A Better Man: A Small Town Surprise Pregnancy Romance (The Heartbreak Brothers Book 3)

by Carrie Elks

“I should stay with Mary and Ellis. They need me.”

  Her words stopped him short. His chest tightened. “I need you,” he told her, his voice low. “I want you here with me.”

  “I know.” She breathed unevenly. “I know you do. I know you need me. Everybody needs me. But I can’t be there for you. Not now. I have to take care of Mary and Ellis. It’s my fault Carl’s injured. The same way it’s my fault that Shaun died.”

  Logan frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “He asked me to marry him. I said no.”

  Logan blinked. It felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. “Carl asked you?” His voice was loud. It was so damn wrong, but he felt himself getting jealous. Angry, even. “When did that happen?”

  “A few days ago.” Her voice was small.

  Logan frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me? Did he get upset with you? Did something else happen?” He could feel his muscles tighten at the thought. “Damn it, Courtney. That man is bad news.”

  “That man is in a hospital bed. And I’m not the only one hiding things. He told me he stopped you for speeding.”

  His gut clenched. “It was nothing. It didn’t matter.”

  “But you should have told me.”

  “I know.” He already regretted saying anything. “I just… I don’t like him. And I know you’re worried about him, but I’d prefer if you stayed away from him. He’s only going to cause trouble.”

  One of the kitchen staff walked out, carrying a large trash can to empty into the dumpster. His eyebrows lifted as he saw Logan. He hurried over to empty it, then scurried back into the kitchen.

  “I can’t stay away from him completely. He’s my brother-in-law. And Mary and Ellis’s son. I don’t go out of my way to see him, but it’ll be impossible to avoid him all of the time.”

  “He’s not your brother-in-law. Not any more,” Logan pointed out. “And I just want you safe. You and the baby.” It was killing him to be so far away. He felt helpless.

  “Carl isn’t going to hurt me. He’s family. And so are Mary and Ellis.”

  Logan sighed. “I get that, I do. But they’re the past, Courtney. Us and the baby, we’re the future. That’s why I’m giving up the restaurant business to be with you. It’s my job to take care of you both, to make sure you’re okay. Just help me with this until I can be there, okay?”

  “Are you asking me to stop seeing them?” she whispered softly. “Is that really what you’re saying?”

  His chest felt tight. “No,” he protested. “I’m just asking you to think carefully. I know they’re important to you, but they’re not really family, are they? You married into them.”

  “Logan, family can be more than blood relations.” Her voice sounded small.

  “I get that. I have a lot of close friends here in Boston that I’m giving up, Court. For you. For us. Why can’t you do the same?”

  “I knew this would happen. I knew it.” She let out a ragged breath.

  “You knew what?” He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  “I knew you’d regret giving up the restaurant business and leaving Boston.”

  Logan blinked. “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t need to. It feels like because you’re giving things up, you expect me to do the same with the Roberts. Like a tit for tat or something.” Her voice wobbled. “Do you expect me to give up working on the farm, too?”

  He gave a nervous laugh. “I was assuming you would. It’ll be impossible to combine that and the baby.”

  She was silent for a moment. He could hear the rumble of conversation from the kitchen, alongside the low hum of traffic from the highway. Logan leaned back, raking his hands through his hair. “Court, are you still there?”

  “Yeah.” She breathed out. “I was just thinking.”

  His stomach tightened. “What about?”

  “Maybe you should take a few days to think about this. About selling your interest in the restaurant, and whether you’re really ready to do that. Because it’s a lot to give up, Logan, especially when I can’t agree to give up the people that I love. It’s unequal, and I’m scared you’re going to resent me for it.”

  Panic rose up inside him. “You want to break things off?” he asked her. “I can’t believe this.”

  “That’s not what I said. I just want you to think about it. Go and enjoy your opening gala, and really think if you want to give this all up. Because I’d hate for you to do it and regret it one day. You can still be a dad if you stay in Boston. We can still have joint custody. You don’t have to give everything up because you think that’s the only way to parent. There are choices.”

