s bullshit,” Blake muttered.

  “Sometimes,” Bill said, “if it makes things easier, it’s worth it.”

  “No.” Kellan got to his feet, indicating that he was done with the conversation. “It’s not, and I won’t do it. Ernie can toe the line or—”

  He stopped and frowned.

  “Or what?” Bill asked.

  The five of us from our original group said nothing, but the silence was awkward. Strained, and heavy with possibilities none of us wanted to face.

  “That’s something we won’t be discussing.” Bill stood, and for the first time in a couple weeks, he looked like the leader we’d once thought him to be. “Ever.”

  Kellan nodded, but like me, he had to know that wasn’t a guarantee he could make.

  Bill nodded once before taking his leave.

  “Shit,” Kellan said and slumped back in the chair, letting out a deep sigh.

  “I’m ready to get out of here now more than ever,” Blake muttered and tugged on the brim of his ratty red hat.

  “I’m in.” Christine, who’d been silent for most of the discussion and ensuing argument, looked bright-eyed at the prospect of heading out.

  “You better believe I’m going.” I looked around. “Anyone else?”

  “We have our shift in the control room,” Emma said, taking Cade’s hand and pulling him toward the stairs. “Next time, though. For sure.”

  “Have fun!” I called after them.

  Emma waved over her shoulder.

  19

  I ripped my goggles off when Kellan pulled the car to a stop on the side of the road and put it in park. In the back, Blake and Christine were talking quietly, sitting close but not touching. Not that I was under the delusion that there was no touching going on in private.

  “Water’s too high for swimming,” Blake said, sounding disappointed.

  “Not a surprise,” Kellan responded, not looking over his shoulder, but instead focusing on the river, just visible through the brush.

  It was the same place we usually came to fish, but now, due to the recent rain, the water level was higher than it had been in years, meaning the current was stronger. We hadn’t been here in a while, though, not since before opening the gate to Harper. Being here now, after everything that had happened between Kellan and me, I suddenly realized this place had new meaning for me.

  In the back, Blake threw the door open and climbed out, and Christine followed, but when Kellan moved to open the door, I grabbed his hand to stop him.

  He turned my way, his eyebrows raised and questions shimmering in his brown eyes. “What’s up?”

  “Remember the day I was bitten?” I asked. “The first time, I mean.”

  He grimaced and laced his fingers through mine. “Do you think I could forget?”

  I gave his hand a squeeze. “I know it was an awful day, but I’m talking about what happened before that. Do you remember?”

  Kellan’s eyebrows pulled together as he turned to look out the window, his focus on Blake and Christine, who were standing at the edge of the river talking but not yet fishing.

  “I remember Blake and Emma fighting, and how you begged me to go out,” he murmured, his voice low. “I also remember when I thought you were going to die, how I blamed myself for giving in to you.”

  I grabbed his chin with the hand he wasn’t holding and forced him to look at me, giving him a smile. “As if you could have said no to me.”

  “I can’t, you know that,” he said, his voice quiet and full of pain. “That was why I blamed myself.”

  “Forget about the bite and the farmhouse. That’s not what I’m talking about,” I said, wanting to lighten t
he mood, wanting him to know what I was thinking so we could share this moment. “Remember when you picked me up and pretended you were going to throw me in the water?” He nodded, and his expression eased, a small smile pulling at his lips. “That was the moment I realized I had feelings for you.”

  Kellan’s eyebrows shot up, and for a moment he didn’t react. Then he started chuckling quietly to himself, his shoulders shaking with the force of his laughter. “Seriously?”

  “Yes.” I gave him a little swat, smiling even though heat had rushed to my face. “Why are you laughing? Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  He shoved his hand through his hair, pushing it off his forehead as he shook his head, and to my surprise, his cheeks reddened. “My ego just took a big hit.”

  “What?” I said, laughing harder. “In what way?”

  “Call me an egomaniac, but I thought it was earlier than that. A lot earlier.” He shook his head again as he pulled his hand from mine and turned for the door. Right before he shoved it open, he said, “I guess I misread a lot of moments.”

  “Wait,” I called after him, “tell me what you’re talking about!”

  He ignored me and ducked out the door, and I jumped out as well, hurrying to meet him at the back of the car. The trunk was open, the fishing gear waiting to be retrieved, and Kellan was focused on it when I reached him. He moved to get the rods, but I grabbed his arm to stop him.

  “Hey,” I said, urging him to turn my way.

  When he grinned, the adorable dimple in his left cheek deepened. “What?”

  “Tell me what you mean.”

  Again, Kellan laughed and shook his head, and his cheeks got redder. “There have been a lot of moments over the years when I thought you had ulterior motives, that’s all.”

  “Such as?”

  “Well,” he leaned his hip against the car and crossed his arms, “like when we were watching TV and you rested your head on my shoulder, or when you teased me.”

  “We’ve always teased each other,” I pointed out.

  Kellan’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Regan, I’ve always liked you.”