Chasing Faith

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  Eight days passed that way. Besides telling the gas station attendants what pump number I wanted, the only person I talked to was myself.

  I longed for a bath and a comfortable mattress, but I couldn’t risk being seen at a hotel. Then again, with my clothes being so dirty and smelly, and my hair all greasy, probably no one would recognize me. I looked more like a homeless street person than an ex-agent wanted for murder.

  I found a diner just off the interstate and enjoyed the first decent meal I’d had in over a week. Then I checked into a tiny motel. I had just finished bringing my luggage in when Troy’s cell phone rang.

  “I’ve been trying to call you for days, girl,” he said in a panicked voice. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine,” I assured him.

  “Why haven’t you been answering the phone?”

  “I’ve been driving constantly. I’ve got to watch the road, so I turned off the ringer,” I told him.

  “Well, keep it on from now on. I’ve been worried sick.”

  “What’s happening back there?” I asked, settling onto the hard mattress.

  Troy said, “The FBI identified the remains of the guy who tried to kill you.”

  “That’s great.”

  “Not really. The guy we found in the van had been dead for ten years. Roberts is still out there.”

  “What? How can that be?” I exclaimed, really confused.

  “About three years ago when I first got on the Roberts case, we found a body that was burned beyond recognition and had to use dental records for identification. The dental records identified that guy as the deceased so we naturally assumed it was him, but apparently they were wrong because the guy in the van was actually the guy we thought was dead ten years ago.”

  “Is that enough for the cops to think I’m innocent?”

  “It’s not enough to clear you, but it tells me we’re on the right path. There’s something else, too. About two million dollars was stolen from the bank Max worked at. The FBI thinks your friend Max may have embezzled the money. They’re saying that might be part of the reason you killed him,” Troy said.

  “Great. So now they’ve got a motive.”

  “Just be careful. Keep that cell phone with you all the time, and leave it on, so I can get hold of you if something happens. Get as far away from D.C. as possible. Where are you now?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What’s the area code on the telephone?”

  I went around the corner to the pay phone. “It’s 615.”

  After a lengthy pause, he said, “That’s Tennessee. Are you in a big city?”

  “No, just an isolated little town.”

  “Good. The more isolated, the better.”

  “Hey, thanks for the credit cards and the money.”

  “You just take care of yourself. All this stuff is going to get figured out eventually, but you’ve got to keep yourself hidden for a while or you won’t be around to see yourself cleared.”

  “Troy, you’re an agent. You could make me turn myself in.”

  “If I thought you’d be treated fairly, I would. But I don’t trust the system right now. We need to get some hard evidence.”

  “How can we do that? Max, the only person who could have cleared me, is dead.”

  “You’re a Christian, right? Well, find a Bible and start reading it. You can’t go crazy on me. I need you to be strong, all right?”

  “Okay.”

  After hanging up the phone, I opened the drawer on the bed table. Sure enough, there was a Gideon Bible. I’d never been more happy to see the Word of God.

  “God, I’m too tired to read,” I said aloud. “I just pray that You will help me find the answers. Keep me strong. And be with Troy, my mom, my sister. And Sebastian, too. Keep him safe in Your arms because mine are too far away.”

  Suddenly it dawned on me. “I’m not that far away. Tennessee is only a few hours from Atlanta.”

  I started coming up with a plan to allow me to see Sebastian. Before I could figure out all the details, I fell fast asleep.

  The next morning, I realized there was no way I could see Sebastian. I took a long, hot shower, changed into clean clothes, put on makeup, styled my hair, and got back into the car for another long day of driving.

  A day later I checked into a motel in Atlanta. I wanted desperately to see Sebastian, to feel his arms around me and his lips on mine.

  “Lord,” I said as I knelt beside the motel-room bed, “I pray that You will allow me to see him. If I see him, Lord, please let him believe me and support the decision that I made to go on the run. Please don’t let my situation ruin his chance of being elected as lieutenant governor, because Georgia needs a good man whose aim is to help its citizens. Also, keep me safe until I am cleared of these charges, Amen.”

