by Carrie Elks
No wonder she felt so exhausted. By ten o’clock she was sitting on the corner of the sofa, Maddie and Van on one side, Becca on the other. Becca had put a Christmas movie on. A black-and-white James Stewart was on the oversized screen, splashing into the water beneath the dark bridge he’d been leaning on.
“You okay?” Logan asked, leaning over the back of the sofa to whisper in her ear. All night, he’d been checking in with her, putting his hand softly on her waist, pulling her close to make sure she was happy. She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit she liked it.
It was so easy to pretend this life could be hers.
“I’m good.” She gave him a sleepy smile.
“You look tired. You want me to take you home?”
“You can’t take her away now,” Becca said, smiling at Courtney. “You only just introduced her.”
“It’s okay,” Courtney said, nodding. “Maybe we’ll leave in half an hour or so.”
“In that case, let’s have some popcorn,” Maddie said, standing and stretching her arms. “Gotta feed that baby.”
“Sounds good to me.” Courtney grinned, trying not to react when Logan pressed his lips against her cheek and kissed her softly.
Yeah. She could get used to this life. If only it was hers to have.
Logan leaned on the breakfast bar, the sleeves of his dark blue shirt rolled up, a beer resting in his left hand. The vantage point gave him a perfect view of Courtney. She was on the sofa, her legs curled up beneath her, a hand resting on the gentle swell of her stomach. Next to her, Maddie and Van were sharing a bowl of popcorn. On the other, Becca was holding the bowl she’d been sharing with Courtney, though since the mother of his child had fallen asleep, Becca was eating what remained of the popcorn alone.
“I like her,” Cam said, following Logan’s gaze. “So much better than most of the women you date.”
“In that she exists?” Gray said, grinning. It was a running joke that Logan had no time for women.
“I mean it.” Cam took a mouthful of beer, swallowing before he continued. “When you told me she was pregnant I worried she was some kind of gold digger. That she got pregnant on purpose.”
“That’s exactly what she feared. That you’d all think that.”
“Yeah, well I don’t think that now.” Cam shrugged.
“Maddie likes her,” Gray said. “And she’s a good judge of character. Van and Becca, too. If they thought there was something sketchy, they wouldn’t be sitting with her like that.”
Logan looked over at Courtney again. Her head had lolled to the side. He really needed to take her home, but the thought of it made his chest ache. Because then he’d come back here to celebrate Christmas instead of being with her.
“So what’s going on between you two?” Cam asked, his voice casual.
“What do you mean?” Logan frowned.
“Are you two in a serious relationship? You gonna make it official? I can’t quite figure out what’s happening here.”
Logan sighed, tracing his finger around the mist on his bottle. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I like her. But there’s no future for us. She’s got a life here, and I’ve got a life in Boston. It couldn’t work between us long term.” And it felt like a kick in the gut to say it. When he was with her, Boston felt like a world away. And now, watching her with his sister and his brothers’ wives, it felt like this should be his life.
But it wasn’t.
“Won’t she move?” Cam asked.
Logan shook his head. “I haven’t asked her. And I wouldn’t. You should see her on the farm. She loves those damn chickens. And there’s her in-laws. They rely on her. I couldn’t drag her away from that.”
“But her husband’s dead, right?” Cam asked.
“Way to be tactful, man.” Gray shook his head.
Logan lifted a brow. “Yeah, he’s been gone for two years. But she’s still close to his parents. From what I can tell, they’re like parents to her, too. Her mom died when she was a kid and she doesn’t see much of her dad.”
“What about the baby?” Gray asked, tipping his head to the side. “How are you gonna manage that with you in Boston and Courtney here?”
“I’ll fly back for my custody time. At least for the first year. After that, we’ll take it from there.” He inhaled deeply, ignoring the strange tug in his chest. “It’s not easy, but I want to make it work. I don’t want the baby growing up not knowing who I am.”
