He rolled his eyes at his own idiotic thoughts.
Movement out of the corner of his eye drew his attention. He turned his head and saw Holden Avery heading his way. He should have known one of those Averys would talk to him eventually. He'd seen all four of them huddled in a far corner, engaged in some intense conversation from the look on their faces.
Stopping by his side, Holden gave him a nod of his head in greeting. "Noah, I just about didn't recognize you."
"I barely recognize myself," he said, fixing his gaze back on Keri.
Holden turned, leaned against the wall, and looked across the room. "What do you suppose they're talking about?" he asked, motioning to his wife, sisters-in-law and Keri.
"Hard to say."
"Chances are its nothing good." Holden grinned and shook his head. "Get a gaggle of women together and you've got a recipe for trouble. From the looks of them, they're making a bit of mischief as we speak."
Holden spent the next ten minutes rambling on about this and that. Noah listened, commenting only when he felt the need. He saw Aaron and Sophie Ann in the far corner with a group of kids close to their age, smiles lighting up their faces. As much as he didn't want to be here, seeing them happy, and knowing Keri was enjoying herself, was worth his discomfort.
Enduring the stares of everyone got easier as the evening wore on. He ignored them for the most part, his gaze locked on Keri. People came and went throughout the night and when a new line of men seemed to grow around Keri again, laughing as they huddled around her, his fists clenched tight the moment one of them raised a hand and touched her hair. His earlier ire returned at the sight, intensifying as thoughts so black and violent filled his head it stole his breath.
Chapter Twenty Two
He'd forgotten Holden still leaned against the wall beside him until the man shifted his weight and cleared his throat. "Looks as if the knowledge that Mrs. Hilam is new to town finally made it around to all the single men. If Morgan hadn't been spreading the rumor of her being your wife, I'd be inclined to believe those men were lining up to be suitors." A half smile lifted the corner of his mouth. "Of course, I'm sure most of them don't know the little lie everyone's been telling so I'd not be surprised if she walked away with a dozen marriage proposals by the end of the night."
If Holden said anything after that, Noah didn't hear him. He couldn't hear anything, all the sound in the room dulled to a low hum as the words, "marriage proposals," whispered through his head. Is that what was going on over there? Were those men trying to win Keri's favor in hopes she'd marry them?
Morgan told everyone she was your wife. It doesn’t matter what those men say to her, she couldn't accept even if one did.
Could she?
The man next to her said something that caused a pretty smile to light up her face. It was the same smile she gave him most days. A smile he liked to think was his and his alone. Apparently he was a bigger fool than he thought he was.
He turned and left the warmth of the station without a word, the frosty air blowing in from the mountains seeping under his coat and chilling him to the bone. The street was empty, only a few people lingering near the saloon, the tinny piano music drifting from the building a faint echo on the breeze.
Stopping at the edge of the sidewalk, he crossed his arms over his chest, and stared down the street at nothing in particular. The sound from inside the stagecoach station grew once the musicians started playing something other than Christmas carols. He turned his head to look into the window. Couples paired off and walked to the center of the room, a jaunty jig starting about the time he spotted Keri being led to the spot where everyone else was dancing by a man he'd never seen before.
He scowled, turned on his heel, and started down the sidewalk. He made it as far as the mercantile before he stopped. He was doing it again. Letting unpleasant circumstances force him to turn the other way. To run as fast as his feet would carry him. To hide and lick his wounds in private.
"Damn it." He sighed, ran a hand over his face, and stared into the darkened store front window.
The display Mrs. Jenkins had set up was a festive affair filled with evergreen boughs, holly and colorful ribbons and lace. Dolls and small wooden trains sat amongst frilly bonnets and men's hats. A box holding a few pieces of jewelry caught his eye, the gems in one of the rings glistening in the moon-washed street.
He barely remembered the last Christmas he celebrated. It was before the war, that much he knew. Before he ceased to care about warm cider, gifts, or the hopes of catching, and kissing, a girl under a sprig of mistletoe.