  “Keep doing what you’re doing right now,” I sensed Him telling me. “Seek Me, pray and believe in Me.”

  Tears flowed down my cheeks onto the paisley-colored bedspread. “I don’t even know if Sebastian wants to see me again. He might even turn me in. But I’m so close.”

  I got up off my knees and found that the fear that I had before I prayed was gone and was replaced by a peaceful feeling. As I picked up my small suitcase, I felt certain that I was supposed to go to Sebastian. I got in the car and drove toward his place.

  With knots in my stomach, I used Troy’s cell phone to call Sebastian’s apartment. I got his answering machine. I wanted to leave a message, but didn’t feel it was safe.

  He’d have to come home sooner or later, so I decided to go to his apartment and wait for him. I thought about trying to find a way to sneak into his building without being seen.

  I considered trying to find his car and then getting into the backseat.

  No, I can’t do that.

  When I arrived at Sebastian’s apartment building I parked across the street, but I didn’t see his car so I sat in the Montero for several minutes and waited. Then I saw Sebastian’s car pull into his apartment complex. Rather than driving into the gated parking structure, he parked at the curb and ran to the front entrance. He got out of the car with a departmentstore bag, and I noticed that he was wearing a tan tailored suit with tan shoes, tan shirt, and a tan-and-beige tie.

  A few moments later, Sebastian returned to the car without the bag and went to the passenger side. He opened the door and pulled out a briefcase from the backseat. I saw a pair of shapely brown legs in the front. My heart skipped a beat.

  He exchanged a few words with his companion, then got in the driver’s side and drove off. I followed at a discreet distance.

  Why am I doing this? I asked myself. I have really hit rock bottom. This is crazy. I wouldn’t want him to do this to me.

  But I couldn’t force myself to turn around. I slowed down a little so he wouldn’t spot me, even though I knew he wouldn’t recognize Troy’s car.

  I followed Sebastian to a cozy little cafe. When he opened the passenger door, a woman in a short, clingy black dress stepped out. When she turned around, I recognized her. It was that Penelope chick. The one who went to school with Sebastian’s sister. The woman Mrs. Stokes wanted to be her daughter-in-law.

  A few moments after they entered the restaurant, I went in, too. I looked around the place, as if trying to locate some friends I’d planned to meet. I found Sebastian and Penelope in a secluded corner booth.

  I took the booth next to theirs and sat with my back to Sebastian’s.

  “I’m twenty-two, Sebastian,” I heard Penelope say. “I have to get my life in order. I can’t date forever. With the election just months away, you need to do something to get more votes. A big wedding would certainly make the world stop and take notice.”

  Sebastian cleared his throat. “Actually, Penelope, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about today.”

  My stomach did a somersault. He was about to ask this girl to marry him. I knew he didn’t love her. He was going to take a bride as a career move!

&
nbsp; I felt like standing up and screaming, “Don’t do it! If you want to get married, do it right. I’m the one you love, not her.” But he was a grown man. I didn’t need to tell him what to do.

  Then again, I didn’t need to sit there and listen, either. If I moved quietly, I could get out of there without him seeing me.

  Just as I started to stand up, a waitress came to my table. She handed me a menu and asked what I wanted to drink. “Just water,” I said as quietly as I could.

  “You want to hear about our specials?” she asked.

  I shook my head, and she went away.

  “Penelope,” I heard Sebastian saying, “you’re a beautiful woman. You’re smart and extremely classy. I’m sure there are a number of guys who would love to be with you.”

  What a tacky proposal. Just ask her, already.

  “That’s so sweet,” Penelope said in a sugary voice. “But I want you.”

  “You don’t need to settle for somebody who’s not in love with you.”

  I almost choked on my water.

