He waits for my reaction, but I just stare.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he says. “You don’t know what a nix is?”
I shake my head, try to ignore the fluttery feeling in my stomach.
Erik sighs and runs a hand through his blond hair. “Why don’t you know any of this? No one told you?” He pauses long enough to take in the confused expression on my face. “Wow . . . I . . .” He blows out a long slow breath. “You’re cursed to swim, right? A literal curse. Hundreds of years ago, there weren’t many of you. A few dozen, at best, cursed by the angry, the jealous, the spiteful. For some, a gypsy curse, others, voodoo or spells.”
He turns to look at me, takes in my wide eyes, and then nods. Erik knows he’s right. But how does he know this stuff?
“Nixes, we’ve been around centuries longer,” he says, motioning to the lake. “Our curse dates back to medieval times. It’s a little different than yours. We’re drawn to rivers, rather than just swimming. We get ... a sense of peace from being around them.” He pauses and stares at me. “Why don’t you sit down?”
I shake my head. It wouldn’t be a bad idea, but I can’t seem to move. Finally, he pulls his jacket off, lays it on the ground beside the tree, and forcibly maneuvers me so that I’m sitting on it. Then he kneels in front of me.
“Don’t freak out, okay? I’ll explain it all. Just bear with me here.” He pauses, checking to make sure that I’m not about to run off. Then he continues. “The original cursed nixes were vain, proud kind of guys. Normal men, not creatures of the water. They lived hundreds of years ago, and many were noblemen.
“Then there were these witches, sorcerers, voodoo women—whatever term you want to use—who would disguise themselves as beautiful women. They’d go to the balls, the parties, whatever it took to get men to notice them. They’d court these guys, wait until they men were nearly in love with them, and then they revealed themselves as the disfigured, outwardly ugly women they were.”
He blinks a few times, staring off in the distance as if he can see it playing out on a reel in his head. “If they were turned away—scorned by the men who had fallen for them—they would curse the men to the same fate. To be unloved, hideous, a lonely creature who would live a life of misery.”
“But there’s something no one ever thought of. If you get us together, a nix and a siren . . . it can be different. The idea of our curses is that no one could ever love us—that we could never be accepted for what we are. They didn’t account for the fact that if you put two . . . cursed creatures together . . . we no longer see the curse, but the people we are.”
My face is numb, and all I can feel is the bark digging into my back. Erik can’t be right. It sounds so simple, so straightforward when he says it. But the curse is too complicated, too impossible to fix. “That’s not possible,” I say, my voice more like a whisper.
“But it is. I’m your match. We can cure each other.”
“How? When? Why?”
A dozen questions spin around in my head. “And if you knew this, why did you spend the last few weeks just sitting there in class?”
“I’m sorry. I just didn’t know for sure if you were a siren. It’s not like you advertise it. It was a little nerve-racking to realize I was right.”
I swallow, my breath shallow.
“Your curse will break when you, a siren, love someone like me, a nix, and if I in turn love you. So . . . we spend some time together. See if it can become what it needs to. See if it leads us to . . . fall in love.”
I shake my head. “But I don’t know you.” A second thought occurs to me. “Have you killed?” A chill races down my spine, and I jerk back so fast my head smacks into the tree behind me.
Erik’s bright blue eyes flare wider as understanding dawns. “No, I haven’t killed. Not yet. It’s what’s driven me to find you. I needed to find you before that happened. Before the curse sets in on my eighteenth birthday.”
Me? I can stop his curse? I try to calm my racing heart. Keep my hands from shaking. “Eighteenth? But for me it was—”
“Your sixteenth. I know. Nixes are different. We don’t sing either.”
“Then how do you . . .?”
He looks away for a second. “I wish . . .” He clears his throat. “I wish it were simply singing. Nixes don’t lure women into the water. We linger around rivers, can’t seem to leave them behind. We . . . we . . .” He sighs and stares up at the stars. Moments of silence tick past. “We drag women into the river. Drown them by force.”
My mouth goes dry. My breath comes faster and faster.
