Complex Dimensions

by Brenda Murphy

  She turned her head and took in Millie’s sleeping form and knew who held the keys to her heart and life. She turned back to the window and peered out as their plane rushed toward a future she knew included Millie no matter what.

  VERONICA’S HANDS WERE damp where they gripped the steering wheel. Millie had grown quieter the closer they got to Veronica’s home. As she made the familiar turn on to her parents’ street, she glanced over at Millie. Her expression was as blank as it had been when she came home from the nursing home the day her gran had passed. Her hands were clasped in front of her, white across the knuckles. Veronica pulled the car over to the curb.

  Millie turned to peer out of the window. “Are we here?”

  “No.” Veronica reached over and smoothed her hand over Millie’s forearm. Her muscles were whipcord tight under her shirt. “I wanted to talk a minute.”

  Millie sighed and lowered her chin to her chest. “Okay.”

  “No matter what happens, I’m not letting go of you. Nothing my parents or anyone else could say would ever make me change my mind about you.” She touched Millie’s cheek, drawing her gaze, and leaned over and pressed a kiss to her mouth. “Nothing.”

  Millie kissed her back, and Veronica sensed the tension bleed out of her.

  “If you kiss me like that again, mo ghràdh, we’ll be late to your parents’ house.”

  Veronica settled herself in her seat and pulled the car out onto the street. Two blocks later she pulled into her parents’ driveway.

  She opened her door and stepped out, breathing in the scent of soft pines and a fire burning in the fireplace.

  Millie stepped out of the car and inclined her head toward the car. “Should I get our bags?”

  “No. Let’s go in first. We can get them later.” Veronica had been so worried about Millie she had squelched her excitement to be home. She made herself walk up the sidewalk but only got halfway before her father and mother burst out of the door and ran toward her.

  Her father scooped her up in a hug so fierce her back cracked. “Easy, Pop, you’ll break a rib.” Her dad squeezed her once more before he let her go. Her mother elbowed him aside and wrapped her arms around her, rocking and hugging her. Veronica looked over her mother’s back and saw Millie with one hand on the roof of the car, the other stuffed into her jacket pocket.

  Veronica’s mother finally let go of her. Veronica walked back and looped her arm through Millie’s and led her to her parents. She saw surprise sweep over both their faces before their manners kicked in. Her father offered Millie his hand, and Millie took it. “Very nice to meet you, Millie.”

  Millie shook his hand and made eye contact. “You as well, sir.” Her father released Millie’s hand.

  Veronica’s mother stepped close, and she shook her head. “No. You are going to call us Vincent and Cora.” She raked her gaze over Millie, cocked her head to the side, and met Millie’s gaze. “You’re taller than I imagined.”

  “I get that a lot.” Her arm tensed beneath Veronica’s grip.

  “Ronnie, help your father with the bags.” Cora took Millie by the hand and pulled her arm from Veronica’s grasp. “Ronnie tells me you’ve been practicing together. Her cousin Frank will be joining you…”

  Her mother ushered Millie into the house. Millie shot a look at Veronica over her shoulder and grinned. Veronica glanced at her dad. “Is it okay, Pop?”

  Her father shrugged. “You know your mother isn’t going to be okay until she hears Millie play. She wants everything to be perfect.”

  Veronica quirked her mouth at her dad. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

  Her dad kept his gaze fixed on Veronica’s eyes. He rested his hand on the trunk of the car. “If you care for this woman, we care for her. Now pop the trunk and help me get your luggage into the house before your mother makes Millie play for her dinner.”

  “VIOLET, THIS IS Millie. Millie, Violet.” Veronica rolled the hem of her sweater between her fingers. “She’s going to accompany me for the recessional. On the guitar, I mean.” Veronica flushed. “And to the reception.”

  Violet clasped Millie’s hand in both of hers. “It’s so nice to meet you.” She glared at Veronica. “Finally.”

  Millie tilted her head at Veronica. “It’s not her fault we’re late.” She leaned closer to Violet. “Your mother has had us practicing for hours.” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “If you know what’s good for you, don’t ask her ‘how’s it going?’”

  Violet laughed. “She has gone full-on ‘mother of the bride’ mode.

  Violet let go of Millie’s hand and hugged Veronica close. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing home Prince Harry’s twin.” She whispered into Veronica’s ear.