  “Oh, darling,” Penelope said, “we can grow into that. My dad wasn’t in love with my mom when they got married.”

  Man, that girl is really desperate.

  “I don’t think so,” Sebastian said quietly. “My heart belongs to somebody else.”

  My heart started beating wildly.

  “Who?” Penelope’s soft voice gained a sharp edge. “Is it that girl who used to guard your dad?”

  I almost fell out of my chair as I strained to hear his reply.

  “Yes,” he said.

  I felt like jumping up and planting a big, wet kiss right on his lips.

  “Oh, please,” Penelope scoffed. “She’s wanted for murder, you know.”

  “I’m aware of that,” he snapped.

  Does he think I did it?

  “But I know she’s not guilty,” he added.

  Wow—he believes in me.

  “That doesn’t matter,” Penelope argued. “Being with someone like that would ruin you.”

  Penelope chattered on, but I didn’t pay any attention. Sebastian loved me, and he was concerned about me. He missed me. He was scared for me.

  “Fine,” I heard Penelope say. “Don’t bother taking me home. I don’t need to waste any more time with you.”

  She stormed right past my table. To my relief, Sebastian didn’t go after her.

  “Oh, Chris,” I heard him groan, “where are you?”

  I stood, turned around, and said, “I’m right here.”

  “Chris?” He stood. I jumped into his arms and he twirled me around. He kissed my forehead, then my cheek.

  “How long have you—?” he asked happily. Then his face fell. “You heard all that, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah.” I laughed. “I thought you were about to ask that girl to marry you.” I jabbed him softly in the stomach.

  He stroked my face with his fingertips. “How could I marry her when I’m in love with you?”

  I kissed him on the lips and embraced him tightly and said, “She’s right about one thing.”

  “About what?”

  “Loving me might not be the best thing for you.”

  “Since the first day I laid eyes on you, I was warned to stay away. But something in my spirit keeps drawing me to you.”

  We sat in the booth, sharing a bench. “So, fill me in.”

  “On what?”

  “Everything.”

  I whispered my story to him, nervous about being overheard but eager to tell him my side of the story. I could tell he believed every word I said.

  “Follow me to my place,” he suggested.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble for harboring a fugitive.”

  “Trust me, Chris. I promise you’ll be safe with me.” He reached for my hand and looked deeply into my eyes. “I’ve been worried about you for too long. It’s time for me to take care of you and make sure you’re okay.”

  Leaving the Montero in the parking lot, he drove me to his place. Sebastian distracted the bellman while I slipped inside unnoticed.

  Being in his apartment felt strange. In one sense, I was perfectly comfortable. But I kept thinking about our last time there, when our relationship took a downward spiral. I had to be stronger this time. Sebastian loved me. I wasn’t going to ruin it by trying to satisfy my lust.

  “I know you’ve been scared,” he said as we sat on his couch, “but you don’t have to run anymore. I’ve been praying for you, asking God to get you to call me, and you did,” he said in a concerned tone. “I promised God that if you got in touch with me, I’d do my best to convince you to turn yourself in.”

  I pushed off his chest with my hand. “What are you talking about?”

  “Chris, listen to me. God’s Word says we’re supposed to obey the law of the land.”

  “But I didn’t do anything wrong. My close FBI friend Troy said that if I turn myself in now, I could get life in prison without the possibility of parole. He thinks we should try to get evidence first, to prove my innocence.”

  He exhaled heavily. “Chris, God will honor you and protect you if you do the right thing.”

  “No. No way.” I stood and walked to the window.

  He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. “Baby, you can’t live the way you have been. Just turn yourself in. Get a good lawyer. Hire a private investigator to figure this out. The longer you stay in hiding, the harder you’re making it on yourself.”

  What he said made sense. Maybe this was why God urged me to see Sebastian.

  “I don’t want to die,” I whimpered.

  He tightened his embrace and kissed the back of my neck. “I don’t think God’s going to allow that to happen.”