Gray caught his eye, his expression full of sympathy. “That’s gonna be hard on you all.”
“I don’t have a choice,” Logan pointed out. “My business is in Boston. I can’t run it from here full-time. Believe me, I’ve thought about whether it’s possible, but it’s not. It’s taken me years to get it to this place. It’s part of me, too.” And that was the thing keeping him awake at night. Trying to fit all these misshapen pieces of puzzle into the craziness that was his world. None of them wanted to slot in. It was frustrating not being able to solve the problems surrounding him. And then there were all the damn demands on his time.
“She’s a beautiful woman,” Gray said, looking at her sleeping form. “How will you feel if she gets married? Gives your kid a stepdad?”
Logan’s grip on his bottle tightened, his knuckles blanching. “How do you think I’d feel? But I’d have no right to stop her.” The kicker was, he wanted her to be happy.
But he also wanted to be the one to make her feel that way.
“You got a while to sort things out,” Cam murmured. “It’s six months until the baby’s due.”
“And your restaurant’s opening next month,” Gray agreed, giving Cam the slightest of nods. “How’s that going?”
“Good.” Logan pressed his lips together, ignoring the bitter taste in his mouth. “You guys coming out for the opening night?”
“Yep. Maddie’s sister is gonna look after the kids so we can make a weekend of it.” Gray’s face lit up as he spoke.
“And you know I’ll be there. No game that weekend.” Cam patted his brother on the back. “Now stop moping and put a smile on your face. It’s Christmas, and all the family is here. It’s time to start celebrating.”
“Movie’s over.” The soft words woke her from her reverie. Courtney blinked her eyes open, aware of warm breath on her cheek. She knew it was Logan without having to look. The way her skin heated up at his proximity was clue enough.
She glanced up at the screen. She’d dozed on and off all through the movie, and now the credits were scrolling up. “What time is it?” she asked.
“Almost midnight. I’ll take you home so you can hang up your stocking.”
She smiled sleepily. “I think I might be too late for that.”
Her whole body ached as she stood, and Logan walked around the sofa to help her. They said their farewells to his family, wishing each other a Merry Christmas, then walked out of the huge, vibrant house into the darkness of Christmas Day.
“I should have taken you home hours ago,” Logan told her as he helped her down the steps toward the SUV he’d rented. “You look beat.”
“I wanted to stay,” she said, her voice thick with exhaustion. “I had a good evening.”
“Yeah.” The corner of his mouth rose up. “I did, too.”
She must have fallen back asleep before he’d even started the engine, because the next thing she knew he was pulling up to the cottage. A dusting of snow remained from the earlier storm, sparkling in the moonlight. “Stay there,” Logan said, climbing out and walking around to her door. He opened it up, his eyes soft as he held out his hand and helped her to stand.
He was being so gentle with her tonight. She liked it almost as much as when he was bossing her around. Every time she saw him, there was another side of him revealed. Another Logan. And every one of them made her heart ache.
Her shoe caught on a rock in the ground. She stumbled forward, Logan reaching out to catch her in his arms. He slid his arm around her waist, walking her up
the steps. “Give me your key,” he said. “I’ll open it up for you.”
She reached into the pocket at the front of her purse and pulled her leather key ring out, passing it to him. Second trimester tiredness felt different to the first. It wasn’t as all-encompassing, but when it came, she felt it to the bones. She was lucky he was next to her, his arm keeping her up.
When they stepped inside, she could still smell the cinnamon of the pastries he’d had delivered yesterday. She smiled at the reminder of his kindness. “Are you coming in?” she asked, tipping her head up so her eyes caught his. There was a fire in his gaze that pushed down the tiredness.
“I shouldn’t…”
“I know, but I want you to.”
He closed the front door, lowering his head until his brow touched hers. “Fuck it,” he whispered, capturing her lips with his. “I’ll get up early in the morning and head back to Gray’s.”