  Veronica poked her sister hard in the ribs and broke their hug. “Violet!” She frowned at her sister.

  Violet stepped back and smiled, never taking her eyes from her sister’s face. “Millie, would you give us a moment?”

  “Uh, sure.” Millie tilted her head and raised her eyebrow. She glanced at Veronica.

  “I think my dad could use some help.” Veronica tilted her head toward the garage.

  Millie stuffed her hands in her pockets and walked toward the house.

  Veronica waited until Millie had closed the door behind her. “What the hell, Violet? Because she’s white? Or because she’s butch?”

  Violet grabbed Veronica’s hand. “Sissy, I don’t care about any of that. Come on, I was kidding.”

  Veronica’s anger melted at her sister’s use of her family name. “I’m sorry.”

  Violet squeezed her hand. “You’re worried about Aunt Jean, aren’t you?”

  “And everybody else, damn it.”

  “Well, they are going to say stuff—to you and to her. And you know Walter won’t not say anything. You better be ready.”

  “I know.” Veronica hated the defeated tone in her voice.

  “And Millie is solid in who she is, right?”

  Veronica nodded. “Yeah. I mean we both are.”

  “So, fuck them.” Violet tugged Veronica into a hug. “You’re my Sissy, and I want you at my wedding, and they can all go to hell if they don’t like your girlfriend.”

  “Fiancée.” Veronica watched her sister’s face.

  “For real? Sissy, that’s wonderful.” She grabbed Veronica and squeezed her hard. “When? Have you told Mom and Dad?”

  “No. I wanted to tell you first.”

  “Who asked who?”

  “She asked me, and I don’t know when to tell Mom and Dad. Mom is crazy right now.”

  “Well, you better tell them soon. Mom will be pissed you didn’t tell her as soon as you said yes.”

  Veronica hugged her back. “When did you get to be so wise?”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  PEOPLE SAT SHOULDER to shoulder, stuffed into pews anywhere they could find a seat. Veronica peered out at them and wiped her forehead with the handkerchief she had nabbed from her father. She jumped when Millie touched her shoulder.

  “You okay, mo ghràdh?” Millie’s voice was soothing.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t seen most of these people since my cousin’s baptism. And you know how that went.”

  “Well, we didn’t fly all the way here so you could hide from them.” Millie squeezed her shoulder. Veronica turned to her, and Millie straightened Veronica’s tie. “Now. Let’s go meet your people. It’s rude to come in after the bride. Your mother has our seats marked off so we can get out and get to our instruments for the recession.”

  They left the safety of the vestry and made their way down the side aisle. A silence fell over each row they passed, replaced by a soft murmuring as soon as they had gotten out of hearing range. They arrived at their designated pew and her favorite cousin, Jordan, waved at her. She slid into the polished wood pew and scooted down to give Millie space to sit. They took their seats as the groom and the minister arrived at the altar.

  Her cousin’s posture was stiff.
“I saw your name on the program,” she whispered.

  “Is Jimmy here?” Veronica craned her neck to see if Jordan’s twin had arrived.

  A wave of sadness passed over Janie’s face. “He’s not coming.”

  Veronica opened her mouth to ask why, but the strains of the wedding march filled the church, and everyone rose as her sister and her parents made their way down the aisle. Veronica swiped at a stray tear when her sister read her vows. Millie reached over and clasped her hand and laced their fingers together.

  As the priest concluded the ceremony, Millie and Veronica left the pew quietly and met her cousin Frank at the back of the church. Frank and Millie picked up their guitars and sat on tall stools behind Veronica.

  Veronica’s hands trembled when she thumbed on the microphone, and then Frank and Millie began to play. Veronica sang as her sister made her way down the aisle. Her sister grinned and winked at Veronica as she walked past.

  THE RECEPTION DINNER was an elegant affair. Her sister and her new husband sat at the head table surrounded by their parents. Veronica and Millie were at the cousins’ table which still felt like the kids’ table to Veronica. She listened to their banter as they all shared stories of what was going on in their lives. It was like being home for a holiday meal. Only Jordan seemed to not enjoy herself. Veronica caught her staring at Millie more than once.

