Her cheeks blazed hot. When the corner of his mouth turned up into a smile, she held her breath.
“Do you think the feeling is equally as intense for women as it is for men? Sex, I mean?” he asked out the blue. “I’ve always wondered that.”
Vanessa shifted in her seat. “I can’t answer that.”
“Why not?”
“Because it would be inappropriate.”
Zander chuckled, nodding as he analyzed Vanessa’s statement. “So… it’s okay for you to ask me intimate questions, but I can’t do the same?”
She nodded. “That’s the nature of the doctor/patient relationship. You know that. You’re a professional.”
“Precisely my point. My occupation blurs those lines a little, doesn’t it? We’re not simply doctor and patient; we’re equals, two well-seasoned professionals exploring the depths of my sub-conscious… together. I just think this would be far more interesting if you stepped out of the role of bartender and pulled up a stool on this side of the bar for a change. Perhaps there’s even an issue or two rolling around inside that head of yours, just waiting for someone like me to pluck it from the shadows.”
Vanessa felt a strong need to shift the conversation back to Zander. She ignored his reasoning and asked, “Does it make you uncomfortable to share with me?”
He stared in silence.
“You don’t want to continue?” she asked.
“Pardon me if this offends you in some way,” he cut in, ignoring her inquiry, “but I find you… incredibly attractive. Almost to the point of it being a distraction.”
She cleared her throat, but never missed a beat otherwise. “Thank you, but we have to stay on topic. Let’s talk about the emotions you attach to sex.”
Her quick, verbal maneuver made Zander smile. He’d cooperate for now. “Sex makes me feel… centered.”
“Centered?”
“Yes. Specifically, the moment I ejaculate—in a woman, on her… doesn’t much matter where.” He paused to smile again. “Even when I masturbate. Granted, the satisfaction isn’t quite as fulfilling, but it holds me over until I find another willing victim.”
Zander watched Vanessa squirm at the mere mention of him coming. He was pretty sure she thought he hadn’t noticed, but he did. Clearly, she’d never been in the presence of a man like him. Not much went unobserved. For instance, she’d licked her lips approximately four times in the last sixty seconds. Also, she’d crossed and uncrossed her legs every other minute since he entered her office—one of many tell-tale signs of sexual frustration in women. Zander felt a primal instinct kick in, resonating from deep within his chest.
“Victims? That’s how you view the women you sleep with?” Vanessa asked, cutting into his thoughts.
He shrugged. “No. Just a clever play on words. I’m actually very sure I’ve left each and every one of my customers feeling quite satisfied.”
“Now they’re customers,” she said flatly. “So you consider sex a service?”
Zander laughed and draped his arm casually over the back of the couch, watching as Vanessa pushed her long, dark hair behind her shoulder. It was thick and he imagined it to be very soft to the touch. He envisioned himself raking his fingers through it when he spoke again.
“Do you always take everything so literally? Perhaps I should’ve warned you of my perpetual sarcasm, too, when I introduced myself. Is there a treatment for that?”
When Vanessa didn’t respond, or smile for that matter, Zander shook his head. With a sigh, he answered, “No, Dr. Ferris… sex is not a service.”
She wrote in her notepad instead of speaking. While he stared, it was like a switch flipped within him. All of a sudden, Zander regained the ability to see through the smoky haze of lust that overtakes him at inopportune times such as this. He was like a man possessed, but every now and again, the true Zander Hale was able to break through and redirect his own path.
When Vanessa looked up again, she tried to analyze the expression on Zander’s face.
He’d lost himself in her dark eyes, memorizing their exact shade in contrast to her chestnut-brown skin. Again, he felt conflicted.
While she waited for him to speak, she counted her breaths to keep them steady. The way he stared at her, into her, it was unnerving. She couldn’t let someone like him know her defenses were down; couldn’t let him know she was experiencing the longest sexual drought of her life thanks to the untimely demise of her marriage.
“I’m not entirely sure this arrangement is going to work out,” Zander finally blurted, the abruptness of the statement catching Vanessa by surprise.
She frowned a little. “And why is that?”
His eyes dropped to her breasts, watching as they rose and fell with each intake of air. The charm to her gold necklace rested in her cleavage and he forced himself to look up at her face again. However, this helped very little. Now, there were her full lips to fixate on, still moist from that incessant licking she’d been torturing him with. He turned away. It was all he could do to clear his thoughts.
“Because,” he replied, “I just have a feeling our sessions will be very counterproductive to my treatment. And, contrary to what you’ve observed here today, I do actually want to be cured.”
“Well, for starters,” Vanessa interjected, “I think ‘cured’ is the wrong word. That would imply there’s something wrong with you.”
Zander laughed cynically. “Wouldn’t you say that there is, in fact, something very wrong with me, Dr. Ferris?”
Vanessa shook her head. “No, Zander, I wouldn’t. There’re varying degrees of normal. Some of us are extreme in areas where others aren’t. You just so happen to be extremely sexual. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.”
She crossed her legs again and his heart raced.
Vanessa noticed him staring and cleared her throat to regain his attention.
