The only thing that scared her were the heart wrenching injuries she’d seen since the first day she’d stepped foot in the hospital. The soldiers were brave and proud, and never wanted anyone to pity them. They were courageous men and women, and not one of them ever complained. They were some of the strongest people she’d ever had the pleasure of meeting. Some of them came home with missing hands, arms, legs, or having their bodies scarred for the rest of their lives, and she couldn’t imagine something like that happening to Billy. Every time she thought about the chance of something awful happening to him, she felt like she was losing him all over again. The pain never dulled, not even a little after all these years.
Savannah felt guilty at times knowing these people put their lives in danger every day to save others and protect her freedom, yet, here she was whining and feeling bad because her boyfriend left her. She was being completely ridiculous and self-absorbed. Her tiny miniscule of a problem paled in comparison to what her patients had gone through and what pain they would have to endure in the future.
Most of the younger patients were angry. Angry they were injured. Angry because they lost their physical ability. Some were even devastated because they couldn’t return to active duty. They no longer felt worthy of life. It broke her heart, but it was important for her to be there to support them. A few of her former patients had attempted suicide and needed to be restrained afterward until they were transferred to a facility that specialized in post-traumatic stress disorder. She hated seeing her patients tied down, but deep down she knew it was for their own good. She never wanted any of them to feel alone or unappreciated and frequently read to them to keep them company. She was so grateful to each and every one of them for their dedicated service. She’d hoped so many times that if Billy were in the same situation, wherever he was, there would be someone supporting him, just as she had for her patients.
Savannah had almost finished picking up the clothes that were strewn all over the living room floor when the doorbell rang. She was hoping it wasn’t her mother. She wanted to relax the rest of the day and if her mother came over she wouldn’t have time to do that. She walked over to the window and pulled the curtain open to see who was at the door, but couldn’t see who it was.
Who could it possibly be other than her mother anyway? She didn’t have any friends besides Travis, and she hadn’t told him she’d moved yet. She just needed some time away from everyone so she could get a handle on what she was feeling. Or what she needed to feel in order to go on with her life. Even if she had to force herself to forget about Billy, she would. It was time to move on. She’d wasted so much time on someone who didn’t want her in his life. She should’ve gave up on him a long time ago. Why should she chase him? If he really loved her, he would have never broken up with her. He didn’t deserve her love and she wouldn’t make the mistake of giving away heart with reckless abandon ever again.
She made her way over to the front door, turned the knob and swung it open, ready to go to battle with her mother if needed. They had rarely argued in the last few weeks and their relationship was a lot better since she moved, but she would get her day’s rest even if it meant sending her mother away.
The sight of Travis standing in the doorway was a shock to say the least. Okay, not a complete shock. She knew he would track her down sooner or later since she wasn’t returning his calls for the last two weeks. She just wasn’t expecting him to surprise her so early in the morning. Savannah didn’t want to be bothered on her day off, not by anyone, especially not by him. She was not in the mood to hear his ideologies on how she should feel or what she should feel. All she wanted was some time to herself for a while, so she could put her life in order and gain some kind of perspective on where her life was headed.
Mostly she was avoiding him because he looked so much like Billy. Every time she looked at him that’s who she saw, and she couldn’t afford to have her brain clouded with thoughts of never being able to have the one man who held her heart captive. Nope, it was definitely time to forget about the things that were holding her back from happiness and start moving forward to something brand new. She attempted to slam the door shut but Travis’ foot blocked it from closing.
“Savannah wait!”
She opened the door again, crossing her arms over her chest. “What do you want Travis?”
“Can I come in please?”
“No.”
His arched his eyebrow at her, giving her that lopsided grin she was never able to say no to. “Really? C’mon.”
Savannah took her hand off the doorknob and turned her back to him. “Fine, come in.”
“Thank you.” Travis walked into the foyer, closing the door behind him.
“What do you want? And how did you find me anyway?”
“I stopped by your parent’s house, but your father said you moved. So, I asked him for your address.”
“And he just gave it to you with no questions asked?”
“Uh yeah. Why wouldn’t he? I’m your best friend. Speaking of best friends, what is your problem? Why are you so angry with me?”
She turned and attempted to walk away from him. “Why do you care?”
Travis grabbed Savannah by her arm and pulled her close to him. “I care more than you will ever know. What did I do to you that you won’t speak to me anymore?”
“Let go of me!”
“No, not until you talk to me.”
Savannah sighed heavily. “I’m not angry with you. I’m angry at myself.”
Travis loosened his grip on her arm and gently took her hand in his. “Come sit down. Talk to me.” “I can’t today. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m tired of feeling hurt and angry. I’m tired of having feelings for a man who doesn’t love me back. I can’t even look at you, because when I look in your eyes... I’m scared.”
Travis took Savannah’s face in his hands, staring down at her in confusion. “Scared? What are you saying? I would never hurt you.”
Savannah averted her glance as her eyes began to sting with tears threatening to fall at any moment. “I know you wouldn’t and that’s what scares me. I’m scared one day my feelings for you will change into something more. I wish I could see only you. A man who has always been there for me whenever I needed him...”