“I have to be up early, too.” She kissed him back, warm and welcoming, her tired arms wrapping around his neck. “I promise not to keep you awake all night.”
He chuckled, then lifted her up, pulling her against him until her legs wrapped around his waist.
And when they’d worn each other out, and she was laying with her head resting on his naked chest, his hand gently stroking her curls, she found herself whispering drowsily, “I’m so glad you’re going to be this baby’s father.”
He kissed the top of her head, his chest rising sharply as though his breath was catching.
“Yeah.” His voice was graveled. “I’m glad I am, too.
Chapter Twenty
Something was screeching. Courtney opened her eyes, frowning as the light of the winter sun dazzled her. It took her a moment to figure out where the hell she was.
In bed. With Logan. On Christmas morning. And her phone was dancing on top of her bed side table. She reached out to pick it up, frowning when she saw Carl’s name on the screen. A side glance told her Logan was still fast asleep. Sighing, she accepted the call.
“Hello?”
“We’re waiting for you at the church. Where are you?” His voice was short.
She sat up, her brows knitting as she glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost ten o’clock. How the heck had she slept for so long? Next to her, Logan was still breathing softly, rhythmically, the blanket and sheets wrapped around his waist.
“I overslept,” she said, trying to keep her voice quiet. “You should go in without me.”
“But we always go to church on Christmas day. It’s important to Mom and Dad. They won’t sit down until you get here.”
Courtney squeezed her eyes shut. The back of her throat felt scratchy and raw at the thought of letting Mary and Ellis down. “I’ll come to the house once you’re back,” she suggested, her voice full of apologies. “Tell them I’m sorry, okay?”
“Is this something to do with him?”
She didn’t need to ask Carl who he was talking about. She knew from the bitterness in his tone. Maybe he’d even driven down the lane and seen Logan’s rental car parked outside. She pressed her lips together, trying to ignore the twinge in her stomach. “I’m just tired, Carl. It’s been a long week, and I was out late last night.”
“I guess we’re not important to you anymore.”
“That’s not true.” Her voice rose up, making Logan’s eyes shoot open. He frowned, lifting himself up on his side to look at her.
She pointed at her phone and grimaced. He nodded in understanding.
“Is he still there?” Carl asked.
Her guts twisted all over again. “Carl, please…”
“Damn it, Courtney. One trip to church, that’s all Mom and Dad wanted. One day to think about Shaun and spend some time with you. And you’re in bed with some guy who knocked you up. In Shaun’s house.”
Tears stung at her eyes. The thought of letting Ellis and Mary down made her heart ache. They didn’t deserve it, not after all they’d been through.
What about what you’ve been through?
She shook her head at the voice in her head. Because she wouldn’t let herself think like that. Shaun’s death had been horrific, but she had a future now. But Ellis and Mary would never get over his loss.
“I’ll tell them you’ll meet them at the big house,” Carl said, sighing. “Don’t let them down again. They don’t deserve it.”
It was as though he could read her darkest thoughts. “I’ll be there,” she promised. Carl ended the call, and she put the phone back on the table.
“You okay?” Logan asked, his voice thick with sleep.
She made herself smile. “I’m fine,” she said, her voice bright. “I guess we overslept.”
The corner of his mouth quirked up. “I guess we did.” Reaching for her, he pulled her down until his lips were warm against hers. “Merry Christmas,” he whispered, his mouth moving against hers.
“Merry Christmas,” she said, closing her eyes as he began to kiss her, pushing her back on the bed and covering her body with his.
Why was it that just being with him made everything seem right, even though she knew it was wrong?
She had no idea, but she kissed him back anyway.
It was raining by the time Logan left for his brother’s house right after eleven that morning. Courtney checked on the chickens, topping up their feed, before piling gifts onto the passenger seat of her rusty red truck, and driving around the perimeter road to Mary and Ellis’s farmhouse.