  Millie sat quietly by her side. Veronica let her thoughts drift away from the conversation and Jordan’s confusing behavior and indulged herself in imagining taking Millie back to their room and divesting her of the handsome suit she wore one piece at a time. A subtle nudge on her shoe brought her back to the present.

  “Earth to Ronnie. What have you been up to? Besides mountain climbing?” Walter, her favorite cousin, waggled his eyebrows and tilted his head toward Millie. “Does Meghan Markle know?” He cackled at his own joke. The rest of the table snickered, and Veronica took a breath. Okay. I can do this. This is like when we were kids.

  Millie’s voice cut into her thoughts. “We thought we’d keep it on the DL. Let her down easy, you know.”

  Walter’s cackle grew louder. “All right, Ronnie, she’s all right. Damn, I feel like I’m on that Outlander show. Your accent is sexy as hell. Say something else.”

  Millie leaned back in her chair, gazed into Walter’s eyes, and spoke in a sultry tone. “Taigh nam gasta ort.”

  Veronica laughed.

  Walter grinned at Millie and tugged at his tie. “What does that mean?”

  “Fuck off.” Millie deadpanned.

  Walter howled with laughter, and Veronica’s other cousins laughed along with him. Jordan stood, tossed her napkin in her seat, and left the table. Veronica watched as she hurried out of the ballroom with her clutch under her arm.

  “You got me. You’re funny. Ronnie, don’t let this one get away.” Walter patted Millie’s forearm. “Are there more like you at home?”

  COMFORTABLE MILLIE COULD hold her own at the table, Veronica went in search of the bathroom. She pushed through the door and stopped. Jordan was sitting on a low couch. Her head was bowed, and she clutched her purse tightly.

  Veronica crossed the floor and touched her shoulder. Jordan flinched. Veronica pulled her hand away. “Sorry.” She leaned down to gaze into her cousin’s face. “Are you okay? Did you drink too much?”

  “No.” Her mouth set in a firm line. “No. I…” She inclined her head and held Veronica’s gaze. “Sit with me.”

  Veronica sat and rested her damp palms on her knees. This is it. This is when she tells me she can’t accept me and Millie. She moved her hands and dug her fingers into the soft cushion under her hips.

  “I need to tell you something, and I don’t know how.”

  “The best way is to just say it. It’s me, Jordan. You can tell me anything. You always did when you were little.”

  “I know who left the weed in your car.” Jordan’s voice was hoarse.

  Veronica shook her head to clear it, sure she had heard wrong. “What?”

  “It was Jimmy. And me.”

  A wave of nausea coursed through Veronica. “What? Why?” She stood up and began to pace the small space, anger flooding her body. “Why didn’t you say anything? What the hell, Jordan?”

  “We bought it for a party. Mama found it in Jimmy’s backpack. We freaked and said we were holding it for you. She told us to give it back or she’d kick us out. We left it in your car when you gave us a ride to school. And then…” Jordan’s breath hitched. “We never thought it would stick. You were so clean. We never imagined….” A sob shook her shoulders. “We were so afraid of what mama would do to us. We didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that. I’m sorry. So sorry.”

  Fourteen. They were fourteen. Same age as Millie. They panicked. Broken taillight. Flap of a butterfly’s wing. Veronica fought the wave of sadness and betrayal that threatened to overwhelm her. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  She left Jordan and pushed through the door leading to the toilet stalls, her lips pressed together to keep from spewing her dinner on the floor.

  VERONICA SPLASHED HER face with cold water and dried it on a rough brown paper towel. She caught sight of herself in the mirror. So much. So much they took from me. Dee. My fellowship. My career. Fuck. Would it have lasted with Dee? Would I have been happy in a vanilla relationship? I wouldn’t have Millie now. I wouldn’t have ever known how much working with horses feeds my soul.

  The sounds of the DJ and a pounding beat rattled the walls of the bathroom. Veronica rinsed her mouth again before she wiped her face dry. With a fake smile plastered on her face, she pushed through the door and conversation stopped. Aunt Jean and Jordan were sitting on the small sofa in the anteroom. Her aunt was holding a lighter in one hand and a pack of cigarettes in the other.

  “Ah there she is, our family freak. Where did you leave the great white hope?” Her aunt’s voice dripped acid. She left the couch and stepped in front of Veronica, using her considerable bulk to block the door.

