Heartland

by Sherryl Woods

  Tommy scanned her face in that slow, assessing way of his, then nodded. “Then I guess I’ll have to accept it.”

  He shot a warning glance at Steven, but the gaze was returned evenly. Message sent and received. Finally he held out his hand. “I hope things work out this time.”

  “I’m going to do my best,” Steven promised.

  “Now,” Megan said cheerfully, “I want to see my baby who’s been hiding over there behind her Aunt Lara. Come give me a hug, Jennifer.”

  Jennifer ran into her mother’s arms, then went to sit on her father’s lap while Megan and Lara fixed a huge, farm-style breakfast of eggs, bacon, home fries and fluffy biscuits. When the food was nearly ready, Megan went and got Kelly, and the whole family sat down to eat.

  Lara looked around the table and felt an abiding gratitude for the blessing of their togetherness. Only Greg was missing, and he had promised to drive up from Columbus in time for lunch, so that he could see Megan and Tommy before they left again for Kansas City. Steven caught her eye and smiled, a slow, tender smile filled with understanding and promise. Her heart felt as though it might burst with happiness.

  There was a tap on the back door.

  “Logan,” Lara called. “Come on in and grab some coffee. Would you like breakfast?”

  “No, thanks, Ms. Danvers. I just wanted to get a look at the little one and see how she’s doing.”

  “I fine,” Kelly announced, still basking in her role as the center of attention. “Only one boo-boo.” She pointed to the bright blue-and-white Band-Aid on her arm. “See.”

  “My goodness,” Logan said with a shake of his head. “That’s a very impressive injury.”

  Kelly nodded seriously. “It get better. Mommy kissed it.”

  “Yes, indeed. That’s the very best medicine,” Logan concurred. Then he glanced sideways at Tommy and suggested, “Thought maybe you’d like to take a look around, long as you’re here. The corn’s doing mighty well this year.” The idea was presented with studied nonchalance, but Lara had the feeling it was anything but idle.

  “I’d love to see it, Logan. Sis, you want to come along?”

  Though Tommy’s enthusiasm seemed sincere, Lara couldn’t help but recall their arguments about the farm before he and Megan had left. Was he looking forward to this tour as a chance to reinforce his position that the time had come for her to sell the farm? Since she’d told Logan about Tommy’s attitude, had he suggested the survey in the hopes of changing Tommy’s mind? Whatever the case, she had every intention of going along to show Tommy just how smoothly things were running without him around to back up her decisions.

  “Absolutely,” she said. “I love showing this place off. What about the rest of you? Anyone else want to come?”

  Jennifer and Kelly immediately raced for the door. Steven leaned over and kissed Lara on the cheek. “Mind if I stick around here? I’ll help Megan clean up.”

  Steven saw that Lara was puzzled by his choice, but she accepted it readily. “See you soon, then.”

  When everyone else had gone, Megan poured them both another cup of coffee.

  “I heard you standing up for me earlier,” Steven said. “I appreciate it. I also want to thank you for asking me to look out for the girls. It forced me to do something I should have done long ago.”

  “Don’t make me regret it,” Megan replied with a fierceness that surprised him. Then she grinned. “Sorry. I guess Tommy’s not the only protective member of the family. Will you marry her?”

  He was startled by the blunt question but found himself grinning back at her. He had a feeling that for all of her quiet manner and amenable ways, Megan Danvers had a lot of fight in her. The straightforward query and her earlier argument with her husband were proof enough of that.

  “I haven’t asked her yet.”

  She frowned. “That sounds suspiciously like an evasion.”

  “I suppose it is. We’re still a long way from having things resolved between us.”

  “Don’t wait too long,” she pleaded. “She’s going to need you, now more than ever.”

  He was puzzled by her intensity. “Why?”

  She seemed to hesitate, then asked slowly, “How much do you know about the past eleven years?”

  “Only what she’s told me, which isn’t much, and what I’ve been able to piece together from the town gossip. It can’t have been easy for her.”

  “Well, there are things I don’t fully understand, especially about those years right after you left her, but I gather that Lara was devastated, though she fought hard not to show it. Maybe if she’d allowed herself to grieve, it would have helped. Instead, she threw herself into her studies to the exclusion of everything else. Nothing mattered to her except becoming a doctor. Then her father died. You probably know how close they were. She adored him. Still, I think she might have weathered even that, but then her mother died, too.”

  “It must have been a horrible time for her. I wish to God I’d been here.”

  “So do I. Maybe then she wouldn’t have become so bitter and withdrawn. From what Tommy’s told me, she dropped out of school without so much as a word of complaint and came back here to take charge. He and Greg were never allowed to mention college or medicine to her again. She threw herself heart and soul into making this farm work. She gave Tommy and Greg the chance to go off on their own, practically forced them to do it, from what I understand.

  “When Tommy graduated from college and we got married, we came here to help. I saw how she resented your buying part of her land, but I have to tell you it was a godsend. The strain was killing her. The minute the farm was out of danger, she started encouraging us to get out on our own, to live the life we’d always wanted. Greg never came back. He’s already had a one-man show down in Columbus, and there’s even talk of him having an exhibit in New York. She’s terribly proud of him.”