Before Savannah had a chance to react Travis’ lips were on hers. For a brief moment she didn’t want the kiss to stop. It felt good to feel Travis’ warm caring lips on hers. It somehow felt right, but at the same time it felt wrong. So very wrong. She suddenly realized what she was doing, and who she was doing it with. She had been emotionally vulnerable and that kiss lasted longer than it should have before she pulled away from him. She put her hand over her mouth and rubbed her lips roughly before cupping her hand over her mouth. She jumped up off the couch with tears streaming down her cheeks, burning a trail of betrayal she knew she shouldn’t be feeling, but did anyway. She wanted to run to the bathroom where she could lock the door and stay there for the rest of her life, but Travis grabbed her hand and stopped her.
He stood up and stepped in front of her. “I’m so sorry Savannah. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m really trying to hold it together. I just...I don’t...I don’t know what to think sometimes. Fuck. I love you so much, yet I can’t respect the feelings you have for my own brother.”
Savannah sighed, wiping the salty drops from her face. “Travis, I’m sorry too. I know I haven’t been a walk in the park to be around for the last four years. You should be with a woman who can give you what you need, not waiting around for a woman who is fixated on a dream that’s never going to come true. I don’t give you anything but pain and heartache. I don’t deserve a man as understanding as you have been.”
“Stop, yes you do. You deserve so much more. You are the kindest, most loving person I have ever known, and my brother is a real fucking idiot if he doesn’t wake up soon and see what he has right in front of him.”
Savannah walked over to the big bay window and
looked out onto the lake. “Do you remember when we went to dinner the day I graduated college?”
Travis looked down at his hands. “Of course I do. That was the day I asked you to marry me.”
“Do you remember what I said?”
“Yes I do. You sat for a minute before answering me and said, and I quote, “I would be lucky to have such an amazing and understanding husband, but my heart belongs to someone else.”
Savannah smiled and a tear fell from her eye. She was getting choked up and could barely speak. “Yeah, well for that minute I was seriously thinking about saying yes. But, when I looked into your eyes I could only see Billy, and how it would feel if it were him who proposed to me. I have to say it felt wonderful. Look at me. How pathetic am I? I have a man that loves me and would do anything for me, asked me to marry him and I imagined a proposal from a man who doesn’t even care about me. I’m such a fucking moron to be wasting my time and energy on hopes and dreams. I’m so sorry Travis for putting you through all this.”
Travis slowly walked over to the window and put his hands on Savannah’s shoulders. “You’re not a moron. You’re in love and no one else can take that person’s place in your heart. I can understand that. You don’t have to apologize for the way you feel.”
Savannah turned around, put her head on Travis’ chest, and he gave her a gentle squeeze. She hugged his waist hard and Travis joked with her. “Savannah, I can’t breathe.”
“Oh, sorry.” Savannah laughed and let go of him. “Well, now that I’ve had a mental breakdown this morning would you like some coffee or something?”
“Actually, I came here because I need your help.”
“Of course, anything. Do you need me to help out in the office at the shop?”
“Not exactly.”
“Well, what do you need? Anything.”
Travis hesitated a moment before blurting it out. “I need you to come back to the house with me.”
Savannah’s eyebrows furrowed. “What house?” “My house.” Travis saw that she was just about to scream obscenities at him, but he held up his hands. “Wait! Before you say anything, please I really need your help, and I wouldn’t ask you to come to the house unless I didn’t have any other choice.”
As Savannah listened to him she felt her face getting warm, her anger was rising. How dare he ask her to go to the one place that she was so desperately trying to avoid? There was no way she was going. No freaking way in Hell. “Are you crazy? You sure must be if you think for one damn second that I would go to your house. I think you have completely lost your mind.”
His voice was soft and pleading when he spoke. “Please Savvy. I have to take Billy to therapy and my mother’s nurse is sick. I have no one else I trust to watch Mom.”
Oh, bleeding hearts of the world unite. How could she say no now? Even though she was angry, Billy had to go to therapy. He at least deserved some respect for serving his country, and she did miss spending time with Rosemary. Savannah sighed heavily knowing she was going to end up regretting her decision. “Fine, but I’m not getting out of my car until you leave. And, call me five minutes before you get back to the house so I can get in my car to leave.”
“Deal.”
“Just give me a minute to get ready before we go.” “Okay.”
Savannah made her way to the foyer and stopped in the doorway. She looked over at Travis still standing by the window hoping she was making the right decision to give up such a great man. But, in her heart there was no other choice she would have made. A person can’t decide who they can love and who they can’t. There was only one man for her and that man was Billy. No matter how many times she tried to convince herself it was time to move on, deep down he would always be the one who held her heart.
She went into the bathroom and quickly brushed her hair and teeth. There was no need to get dressed up since she would only be sitting around the house, so she put on a short ruffled black skirt and a red tank top. She slipped into her black sandals by the closet door and headed back to the living room. Travis was still standing by the window when she returned and she was kind of worried about him. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but she knew she had. “Travis, are you okay?”
He snapped his head in her direction with one of those fake plastered on smiles he only wore for Savannah’s benefit. “Yeah, sure. You ready to go?”
