by Amy DeMeritt
I stare at the sandwich that was made with love and care and my stomach suddenly clenches with a hunger pain. In the blink of an eye, my brain remembers my body and I can feel again. Damn. I can feel again. My chest tightens and my hands shake as I lift the sandwich and take a bite. It’s delicious, but it’s not what I really need right now.
“Can I have my phone?”
“No.” I glare at Sara, but she shakes her head, and adds, “Awenasa called. I told her you’re getting ready to do the love scene. You’ll see them when we get home.”
“Fine.”
Chapter Eleven
After showering, brushing our teeth, and the makeup and hair team fusses over us to get us ready, I take my place with Sydney on the set built for our big love scene. The set is a semi cramped and untidy space-age style bedroom.
The scene starts with Sydney leading me into the room to offer it to me for the night. She pushes a button on the wall, and a panel in the top of a short, long cabinet retracts into the wall, revealing a cushioned bench. We sit down and begin our “end of the worlds” conversation about who I am and what me and my crew plan to do. Our chemistry builds and we share more details about ourselves and what we really want from life and what we would do if the oppressive intergalactic government lost its power over everything.
As she’s about to kiss me, Brett calls, “Cut. Very good. Let me watch this before we continue.”
“This set is pretty cool.”
I nod as I look around at the futuristic set. The set is so unique from reality that it actually is having a great sedative effect on my nerves and my mind is keeping better focus than when we were filming the fight scene.
“Ok, we’re going to pick up just before Sydney leans in for the kiss.”
We get positioned with the assistance of a tech person to make sure we’re sitting at the right angles, then Brett calls action. Sydney places a hand on my cheek, and while looking in my eyes, she traces my cheekbone with the pad of her thumb and slowly presses her warm thick lips against mine. She pulls back an inch to look in my eyes again, then as we close our eyes, our lips meet and part.
We’ve had to rehearse this scene several times, but this kiss is the first time Sydney’s mouth hasn’t tasted like alcohol. She tastes like clean, sweet minty toothpaste. The entire experience is different. This feels more sensual than any kiss from the many rehearsals we’ve had. It feels like it should – like our characters are really connecting on an emotional level; it’s not just a lusty physical attraction.
She leans into me as she sucks my bottom lip into her mouth and takes a deep sharp sounding breath through her nose. As she thrusts her tongue back in my mouth, I run my hand up her thigh to grab her hip. She shudders against me as her mouth stalls and she takes a few panting breaths against my mouth. She opens her glossy eyes to look into mine. While holding my gaze, she lightly kisses my lips and tugs at my bottom and top lips with her teeth a few times while caressing my cheeks and the sides of my neck. As she’s engaging me in another kiss, I pull her over to straddle my lap.
“Cut. Hold your position. Don’t move an inch.”
With our tongues in each other’s mouths, we remain sitting like this – she’s on her knees and my hands are holding her ass. Sydney’s breathing is rapidly increasing, sending hot puffs of air down my throat and over my cheeks from her nose.
After the cameras are positioned for the angle changes, Brett calls action and Sydney immediately thrusts her hips down, bringing our groins together and our mouths begin moving in a fervent kiss. I run my hands up her back and around to the buttons of her tight patchwork brown suede vest. As I pull the sides apart, Sydney rips the vest off tossing it on the floor. I run my hands up and down her bare back and her head tilts back with a look of relief and ecstasy, arching her back and thrusting her beautiful breasts up towards my face.
While I hold the backs of her shoulders, I kiss the dip between her collarbones and trail kisses down the center of her chest. As I cup the underside of one of her breasts with my hand and wrap my lips around her hardened nipple, she releases a burring moan and her body shudders. I give her nipple a sucking kiss, then a gentle tug with my teeth before kissing a trail up her chest to her neck. As I’m palming over her breast and massaging the generous globe, Sydney moans deeply and arches forward to pull me back into an urgent kiss.
