by Silla Webb
“Sorry, just got lost in thought. I gotta get over to Momma’s to get Heidi Jo ready for school.” He walks out of the kitchen quickly and I feel a pang of guilt for even being here, making him uncomfortable.
Before he can even open the front door to escape, I blurt out, “Are we ever gonna be us again, Colton?”
I turn to gauge his reaction, and my heart falters when his head drops to his chest. Keeping his back to me he tosses over his shoulder, “I ain’t makin’ any promises I can’t keep, darlin’,” then continues out the front door. I know in this instance that the comfort he consoled me with last night, he is only regretting this morning. I don’t know what to do to bring him back to me. My heart aches knowing the pain I’ve caused him.
My stomach knots in protest from my twisted nerves so I scrape my food in the trash can and rinse off the dishes before loading the dishwasher. Anxiety fills my chest as the fight or flight instinct deep inside of me kicks in. I can’t fight for him anymore. I’ve laid my heart on the line and begged for forgiveness but he ain’t ready to let his walls down inviting me back in. Had he not saved me from Drew’s attack yesterday, it’s hard to tell what state I’d be in today. Falling asleep in his arms never felt so right, but his demeanor today is right back to what it’s been for weeks, distant and guarded. I don’t have the strength to fight anymore.
I slide on my shoes and make my way over to Emma’s house. Without knocking, I let myself inside just as Emma scolded me to do over the weekend.
“Son, when are you gonna straighten the hell up and love that woman right?” I hear Bill shout in the kitchen. “Damn it, you need to frickin’ remember you were the one who threw it away all them years ago. I get that she royally screwed you over, but she deserves that same second chance she gave you.”
I press my body against the door holding my breath quietly. I feel like I’m eaves-dropping, but I’m tickled to hear that Bill is on my side.
“Pops, it’s too damn early to hear this shit again. Please, just let it go and let me figure it out on my own.”
“Agh, you damn hard-headed son of a bitch. Flush it down the damn drain, again.” Bill screeches as he stomps out of the kitchen. And I’ve been made. “Well, hey there little lady, come on in here.” He hollers across the living room as he makes his way to me, pulling me into a bear hug.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt y’all’s breakfast, I just wanted to ask Colton if he could take me to the mines when he drives Heidi Jo to school.” I mutter nervously. Emma rushes into the room checking me over from head to toe with tears filling her eyes.
“I’ve been so worried about you, sweetie.” She wails, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.
“I’m fine, Emma. Just sore and tired.” Colton steps into view bracing his arms over the door jamb as he watches his parents fawn over me. He hollers down the hallway to Heidi Jo, hurrying her along for school. I talk with his parents while waiting for Heidi Jo to make her appearance. Dang it, for a seven year old, you’d think she was getting ready for prom! Can ya hurry up there, chick? Emma and Bill question me briefly about my attack, but when I look to Colton he shakes his head, urging me to give away as little details as possible.
Finally, a thud shakes the house as Heidi Jo comes bouncing through the hallway singing and dancing to herself. She has such a jovial nature about herself. The kind of spirit I want to blanket myself in so I can bask in the happiness that illuminates her. “I’m ready to roll, Daddy.” She says sliding her hand into Colton’s with a toothy grin on her face. My head falls to the side in awe seeing that small endearment between Heidi Jo and Colton; it’s the sweetest, simplest gesture and it tugs at my heart. But my heart spirals wondering if I’ll ever get to see that moment for my own baby.
Colton rushes Heidi Jo out the door quickly telling her she’s gonna be late for school, but I’m certain he’s just eager to get me out of sight. The drive to Heidi Jo’s school is filled with loud music that causes my headache to reappear, but I’m thankful it isn’t an awkward silence. After we let her out at the school Colton turns to me, confusion etched on his face as his brows are furrowed deep between his eyes.
“I wasn’t tryin’ to be rude this mornin’. I’m sorry for that.” He sighs roughly. “I’m just tryin’ to deal with all of these mixed emotions and tryin’ to put everything behind me. But it’s so damn hard.” He punches the steering wheel as his rage surfaces.