“Yeah, just let me get my purse and keys.”
“Okay, I’ll wait in the car.”
Travis walked over to his car and she watched him climb into the driver’s seat. Savannah picked up her purse and keys from the hallway table and locked the door behind her. Travis backed out of the driveway first and waited for Savannah to follow behind him.
During the drive over to Travis’ house, Savannah thought about turning her car around and forgetting about the whole thing. She didn’t think she was ready to see Billy again, but what choice did she have now? She couldn’t let Travis down after all he’d done for her. Besides, she missed seeing their mother. She liked sitting in the living room with her and watch game shows. It was nice to spend time with someone who didn’t judge her or argue with her all the time.
Travis pulled up in front of the house and beeped his horn. Savannah parked right behind him, but she was going to do exactly what she said she would do. She wasn’t getting out of her car until Travis left with Billy. She was a coward. A prisoner of her own feelings. What she really should do was get out of the car, walk right up to Billy and tell him how she felt. Tell him about all the pain he’d caused her over the last four years. But, now wasn’t the right time.
Travis beeped his car horn again and Billy appeared in the doorway, then stepped onto the front porch. Savannah’s heart skipped a beat and she suddenly felt nauseous. He made his way down the porch steps and over to Travis’ car. He opened the door and stood there for a minute. Savannah tapped on the steering wheel wondering what was taking him so long to get into the passenger seat. Was he feeling sick? Was he in pain? She didn’t know how to feel at that moment. Should she get out and help him even though he’d made it clear that he didn’t need her?
Billy looked over at her through the windshield of her car, but he didn’t say or gesture to her at all. Instead, he turned his back to her and got in the car. Savannah slowly exhaled the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She got out of her car and slammed the door, and walked over to the house without looking back at Billy sitting in his brother’s car.
Travis jumped out the car and ran up to Savannah. “I forgot to give Mom her pills this morning before I left.”
“Oh, no big deal. I can do that; I am a nurse you know. I’ll make her lunch soon and give her the medicine then.”
Travis leaned over and gave her a quick peck on the cheek, not realizing that his brother was watching the whole time. Savannah knew Travis didn’t mean anything by it, because it was something they did all the time. The uncomfortable look on Travis’ face after he kissed her made her think for a quick second that maybe Billy did still care for her. Otherwise, why would Travis care what his brother thought?
Maybe it was her overactive imagination running wild or maybe it was just wishful thinking. Whatever it was didn’t matter in the slightest, but she was curious about what Travis was thinking. “What’s the matter?”
Travis looked over at his car with his brother sitting in the passenger seat looking over at them, then turned back to Savannah. “Nothing. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
Savannah noticed how weird Travis acted in front of Billy, but didn’t have a chance to question him about it. He hurried off so quickly she didn’t get a chance to say anything at all. There was no time to worry about it now anyway. She came to take care of his mother and that’s what she needed to concentrate on.
Savannah walked into the quiet house and found Rosemary sitting up in her bed watching television. “Hi Rosemary, how are you feeling today?” Most of the time she remembered Savannah, but there was always a fifty-
fifty chance that she wouldn’t.
“I’m fine dear. Where’s Billy?”
“Travis took him to therapy today, so you’re stuck here with me for a few hours.”
“Nonsense, I love when you come visit me.”
“Well, I’m going to get you some lunch and then we can watch some TV. What would you like to eat?” “Nothing much. A sandwich will be fine.”
“Okay, I’ll be right back.”
Savannah made her way to the kitchen and made Mrs. Blue a grilled cheese sandwich with tomatoes. She knew that was her favorite and would enjoy it. The kitchen looked the same as when they all were kids running around the house. Savannah ate at the very table that was in this room many times, and fighting with Billy and Travis was a regular event at the Blue home. Rosemary always made her feel welcome when so many never had. She always felt loved when she was there.
Even in her own home Savannah constantly struggled with her mother. She was never allowed to be herself. Isabel always expected more from her daughter. She had to have the best grades, the best clothes, and Savannah didn’t want any part of that. She only wanted to be herself. A quiet, caring, loving human being who would do anything to help the people around her. That was of course excluding Sydney Bradshaw and her clan of dimwitted friends. Oh, who was she kidding? She would help anyone in their hour of need. Even someone who treated her badly. She was just that kind of person. She was someone with a heart of gold who never asked for anything in return and that was something she would never change about herself no matter who or what hurt her.
She brought Rosemary her lunch, administered her medication as promised to Travis, and they sat together to watch TV. After a few game shows, Rosemary drifted off to sleep. Savannah took their dirty dishes to the kitchen and on the way back stopped in front of Billy’s open door. Something she had always done when no one else was in the house. Everything in his room had been in the same exact place as he’d left it right before he enlisted in the Army. His football helmet sat on top of his mahogany dresser, and his jersey was nearly hung on a hanger over his closet. Rosemary and Travis never rearranged anything in his room. The only change to Billy’s room was when Rosemary washed the sheets on his bed, even though he hadn’t slept on them in months.
Field Stripped: 15 Steamy Military Romances Page 11