Her hands work quickly to pull the zipper down on my pilot jumpsuit and push it off of my shoulders. I pull my arms free and she shoves the fabric down to my waist. Breathless and glossy eyed, she pulls away from the kiss to look at me. She runs her fingertips down my chest, over my breasts, and down my abs. She quickly grabs the hem of my tank top and rips it off over my head. She releases a groan of desire as she trails her fingertips down my chest again and palms over my breasts and abs. She runs her hands down my arms, squeezing my muscles, then takes my hands and wraps my arms around her back.
I tighten my arms around her and stand up, having her wrap her legs around my waist. I climb onto the bed on my knees, and as I’m laying her down and pulling her into a kiss, she pushes her hands into the waist of my jumpsuit to push it off of my ass.
As she’s slipping her hands under the waist of my white boy-short underwear, getting both of my bare cheeks in her hands, Brett calls, “Cut.” I release Sydney’s mouth and we tilt our heads to the sidelines to await our next instruction without moving. Brett is watching a monitor and making calls to a couple of different camera men and women and light techs.
“Ok, I want to run that last sequence again with these angle and light changes. Pick back up just before Sydney starts taking Kayla’s top off.”
We climb off of the bed, and while I’m fixing my costume, a crew member fixes the sheet and blanket on the bed to smooth it out. With a tablet in hand with a freezeframe of the last position Brett wants us to be in, a technician helps us get back into position, then Brett calls action.
We run through the whole sequence again, and as Sydney is grabbing my ass again, I expect him to call cut again, but he doesn’t. The sequence is supposed to end here so we can strip and film a new sequence that will be edited with smooth transitions.
I don’t know what to do, so I improvise. I release her mouth and move to her neck, giving her sucking kisses over the entire smooth curve. Her head tilts as she releases sweet breathy moans and her hands squeeze my ass and run up and down my back, digging into my muscles. I sit up on my knees, and she quickly sits up and presses her lips against the top of my abs as her hands roughly pull on my jumpsuit to pull it down my thighs. As she runs her hands up my thighs and over my ass, she trails the length of her tongue up the center dip of my defined six-pack abs from my belly button to the center of my breasts.
“Cut. Great improv. Go ahead and get out of the bed. Strip down and get in position for the next sequence.”
I pull the jumpsuit back over my ass so I can easily get out of bed and I offer Sydney my hands to help her scoot to the edge. While two crew members hold up sheets to give us some privacy, we strip out of our clothes and shoes, then climb back onto the bed completely naked. I sit down with my back to the head of the bed and my thighs slightly parted, and Sydney sits down in front of me with her thighs over mine and pressed against my sides. A makeup artist comes over with a spray bottle and mists our entire bodies with a mixture of glycerin and rosewater to make us look like we have a light sweat sheen from our love making.
Sydney is really beautiful and the fake sweat sheen really magnifies her beauty. It makes her curves look more defined and makes her peanut butter toned skin look richer and smoother.
“Kayla, put your hands on Sydney’s lower back, and Sydney, wrap your arms around the back of Kayla’s neck. Look into each other’s eyes like you’re falling in love. Hold it.” We wait a few moments, then Brett says, “Sydney, scoot in a couple of inches closer.”
Sydney shuffles forward, placing our naked groins only inches apart. She looks down at the small gap, and as her eyes meet min
e, she blushes and visibly swallows.
After Brett calls action, we kiss passionately, run our hands up and down each other’s bodies and thighs, we suck each other’s necks, and massage each other’s breasts. We tilt our heads and let our eyes close while we release breathy and moaning sounds at just the right moments to show the passion and ecstasy we’re feeling. It’s very intimate and completely unrushed. Each touch is tender and slow. Each kiss is deep and full – using lips and tongues to fully embrace each other’s mouths. We have to grip the underside of each other’s thighs and work our shoulders to simulate fingering each other and bringing each other to a fake climax.