“Colton, I don’t expect you to forgive me over night. You proved to me yesterday that you’ll protect me and you’ll be there for me when I need you. No matter how hard you fight against it you’ll never be able to convince me otherwise.”
“I gave the Police the number to Simon Energy. I’m sure they’ll contact you today or tomorrow to get a report about the assault. They’ll expect you to press charges. If they need anything from me, just let me know.” Colton replies, quickly changing the subject.
“I’m not speaking with the police.”
“Like hell.” Colton barks.
“Colton, you need to understand something. Speaking to the police is only gonna open up a shit ton of questions from everybody. Especially Savannah. I’m trying to protect her from Drew. I’m trying to protect her from Daddy’s secrets. Let me handle this my own way, please.” I beg. He huffs as he grips the steering wheel tighter, gritting his teeth.
“Have it your way, Carly Jo.” I stare out the window at the bleak, grey sky and that awkward silence fills the air.
Ten minutes later Colton pulls into the gravel lot at Simon Energy. He puts the truck in park, but doesn’t bother with shutting the engine off. “Thanks again for coming to my rescue.” I bite hard on my lip nervous to ask him my next question. “Colton, the Paternity test is Friday. Are you coming?” I wring my hands together, sweat filling the creases of my fingers although I’m rather cold.
He hangs his head low and drags in a rough breath before saying, “Darlin’, like I said…I won’t make a promise that I can’t keep.”
I pop the latch on the door and climb out of the truck without looking back.
I hurry into the office making my way into the conference room for the Supervisors meeting. The men all come to attention as I clap my hands together loudly. “Mornin’ y’all!! I ain’t got a lot of time. I have a few other meetings to attend today, so let’s get down to business quickly. If you have an issue that needs my dire attention, let’s hear it. If it can wait, leave a note with Shelly and I’ll make a visit to your mines later this week.” Scanning the room quickly with my eyes, I take count of my Mine Forman and Superintendents. Everyone seems to be accounted for, except Colton. I haven’t seen or heard from him since I climbed out of his truck on Tuesday. Stupidly, I held onto hope that he would be here for me today; but I know he just ain’t ready to forgive me.
The men quickly blurt out any orders of business that need my prompt attention before the alarm on my phone buzzes reminding me of my next appointment. “Fellas, I hate to rush like this, but I have an appointment to make that I can’t be late for.” I sling my purse over my shoulder rushing out of the room. I send a quick text to Luke letting him know that I’m on my way to the hospital when I bump into cold, hard steel. My body seizes as I envelop his warm ocean scent. I step back and look up into his rich chocolate eyes with my mouth hanging agape. I stutter around my tongue before finding the words to excuse myself around Colton.
“Sorry I was late to the Supervisors meetin’. Went home to get cleaned up and take Heidi Jo to school.” Oh hell. He’s dressed in loose fitting boot cut Levi’s, a black button down shirt and black boots. His hair is messy, like he’s been raking his fingers through the dark brown locks. His ocean scent wafts through my senses and a tingle snakes up my spine.
“It’s no problem, meeting’s already over.” I stammer over my words, trying to step around him.
“Where you off too in such a rush, darlin’?” he asks in a low grumbled voice.
“I have an appointment that I can’t be late f
or. Excuse me.” I say ignorantly, trying not to remind him of the importance of the Paternity Test. He steps into me and my breath hitches in my throat as my heart thuds loudly in my ears. I look up at him behind glazed hazel eyes and a flood of emotions rush through me like a whirl wind. I want to wrap my arms around his neck, blanketing myself in his warmth as his scent cascades around me; but I also want to twist his balls firmly in my fist as he cries out for help.
“I know darlin’, we’ll take my truck if that’s alright.” I look up at him with my eyes as wide as saucers as his words sink in. He remembered the paternity test and he actually showed up. What. The. Hell? He grips my hand in his searching my eyes for approval. Nodding ‘yes’ at him, he pulls me out to his truck.
We drive in uncomfortable silence as tension envelops the cab of the truck. Colton’s grip on the steering wheel has his knuckles white with tension and his left leg bounces up and down uncontrollably.
