Looking back down at Aaron, Noah raised an eyebrow. "Alexandra Avery was involved in the fight?"
"Alex was the fight." Aaron shook his head and took hold of the towel Dr. Reid had put under his nose. "She got mad at Jesse. Him and Alex are always going at it and end up fightin' at least once a week."
Noah stared back across the school yard. "He hits her?"
Aaron laughed. "Gosh no. He just lets her knock him about and laughs at her while she does it. And that’s why she always comes up swingin'." He looked back over at them and grinned. "I think they're sweet on each other but just too stubborn to know it yet."
"He'll be fine," Dr. Reid said, getting Noah's attention as he stood. "He just got too close to those wild punches Alex was throwing."
Noah thanked the man before he walked off, watching as he crossed the yard to where Jesse and Alexandra were standing. He turned his attention back to Aaron who was still bleeding into the towel. "You going to be okay?"
He nodded his head. "Yeah." Neither said a word for long minutes, both of them watching Alexandra and Jesse, then Aaron glanced at him before looking away again. "Can I ask you something?"
The tone of Aaron's voice told him whatever it was he wanted to know was serious enough to cause the boy a bit of grief. He was looking at his feet, one leg bouncing. Noah bent his knees, squatting to be eye level with him. "You can ask me anything, Aaron."
He wiped his nose again, pulled the towel away to see if he was still bleeding, then sighed. "Benjamin said his pa told him my ma couldn't be his and Betsey's new ma now cause she'd done went off and married you. He said his pa was spittin' mad about it." He looked up, a hopeful look in his eyes. "Did you really marry my ma? Do we get to stay here with you now?"
Noah inhaled a breath, then let it out slowly, and tried to think of what to say. He stared across the yard, watching as the crowd broke apart and chose his words carefully. "It's a bit complicated, Aaron."
"How so?"
When Noah looked back over at him, that hopeful look was still in his eyes. He would have given anything to tell the kid yes, to lie his ass off to keep that look on the boy’s face, but couldn't risk it. If Keri's brother showed up and took them away, Aaron wouldn't understand. He lowered his voice so no one would overhear. "Can you keep a secret?" When Aaron nodded his head at him, Noah cleared his throat. "We told everyone that me and your ma got married so no one would speak ill of her. A woman living with a man without marrying him just isn't done, so we said we got married so no one would talk."
That hope shining in Aaron's eyes vanished in an instant. He stared at him long minutes before looking away. Noah saw the glassiness in his eyes, tears forming before he blinked them away. "What is it, Aaron?"
He sighed, then lifted a hand to rub his eyes. "Benjamin said that it was okay he didn't get a new ma cause me and Sophie just got a new pa instead, and that meant one of us at least got something good for Christmas." He looked back over at him, tears still gathering. "But if you and my ma ain't really married…"
He stopped talking when those tears slipped past his lashes and he raised his hand, wiping his face dry. Noah had thought for years he knew what heartache was but looking at Aaron, watching him cry because those innocent lies they'd been telling hadn't given the boy a new pa like he thought, ripped his heart in two. His throat tightened until it was hard to breathe, pressure in his head increasing until he had to inhale a deep breath just to clear it, and the slight sting in his eyes increased until he too was blinking to chase tears away.
Reaching up to run his hand over Aaron's head, Noah leaned in closer to him to try and explain, to take some of the hurt out of his eyes, but Keri's voice interrupted him. Aaron stiffened and said, "Don't let her know I got sucker punched by a girl, okay?"
Noah held back a smile and nodded. "Sure thing," he said, then stood as Keri rushed across the yard toward them. She gasped when she saw Aaron, panic setting in before she even knew what was wrong. "He's fine. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
Keri fussed over the boy like mothers do and Noah couldn't take his eyes off them, Aaron's words playing on repeat inside his head and leaving him in stunned silence.
Sophie Ann stood to his left, the drawing she'd given him inside the school still clutched in her small hand. The family she'd drawn seemed like a given only minutes ago, but now those old doubts and insecurities crept in until it felt like a dream he couldn't quite grab hold of.
A small voice in the back of his head whispered things he'd not dreamed of having since he left Charleston, but the moment Keri and those kids came barreling into his life, they were there for the taking and he knew all he had to do was have enough courage to put his heart on the line again and ask Keri to marry him.
And he would…
He sighed. If only the thought of her saying no didn't tear a piece of his heart out, he'd ask her tonight. He'd tell Aaron nothing would make him happier than to be his pa, but the fear he felt in taking that step was greater than his desire to make it happen. He'd wallowed in his own despair for so long, it was hard to walk away from it. He wasn't even sure he could.
Regardless of what he wanted, there was no telling if Keri would want to spend her life with him. She may give her body to him, and act as if she enjoyed it when she did, but that wasn't enough to build a relationship on. It wasn't enough for him. He wanted more than her kindness and attention. He wanted her love and he really didn't think that was possible. Isabelle certainly couldn't do it once she'd seen what had been done to him. And Keri wouldn't either.
* * * *
Keri watched Noah shut the barn door behind him, then sighed. Something about him was off and it was driving her crazy that she couldn’t figure out what it was.
