Breaking New Grounds

by Amy DeMeritt

  “You’re going to be great at that, my love. You had a moment of panic when Keira fell limp in your arms after Savannah dropped.”

  “It put me back in the delivery room with Janell for a moment before I realized she was ok. Do you think Janell would have been ok if she did a water birth?”

  She pulls me to a stop in an alcove of a hallway junction. “You know we can’t know that for sure. Kayla, you hate when people do what-ifs about things you can’t change, but you’ve been driving yourself crazy with them since Janell passed away seven months ago. You’ve been working so hard to get Jo to stop living in the past and allowing her horrible memories to consume her. You’ve helped her a great deal, but you’ve been neglecting yourself. You need to stop dwelling on the past and allow yourself to be present again.”

  “I know, but it’s hard when Sam is pregnant and we plan on having more children. I feel like I always live in a state of alertness and I’m ready for anything. But before Janell died, I basically had blinders on when it came to the possible complications of pregnancy. I knew the risks, but I didn’t think about them. I just focused on the beauty of the process of creating life and I tried to make sure you and Shannon were comfortable and happy. But now, the blinders are off and I’m having a hard time only seeing the beauty. Every ache or discomfort Sam has is like warning signals or something.”

  “My love, you must stop fretting over the worst-case scenarios. Once the blinders are off, you can’t put them back on, but you can turn your fear into compassion. Be aware and alert but not at the expense of being jovial. And if you do have a moment of fear and panic, talk to us, instead of disappearing into the woods to suffer alone. Don’t hide away inside of your internal bubble of fear – it’s a dangerous place to reside. You are a wolf, a very good wolf, my love. Your nature is meant to conquer fear, not soak in it.”

  I bow my head in shame, but she lifts my chin and caresses my cheek. “I didn’t realize you noticed me escaping to the woods sometimes. I just… Well… The memory of Janell’s labor hits me hard sometimes, so I go sit in front of that tall pine tree where I buried the baby owl that the hawk dropped last spring. I just sit there and think or try not to think at all. We’ve been so busy and we constantly have company. I didn’t want to burden anyone with…”

  “Kayla, stop. Nothing you feel or think or need is a burden to any of us. We are a family and we support each other in everything. Even though I knew what you were doing, I have given you your space because I know you felt like you needed it. But it’s enough now. You just witnessed the successful birth of your first niece and it was a beautiful experience, but you missed it because you were terrified. You didn’t even ask to hold Savannah before suggesting leaving to get everyone else. You never would have done that before. You would have been too anxious to hold that beautiful baby girl.”

  “Shit, do you think I hurt their feelings? Shit, I really wanted to hold her.”

  My eyes tear up and Awenasa shakes her head as she lightly kisses my lips. “No, my love, I don’t think you offended them.” She places her hands on my cheeks and presses her lips against my forehead. I close my eyes and release a quiet gasping breath of air as I feel her positive loving energy flood my system. “It’s time for you to come back to yourself, puppy. Our family is still growing and we want you to fully experience the joys of that growth.”

  “I’m trying, I promise I am.”

  “I know. Let’s go get everyone so you can hold Savannah and feel the joy of having a newborn in your arms. It will help.”

  “I love you so damn much. Thank you for being patient with me.”

  “I love you too – I always have and I always will.”

  She slips her hand in mine and we walk out to the waiting room to get everyone. As soon as I see Eerin, I have to have her in my arms. Jaime is playing with her, but she gives me a loving smile as she allows me to take Eerin from her lap. I pull Eerin up to my face and give her kisses all over her face, arms, and little legs. She shrieks and giggles as I nibble the little bit of chub above her knee.

  “I love you so much, baby girl.”

  I hold her close to my chest and nuzzle my nose in her soft curly hair. She smells like a mixture of chlorine from the pool, coconut sunblock, and the shea butter we put in her hair. I kiss her head, then kiss her smiling lips. Awenasa rubs her hand over my back then pats my ass.

  “Come on, puppy, let’s go see our niece.”

  When we reach the delivery room, Sara is lying in bed with Keira and Keira is nursing Savannah. We hesitate at the door, but Keira waves us in. Both of them are glowing – their smiles are amazing.