“Colton, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable when we get to the hospital.” I whisper. He glances sideways at me with a cocked eyebrow.
“Uncomfortable?”
“Well, I didn’t expect you would get tested for Paternity. Luke is waiting at the hospital.”
“I see.” He mumbles. I continue to twist my hands together as I chew on my inner lip watching the world pass me by in a blur out the truck window.
Colton parks the truck, turning the ignition off. He sits quietly staring out the window. “You don’t have to do this, Colton. I’ll understand if you ain’t ready.” I lie. I won’t understand, but I don’t want him to be pained any more than necessary. He removes the keys from the ignition before climbing out the truck. I open the door to climb out on my own, but he takes my hand in his, helping me down gently. When my feet touch the ground I expect him to pull his hand away, but he laces our fingers together and walks with me inside the hospital. We take the elevator up to the fourth floor. Luke is already seated in the lab waiting room piddlin’ on his phone. He smiles at me as I walk passed him, but when he sees Colton on my heels he sits up a little straighter and his smile fades. I sign us in at the receptionist desk then take a seat next to Luke. He gives me a one armed hug, glancing up at Colton who is leaning against the wall.
Within minutes, we are called back and the Phlebotomists explains the testing procedure and the results to us. I go first, so I can find my quick escape thereafter. Don’t need to see any blood-drawn, or shed…however it may be. Luke comes to the waiting room next, taking his seat next to me.
“How ya hangin’ in there, beauts?”
“I’m okay, Luke. Thanks for being here for me and the baby.”
He smiles that charming smile as his baby blues twinkle back at me in adoration, “Done told ya angel, I’ll be there through the storm. Call me when you know the results, ‘kay?” He says as he stands to leave. Wrapping my hands around his neck I hug him tight, giving him the appreciation that he deserves. “You have no idea how thankful I am to have you in my life, Luke.” I whisper.
“Oh, by the way,” He says quietly. “When you have time, we need to talk about Savannah, ‘kay?”
“Savannah? Why?
“Another time, beauts.” He says. Just as I pull away from Luke’s embrace, Colton walks out and his eyes fall as he catches Luke’s hand around my waist. Luke steps toward him offering his hand, to which Colton shakes it and words are mumbled quietly. Luke clamps his hand down on Colton’s shoulder with two swift pats and Colton nods with a small smirk dancing across his face. Luke walks past me and out of the lab, leaving me stunned at the sight that just played out before me.
“Darlin’?” Colton says, tipping my chin up to look at him. “You okay?” his voice a husky grumble. I nod as he takes my hand in his and leads me out to the truck.
Making our way out onto the main road, Colton laces his shaky fingers through mine. I trace small circles on the side of his index finger with my thumb mindlessly. “Do you have other appointments today, work or medical related?” He asks, keeping his eyes trained on the road.
“No, just your normal day at the office…if you can call any day at Simon Energy, normal.” I joke, trying to free the tension between us.
“Do you have time to grab some lunch so we can talk?” The shakiness in his voice causes my heart to race.
“Uhm, yeah. That sounds nice.” I smile weakly at him. Colton veers the truck onto the I-64 West exit, heading to Lexington. He turns the stereo on for the remainder of the trip and the awkward silence begins to fade slowly. Pulling onto Man-O-War Boulevard, we pull into Rafferty’s, one of his favorite restaurants. There ain’t much in Williamstown in terms of good food and entertainment besides the Village Diner and the small ratty movie theatre.
Finding our way into the restaurant, the hostess seats us in a small corner near the large picture glass window. Colton’s hands are a trembling mess and sweat is starting to bead at the top of his forehead. The distress flowing from him causes my heart to palpitate. I pick up the menu trying to distract my thoughts from his obvious panic attack. He excuses himself for the restroom then returns with a flush face, but more calm. When he takes his seat he grips my hand in his, looking up at me through tortured eyes. “I can’t keep doin’ this.” My breathing hitches in my throat and I fight to find air to inhale as my lungs feel tight.
“You don’t have to do anything, Colton. We’ll be okay.” I glance down at my stomach trying to look away from him. I beg the tears to stay at bay, standing strong as he rejects me and turns both of our hearts cold and black. He shakes his head in frustration then scoots his chair closer to mine, turning me towards him. He takes a deep breath as he lays his hand against my stomach, pinching his eyes shut.
