Vanessa frowned. “I’m sorry, Zander, but I have to stop you there. It’s ridiculous to sum up a man’s worth based on sex. What about kindness? His ability to provide? His commitment to his family? If you ask me, those things are far more telling of a man’s character than his ability to make his woman see fireworks in the bedroom.”
Zander smiled and sat back when he saw that Vanessa had taken offense. “Ok, fine… I’ll back off, but I guarantee if a survey were to be conducted, getting anonymous input from a thousand women, they’d admit that sex—good sex— is just as important to them as all of those other characteristics they feel a good man possesses. Some might even be honest and admit that it’s the most important of those attributes.”
The group was silent as were Vanessa and Simon. Zander didn’t try to hold back his smile.
“It’s about time someone told the truth,” Cliff spoke up. “I mean, if sex wasn’t important, none of us would even be here tonight. Clearly, on some level at least, we all acknowledge that we want to have healthy sex lives, right? We’d like for our partners to be just as satisfied as we are.”
The group agreed and Vanessa saw herself losing control of the room.
“So, I’d like to ask you something, Mr…” Cliff started, realizing he didn’t remember the name of the man who’d just vocalized things he’d obviously been thinking himself.
“Zander,” he clarified with a smile. “Just Zander.”
“Right. So, how do those of us with these problems level the playing field? I mean, my issue doesn’t leave me unable to perform necessarily, but being honest, there’s some level of insecurity that comes along with it. And any man knows that once your confidence is dashed, your head is never really all the way in the game.” Cliff finished speaking and then looked to Zander for an answer.
Zander… not Vanessa.
“Well, I don’t like to think of myself as being disadvantaged. That’s part of the problem right there,” Zander said, shifting his attention to Vanessa just before quoting her. “A very smart, very intuitive person once told me to stop viewing myself as flawed. Nip that in the bud and I guarantee your confidence will return.”
Cliff nodded and pondered Zander’s advice. Vanessa crossed her arms over her chest as Zander winked at her inconspicuously. He could see he’d irritated her by dominating the conversation, but he couldn’t help himself. Being the center of attention was just sort of his way. For her, he’d try to tone it down, though.
“Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Zander, but I’m sure some of the other patients would like to speak,” Vanessa said, taking a seat. Zander watched as she crossed her legs. If he’d gotten her timing down, she’d switch legs in approximately two minutes. Mentally, he began clocking her.
“I’ve had an interesting week,” Lauren spoke up. I took up a new hobby,” she said with a laugh.
Vanessa was amused by Lauren’s demeanor. “Okay, share.”
Lauren looked down at her hands, unsure if she should feel ashamed or not. “I took up watching porn,” she announced.
“Now it’s a damn party,” Zander laughed.
Vanessa rolled her eyes at him before turning back to Lauren. “That’s certainly… interesting, Lauren. What brought that on?”
Lauren shrugged. “A friend suggested it. There’s a new guy and we haven’t taken it there yet, but I think this might help me get in the mood.”
Lauren had what’s known as inhibited sexual desire—complete lack of desire to have sex. It started when she miscarried her first child two years ago. As a result, her relationship failed and she’s been trying to pick up the pieces ever since.
“Well, it’s great you’re taking a proactive role in this, Lauren,” Vanessa said when she couldn’t think of anything to add.
She turned to Zander and wasn’t surprised to see that he was already watching her. She cleared her throat and turned to Simon when he raised his hand to speak. It took everything in her not to tell him his commentary was unwanted.
Rising from his seat, he walked toward the group’s circle. “I think the dialogue here has been great,” he said, smiling dimly. “You all seem to be giving one another a great amount of information to build on. However, one thing I’ve noticed is that the focus seems to be on having a better sex life specifically. Perhaps that shouldn’t be confused with the quality of life itself,” he added with a smile.
Zander exhaled sharply, but no one seemed to notice but Vanessa. When Simon finished speaking, he went back to his seat.
‘Ugh… not only are you in this meeting uninvited, but you’re giving your two cents, too,’ she thought to herself.
Simon’s comment sparked comments from a few of the patients who gave his statement some thought and then the conversation began to flow more like Vanessa was used to. Zander had quieted down, so that helped, too. When nine o’clock rolled around, she thanked those who’d come out, making sure each one had their literature, and then dismissed the meeting with a smile. Simon didn’t linger long when it was over. He made his way back to his office instead of mingling.
Cliff and Raymond left first, followed by Lauren. Roxy and Jasmine stayed and chatted about their children and life in general. Vanessa shoved leftover papers into her briefcase and wouldn’t look up at Zander when he approached.
“That was interesting,” he said with an air of amusement in his tone.
Vanessa didn’t say a word.
“Oh, come on,” he teased, smiling as the words left his mouth. “Are you angry because I spoke my mind? I thought that was why we came here tonight.”
Vanessa slammed her case shut and finally stared at him. “No. I’m angry because you’re arrogant and rude and… and… you have this way of making people believe whatever you say even when it’s complete bull!” she whispered, still managing to express that she’d yell at him full-on if she could.