  Megan looked him straight in the eye. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that Lara is the most unselfish woman I have ever known. It’s time she started doing the things she wanted to do. Maybe it’s even time she got rid of this place and went back to school. That’s what Tommy thinks. If I have one regret, it’s that Tommy and I are going so far away. When we’re gone, she’ll be alone here. The prospect terrifies me. After all she’s done for the rest of us, she doesn’t deserve that kind of loneliness.”

  He understood her point at last. “I’ll be here,” he promised. “She won’t be alone. As for choosing between the farm and medicine, that’s something only she can do.”

  Megan nodded, then gave him a radiant smile. “I think you’ll be good for her.”

  “God knows, I’m going to try.”

  “There’s something else.” She fumbled nervously with her spoon, picking it up, putting it down, stirring her coffee again. The sudden shift in her demeanor worried him, and he waited with an odd sense of dread to hear what was upsetting her. Finally she said, “We want to take the girls back with us when we leave today.”

  Steven closed his eyes and sighed. “I see.”

  “How do you think she’ll take it?”

  He responded honestly. “She’s going to think you blame her for Kelly’s accident.”

  This time it was Megan who sighed. “That’s what I told Tommy.” She stared at him, beseeching him to understand, but Steven felt a knife twisting in his heart on Lara’s behalf. She was going to be devastated. “It’s not that, you know. I swear it. It just makes sense, now that we’re here, to take them back. We have the house now. Tommy’s settled in his new job. He thinks it’s crazy to make another trip in just a few weeks. And after all this strain, well, we just want our children with us.”

  “I see your point.”

  “Will Lara?”

  “You said yourself that she’s unselfish. She’ll try to understand, but she’s
going to be hurt. There’s no getting around that.”

  “Then I’m especially glad you two have found each other again. Maybe it’ll make the pain a little more bearable.”

  “Let me tell her, Megan.”

  “To be honest, I’d be relieved if you would.”

  With so much on his mind, Steven had little to say as he and Megan cleaned up the kitchen. When they were done, he went outside to watch for Lara. How on earth was he going to tell her this, after all she’d been through? He was filled with frustration, yet he understood Tommy’s decision. But he wondered if any of them knew just how deeply Lara’s hurt was likely to run. Hopefully she wouldn’t respond to this loss by withdrawing into a protective shell as she had in the past.

  He was waiting by the gate when she came into view. Her blond hair sparkled in the sunlight, as if it were covered with a scattering of tiny diamonds. Her step was light, her expression gloriously happy. She came straight to him, slid an arm around his waist and placed a kiss on his cheek. Her exuberance and lack of restraint brought a smile to his lips. Her old spirit was slowly coming back.

  “Miss me?” she inquired.

  “Forever.”

  She studied him closely and apparently saw beyond the smile. “Are you sad about something?”

  He held her hand, rubbing his thumb across the knuckles, then lifting it to his lips. He kissed the callused tips of her fingers. “We need to talk.”

  She was instantly alert. “What about?”

  “Come. Let’s sit on the porch.”

  Her eyes widened, and her hand tightened around his. “Steven, what is it? Something’s wrong, isn’t it? Is it Kelly? Is there some aftereffect from her fall?”

  “No,” he said promptly, furious with himself for frightening her. “Not the way you mean.”

  “Then what?”

  He struggled to find the right words. “You know, this trip was an unexpected expense for Megan and Tommy,” he began finally. “With a new job and the move, they can’t have a lot of extra money right now.”

  “Good heavens, is that all?” she said, her relief painfully obvious. “I hadn’t even thought about that. It’s no problem. I have a little money put away. I’ll pay for their tickets.”

  He touched a finger to her lips. Her quick, typically giving response wrenched his heart. “No, love. That’s not the point. If it was merely a question of money, I could loan it to them. There’s been the time away from their new home, too.”

  “What are you getting at?” Then a suspicion apparently popped into her mind, and her voice went flat. “They want to take the girls back with them, don’t they?”

  Steven put a hand against her cheek and met her distraught gaze. Her eyes grew misty when he nodded.

  “It’s because of what...”

  He gathered her close until he could feel the dull pounding of her heart. So slow now, the joyous beating he’d inspired during the night stilled by her pain. She smelled of sunshine and hay and a lingering trace of some light, flowery scent.

  “Hush,” he said gently. “Don’t even think that way. I told you why. It has nothing at all to do with what happened to Kelly. They just feel that as long as they’re here, it makes sense for Jennifer and Kelly to leave with them now.”

  “Oh, Steven,” she whispered, resting her cheek against his chest. He stroked her head, his fingers tangling in the silken strands of her hair. “What am I going to do?”

  “You’re going to say goodbye and promise that you’ll come to Kansas City very soon to visit.”

  “But then what?”

  “Then you and I will start talking about making a life for ourselves.” He hesitated. “If that’s what you want.”

  A sigh whispered across his chest, and she lifted her face until she could look into his eyes. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For making this easier to bear.”