After a few more instructions, we get into position for the next sequence with Sydney laying on her stomach and me laying on top of her with the sheet pulled up to our waists. In this sequence, I have to kiss her shoulders, the back of her neck, and up and down her back while pressing down against her and slipping a hand under her thigh to make it look like I’m entering her center. Her head tilts and lulls with the ecstasy showing on her face, then after she simulates an orgasm, I roll over to lay next to her. She shuffles forward to drape herself over me while pulling the sheet up to cover our chests.
She kisses my lips, and while looking in my eyes, she says, “You better survive this battle and come back for me.”
We share an intimate kiss, then she lays her head on my chest with her eyes closed. I take a deep breath as I run a hand over her head and arm and look up to the ceiling, which is actually open with four different cameras at different angles pointed down at us.
“Cut. Fantastic, ladies. Stay in position for a few minutes while I review each angle to make sure we don’t need to run that last sequence again.”
Sydney lifts her head off of my chest, and quietly asks, “How are you doing? I mean, your performance is perfect, but how are you feeling?”
“Thanks. You’ve been pretty perfect today too. I’m just trying not to think about anything else right now. I need to not think till we’re done here.”
She grins as she places a hand on my cheek, and asks, “Should I kiss you so you can stop thinking?” I laugh a little, but before I can answer, she adds, “I’m only teasing.” She traces my bottom lip with her thumb. “Unless it would help, then I’m dead ass serious.” She lifts her head higher, and whispers in my ear, “You don’t have to answer. But you should know, you are really fucking hot and your mouth and hands are heaven. Thank you for helping me to sober up so I didn’t lose this role. I can’t wait to work with you again on the next movie. After we go back to your place and I get in my car and leave, I don’t want that to be the last time I talk to you till the next movie. I know I’ve been a pain in your ass, but can we try to be friends?”
“I think we owe it to our characters to try.”
Sydney smiles brightly and darts forward to briefly kiss my lips. “Thank you.”
Chapter Twelve
While smudging Janell and her casket with sage and sweetgrass, Awenasa, my mom, and Sparrow sing blessings of cleansing and guidance in Cherokee for Janell’s spirit in the afterlife. They seek to purify her body so the negative traumas she experienced in life can’t tether her soul in the afterlife and Janell’s spirit will be able to flow out into the spirit world and return to wherever she will be at peace.
The sound of their beautiful voices and our beautiful Native tongue mixed with the soft Cherokee flutes being played by family members brings me a deep sense of peace for the first time since Janell died four days ago. For the first time, I feel a connection to Janell that isn’t seeped in terror. For the first time, the pain has meaning.
We haven’t been able to locate anyone who was really friends with Janell. We’ve received a flood of messages on social media from people claiming to be her friend, but after some simple questions that they couldn’t answer, it was clear they just wanted a chance to meet us. I want to believe there is someone out there whom she called a friend because it’s too depressing to think otherwise. But as far as we know, she doesn’t have anyone.
By the spirits guiding me to suggest bringing Sydney to the beach to connect to nature and revive herself, the spirits placed us in the right place at the right time to not only save Eerin’s life, but to make sure Janell didn’t die alone and would be given a respectful and healing ceremony to see her spirit into the afterlife. This moment right now gives the terror and pain meaning and purpose.
I have always lived by the rule that whoever reacts first to a situation was the one meant to see it through. There were countless people walking up and down that sidewalk and hundreds of people stuck in traffic around her. It was Awenasa who was moved to look towards the sidewalk and see the plight Janell was in so we could react. The spirits don’t move all of us or guide every situation, but I give thanks they moved us that day and guided us to the mother of our fourth child.
There are about a hundred family and friends in attendance of Janell’s funeral. I couldn’t find a single one of her friends, and she had no known living relatives, but today, she has gained our family and friends and they have seen her spirit off into her next journey.
After Awenasa, my mom, and Sparrow finish their last blessing, I step forward with Eerin in my arms and the rest of my wives on either side of me. They say another blessing as they smudge us, then we walk forward as a family to Janell’s open casket.