Things he'd never missed until now.
Leaning a hand against the window, Noah stared at those small treasures knowing the kids in Willow Creek would wake Christmas morning to presents tucked beneath a tree decorated with angels and stars. He thought of Aaron and Sophie Ann, wondering what their last Christmas had been like living with the uncle. To hear Keri and Aaron talk, the man was a walking nightmare. For that reason alone, those kids probably hadn't had a happy holiday since their pa died.
"Are you ready to go?"
Noah started at the sound of Keri's voice. He hadn't heard her approach. He straightened and looked behind her, wondering where her admirers were. "Are you?" he asked, turning her question around on her.
She shrugged her shoulder.
Her lack of answer told him she wasn't ready to leave despite her asking if he was.
She glanced back toward the stagecoach station. "I left Aaron and Sophie Ann playing a game with the other children but I shouldn't leave them alone for too long." Catching his eye again, she gave him a smile. The same one she'd given all those men lined up to talk to her. "Are you coming back to the party?"
It was his turn to shrug.
She blew out a soft breath. "We can leave if you'd like. All you have to do is say so."
"I thought you wanted to be here."
"I did." She wrapped her arms around her waist. She'd not put her coat on before coming outside. "I do," she said. "But you looked uncomfortable earlier. When I saw you leave, I thought you were ready to go."
"I'm always uncomfortable around a lot of people or have you been too busy entertaining every man in Willow Creek to notice?" He clenched his jaw the moment the words were out of his mouth, especially when she lowered her lashes and looked away. He regretted saying it. He was irritated and had no right to take his frustrations out on her.
She looked toward the window display, her eyes lingering over the assortment of items for long moments before she said, "I'll go gather the kids."
When she went to walk away, he grabbed her arm. The moment he touched her, he wished he'd never turned away from her back at the cabin. Wished he'd said something, anything, and stayed a few more minutes. Stayed long enough to make a fool out of himself by spouting god-awful poetry and stealing a few more of her kisses.
Stayed long enough to let her know how much he enjoyed being with her. How in awe he was that she'd even want him.
He loosened his grip on her arm, stared down at her upturned face and wondered, if he kissed her now, would she welcome it like she had earlier or had his actions ruined any chance they may have had. "Let the kids play," he said. "We can stay."
She stared at him for long moments before looking away. He let go of her arm and she crossed them over her body, but she never moved, just stared down the street. He tilted his head, watching her.
"Are you upset with me?" she finally asked.
"Why would I be?"
She shrugged. "You haven't bothered to speak to me all night." She glanced at him then. "I thought…" She stopped speaking mid sentence, shook her head and sighed. "It doesn't matter." She was several steps away when she said, "I'll go see if Aaron and Sophie Ann are ready to go home."
Home. The word held meaning when she said it, and he realized that Keri and the kids had made his tiny cabin just that. The home he'd always thought to have but never did.
He'd thought his life ende
d the day Isabelle rejected him but looking at Keri, he realized it was just put on hold for a bit. He could still have all those things he once dreamed about.
But could he have them with her?
* * * *
As late as it was, the kids were still bouncing with energy. Keri should have watched them more closely. They were so sugared up, it would be a miracle if they ever settled down.
She listened to them laugh and tell her everything they did, everyone they talked to and every sweet they put into their mouths. They each had a small sack filled with nuts and fruit, small pieces of hard candies and small spinning tops and whistles. Keri missed seeing them so excited.
As usual, Noah was quiet, listening to the chatter with a blank expression on his face. He'd not bothered to speak to her once all evening except for when she'd sought him out after seeing him leave. He'd watched her from the other side of the room, his gaze on her anytime she looked, but he never tried to talk to her or ask her to dance. Never moved from that wall. Well, not until she'd been asked to dance by a man who wouldn't take no for an answer and started dragging her across the room. Luckily, Morgan Avery had heard her protests and intervened, forcing the ornery man to let her go.