  “I choose you. I told you that.” His voice was low.

  “But will you still choose me if I refuse to give up my family? My livelihood?” He could hear her swallow. “Things are crazy right now. You should take some time to think it all through. We both should.”

  “I don’t understand. What does that mean?”

  She paused, and he could feel his head begin to pound. All the things he thought he was certain about felt like they were slipping out of his hand. The panic that had started to curl around his guts radiated out, making him jittery. Afraid.

  He was losing control.

  “Look, we have the ultrasound next Thursday. Maybe we shouldn’t talk until then. It will give you a chance to think things through and decide what it is you really want. And if it means you stay in Boston, then we can work through that.”

  “But I…”

  “I know,” she said softly. “I know it feels painful. And it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, because I do. But I can’t go through a broken relationship again. I can’t be the one who lets you down because I don’t do exactly what you expect of me. Not when there’s the baby to think about.” She sighed. “This feels really unequal, because you’re giving up so much more than me. I don’t want you to resent me in the future because of it. I’ve had enough resentment and hate in my life.”

  He was losing her. He knew it. And he had no idea how to stop it from happening.

  “So we can’t talk until Thursday?” he asked, frowning.

  “I just think it’ll help. This thing between us, it’s like a drug. A really, really good drug. But like anything addictive, it can make your brain go a little crazy. I think if we took some time apart, you’ll be able to work out what you really feel.”

  “I know how I feel about you, Courtney.”

  “And you’ve told me how you feel about the Roberts. One way or another they’ll always be in my life. They’re my family, and you need to think about that.”

  A shot of jealousy worked through him. He hated the idea of not talking to her. She sounded so damn far away right now. All he wanted to do was hold her, to breathe her in. That would make everything right.

  “And once I think about it? What then?”

  “I guess we’ll talk about it next week. This is killing me as much as it’s killing you, Logan. I wish I could do everything you’re asking of me. I get it, I do. But for the past eight years, Mary and Ellis have been everything to me. They’ve always been there for me. I can’t abandon them now.”

  Shit. It hurt to hear her say it, but he understood. And it felt like something huge between them. A mountain he had no idea how to climb.

  “I can’t stand the idea of not talking to you.”

  “I know. But it’s just for a few days. And we have to be the adults here, Logan. We have the baby to think about.” She exhaled heavily. “I’m so tired. I wish I could sleep for a thousand years right now.”

  “Are you still at the hospital?” he asked her.

  “Yeah. I’m just outside the entrance.”

  “You should go home. You and the baby need to rest.” And he needed to stop being a damn needy baby himself. Courtney and their child were the only things that mattered. He said it himself, he needed them to be safe. “And you’re right,” he said, his throat tight as hell. “I promise to think really hard. But
you should know that I care about you. Like nothing I’ve ever cared about before.”

  She gave a little sob and it almost killed him.

  “Go home,” he urged. “Just take care of yourself okay? Promise me that at least.”

  “Okay,” she agreed, her voice a sigh.

  He squeezed his eyes shut. His head was pounding.

  “Good luck with the opening,” she told him.

  He almost wanted to laugh. In the past few minutes he’d forgotten about the restaurant opening. It felt so unimportant compared to this.

  “Thanks.”

  “Goodbye, Logan.”

  It sounded final. Like a shot to the heart.

  “I’ll see you on Thursday,” he told her. More of a promise to himself than to her.

  And until then, he’d somehow make it through.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  The cottage felt oppressive as Courtney walked inside. After talking to Logan, she’d made her way back up to Carl’s private room to sit with Mary and Ellis as he told them what had happened. A robbery gone wrong, perpetrated by a seventeen year old boy with a gun he’d stolen from a friend. The gas station owner had pushed the panic button and Carl was the cop who’d happened to be the closest. As soon as he walked into the station the kid had panicked, turning around to look at Carl, his finger too hard on the trigger.