She’d spent every Christmas here since marrying Shaun. It wasn’t as though she had any other family to visit, with her mom passing years before, and her dad remarried and living far away.
Pulling up, she looked out of the windshield. A curtain of drizzle half-obscured the old house. The two-storied fascia was covered with white-painted boards, some peeling to reveal the bare wood beneath. A grey-tiled porch overhung the front steps, as long as the house itself. She knew that in the summer Mary would sit on the rocking chair and crochet as Ellis finished up his chores.
Climbing out of the cab, Courtney ran around the front of the truck, holding her hand above her head in a vain attempt to ward off the rain. She leaned into the passenger seat and slid her hands beneath the pile of gifts, then kicked the door closed as she hurried up the steps to the front door.
Like Courtney, Mary and Ellis rarely locked their front door. Courtney wasn’t even sure if they had a key to it. There was always somebody home, usually Mary. And in the summer, Ellis would be within hollering distance in the fields.
Still, she knocked anyway, wary of surprising them. Ellis’s low voice called out for her to come in, and she pushed the handle down with her elbow, her arms still full of gifts, and hitched her hip against the wood, the door opening with a creek.
“It’s me,” she called out.
“Come in,” Mary pushed herself up from the old wing-back chair by the fireplace, a warm smile on her face. “Get yourself in out of that rain. It started as we came out of church. Carl made us wait beneath the awning while he drove around to pick us up.”
Courtney put the gifts she was carrying on the coffee table in the center of the room. Like everything else in here, it was old. When they’d first married, Shaun had told her the farmhouse hadn’t been decorated since before Ellis brought Mary home as his wife. They were too busy working in the summer, and in the winter nobody had the desire to be painting or wallpapering.
And yet there was something so homely about it. The threadbare couch was covered with quilts Mary had stitched over the years, and every table bore the rings and scratches from generations of Roberts who had farmed here. It was like a piece of living history – something Courtney never had until she’d arrived in Hartson’s Creek.
“I’m so sorry I missed church,” Courtney said, hugging Mary tight. “I overslept.” It was the truth, even if she still felt bad saying it.
“Oh sweetie, there’s no need to apologize.” Mary hugged her back. “I remember how hard it is being pregnant. Bo
th times I slept more than I was awake.” She stepped back, wrapping her hand around Courtney’s. “Now you sit down next to the fire and warm up. I’ll make you a warm drink.”
“I can help.”
“Oh no you don’t. Now do as you’re told and put your feet up.” Mary’s voice was firm. “Ellis!” she called out. “Courtney’s here.”
“Is Carl here?” Courtney looked around for signs of their son.
“He’s on shift this afternoon, so he headed home to get changed,” Mary told her.
Courtney breathed out softly, relaxing back into the chair. The fire was crackling next to her, the occasional ember spitting out onto the hearth. It was a relief not to see Carl, as awful as that sounded. She didn’t have the patience for his pointed remarks today.
“Merry Christmas,” Ellis said, walking into the living room. He was wearing his best Sunday clothes, a tie knotted around his starched collar. He ran a finger under it, as though it was beyond uncomfortable. It was rare to see him in anything other than his work clothes – thick twill pants and warm sweaters in winter, or thinner pants and a short-sleeved open-neck shirt in summer. Like Shaun, he was wiry, his body slim and surprisingly lithe for a man his age. He reached down to hug Courtney, and she hugged him back.
“One hot chocolate,” Mary said, walking back in with a tray. “And I brought you coffee, honey.”
“Much appreciated.” Ellis nodded, passing Courtney her mug before taking his own. “Let’s drink to a peaceful Christmas.”
“A peaceful Christmas,” Courtney said, smiling at them both.
“Oh, I have something for you.” Mary put her own mug on the table and walked over to the tree. “I know we usually exchange gifts after lunch, but this one is special. An extra one.” She picked up a large rectangular package, the wrapping rustling as she carried it over.
Courtney grinned up at her. “What is it?”
“Open it and see.”