If Noah had been with her, it would have never happened. She'd not have had to stand through countless greetings with men wanting to meet, who they thought, was an available woman. The look of surprise on their faces when she said she had a husband, and who that man was, wasn't missed.
But Noah leaving in the middle of the party just confirmed the growing fear she'd had all night of him purposely avoiding her. She'd foolishly thought things would change between them, and in a way they had, just not the way she'd hoped.
A touch to her shoulder drew her from her thoughts. She turned her head, smiling at Aaron as he leaned over the seat rail and looked at her. The expression on his face was clouded with worry. "What's wrong, Aaron?"
"Are you really gonna marry Ben Atwater?"
Noah stiffened at her side and turned his head to look at her, an odd expression on his face. She sat frozen as he stared at her, wondering what was going through his head but he looked away before she could figure it out. She turned her attention back to Aaron. "Why would you think I was getting married?"
"Because Betsey and Benjamin said you were going to be their new ma."
"You don't want to be our mommy anymore?" Sophie asked.
Keri's heart slammed against her ribcage. "Oh, Sophie Ann, I'll always want to be your mommy." She reached for her, running a hand over her blond curls. "Don't ever think such a thing."
Sophie smiled, satisfied with her answer, but Aaron was still on his knees waiting. "Who are Betsey and Benjamin?" Keri asked.
Aaron sighed and leaned against the back of the seat. "Kids we go to school with."
"And they told you I was going to marry their pa?"
"Yep. They said he told them they'd have to start minding him cause he was getting them a new ma and he didn't want them embarrassing him. Said you wouldn't want him if you knew his kids were hellions."
Keri's eyes widened a bit at his use of the word, hellions. "Well, I've no clue who Ben Atwater, or Betsey and Benjamin are, so I can tell you that no, I'm not marrying their father."
Aaron let out a breath so deep, it made a small "whooshing" sound. "Thank goodness," he said. "I like Benjamin all right but Betsey dang near drives me crazy. When she ain't looking at me all funny, she's practically standing on my toes." He shook his head, his lip curling in disgust. "I think she's sweet on me."
Keri laughed, the sound so loud and abrupt, the horse shied. "You don't return her feelings, then?"
He looked horrified at the prospect. "Heck no!"
She ruffled his hair and grinned. "Then I don't have to worry about you running off to marry her anytime soon, huh?"
He grimaced. "No. I ain't never getting married," he said. "I ain't being nobody’s pa, either. Babies ain't nothing but trouble."
Keri grinned. "Babies aren't trouble. They just need special care until they're big enough to do things for themselves."
He huffed out a breath. "Don't make no difference. I'm gonna live by myself like Noah does. He ain't nobody’s pa and he's just fine."
Sophie Ann leaned forward, confusion causing small wrinkles on her forehead as she scrunched her face. "I thought Noah was our new pa."
The air was sucked from Keri's lungs at Sophie Ann's words. She heard them repeating over and over again inside her head until Noah glanced at her. His shocked expression probably matched her own. They stared at one another until Sophie Ann leaned toward the seat.
"Ain't that why we live with him now? So we can be a family." Sophie Ann looked between her and Noah as if waiting for an answer.
Keri didn't have one to give her. Not now. Regardless of what she said, someone would get hurt. Telling Sophie Ann that Noah wasn't her new pa might make Noah think he'd be the last man she'd have for the job and nothing could be further from the truth. He'd already done more for them than Robert ever had and he didn't seem bitter for having to do it. But if she led Sophie Ann to believe Noah was, and Peter was found and sent for them, she'd be devastated at having to leave.
She smiled to cover the panic welling up inside of her. "You don't need to worry about that tonight, Sophie. Go lie down and pull those blankets around you. We'll be home soon."