  The kid was lucky Carl had only gotten a flesh wound. A few inches to the right, and it could have been fatal.

  She’d left once he was asleep, her body aching after a long, emotional day. Her heart was aching, too. She was still processing her conversation with Logan.

  It had almost killed her to suggest they take a break for the next few days.

  She felt weak and exhausted, but more than anything she felt desperately sad. Today was supposed to be a good day. She’d been so excited about seeing him, about flying to Boston with his family.

  Being part of one of the biggest days of his life.

  Now she felt empty.

  She put her phone on the kitchen counter. There were two messages there. One from Lainey and the other from Maddie, both asking how Carl was doing. But nothing from Logan.

  He hadn’t called or messaged. It was stupid, because she’d asked him for some space and he was honoring that. But it still hurt to be without him. She was so used to speaking with him every evening, hearing his low, warm voice as she laid in bed, her phone pressed to her ear.

  For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, everything had made sense. She had a future to look forward to with Logan and their baby, and it had filled her up inside.

  And now? All the fears and uncertainty she’d ignored over the past few weeks had risen up. She was in love with him, she knew that, but she also knew she couldn’t let him make this sacrifice for her if he wasn’t ready. It would break her heart and his.

  She let out a deep sigh, leaning on the counter and pressing her hands against her swollen stomach. This baby inside of her needed two parents who didn’t mess things up. He or she deserved consistency, love. She knew what resentment did to a relationship. She’d watched her marriage with Shawn become a cage to both of them. Learned that hope and love weren’t enough. You had to talk, to be open, but more than anything to know your limits. She wouldn’t have another relationship like she’d had with Shaun. She couldn’t.

  She ached for Logan. That was the truth of it. It had only been a few hours, yet there was already this hole inside her. One that he’d left behind.

  A single tear ran down her cheek. She tried to breathe in, but it turned into a sob. It was as though the dam she’d built up had finally been breached as more tears pooled in her eyes, running hotly down her face, as she wailed out all the angst that was inside her.

  Maybe that’s why she almost missed it. A tiny push that felt like a bubble popping inside her. She swallowed her cry as she felt it again, low down in her belly.

  “Is that you?” she whispered. She got another push in response, almost as if the baby could understand her.

  He or she was kicking! Courtney swallowed down the tears, a smile slowly pulling at her lips. It was crazy how real it made everything. Just one little touch and she was a goner. Completely at the mercy of this tiny dictator growing inside of her.

  Joy washed over the misery, mixing together until she was laughing and crying at the same time. And of course she reached for her phone, wanting to call Logan, to tell him everything. Because she knew he’d want to know that his kid was kicking her.

  But she couldn’t. Not until Thursday. She’d asked him to take the time to think, and he’d agreed. It would be completely unfair of her to message him now and mix things up all over again. This little kicker inside of her deserved better.

  Instead, she tapped out a quick message to the only other person she needed right now.

  I know it’s late, but I need you. Can you come over?

  Within a minute, Lainey’s reply appeared on the screen.

  Of course. I’m on my way. x

  “I brought chocolate,” Lainey said when Courtney opened the front door of the cottage. “And donuts. Just in case the chocolate doesn’t work.” She gave Courtney a gentle smile, then wrapped her in a hug. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. How’s Carl doing?”

  “Pretty good.” Courtney swallowed hard to stop herself from crying again. She felt so wrung out she wasn’t sure she could take it. “They’re planning on releasing him in the morning. Mary wants him to stay with them so she can take care of him, but he’s having none of it. Keeps talking about going back to work on Monday.”

  “You’re a strong bunch, you Roberts.” Lainey stroked Courtney’s curls. “Shall I make us a warm drink?”

  Courtney shook her head. “I’ll just mainline the chocolate. I don’t want to dilute it.”

  “That’s my girl.” Lainey nodded approvingly. Then she frowned. “Hey, have you been crying?”