“Now, I can’t force you to return next week, but I’ll schedule you anyway. Hopefully, you’ll go home and think about it, see that our session today did at least a little good, and you’ll be back here to see me next week.” She flashed a confident smile and Zander actually felt guilty that she had so much confidence in him.
“As you wish,” he breathed, standing to his feet.
Vanessa stood, too. “It was very nice meeting you.”
Zander nodded, but deep down he knew he should end things here, leave this building, and forget that it, or Dr. Ferris, even existed. However, it was a little late for that. She’d already left a lasting impression.
Vanessa extended her hand to shake his. “I’m sure that, if you give this a chance, you’ll be very happy you did.”
Reluctantly, Zander returned the gesture and held Vanessa’s gaze, feeling her soft, supple skin against his palm.
“I agree,” he replied, thinking to himself, ‘…But will you be happy I did?’
Chapter Three
The first place Zanders eyes flashed when a floorboard in the hallway creaked was to the clock—3:47 a.m. He wasn’t fully asleep to begin with, just drifting in and out while his mind wandered. Now, with the noise coming from outside his bedroom, he was fully awake.
Without making a sound, he slipped his loaded 9mm from inside the nightstand and listened again. The intruder took another step.
“You’ve got exactly three seconds to identify yourself,” he called out, breathing low and steady as the mental countdown began.
The door eased open and Zander’s finger went to the trigger.
“Identify myself?” A familiar voice responded mockingly upon entering the room. “Okay, let’s see… it’s your devilishly, handsome brother who’s been waiting for a return text from you for four days now.”
Zander let out a heavy breath and turned on the bedside lamp. “Bloody hell, Liam; I nearly shot you.”
Knowing Zander was one-hundred percent serious, Liam gave a nonchalant shrug as he dropped down on the edge of his brother’s bed. “Hence the reason I spoke up whe
n you told me to.”
Zander rubbed his eyes as they adjusted to the bright light. “What the hell are you doing here? I do have patients to see in the morning.”
Liam took a generous bite of the candy bar he held in his fist. “You and I both know you weren’t asleep. You never sleep,” he added, knowing his brother’s habits all too well.
Zander didn’t argue with him. “What are you doing here?” he repeated.
The scent of stale cigarettes hit Zander’s nose when Liam shifted to face him. He hadn’t seen his brother in nearly a month and purposely ignored his last text so he’d come out of hiding. That was Liam’s way. Neither he nor Zander were the most sociable people, but Liam took reclusiveness to the extreme. He’d stay in his apartment, holed up with whatever girl he thought worthy enough to sweat on his sheets for a few months, then he’d resurface when food, booze, and money got low. Every time, he’d show up with his hand out, waiting for Zander to spoon-feed him his allowance.
Never failed.
Zander stared at his brother, wondering if he’d ever stand on his own two feet, but also knowing his enabling him hadn’t helped. Still, he took care of him because no one else ever had.
“How much?” Zander asked, the late hour causing his voice to take on an unfamiliar rasp.
Liam gasped, pretending to be offended. “Is that what you think this is about? Is it so farfetched to think a guy simply missed his older, wiser brother and just decided to stop by at three-something in the morning for a casual visit?”
Zander didn’t have time to play his brother’s juvenile games. “How much, Liam?” he repeated louder, grabbing his wallet off the nightstand beside him.
“Just $500 this time.”
On top of everything else…
Zander cursed softly to himself, calculating his brother’s expenses in his head. Between paying his rent, utilities, cell phone, and footing the bill for his groceries, Liam was costing him a small fortune every month.
A cheeky smile crossed Liam’s face when he landed a rough pat on Zander’s shoulder and stood to leave. Zander placed the gun back in the drawer before hitting the light again.
“Thanks for this,” Liam said through the darkness. “As soon as I’m on my feet, I’ll pay it all back,” he promised, albeit an empty one.
Zander had heard it all before, but he fully expected to never see a red cent of what he’d given his brother. “Just lock up on your way out,” was his only response.
Completely missing the undertone of disappointment in Zander’s voice, Liam left without a second thought.
There was no way sleep would come after his brother’s visit, so Zander lie there, staring at the ceiling. Typically, if he couldn’t settle down at this hour, he’d put in a call to one of his friends to come keep him company. The thought occurred to him, but the next thing to enter his mind was the conversation he’d had with his new therapist a few days ago—Dr. Ferris.
It was nothing short of a miracle that he even reached out to Jim Keiser the night before, and even then he’d only reached out because he respected the man; looked up to him as his mentor in the field. This addiction of his had gone past just enjoying the company of a woman more than the average man; it bordered on a dependency. If he didn’t engage on an almost daily basis he felt himself coming undone. It hadn’t always been that way, but lately, this once simple pleasure that gave him something to look forward to, was now controlling him.
…and there were few things he hated more than not being in control.
When Jim first suggested Zander pay Dr. Ferris a visit, he was resistant; partly because he wasn’t particularly keen on the idea of a woman seeing him weakened by anything, let alone by sex. But there was also the possibility of this woman being attractive—something he feared would be more of a distraction than a help. And sure enough, Dr. Ferris was as beautiful as she was intelligent and he found himself losing focus, hence the reason he attempted to make their first session their last session.