Ever since the night of the Christmas program, Noah seemed a bit distracted. He still acted the same, talked no more or less than usual, and still gave her those toe curling kisses when they were alone but something in his eyes told her he was preoccupied. Something that plagued him constantly. She'd see it when he didn't know she was looking and fear coiled in her stomach every time she caught a glimpse of it.
Her overactive imagination conjured all sorts of things that could be bothering him. Things that had to do with her and their situation and that fear she felt when seeing that far off look in his eyes grew until she spent most of her time fretting over something she had no idea if it was even worth fretting over.
She sighed, her hands submerged in soapy dish water, and closed her eyes. She was driving herself crazy with worry and the sleep she was losing was going to take a toll sooner or later.
Something brushed her back and a harsh gasp was pulled from her throat. Her eyes snapped open as Noah slid his arms around her waist moments before his warm breath tickled the back of her neck.
"Did I scare you?" he asked, kissing the tender skin along her hairline.
She smiled. "Yes. I didn't hear you come in."
He made a small "hmm" noise. "You did look deep in thought." he said while continuing to kiss his way around her neck. "Were you thinking about me?"
Keri tilted her head, giving him room to place all those kisses he was determined to give her. She leaned back against his chest, closed her eyes as shivers raced up her spine when he started unhooking the buttons on the front of her dress. "I might have been."
She felt him smile against the side of her neck. "Were you thinking we should go mess up those bed covers you just straightened?"
"You're a mind reader now?" She grinned. "What other talents have you been keeping from me?" Her need to touch him grew by the second. She arched her back, his erection pressing into her bottom as he untied her shift, pulling the material apart and cupping her breasts in his gloved hands, pinching her nipples between his thumb and forefinger.
Tingling sparks shot down her spine, her breath catching as she pulled her hands from the dish water, not bothering to dry them before reaching behind her to cup that growing bulge in his pants. He hissed a b
reath as she turned her head toward him as far as she could and caught his mouth, kissing him as his groping hands caused moisture to pool between her legs.
The odd angle of the kiss made her more desperate for it, her body clenching tight as she strained to keep her mouth locked with his. He slid his tongue along her lips, then slipped in, licking inside her mouth while pulling her skirts up and sliding his hand between her legs.
Keri gasped, Noah taking advantage of her open mouth to deepen the kiss as he untied her bloomers, then delving inside the material. The moment she felt his gloved fingers touch her, she sucked in a breath and broke the kiss. "Noah, take your gloves off. I want to feel you touching me."
He stilled, his very breath halting. When he pulled away, she almost regretted saying anything. He let go of her, dropped her skirt and turned around without a word. She watched him leave the room while her chest ached at his quick retreat.
It took her long minutes to decide what to do. Whatever he didn't want anyone to see bothered him enough to keep it hidden every hour of every day and no one should have to live their life like that. She dried her hands, pulled the front of her dress closed so her breasts weren't exposed, retied her underwear, and followed him into the other room. He was staring into the fireplace, one palm resting on the mantel, his head bowed. She crossed the room and stopped behind him, almost afraid to touch him.
Her hands were shaking when she reached out to him. He didn't pull away. He didn't react at all. Keri closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him the same way he'd done to her, then laid her cheek against his back. Neither spoke a word but she could feel his heart pounding in his chest. "What is it, Noah?" When he didn't reply, she tightened her hold on him. "Whatever it is, you can tell me." He still gave no answer. Keri lifted her head, but didn't let go of him. "Why do you never take those gloves off?"
He sighed and was quiet so long, she didn't think he was going to answer. She held her breath and nearly sighed herself when he spoke. "I don't want you to see, Keri."
"See what?"
"Me."
"Why?"
A harsh laugh shook his chest but the sound was so forlorn, her eyes filled with tears just hearing it. "Because I can't bear to see the look on your face when you do."
Keri stepped around him, made him turn so she could see him. He wouldn't look at her, the expression on his face one she'd never seen. He looked so miserable, as if his whole world had crumbled before his very eyes.
She grabbed his hands, squeezed until he finally looked down at her. "If you can't show me, then tell me. Make me understand, Noah." The misery in his eyes broke her heart. She looked down at his hands, tightened her hold on him. "This happened during the war?" He nodded and kept his gaze averted. "Tell me what happened."
He was silent so long, Keri was afraid he'd never tell her. He finally looked up, his eyes filled with pain and misery. And resignation. "Three days before the war ended, a small regiment of Yankee soldiers set fire to the barn we were bunked down in. Only seven of us made it out."
Keri glanced down at his gloved hands and held her emotions in check, her hold on him never loosening. "Were you burned?"
He nodded. "I was outside when the fire started. I couldn’t sleep and needed some air." He locked eyes with her. "When I saw the flames, all I could think of was Dwight. We'd grown up as close as brothers. I'd promised his momma to bring him home safe, so I ran in to get him."
His eyes grew glassy and Keri moved closer. "Were you able to get him out?" she asked, already knowing the answer by the look on his face.