She looks really nice in a simple traditional pure white Cherokee tear dress that Sparrow brought with her from the reservation in North Carolina. She has a bundle of fresh-cut lavender stems and a beautiful eagle feather held in her layered hands on her chest, both of which offer cleansing and guidance for her spirit into her next journey.
I place a hand over hers, and after taking a deep breath, I quietly tell her, “Our physical time together in this life was short, but our time together will be unending, as time is unending. This is not goodbye. We will find you in the rustle of the trees, in the crashing of the waves, and every breath we breathe. Your spirit has been set free to join the energy that connects everything. I want to thank you for trusting me to care for your daughter, for our daughter. I love Eerin like my own and I’m going to do everything in my power to give her the best life possible. Please find peace in your new journey.”
I bend down to give her a kiss on the forehead and have to wipe a couple of my tears off of her cheeks. I step back so each of my wives can place a hand over hers and kiss her forehead or cheek, then my mom and Sparrow smudge all of us and we retake our place along the side standing in front of our family and friends.
Everyone else already paid their respects at the funeral home, so after giving a final blessing over Janell, Sparrow has the funeral home director seal and lower the casket into the ground. While she’s being lowered, they sing healing words in English with their sweet earthy voices.
As her casket disappears below the earth’s surfaces, and without a thought, a quiet plea escapes my lips, asking, “Please look after her, ancestors,” and Shannon and Symone immediately start rubbing my back in a comforting way.
Now that the ceremony is over, Sparrow takes a couple of steps forward to stand between us and Janell’s grave. She thanks everyone for coming to honor Janell and to help her spirit find peace in the afterlife. Then she invites everyone to meet us at the hall we rented for the reception.
I look down at Eerin sleeping against my chest and bow my head to kiss her forehead. She looks so sweet and peaceful. I rub the back of my finger over her cheek and her lips momentarily twitch into a smile, making me smile really big.
“I love you, Eerin Johann.”
I look back towards Janell’s grave and silently ask her to understand why I changed her daughter’s last name. I want Eerin to be one-hundred-percent a part of the family. I will tell Eerin about Janell, and I’ll continue trying to learn more about her so I have as much as possible to tell Eerin about her. But I don’t want Eerin to feel like an outsider by being the only person in the family with a different last name.
“Kayla, are you ready?”
I accept Shannon’s hand as I nod and turn to follow my family to the train of waiting SUVs and vans that we hired for the day. The wind blows through a tall tree as we’re walking by and I look up at the rustling leaves with a smile. Soar, Janell, soar and find peace.
After I get Eerin secured in her car seat, I lean over against Shannon, and she brushes a hand over my cheek, turning my face to meet her gorgeous green eyes. The pad of her smooth thumb traces the bottom ridge of my bottom lip, then she leans in and presses her full soft lips against mine. I close my eyes and bask in the eruption of tingling waves spreading from the point of contact and down through the rest of my body. As her tongue slips past my lips, my breath catches in my chest and warmth fills my head and chest. Every very slow twist of our tongues and gentle sucking of lips causes a pulse of emotion in my heart. Her hands gently caress my cheeks, the sides of my neck, and trace my ears, completely immersing me in this wonderful intimate kiss.
After a few minutes, she releases me with a few soft kisses on my lips and cheeks before resting her forehead against mine so we can catch our breath.
“I love you, Kayla.”
“I love you too, baby. I wish all of you could stay with us for this last month of filming. I’m going to miss you so much.”
Shannon sighs longingly as she trails her nose up the center of my forehead to kiss it, then tilts my head up to kiss my lips. She pulls me back into another wonderful kiss, and as she pulls away, she brushes her thumbs under my eyes, encouraging me to open them.
“I’m going to ache till you come home. The world is constantly askew when our family is apart. We miss you terribly. Are you going to be able to focus on work if we take Eerin home with us?”
My eyes tear up and I look to my other side at our sleeping baby girl. I place a hand on her small warm body and caress her arm with my thumb.