  The sight of their joy makes me feel like I just opened a hot oven with my face too close to the door and I feel a wave of joyful heat crash against my ribcage that makes my heart feel like it swelled and multiplied in size like a loaf of bread baking. This is the fearless joy I was missing when Savannah was first born and it feels so damn good to feel it again after too many months of living with dread constantly sitting at the bottom of my stomach.

  “Meet Savannah Johann. She’s twenty-inches-long, seven-pounds and three-ounces, and she is my most precious treasure in this whole wide world.” Keira bends down to kiss her precious treasure and looks up at us with glistening eyes and a broad smile.

  “She’s so beautiful.”

  Jade runs a hand over Savannah’s head before stepping closer to the head of the bed to make room for all of us. Symone steps up next to Jade and bends down to kiss Savannah’s head, even though she is currently latched onto Keira’s plump breast.

  “Thank you all for dropping everything to come up here. I’m so happy right now.”

  Malana giggles as she says, “Baby,” and tries to break free from Tonya’s arms to get to Keira.

  “Whoa, little girl.”

  Tonya pulls her back, but Malana releases a defiant cry as she tries to get out of her arms again.

  “Give her to me.”

  Sara holds her arms up, so Tonya passes Malana to her. She holds her against her chest with a hand wrapped to keep her legs locked together so she can’t kick in her excitement. Malana reaches out with a cute grin and pets Savannah.

  “Baby. Kiss.”

  Sara laughs and helps Malana hover above Savannah to kiss her cheek. Malana places a hand on Keira’s breast to push up and look at Keira with an adorable grin, which makes Keira laugh and take her hand.

  “Hello, Malana. This is my baby girl, Savannah. She’s your cousin.”

  Malana responds with a few giggling sentences that don’t make any sense, then ends it with, “Love baby, Sannah.”

  Malana missed the V and another A in her name, but it was very close. Keira smiles really big and gives Malana kisses on the cheeks. Malana giggles and lays her head on Keira’s shoulder while placing a hand on Savannah’s head.

  After about twenty minutes, Savannah is done feeding and won’t suck anymore no matter how much Keira and August try to coax her to.

  “Would someone like to hold her?”

  Everyone answers yes at the same time, making the happy glow coming off of Keira and Sara to magnify tenfold. Symone and Jade are closest to Keira, so after she has fixed her gown to cover herself, Keira holds Savannah up to them.

  They look at each other, and seeing how emotional Symone is, Jade rubs her upper back, and says, “Go ahead. You can hold her first.”

  Symone takes Savannah and gives her a kiss on the forehead before cradling her in the crook of her arm. She caresses Savannah’s cheek then quickly wipes a tear off of her own cheek as it breaks over the rim over her eyelid.

  “Hello, Savannah. I have known your mommies for a long time, so I know you have been born to two of the very best human beings in the world. I’m so glad that I get to be the aunt of my two best friends baby. I’m always going to be here for you, and one day, I’m going to be your best friend too. I love you, baby girl.”

  Symone is quietly crying and rubbing Savannah’s head. Keira reaches
out to hold Symone’s hand with tears in her own eyes and a small closed lip smile.

  “Do you remember our baby in health class our sophomore year of high school?”

  Symone releases a laughing sob and nods. “Yes. We refused to pair up with boys so we could be parent partners, which forced two straight guys to be fathers together. They were cool about it though.”

  “That doll cried for hours that first night I had the baby at my house. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I called you and you came right over to take the baby so I could sleep.”

  Symone shrugs a shoulder as her bottom lip trembles. She clears her throat. “You had a major test in the morning. You needed to be able to sleep.”

  “It was really sweet. I’m really glad our friendship survived this long and that you’re going to be in my children’s lives.”

  “Me too. You know we’ll be asking you to babysit for us so we can have date nights.”

  Symone releases another laughing sob at Sara’s words. “I’ll be counting on it.”

  A hand reaches up to touch my cheek, causing me to flinch. Sam smiles at me with her own eyes spilling over with happy tears as she wipes my cheeks dry. I turn into her and wrap an arm around her, being careful not to squash Eerin between us. I firmly kiss her chlorine scented neck and nuzzle against her ear and hairline.