  Though Steven was grateful that she felt that way, he wasn’t so sure it was true. The afternoon was clearly a torment for her. She went upstairs and helped Megan pack the girls’ clothes and toys. He stood in the doorway of the room and watched as she hugged Kelly’s ragged bear tightly before placing it ever so carefully in a carry-on bag. Her expression grew sadder with each passing moment, and though she said nothing to make Tommy and Megan feel guilty, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that she was falling apart inside.

  Even Greg’s arrival didn’t cheer her. If anything, his determined rambunctiousness and ready wit made her gloom seem all the more pronounced. In the end it was Greg who drove Megan and Tommy and the girls to the airport in Toledo. Biting her trembling lower lip and blinking back tears, Lara insisted on saying her goodbyes at the farm. She stood on the front porch and waved until the car was out of sight.

  Then she turned and with a tiny cry of dismay buried her face against Steven’s chest and sobbed as though her heart had broken.

  “Shh, sweetheart. It’s okay. You’ll see them again soon. Shh.”

  Witnessing her desolation now gave Steven a tangible image of what his own departure must have cost her. So many goodbyes for such a young lifetime, he thought. It was all he could do to keep from weeping with her.

  Chapter Eight

  The rain began after midnight. Lara heard it pounding rhythmically on the tin roof and felt it was a fitting accompaniment for the dull throbbing in her head and the heaviness in her heart. She had anticipated with dread the time when Jennifer and Kelly would leave, but she had thought she could prepare herself for it. Unfortunately it had taken her by surprise, before she could muster her strength to face it well. Only Steven’s presence had kept her from crawling into bed and drowning in her misery.

  She rolled over and caught him looking at her.

  “Can’t sleep?”

  She shook her head.

  “Let me rub your back. Maybe you’ll relax.”

  She turned onto her stomach and felt the bed shift as Steven knelt over her. His hands touched her bare shoulders, and she again felt the sharp shock of desire sweep through her. But he began kneading the muscles, conscious only of her tension. She sighed with a sense of regret and tried to make her mind a blank, to let the soothing sensations wash over her.

  Instead, she kept seeing Jennifer and Kelly waving excitedly to her from the back seat of Greg’s car. They were so caught up in the adventure ahead of them, they hadn’t shed a single tear for what they were leaving behind. Not for the farm. Not for Logan. Not for her.

  “Stop dwelling on it,” Steven said, as if he could read her mind.

  “What makes you think I’m thinking about the kids?”

  “Because these knotted muscles of yours are getting worse, not better, and I don’t think my technique’s at fault.”

  She smiled into the pillow. “Sorry if I’m destroying your ego.”

  “Forget my ego. I’m talking about your sense of loss. You’re letting it get all out of proportion. Sweetheart, this isn’t forever. You can visit Jennifer and Kelly. They’ll probably be back for Christmas and again next summer. And there is one positive benefit you’re ignoring completely.”

  “What’s that?”

  “This.” He dropped a kiss on her shoulder. It sent yet another predictable tingle dancing down her spine as he added, “You and I would not be able to be together quite so easily with your watchful little nieces around.”

  Grateful for his understanding and his ardent caring, she rolled over and drew his head down until his lips hovered just above hers. Her eyes met his, searching for and finding the gleam of desire that warmed them to the deepest blue. “How did you come up with the one thing that might cheer me up?”

  He gave her a crooked grin. “Actually, it was no more than wishful thinking. I was hoping that you felt the same way about this that I do. I don�
�t ever want us to be separated again.”

  He closed the infinitesimal distance between them then, his lips claiming hers with such absolute tenderness that it took her breath away. Then with unending gentleness he swept her away to their own private island of dreams, where magic caressed her flesh and brought her a blessed relief from the anguish of her thoughts.

  At last, Steven’s arms around her, she slept.

  In the morning, though, her depression returned, magnified by the rolling clouds that masked the sun and threatened yet more rain. Steven found her at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee clasped in both hands, staring off into the distance. He brushed a kiss across her forehead.

  “What shall we do today?” he asked, his attitude determinedly upbeat.

  She faced him guiltily. “Would you mind if I go out and help Logan with the harvesting? Maybe the exercise will help me shake off this rotten mood. There’s no point in subjecting you to it.”

  “I’m not complaining.”

  She gave him a wavery smile. “No, you’re not. How did I ever get to be so lucky?”

  “You weren’t saying that about me a couple of weeks ago. You were calling me the worst sort of beast then.”

  “You’ve changed,” she replied, then shook her head. “No. I’m the one who’s changed. Maybe neither one of us has changed. I don’t know.”

  She put her cup down so hard the coffee splattered across the table. She ignored it. “I’ve got to get out of here.”

  She started for the door, then turned back and asked hesitantly, “Will I see you later?”

  “Why don’t we get away from here, maybe go out for dinner and a movie?”

  Lara nodded unenthusiastically. As long as they were together, what they did hardly mattered. Nothing mattered, she thought dismally.

  “Fine,” she said, and left, refusing to think about the confused look in his eyes, the worried frown on his brow.