He laughed, which pissed her off even more. Whether she’d admit it or not, the very things she hated about him were the same things that also made him appealing.
“And what the hell was that kiss about?” Vanessa thought about it and amended her statement. “Or should I call it an assault?” she hissed.
“Call it what you want, but you enjoyed it,” he retorted, taking a step closer to whisper the words, “I’d even bet my right arm your panties are still sopping wet.”
Vanessa couldn’t even get her words together. She was so angry. “I’m leaving and don’t bother coming back here. Your behavior is completely—”
“Inappropriate,” he said mockingly, using the term she’d thrown at him too many times to count.
She couldn’t even stand to look at him anymore. Snatching her briefcase off the table of the conference room, she stormed out as Roxy and Jasmine watched curiously. Her feet moved swiftly past her office and then continued on to her car. Simon could let the stragglers out and lock up on his own.
With the building in her rear window the knots of tensi0n in her shoulders began to ease. At the first stoplight she came to, she lowered the visor mirror and checked her lip. The inside was torn and still bleeding a little where Zander had turned her own teeth into a weapon.
He was a loose cannon, an animal. On what planet is behavior like that excusable? She could still feel him holding her against that wall. She felt violated. He’d taken away her ability to decide what limits to set between them and she hated it—partly because… she kind of liked it. Actually, she liked it a lot, but pushing the truth from her mind was easier because the alternative was too wrong to accept.
Doctors aren’t supposed to get all hot and bothered over people they’re treating. It just wasn’t right. But right or wrong, it was hard to deny the allure, the attraction, between them.
Whether Vanessa liked it or not… Zander’s hooks had sunk deeper.
Chapter Nine
At home, Vanessa checked on Ryan in bed after dismissing the babysitter. She showered and then got in bed just as her phone sounded off.
Simon.
Seeing his name forced a heavy sigh from her lips, but she picked up because there was a chance he was calling to see if Ryan was still awake.
“Yeah?” she answered, dry as usual.
“Hey, I’m just checking in on you. You were already gone by the time I came out of my office.”
Her hand pressed to her forehead. “Check in on me? For what?”
Simon paused to breathe. ‘Does she have to rip my damn head off every time I call?’ he asked internally.
Gathering himself, he spoke again. “Well…” he started, “it just seemed like you were upset this evening. With the direction of the meeting,” he clarified.
Vanessa cleared her throat and pulled the cover over her shoulder. “I’m fine.”
“That new guy; is he the one Keiser sent over?” Simon inquired.
Vanessa was tired, but even if she hadn’t been, she didn’t feel like shooting the breeze at the moment. “Yeah. That’s him,” she said in a clipped tone.
“He’s rather… colorful. A bit arrogant, but most Brits come off that way.”
Vanessa rolled her eyes at his extremely shortsighted, and equally offensive, generalization.
“You uh… you think it’s a good idea having him at the next meeting?” Simon asked hesitantly, finally getting to his point.
Vanessa kept it to herself that she’d already told Zander not to come back; that would only raise questions in Simon’s mind. Plus, how she handled her patients was none of his business.
“I have things under control,” was the only answer she gave.
“I didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t,” Simon explained, “but he just… he just throws the group off balance a little. You don’t agree?”
“He’s a little different, but we’ve all got our ways about us,” she said dismissively.
“It’s just that he’s a bit too much, if you ask me.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t ask you, now isn’t it, Simon?” she shot back.
He sat quietly on the other end for a moment before defending his point. “I’m just saying, he might be a bad influence for the other patients.”
Vanessa sighed again, annoyed by how he sanctimoniously passed judgment, considering all he’d done. “If you’ve got something to say, just spit it out. I’m tired and I don’t feel like playing this game tonight.”
Simon sat quietly. It stung hearing how much she’d changed toward him, but he was getting used to it. The sweet demeanor she once had was a thing of the past and there was no one else to blame but himself.
“He was getting friendly with two of your other patients after you left,” Simon said bluntly.
Vanessa’s eyes opened toward the ceiling as she lie there, holding her breath.
“Roxy and Jasmine,” he clarified. “Now, I can’t say for sure that anything is going to happen, but… guys like him have a way of making things happen.”
When Vanessa didn’t say anything in return it was because she imagined Simon’s words were one-hundred percent true.
“I just thought you’d like to know,” he added.
Vanessa’s heart thudded inside her chest as she thought. In the craziness of it all, she hadn’t forgotten who Zander was or what he was capable of, but she honestly didn’t expect him to pounce on another woman so fast after the kiss.
‘He didn’t waste any time,’ she thought to herself. Jasmine probably wasn’t the one he’d set his sights on, but Roxy was a prime target.
But why did she care?
So what if Zander did sleep with one of these women?
It wasn’t her business, although she didn’t think either combination would be great considering their mental health. That’s where she had to leave it, though. Over-thinking it all would be a mistake.