Turning back around, she stared across the prairie, Sophie's words still whispering inside her head. She understood why Sophie was confused. She'd lost her pa and gained what she thought was a new one in Robert, only to be uprooted and thrown into a new life with yet another man who provided for her as John had. It was enough to cause any five year old confusion. And she had no one to blame for that but herself.
When the cabin came into view, she looked back over her shoulder, relieved to see both Aaron and Sophie bundled up in the blankets, asleep. She caught Noah's eye when she turned back around. He never said a word but the expression on his face held as many questions as she herself had.
Duke, that old dog the kids had found, started barking when they were close enough for him to hear the squeak and rattle of the wagon wheels and Noah turned away. It was just as well. She didn't know what to say to him anyway.
Noah pulled the wagon to a stop by the barn, set the brake and climbed down. Keri gathered her things and stood. Noah was by the side of the wagon, ready to help her down and to her surprise, he grabbed her around the waist, lifting her off her feet and setting her on the ground. He didn't let go immediately, just held her close, his gaze roaming her face so long she thought he was going to kiss her.
He turned away without a word, instead.
Chapter Twenty Three
It was snowing again. Keri watched the flurries swirl by the kitchen window, Aaron and Sophie Ann's laughter chasing behind on the wind.
She spotted them coming around the side of the barn and smiled. They were running after Duke as he jumped into the air, snapping at the falling snow. For such a homely looking critter when they'd brought him home, he looked as if he'd always belonged here now. He'd filled out, his ribs no longer visible, and he played with the kids as if he were a pup. Love really did change a person. Or a dog, in his case.
The barn door swung open, Noah stepping out leading his horse. The animal was saddled. Was he going somewhere?
Grabbing another plate, Keri dried it off and put it on the shelf above the sink. She kept a watchful eye on what was going on outside, her thoughts still on all that had happened the day before.
Noah avoiding her now a result of that.
He'd sat quietly through breakfast, leaving as soon as he was finished and didn't return. It was the first time in a while that he'd not come back in after tending the animals.
She knew why he was avoiding the house, though. Why he was avoiding her. They hadn't spoken of what happened between them and Noah's silence was telling. It wasn't worth discussing in his eyes. He was dismissing the whole thing as if it never hap
pened.
Disappointment tightened her chest, the dull ache squeezing the breath out of her. She didn't know what to do about it either. Or why it hurt to begin with. She'd been trying to figure that out since he'd left her sitting on the bed with her skirts twisted around her waist.
Examining why she cared so much left her emotions raw. She'd spent a great deal of energy learning to ignore Robert. Telling herself it was okay that he treated her and the kids the way he did, that she didn't care, but deep down in that small space of her heart that thought they deserved better, that she deserved better, something withered and died with every harsh word he uttered. Every bruise and humiliation he heaped on her stung just a little bit more until there was nothing left. She'd been numb by the time she gathered Aaron and Sophie Ann and ran.
But that numbing sensation had begun to fade as of late, small sparks of…. something, caused her breath to catch every time Noah looked at her as if he'd never seen another woman in his life. As if he couldn't look away regardless of how much he tried.
As if she would be enough for him.
She sighed, feeling melancholy, and put the whole business out of her mind, going about her chores instead. She finished cleaning the kitchen, then made the bed, folded the blankets on the cot Noah slept on, and dusted the mantel. The leather journal Noah kept his sketches in lay there on one corner. She lifted it, dusted the spot it had lain in and paused when she went to lay the book back down.
As long as she'd been there, she'd not once snooped in any of Noah's things. The drawer on the small desk along the wall still held items she'd never seen, the trunk at the foot of the bed largely unexplored. She'd only ever pulled a blanket out of it but never looked to see what lay in the bottom. And this book…
She ran her hand over the worn leather, her fingers itching to take a peek. Noah spent every day drawing on these pages and her curiosity about the type of things he drew got the best of her most days. She'd never peeked over his shoulder, regardless of how badly she'd wanted to. If he wanted her to see what he'd drawn, he'd show her, right?
Willow Creek Christmas Page 16