She wouldn’t hear of it, though.
He could see her now, blinking those entrancing eyes at him as he stared, wetting her full, fleshy lips. And unlike almost every other woman he’d made advances toward, she didn’t meet him halfway. That was both maddening and exciting at the same time.
His cock stiffened and, without a thought, he slipped a hand beneath the sheet to stroke it. For now, he only did so through the pajama pants he’d worn to bed. Eyeing the clock, he thought of a few women in his call log who were either still awake or would pretend to be if he dialed them up. He grabbed his phone and scrolled, still touching himself, hardening more by the second as he dialed.
“I need you,” was all he said when his call was answered. That was all he needed to say. Setting the phone back down, he knew those three, simple words had this evening’s companion of choice preparing to come to him. In twenty minutes or less, his bed would be a little less empty, his sheets a little less cold, and his body a bit more relaxed. However, the simple truth wasn’t lost on Zander; no matter how good the sex was, no matter how powerful these women made him feel, the state of his heart would remain unchanged when all was said and done.
Usually, the emptiness stayed at bay until after intimacy, but tonight that wasn’t the case. Tonight, the theory of a very beautiful, very intuitive, therapist rung in his ears and he knew the thoughts would continue to plague him.
As much as he hated to admit it, Dr. Ferris was right about him. About everything. He was broken and was trying to put himself back together with tape and cheap glue which came in the form of meaningless sex.
He needed help.
…and lots of it.
*****
There was just something about that little, black dress. Simon recalled Vanessa wearing it on their anniversary last year, but for some reason she looked even better in it this morning as she handed their son off to him.
He watched from across the threshold of the home they built together—their dream home—as she placed a kiss on Ryan’s forehead.
“Be good,” she said, laughing as her kiss was promptly wiped away. “And make sure you turn in your permission slip to the teacher. Otherwise, you’ll miss out on your field trip.”
“I won’t forget,” Ryan promised.
Vanessa held the smile on her face just long enough for him to turn his back. Before he even stepped off the porch, the icy glare she reserved for only Simon returned and she quickly closed the door before he’d have a chance to strike up conversation. After the impromptu dinner invitation he sprang on her at the office the week before, she wasn’t sure what he’d try next. She didn’t have time for his shenanigans today, though. That patient Jim sent over last week would be coming in first thing this morning, hence the reason she wasn’t able to get Ryan off to school on her own.
The last few minutes at home were spent searching for her cell phone, gathering her purse and briefcase, and setting the alarm. She was more frazzled than usual, but listening to her favorite talk-radio show on her way in helped a little. She pulled into her parking space and shut off the engine. Before reaching to grab her purse, her eyes caught sight of a figure in the rearview mirror. Squinting, she could now recognize Zander’s features as he rested casually against a sleek, black motorcycle. He stood there, seemingly watching her as she watched him.
Vanessa stepped out of the car and grabbed her briefcase from the backseat. Slowly, Zander crossed the small lot and approached her Cadillac.
“Good morning, Dr. Ferris.”
“Zander,” she replied. His concentrated gaze made her uncomfortable. “Shouldn’t you be in the waiting room?”
Zander smiled faintly and took slow steps with Vanessa while she put her keys and cell phone inside her purse on the way to the building.
“I could have gone in, but I saw that your reserved space was still empty so… I waited out here instead.” His charm offset his persistence, leaving Vanessa with the impression he only meant to be polite. She gave a tight smile
and then said nothing else.
When they approached the door, Zander opened it and waited for her to pass through first before entering. In the lobby, she asked him to wait there for just a moment while she situated herself in her office. She took that time to look through the memos Greta handed off on her way in, going over her notes from her last session with Zander, and trying not to let that devilish charm of his sway her.
Five minutes later, now eight minutes before his scheduled appointment was actually scheduled to begin, Vanessa phoned Greta to send Zander in.
Just like the week before, he entered without knocking, which Vanessa found unnerving, but it was too trivial a thing to even mention.
“Come on in. Have a seat,” she said with a smile.
Zander hadn’t realized it before, or perhaps he had and was simply too focused on her appearance at the time, but he even enjoyed the tone of her voice. There was a sultry, breathiness to it and her words always came fast. Not rushed, but he could tell she was a woman who knew time was indeed money.
“Thank you,” he replied, smiling back.
“So… it’s been a week since our last appointment, and I’m gonna be honest with you; I wasn’t totally sure you’d be back,” she freely admitted. “What made you come here this morning?”
He could only give half the answer to her question, knowing she’d deem the rest improper of him. “I think we’re actually getting somewhere.”
His response pleased her just like he knew it would.
When she smiled, there was a feeling of accomplishment set in her eyes—satisfaction.
“Good! I’m glad to hear that.”
Zander nodded with a chilled smile of his own.
“Well, I suppose the first thing I should ask is if you’ve found it easier to control your urges.”
“If that’s your way of asking if I’ve had sex in the last seven days, the answer is yes. I have.”
Overdose: A British Bad Boy Romance Page 3