  “A bit,” Courtney admitted.

  “I guess it was a shock, Carl getting shot.”

  “It was,” Courtney agreed. “But I wasn’t crying about Carl. Not really.” She sat down on the sofa, Lainey taking the seat next to her. “Logan and I had a discussion. A tough one. And we agreed to take some space from each other.”

  Lainey took the chocolate bar and snapped off two chunks, passing one to Courtney and pressing the other into her own mouth. “Was it because of Carl?”

  Courtney tipped her head to the side. “Kind of? I mean it was and it wasn’t. It was more about us. About our expectations of each other. I’m so afraid he’s making the wrong decision in leaving his career and moving back here.”

  “Tell me exactly what happened.” Lainey kept the chocolate supply going, breaking off another two chunks for them both. “How did you end up deciding to take some space?”

  Courtney swallowed her mouthful of chocolate and told Lainey all about her phone call with Logan.

  “Oh boy.” Lainey squeezed her hand. “You guys know how to push each other’s buttons. On the plus side, the make up sex will be amazing.”

  For the first time in hours, Courtney laughed, even though it felt hollow. “I don’t think we’ll be doing any of that for a while.” She licked her lips, the faint taste of chocolate clinging to them. “So what do you think? Did I overreact?”

  “From the sounds of it you both did. I mean, I get him feeling weird about your in-laws, anybody would. But he shouldn’t have talked to you about it at that moment. That’s a conversation to have face to face.”

  Courtney sighed. “Do you think he was right? Asking me to stop seeing the Roberts?”

  “Hell no. He’s an idiot for even suggesting that. And I bet he knows it, too. But the thing is, any guy would feel a little weird about his girlfriend spending so much time with her ex-in-laws.”

  Courtney went to interject, but Lainey lifted her hand. “I said he’d feel weird. I didn’t say that gave him the right to ask you not to see them.” She grabbed the donut box, opening it up. “Look
, I’m no expert on relationships, but it feels to me like you two had to skip a few relationship stages thanks to you getting pregnant. You’re both so different, there are bound to be struggles. And normally, those get ironed out as you get closer. You talk things through, have a few discussions, throw a few plates.” She grinned. “And then you have the hot make-up sex.”

  “You seem obsessed by the make-up sex.” Courtney shook her head.

  “Believe me, it’s the best kind.” Lainey winked. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that both of you are gonna have to learn to give a little. Not just over this, but over everything. That’s what relationships are. About finding common ground. And sometimes, you’re going to argue about it a lot at first.”

  Courtney nodded, taking in all her words. “But how do we do that when we seem so far apart? It feels like everything is so black and white between us.”

  “Can’t you find any shades of grey at all?” Lainey asked.

  Reaching for a donut, Courtney took a deep breath. “I guess I could have introduced him to Ellis and Mary. He hasn’t met them.”

  Lainey smiled. “That would make him feel more included for sure. And maybe you should have talked to him before agreeing that Mary could watch the baby.”

  “I said I’d talk to him,” Courtney protested. “I just haven’t yet.”

  “It feels to me like you both have a lot of talking to do,” Lainey said gently.

  There was a lump in Courtney’s throat as she looked up at her friend. “I’m scared,” she admitted, her voice thin.

  Lainey took her hand. “Oh honey, what of?”

  “I keep hurting every body I love. And I don’t know how to stop it.”

  “You don’t hurt anybody,” Lainey said, her voice sure. “You make everybody’s world a better place. Mine, Mary’s, Ellis’s, even Logan’s. Hell, especially Logan’s.” She stared into Courtney’s eyes, her brow dipping. “Is this about Shaun?”

  “What about him?” Courtney swallowed, but the lump in her throat grew bigger.

  “You know that you weren’t responsible for him dying, right? It wasn’t your fault. He made his own decisions, chose his own path. And whatever caused his death that night – whether it was an accident or intentional – that was Shaun’s choice. Not yours.”