He turns to look at me, pulls my hands into his. “Please don’t be afraid of me. I don’t want to be this either. No more than you want to be a siren. I hate knowing what I’m capable of, and every day I’m more worried about what I could do. I need you. You’re the only one who can help me avoid this terrible fate. Together . . . we can be normal.”
I shake my head and inch backward, until I’m fully backed up against the tree.
“I’m sorry. . . . I’m screwing this up. Just give me a chance to explain it all to you. From the beginning. Make you understand.”
I nod because it’s all I can do.
His voice is husky, smooth, and calming. “A hundred and fifty years ago, they say a nix stumbled upon a siren. He saw her swim and was awed by it. But, unlike other men, he wasn’t lured by her voice. Instead, he stood there, mesmerized by her song. Neither of them knew what to do, only that they were a kind of kindred spirit. They were intrigued. They spent that night together, staring at the water. He came back every night, watched her swim, and eventually, they fell in love, and then everything changed. Their curses were broken, and they were no longer slaves to their fate. The legend is that when a nix and a siren fall in love, the curse is broken.”
He rakes in a slow breath. “The curses were revenge for things our ancestors did. They’re meant to force us into loneliness. The idea is that no one can possibly accept us for the monsters we are. As soon as they discover the truth . . . they leave.”
I swallow. He’s right. The second my dad knew what my mom was, he disappeared. And he never came back.
“But the two of us together . . . why would we judge each other for it? We’re willing to look beyond it. See each other for who we are instead of what we are.”
I swallow. “How do you know this?”
He smiles, gets this faraway look for a moment before meeting my eyes again. “My father is a nix, and my mother a siren. If it worked for them, it could work for us.
“It’s been slow and tortuous, trying to find you. Some nixes never find who they’re looking for. They live their entire lives with the curse.”
Erik leans in closer, his thumb lightly tracing my jawline for a whisper of a second. “Two years ago, a high school senior—a star swimmer—drowned.”
Steven.
“On its own, it wasn’t enough. But then I saw a photo of your mother, drowning under unusual circumstances. And I found out she had a daughter. My parents knew how important it was to find you. So they sent me here to see if I was right.”
He edges closer, meeting my eyes. “And turns out I was. You’re a siren. Like nixes, sirens are rare. You’re probably the only one in the world even close to my age.”
He pauses and crouches lower, so we’re eye to eye. “You know it makes sense. By now swimming has probably become the only thing that matters, the thing the rest of your world revolves around. You have to want more from life than the card you’ve been dealt.”
“I . . .” I swallow. “It’s just weird. To hear you talk about this. About ... what I am. I’ve never talked to anyone about it.” I don’t know what to think of all this. The idea that everything I’ve lived has just been turned on its head. He looks at me, at the scared look in my eyes, and steps back. The sudden distance seems to force air into my lungs, and I take a big gasp of breath.
He furrows his brow. “I’m sorry . . . I . . . must be overwhelming
you. I never considered that you wouldn’t know about me. About what we . . . about us.”
I swallow, find myself climbing to my feet even though I don’t know why. “I just ... this is . . . a lot to take in. I don’t know what to say right now.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Let it settle in and we can talk more tomorrow.”
“I think I have a boyfriend,” I say, lamely.
He purses his lips. “I understand. That’s . . .” He doesn’t know what to say. He clearly hadn’t expected that to be my reaction. “Unfortunate,” he concludes.
“Do I still need to swim tonight?”
Erik nods. “Yes. You’ll have to keep swimming, for now. Until we fall in love.” He clears his throat. “I’ll go.”
I don’t know what to say. This has been the most bizarre conversation of my life. “Will you be at school tomorrow?”
He nods. “Yes. I transferred here. I was hoping . . . hoping I could be normal. Hoping we could be normal. Finish school together like everyone else.”
I nod, but I don’t know what to say. “Can we talk about this tomorrow? When it’s all . . . sunken in?”
He nods. “Yeah. Of course.”
“Okay. Um, see you then?” I edge toward the water, twist around so the lake is to my back and I’m staring at him.