  “I love you, Sam. I hope you know I’m really excited about watching you give birth, even if I’m a little scared as well.”

  She layers kisses up the side of my neck, across my cheek, and to my lips. She gives me a slow soft kiss, and as she pulls away, she says, “I know you are, and so am I – excited and a little scared.” She lifts the domino charm necklace that I didn’t even realize she put back on in the chaos of us rushing to get changed to come to the hospital. “But you know why I’m not freaking out? I have all of my dominos supporting me. All of you have been so wonderful with everything – my crazy food cravings, my,” she leans in and whispers, “insane sex drive,” making me laugh a little and she smiles. “You have been so good about catering to my every whim and need.”

  “You’re my wife. I’ll give you Pluto’s moon if you ask me to.”

  She grins and as she caresses my cheek, she asks, “Which one? It has five.”

  I release an involuntary burring moan as I lean into her and answer with my lips against hers, “God, it’s so hot how smart you are. Which one do you want?”

  “None of them. But do you want to know something I do want?”

  “Yes, tell me.”

  She nips my bottom lip and playfully bites my nose. “I want to build a science center for kids here. The closest one is over forty miles away. I want our kids to have someplace cool and nearby to learn about science.”

  “Oh, my god, I love that idea! Yes, let’s do that! Do you want Hayley to design it? Do you already have ideas? When are we going to do this?”

  Sam giggles and places her hands on the top of my chest, saying, “Calm down, baby. I only just thought of it when you offered to give me one of Pluto’s moons. Maybe after our wives and your mom launch their herbal business, we can have Hayley build the science center.”

  “That’s less than two years away. That should be doable. It will probably take at least a year for us to get land and permits. Plus, Hayley will be busy with building our second cultural center and Jess’ at-risk youth center next year.” Sam’s eyes light up as her smile widens with excitement. “God, you’re gorgeous. I love you so fucking much, Sam. We’re going to build you the best damn science center in the state, maybe the nation. God, I love you.”

  I tightly wrap my arm around her and unexpectantly start crying hard. Someone takes Eerin from my other arm and I wrap it tightly around Sam. She sniffles as she grips my shoulders and runs her hands up and down my back.

  “Why are you crying, baby?”

  “I don’t know. I’m so happy. We have a niece and you’re pregnant with one or two more babies of our own. All of you are getting to follow your own passions. I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m… Malana and Helaku are moving out of the nursery when we come home from California.”

  “But that’s a good thing.”

  “I know.” I sniffle against her neck. “I know it is. We’re growing and moving forward. We’re… We’re everything. You are everything. Our wives and babies are my everything.”

  Sam yanks my head up off of her shoulder and pulls me into a passionate tear stained kiss. As she pulls away, she brushes her thumbs under my eyes. “I love you, Kayla.”

  “I love you too.”

  Sara clears her throat, startling me, and as I look over at her, she nods towards Awenasa, and says, “Glad to see you are back to your normal mushy self. Now, hold your niece, baby sister.”

  I laugh a little as my eyes fill with fresh tears. I wipe my eyes and Sam releases me so I can take Savannah. “Oh, you are so beautiful. Guess what, Savannah, I’m your Aunt Kayla. I can be pretty goofy sometimes – I tell corny jokes and I like to run around wild with kids. But don’t let my silliness fool you – I’m not flakey at all. I’m always going to be here for you. I’m going to play with you, spoil you, and I’ll protect you with my life. You know, your mom Sara is my sister and my best friend. She’s also kind of my boss, but it’s cool, most of the time. I guess what I’m trying to say is, we’re going to see a lot of each other. Oh, and I have four kids with one or two more on the way – they’re your cousins and they’re going to be your best friends. You were born into a really big family and it’s going to keep getting bigger. But don’t worry, we have more than enough love to make you feel like you’re the center of the universe. Welcome to our giant family, Savannah Johann.”

  To be continued…

  Thank you for reading!

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  Yours truly,

  ~ Amy DeMeritt

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  Other works by Amy DeMeritt

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