"No." He got a far off look in his eyes as if he was remembering the events as they were happening. "That old barn was filled with dried hay and it didn't take long for it to go up. There was so much smoke, and the screams…" He looked across the room, inhaled a deep breath and kept going. "All I could think about was getting to Dwight and getting him out. When I found him…" He paused again, took a shuddering breath, and closed his eyes. "He was burning. One of the roof timbers had fallen on him. I didn't think. I just grabbed it and tried to pull it off. I didn't notice I was on fire until I realized Dwight wasn't moving, that he wasn't helping me move that beam."
He opened his eyes, those tears still lingering above his lashes. "Its damn near impossible to put out a fire when you're surrounded by dry hay. The more I moved, the more the fire around me grew. The roof started to fall in, pain exploded on my face and the next thing I remember, I was looking up into a starless sky with voices shouting all around me."
"Someone pulled you out?"
"Yes, and there are days I wished they wouldn't have."
He sighed, those tears slipping from his eyes and Keri reached up to wipe them away, not realizing her own were falling until everything around her went blurry. She cupped his face in her hands, leaned up on her toes to kiss him and felt some measure of relief when he wrapped his arms around her. "If they wouldn't have pulled you out, Noah, me and Aaron and Sophie Ann would be dead right now, probably frozen to death out in that old line shack." His arms tightened around her waist, his head lowering until their foreheads touched. "You may not have been able to save your friend, but you saved us."
She kissed him again, kissed him for so long and so thoroughly, a bit of his sorrow was washed away. She could tell by the way he cupped her bottom in his hands, pulled her against him until she could feel his growing erection pressing into her stomach and she didn't let go of him until her lungs were burning for lack of air.
They were both breathing heavily, their arms wound tight around each other and Keri ran her fingers through his hair, rubbing the end of her nose against his cheek. "Let me see what you've been hiding from me, Noah."
He stiffened but didn't pull away. Keri took it as a good sign, lowered her arms, and reached for his hands. She waited, watching his face, every emotion he felt displayed there for her.
His nod was so slight she was afraid she imagined it, but he never protested when she started to tug at those leather gloves she'd never seen him take off.
Chapter Twenty Eight
Keri didn't know what she'd find when she removed that leather, and concentrated on not making a sound. For no emotion to show on her face. She didn't want Noah to make any assumptions about what she thought until she could see exactly what it was he was too afraid for her to see.
When the first glove slipped away, she bit her lip and reached for his other hand. She realized her own were shaking as she pulled that last glove off and dropped the black leather to the floor at her feet.
She held both his hands in hers and just looked.
The discoloration was the first thing she noticed, large patches were the same hue as the rest of his skin, while other areas were much lighter. The flesh was badly wrinkled with raised areas that resembled veins, but every so often, the skin would smooth out, the feel of it slick against her thumb. It wasn't pretty, but it was nowhere near as horrible as she thought it would be.
She turned his hands over and looked at his palms, noticing the burns ran up past his wrists to disappear under his shirt. The single button on the long sleeves popped open with only a slight tug, the material sliding away from his skin. His right arm was mostly clear, the burns stopping slightly past his wrist, but the left was another story.
The burns traveled the length of his arm as far as she could see. "Is it only your hands and arm?" He shook his head, not meeting her eyes. Keri stared at him, seeing his discomfort at having her see him. Her heart ached, her throat growing tight.
She raised her hand, brushed it across his cheek and waited until he looked at her. "Can I see the rest?"
The answer was in his eyes. He didn't want her to see. Regretted having let her see as much as she did but he nodded his head and inhaled deeply.
Keri grabbed his shirt near the waist of his pants and pulled the material loose, then reached for the row of buttons in the front, unhooking them while watching for any sign she should stop. His lips were a harsh
slash across his face, his jaw clenched, but he gave no protest. When the last button came undone, she pulled the ends of the material apart, then slid the shirt off him, letting it drop to the floor to join his discarded gloves.
The first thing she noticed was how well defined his chest and stomach was, his skin bronzed from the sun. As much as he enjoyed staying covered from head to toe, he'd spent time outside without his shirt on. Living so far from town and surrounded by trees was probably why. Who would see him way out here?
She raised a hand, ran it over his stomach, and smiled when the muscles contracted. A thin patch of dark hair covered his chest and ran from his navel to disappear into the waistband of his pants. A small area of skin on his left side looked much like his hands, the ruined flesh circling around to his back and down his hip. The scars on his left arm ended at the elbow. The rest of what she saw was perfect. "This isn't as bad as I thought, Noah." She ran a finger over the imperfect patch of skin and looked up, then lowered her head to catch his eye. Laying both her hands on his chest she stepped closer when he refused to look at her. "It's not nearly as bad as you had me believe."
He met her gaze, his eyes narrowed. "You don't call this bad?"
Keri looked again, taking time to run her hands over the scarred flesh. "No," she said, shaking her head. "They're only imperfections. Everyone has them to some degree." She laid her hand against the ruined flesh on his side. "But it doesn't define you. What people see on the outside isn't what makes you the man you are. Your heart does. You don't ever have to hide from me, Noah. I think you're beautiful just the way you are."
Willow Creek Christmas Page 20