“Yeah. Tomorrow.”
He doesn’t break eye contact as he edges away into the shadows. “See you then.”
And then he turns and steps into the darkness. I stand on the edge of the lake for several more minutes, waiting for him to reappear. He doesn’t.
Finally, I turn to the water, the only thing that never changes.
Chapter Twenty
When I walk into the cafeteria the next day, I see Erik sitting at the table with Cole and Sienna. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him around them; he’s only there because of me, because he now knows what I am. My brain sears painfully, and I nearly turn and run, but before I can, Sienna stands and waves me over.
Students stream past me on both sides, flooding the cafeteria with the buzzing of voices. But they may as well have all simultaneously disappeared. The only people who matter in this world—in my world—are the three sitting together at that table. Cole and Erik should not be sitting beside each other like that. They don’t belong within a mile of each other.
I force my feet to move, and I somehow make my way across the room, until I’m standing at the end of the table. Patrick, Nicki, and Kristi are at the other end of the table.
“Hey,” I say. I glance at each of them, swiftly. The way the boys are looking at me makes me uneasy. Like I belong to both of them.
I try to act so much more indifferently than I really feel. I glance at Erik. He smiles. “Sienna seems to be the official welcome wagon. I was behind her in the lunch line and she insisted I shouldn’t eat alone.”
I nod as if this were totally normal, as if Erik is just the smoking-hot new guy from our English class and not the only person who can (allegedly) save me from my curse.
“Are you going to sit?” Sienna asks.
I realize I’ve been standing there like a total idiot, and plunk down on the bench across from Cole and Erik. I reach for the apple on my tray and take a big bite, happy to have something to keep me from speaking.
“Erik here was just telling us that it’s eighty-seven degrees in San Diego right now. Doesn’t that sound dreamy?” Sienna frowns as if the mere thought of looking pale is disturbing. “My tan is already fading.”
“I’m going tanning at that new place on Griffin Street after school. You should come with,” Nikki says. “You, too, if you want,” she says, looking at me.
“Oh, uh, no thanks. I’m cool with the white-as-a-ghost thing.”
“Suit yourself.”
“Well, since you’re not going tanning . . .” Cole begins, setting his slice of pizza back on his paper plate. “I thought maybe we could go down to the beach. Watch the sunset. My mom has this totally lame picnic basket from, like, 1985, but I thought we could use it.”
I try to act natural. I can’t believe Cole just asked me out like that, in front of everyone. Maybe he really does think he’s my boyfriend. That certainly makes things with Erik even more difficult. . . .
“I’d love to, but I’m totally swamped with homework. I have a big chem test tomorrow.” I nod, then take a giant bite of my apple. Too late, I realize that was a terrible excuse. Nikki has the same chemistry class as me.
I glance her way, but she’s too busy readjusting her cleavage to pick up on my lie.
“Oh,” he says, his voice falling.
I chew faster, swallow a painfully large bite of the apple. “Let’s do something this weekend. Like . . . the sunrise. Much prettier than the sunset.”
I could handle a sunrise. By then I’d just have to time it just right, so that the sun is showing by the time we get there, but not all of the way up.
Cole lifts an eyebrow. “But it’s not over the ocean. That’s kind of the point.”
“Have you ever actually sat on the beach when the sun is rising?” I say, scrambling.
Cole shifts in his chair. “Um, no, I guess not. Why, is it different?”
“Trust me, it’s beautiful. There’s a sort of mist that clings to the ocean, and it makes it feel like you’re the only person in the world.”
That was terrible. But I just stare at him with a dopey hopeful smile, hoping he doesn’t read further into my expression.
“Wow, Lexi, you should totally write for hallmark,” Sienna says, rolling her eyes.
“Shut up, Sienna,” I say. But I smile when I say it. It feels pleasant and unfamiliar. A few short weeks ago I would’ve glared.
“Okay. Sure,” Cole says. “Saturday it is.”