  My life had gone crazy. My fate was out of my hands, and I didn’t like that one bit. Would turning myself in get everything back in control?

  I walked to the window and looked at the azure sky. I was tired of running. Tired of sliding down this crazy slope.

  Chapter 14

  Slant

  I stood in my dismal cage and stared at the iron bars. Blood gushed from my mouth as a result of a squabble I’d had with one of my cellmates. She was a big, rugged woman, at least six feet tall. She had corn-rolled braids, saggy jeans, and high-top tennis shoes. She’d asked to borrow a couple of dollars from me, and when I said no, she punched me in my jaw. Then a buddy of hers hit me in the gut. I was so numb I couldn’t move. I just kept staring at the bars, thinking about the presiding officer in her black robe chanting, “Guilty!” My body went limp and fell to the cold, dirty cement floor.

  “No!” I screamed. I opened my eyes and looked around Sebastian’s bedroom.

  I heard a door open. Sebastian ran to my side from the family room and shook my shoulder. “Chris, wake up,” he said. “It’s just a dream.”

  I’d had such a rough night. Sebastian and I agreed that we didn’t want to tempt each other, so separate sleeping arrangements were best. Though I agreed, as I smelled him through his sheets I wished he was beside me. I wanted his comfort. When that wasn’t an option I just tossed back and forth, thinking I was never going to be cleared. The next thing I knew I was in the midst of a horrible dream.

  As my head cleared, I realized I’d been having a nightmare. “I can’t turn myself in,” I told him, sitting up in the guest bed. “Don’t make me do it. I just can’t.”

  “I love you,” he said softly. “I wouldn’t ask you to do this if I didn’t believe it was best. I promise I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

  “I need more time,” I said.

  “You said you’d be ready to do this today. I can’t let you back out now.”

  I got out of bed and looked out the window. “It’s not your life, all right?”

  “Oh, but it is.” He stood up, came over to me, and put his arms around my waist. “If you disappear, do you think my life will go on?”

  “I don’t know,” I sa
id as I laid my head back on his chest.

  I turned around in his arms and looked into his eyes. “In my dream, there was blood all over the place. The bars wouldn’t go away. The presiding officer said I was guilty.”

  Sebastian placed his hands in mine. “Will you pray with me?”

  I hesitated. I knew what God would tell me if I asked Him. But I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted to stay at Sebastian’s place forever, hidden from the rest of the world. Why couldn’t it be that way?

  I finally decided I really did need divine guidance. So I slid my hand in Sebastian’s. We bowed our heads.

  “Lord,” Sebastian said, closing his eyes, “we’re in a lot of chaos right now. We’re filled with confusion, anxiety, and uncertainty. I ask You right now to send Your angels to calm things down. Please confirm Your will for Christian. Give me the right words to say to comfort her. Help us both through this. I don’t want to see her hurt anymore, but I know she’s Your child and You’ve got her in Your hands. She’s nervous and scared. She’s had no peace and little sleep. Lord, I praise You right now, in advance, for helping us to work through all this. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

  Sebastian squeezed my hand and opened his eyes. “You don’t have to fear, Chris,” he said. “The same God who helped Moses free the children of Israel from Egypt can help you now.”

  I threw my arms around him. He’d said exactly what I needed to hear. God wasn’t going to leave me. He was in control. And even if I ended up in jail, there was hope. After all, in the book of Acts, when Paul and Silas went to jail, they sang until the walls came down. Sebastian’s prayer helped me see things more clearly.

  He went to the CD player and put on a song of praise. Then Sebastian and I danced around the apartment, praising God and thanking Him for who He was.

  “You look so beautiful when you’re praising God,” Sebastian said as we stopped dancing long enough to catch our breath. “I love you.”

  His words meant a lot, but praising God felt even better.

  Sebastian and I both agreed that I should surrender myself to someone I knew, so I called Troy.