In fact, she kept that frame of mind all weekend; all day Monday and Tuesday, but her resolve began to waiver when Wednesday rolled around again. This would’ve been Zander’s normal day for an appointment. After telling him not to come back, she wasn’t sure if he’d try to show or not. It complicated things that she’d conveniently forgotten to inform Greta that she no longer wanted to see him as a patient. In her mind, she rationalized the oversight as nothing more than a mistake. She’d remember to tell her before next week, she reasoned.
Resting at her desk with an ink pen clenched between her teeth, she stared out the window until the intercom buzzed.
“Yes?”
“Dr. Ferris, your eleven o’clock is here,” Greta informed her.
She sighed, unaware of who was on schedule. “Send them in.”
Instead of rushing over to her seat near the couch, Vanessa held her position behind the desk. When the patient failed to knock, instead taking it upon himself to enter without invitation, she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt it was Zander. He probably didn’t even hesitate to make an appointment, even after she’d clearly requested that he didn’t do so.
“You’re looking well,” he said jovially.
Vanessa didn’t say a word as Zander took a seat across from her and stared back.
“Why are you here?” she asked flatly.
“Because it’s Wednesday.”
She’d grown tired of his cynicism. Damn tired. “Where do you get off being so egotistical?”
Zander didn’t reply. From the looks of it, Vanessa needed to vent. He propped his ankle on his knee, folded his hands in his lap, and then leaned back to listen.
Vanessa stood from her seat slowly and braced both hands on the edge of her desk, leaning toward him. “You know… if I believed you could learn to even pretend you were getting something out of these sessions, I’d say there was a point in continuing this, but given your track record, I don’t think that’s possible. We’re wasting each other’s time.”
Zander cocked his head to the side.
“With that being said, you are officially no longer a patient here, Dr. Hale. I can’t do this anymore. I thought I made this clear the last time we spoke, but obviously you missed my point.”
You could’ve heard a pin drop.
“You really expect me to believe you don’t want to see me again?” Zander asked, raising Vanessa’s blood pressure with his unrelenting persistence.
“Believe what you want, but you’re not welcome here in this office ever again,” she managed to say calmly. “And preying on those other patients last week was a true testament of your character. As a licensed professional, you should know better than to use those women’s problems as leverage to get them into your bed.”
Simon’s words from the other night filled her head, filling her thoughts with disgust when she imagined the things Zander had done.
He stared, eventually letting a slow smile cross his face. And there it was. He figured it out—the real reason his lovely Vanessa was so distraught.
“I think you’ve made a mistake,” he said, unable to hide the amusement in his tone. “Nothing—”
“Don’t even try to talk your way out of this,” she cut in. “I know what you did and there is no excuse for that kind of behavior.”
Now he was laughing. Vanessa stared with disbelief in her eyes. Here she was, giving him a piece of her mind, and all he could do was laugh? Undermining her as usual.
“I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you and you think it’s a joke,” she said, feeling mentally drained. “There has to be something that affects you, Zander,” she reasoned. “Has to be.” Never in all her years had she encountered someone who didn’t seem to care about anything.
When he stood and came closer, hands in his pockets, eyes set on hers, she stared, folding her arms over her chest. Zander stopped with his shoes nearly touching hers.
Close.
So close his air became her air.
He studied the details of Vanessa’s face—her kind eyes, those soft lips he could still feel on his—and felt drawn to her more than usual. Seeing how upset she was at even the thought of him making a pass at another woman tol
d him more than she’d ever say out loud in regards to her feelings for him. Even though he doubted she’d ever admit it, she cared. On some level, at least.
“You want to know what affects me?” he shot back.
Vanessa held her breath, trying to hold on to the anger that made telling him to never return seem like such an easy task.
But then she nodded and stared into the gold-flecked eyes only inches away.
She may have been insane, but yes, she absolutely did want to know the answer to that question. She needed to know he was capable of feeling something other than lust, needed to know a human heart beat inside that chest of his.
Zander lightly eased a hand beneath Vanessa’s hair and slipped it around to the back of her neck, keeping her gaze fixed on him as he plainly stated the answer to her question:
“You.”
For a second, Vanessa let herself believe that, but then remembered who she was dealing with. Her eyes slipped away from his.
“Zander, you and I both know I’m nothing to you—what happened the other night, that kiss, was nothing; my feelings mean nothing; and as soon as you leave here today, you’ll find another woman who’ll also mean nothing to you and you’ll use your wit and your charm to convince her to do your bidding.”
He continued to stare into her eyes when she didn’t pull away. The thoughts that ran through his mind left him feeling extremely uncomfortable. Sharing his sexual thoughts and desires had never been an issue. But sharing his emotions? He’d rather saw off his own hand. For that reason, he didn’t confess what came to mind—didn’t share how, shortly after meeting her, shortly after being smitten by her, he found himself unable to be with another woman. The change didn’t come about right away, but that was certainly the case now.
Overdose: A British Bad Boy Romance Page 10