Sienna clears her throat. “So if you’re not going to do the whole cheesy-romance-novel thing with Cole on Friday night, do you guys want to come over? My parents are out of town again. Nothing huge, but there’ll be a few of us. You’re invited, too,” Sienna says, nodding at Erik.
I blink. Sienna was quick to accept Erik into her fold. I wonder if it has something to do with the googly-eyed look Nikki is currently giving him.
“Oh, I—” I stutter reflexively.
“Absolutely,” Erik says.
I bite down on my tongue. I glance at him, and he gives me an apologetic shrug. He must think he’s being helpful, becoming part of the group like this, as if it will make our future love affair all that much more believable.
I give up. “Sure,” I say. “I’d love to come over.”
“Great,” she says, brightly, continuing her recent trend of being nice to me.
Craziness.
Suddenly, someone nudges my foot, emptying all thoughts of Sienna from my head. I glance up. Both Cole and Erik are looking at me.
I swallow and slide my foot back, hoping neither of them can reach it.
Because I don’t know who is playing footsie with me.
Chapter Twenty-One
I spend the next few days wondering if I should corner Erik and force him to back off on the party—on my life, really—but I can’t bring myself to do it. It doesn’t seem right to make him stay home alone. Not when I’ve spent two years doing exactly that. He wants to be normal as much as I do, and it seems unfair to take that away, especially since he spent all that time looking for me.
And that’s how I find myself driving up Sienna’s driveway, nerves raging in my stomach. Her parents are out of town. Again. I wonder how often they’re around these days.
Cole offered to pick me up, but I mumbled some crap about a curfew and my grandmother. I can’t stay for too long—it’s almost time for my nightly swim—and I couldn’t risk him asking me to stay.
Despite all the lies I’ve heaped on, I’m feeling . . . hopeful. Wistful. I haven’t gone to a party like this in two years, and I decided to make the best of it. I even pulled out my best jeans and a cute flowery top, something that actually fits me. I feel pre
tty. For once, my hair isn’t in a ponytail. Instead, I’m wearing it in natural spirals.
I don’t want to hide tonight.
In fact, I don’t want to hide at all anymore. I’m scared as hell, but I can’t go on like I did before.
And so here I am, ready to see if I can really have it all back.
Sienna clearly downplayed this little shindig, because her driveway is lined with cars. Cole’s, Patrick’s, Nikki’s, and about a dozen more I vaguely recognize from the school parking lot.
The door is half open, despite the fact that it’s barely fifty degrees out. A bass beat floats toward me, vibrating the ground beneath my worn-out sneakers.
Déjà vu hits. I feel that night again, the one when everything went wrong.
But I ignore the memories dancing in the back of my mind and walk inside. The sound of clacking pool balls pulls me in to the game room to my right. Sure enough, Erik is there, leaning across the table as he lines up a shot. His platinum wavy hair slides across his forehead.
He’s wearing a button-down left loose at the collar, but it does nothing to hide his sculpted body. No girl in the room seems to be immune to him. I want to walk over and hand Nikki a napkin to wipe the drool off her chin.
Behind them, Cole is perched on a stool, a stick resting on his lap.
Erik jerks the pool cue forward. It hits the cue ball, and there’s a loud crack as it smashes into the other balls.
Three balls drop into the pockets in rapid succession.
Cole subtly shakes his head. He’s clearly losing. Chewing his lip, he looks away from the table. And that’s when he spots me. His eyes light up. He passes the stick off to Nikki without looking at her as he makes his way toward me. She scowls, but I don’t care. It’s impossible not to smile at him.
“Hey,” Cole says, giving me a quick hug. He smells amazing, like hickory and cedar. I take in a deep, relaxing breath as he pulls me closer, nestling against him as he wraps an arm around me. “You look stunning,” he says.
Erik’s eyes flicker when he catches sight of us, but he doesn’t say anything until he’s done sinking the eight ball. Guilt sears through me. It’s probably not fair to hang all over Cole in front of him. He doesn’t let on that he’s bothered though. If anything, he seizes the challenge. “You’re just in time to play me,” he says.
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