  Jordan grabbed her mother’s arm. “Mama. Let it go. Please.” Her voice was shrill, panic clear in the tone of her voice.

  Tell her. Tell her what her kids did to you. Tell her you know she turned in her own niece. That her kids lied to her. She won’t believe it. Doesn’t matter now, does it? Be cool. Don’t ruin their lives. They were kids.

  Her aunt looked down her nose at Veronica. “You’re in the wrong bathroom.”

  “Mama, don’t.” Jordan lifted her gaze to Veronica’s eyes. Her voice quavered.

  Pain. Fear. Regret. Why ruin their lives? For what? Why waste my time? Fuck.

  Aunt Jean raised her voice. Her breath smelt of wine and cigarettes. “It says quite clearly ‘ladies’ room.”

  Veronica shook her head and blew out a breath. “Not sure why you’re in here then, Aunt Jean, cause you are not now, nor have you ever been, a lady.” She smiled at her cousin, touched two fingers to her heart in a salute, and left her aunt sputtering in the bathroom.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  MILLIE’S HEARTY LAUGH and her cousin Walter’s high-pitched giggle greeted her when she got back to the table. They had their jackets off, their ties were loose, and their sleeves were rolled up. Their heads almost touched as they talked.

  “Hey, babe,” Veronica called over the music.

  Millie tilted her head, an easy smile on her lips, and raked her gaze over Veronica. “I was about to come looking for you. Walter requested some songs for us.”

  Veronica rolled her eyes at her cousin. “Walter, what did you do?”

  Walter tipped his chair back on two legs and slung his arm around Millie. “Making sure you treat your woman right.”

  The familiar strains of Etta James’s “Sunday Kind of Love” blared through the speakers. Millie rose from her chair, grabbed Veronica’s hand, and led her out to the dance floor. Couples crowded the floor, swaying against one another.

  Millie leaned close. “Do you want
to lead, Ceannard?” Her breath tickled Veronica’s ear.

  Veronica slipped her arm around Millie’s waist and held her hand as Millie rested her hand on Veronica’s shoulder. This. This wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have her. I would have missed the love of my life. They swayed to the music, Millie following Veronica smoothly around the floor as they danced. Veronica held Millie’s gaze. Love. She loves me. Loves me for all I am. Veronica clutched Millie to her and kissed her hard, ignoring the catcalls and whistles from the cousins’ table.

  The song switched to Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies.” Millie slipped out of her arms and Walter joined them. Veronica laughed as the two of them danced and lip-synced the song perfectly. Veronica joined them, never taking her eyes from Millie’s face.

  THEY PUSHED THROUGH the door to Veronica’s room. Millie tossed the bedraggled bouquet she had wrested from the bridesmaid scrum onto Veronica’s desk. Veronica kicked the door closed as she flipped the switch and lit the bedside lamp. They tumbled onto the bed. Veronica tugged Millie’s shirt loose from her trousers and smoothed her hands over the skin of her low back before she raked it with her short nails.

  Millie mouthed her neck while unbuttoning her shirt. Veronica lifted her chin and moaned.

  “Ssh, Ceannard, they’ll hear you.”

  Shirts and jackets were tossed aside, belts clinked as they were unbuckled, shoes thudded on the floor, and then they were naked. Millie pressed a thigh between Veronica’s legs as she kissed her. Her lips slow and gentle, she resisted Veronica’s attempt to speed up their tryst.

  “Slow, Ceannard, that’s what you always tell me.” Millie wrapped her fingers around Veronica’s wrists and pushed her arms over her head before she gathered both wrists in one hand. She kissed Veronica’s neck and then her mouth as she held her in place. Millie pulled back and pressed tiny kisses along Veronica’s jaw. “Lie back, Ceannard, and let me. Please.”

  Veronica knotted her hands together, and Millie kissed her way down her body. She stopped to trace her tongue over her hipbone and then lower to the crease of her thighs and then her mouth was on Veronica. Hot, wet, and wicked, Millie’s tongue traced a path from her clit to her slick center. Veronica gasped as Millie thrust her tongue deep and then up to circle her clit, lazily. Gentle pressure and then a single thick finger curled inside to rub her sweet spot. Veronica lifted her hips, seeking more. “Oh don’t. Don’t tease. Please, Millie.”