“I can’t keep closin’ you out, pretendin’ that you don’t exist. I’ve died a thousand deaths these last few weeks. I’d pray each night that death would carry me away, drownin’ me of my misery only to wake up the next mornin’ alone, empty and cold. But every mornin’ when I wake up, I’m still lovin’ you.” He rubs my stomach carelessly as he speaks through ragged breaths.
“What are you trying to say, Colton?” I whimper out silently. He grips his hand around my neck crashing his lips down onto mine, kissing me with a heated fervor that causes my head to spin. When he pulls back, his lips are swollen and his eyes are pleading.
“I can’t live without you. I see now that you made the same mistake that I made; a mistake that you had forgiven me for. I don’t care if that baby you are carryin’ is Ashton’s. It’s still a part of you and I will love that baby as much as I love Heidi Jo.” He brings my hands to his lips as he feathers delicate kisses across the top of my knuckles. “And if by some amazin’ blessin’ this baby is mine,” he pauses, his thick lips curl half a smirk, “damn, there just are no words. I can’t waste another second of my life without breathin’ you in each mornin’, baby. I can’t take another second without you in my arms. I feel like I’ve lost my damn mind, but I see things clearly now and I just can’t risk losin’ you over a mistake. Please. My God, Carly Jo, please tell me that I still stand a chance.”
Chapter 17
I rush the words out as quickly I can before I lose the confidence to say ‘em. Carly Jo sits with her mouth hung open wide, ready for a fly to land. Her eyes well up with tears as she stares at me, my undyin’ words of love for her soakin’ in. I can’t believe I’d ever turned my back on her, but I was a stupid jack ass and did just that.
“Say somethin’, anything baby, please.”
“I don’t know what to say. Holy hell, Colton, I swear I never in a million years meant to hurt you. I love you so much. I thought you had left me for good.” She wails through her words as the tears fall freely down her face. And this is the very reason I brought her to a public place to talk to her, hopin’ she’d ward off the tears and stand strong through the rollercoaster of emotions I’d pull her through.
To be honest I didn’t know what to expect; whether she’d be pissed, scared or just hurt. I didn’t
know whether to expect open arms or a cold goodbye. I rub the pads of my thumbs under her eyes as I shush her tears, pepperin’ feather-lite kisses over her face. Restin’ my forehead against hers, I lay my hand against her waist, feelin’ the barely there bump that is shapin’. “I love you, Carly Jo. I can’t ever run from that, no matter how hard I fight it. We belong together.” Tears escape my eyes as I look deep into her beautiful sunflower irises, into the soul of the amazin’ woman I love to the ends of the earth.
When we both are able to stow our emotions, we order dinner and eat quietly, holdin’ hands. I can’t keep my hands from havin’ even the slightest contact with her.
The drive back to Williamstown the world feels right with her tucked to my side, right where she’s supposed to be; where she shoulda been all this time. I don’t even bother with takin’ her to the mines to get her car. I take her home, where she belongs.
When I pull up the drive way, I put the truck in park shuttin’ the engine off. The light sound of Carly Jo snorin’ filters about the truck and I swear to God my heart skips a damn beat, seein’ her snuggled up next to me asleep. I pop the latch on the door climbin’ down from the cab of the truck, before scoopin’ her up in my arms and carryin’ her inside. I lay her on the bed, pullin’ the covers back before removin’ her heavy winter boots. She rubs her eyes as she stretches her arms and a sly, sleepy smile splays across her face. She is content right where she is, right where she belongs. Sleep finds her faster than I’d like, but I undress then crawl in bed beside her. Tuckin’ her to my side, I cross my arm under my head and stare at the ceiling deep in thought. I thank God that I finally see the big picture, and am on the right path of rightin’ my wrongs.
Sadly, it took that bitch ass punk, Luke Ashton to open my eyes, makin’ everything so vividly clear. Okay, so I’m not bein’ entirely fair here. Over the last several weeks I got to know Luke for the man he truly is.
