He simply couldn’t.
Not even on the few occasions he actively tried.
Instead of confessing these things, he opted to release Vanessa and let her believe her assumptions were correct. As soon as he let go, she looked away.
“You’ve jumped to the wrong conclusion,” he explained, defending himself against her accusations. “I actually haven’t taken advantage of anyone in quite some time. Not even this patient of yours.”
She didn’t believe him. He’d had at least five sexual partners this week alone; she was sure of it, because that was habit for him. He’d told her so himself.
Zander, still standing near Vanessa’s desk, eyed her, looking for even the slightest change in her body language.
“Admit it,” he started. “You’re upset because you thought I settled for someone else that night when I couldn’t have you.”
She counted her breaths and said nothing, maintaining her standoffish posture.
Zander leaned in and the scent of honeydew in Vanessa’s hair made him inhale deeper. Letting his lips touch her ear, he whispered. “I must admit, jealousy is even sexier on you than anger.”
Vanessa’s eyes drifted closed, feeling the warmth of Zander’s body as he lingered in her space. His allure was even harder to resist than usual. She had to fight it, though. After what he’d done, she wanted nothing else to do with him.
“That’s not going to work this time,” she said firmly.
From the beginning, Zander had been running this show. She knew that now. On more than one occasion—perhaps every occasion—she’d let him control her without even realizing it at the time. And quite frankly, after the way he’d behaved the other night during the meeting, after the meeting when he engaged in whatever acts he committed with either Roxy or Jasmine, she was ready to put an end to it.
She was disgusted by the fact that Zander actually believed he was about to wriggle his way back into her good graces. Clearly, he respected her less than she realized. Smiling, Vanessa held her composure and refused to bend on this. She moved in closer, invading Zander’s space just like he had a tendency to do to her.
This was new for him and she liked the look of uncertainty on his face. Meanwhile, he found her boldness intoxicating. The change in pace had definitely thrown him.
Vanessa touched the knot of Zander’s tie and his eyes went there as she adjusted it.
“I’m not sure if you noticed this or not… but when you walked up to this building, there were big, pretty, gold letters you should’ve read just above the archway. They say ‘Ferris and Ferris’. Does that sound familiar?” she asked coyly, still moving her fingers over the expensive silk of his tie. “It should, because this is my practice… my office, meaning you will now and always abide by my rules here. This isn’t Zander-Ville.”
Zander-Ville. That made him smile as he mouthed the phrase silently.
Vanessa moved in even closer so she was right in his face and he enjoyed the undiluted scent of her, breathing her in deep.
“Now… I want you to listen to me good because I’m just a little too busy to have to repeat myself,” she went on. “Today is thee absolute last day you will ever let your fancy, overpriced shoes cross that threshold of this building. Rest assured that, if you do suddenly develop a convenient case of amnesia and you come back, I will have the police here so fast your head will spin. I do not now, nor will I ever want you, Zander,” she said, shaking, doing her best to think these words into existence.
She tasted the lie in every syllable.
When she finished, she expected to be staring into the angry glare of the man she’d just thoroughly put in his place.
Instead? A smile. One composed of equal parts amusement and lust.
Before Zander could have a chance to respond, a chance to let her know he saw through that whole, poorly executed show, she pressed her finger to the intercom button on the telephone.
“Greta, be on standby, please. I may need security to escort Dr. Hale to his vehicle.”
Zander didn’t move an inch and neither did Vanessa. While she should have felt vindicated, she’d failed her attempt to snatch back the power Zander stole when she wasn’t looking. To her, it felt like he’d done to her what he’d done to all the other women he took advantage of—sniffed out her weakness and slithered his way inside her mind.
Like a parasite.
The only difference between her and the others was that she was smart enough to end things before they started. The knock at the door didn’t make either of them budge. Evan and Mike, Vanessa’s security guards, opened the door without invitation when she didn’t answer.
“Do we have a problem here?” Mike asked.
Vanessa stared at Zander. “You’re the only one who can answer that question.”
The corner of his mouth quirked when she challenged him. Remaining poised, he adjusted the lapel of his suit jacket as he backed away, eyes deadlocked on Vanessa. When Evan tried to take his arm, Zander put a hand up to let the large man know it wasn’t necessary to escort him. He exited Vanessa’s office with dignity. After all, he was quite the gentleman when given the chance to be.
When he was gone, Vanessa sucked in a breath of air. She couldn’t let it show, but banning him from her place of business, banning him from her life, wasn’t as easy as she’d made it look. Still, she knew it was for the best. Hopefully, Zander heard her loud and clear and wouldn’t force his way inside her world anymore.
Mike hung back to make sure she was all right and then left her alone to gather herself. This was all just too much. She’d had troublesome patients in the past, but none like Zander—none who knew their way around the human psyche the way he did. He left her feeling mentally violated on several occasions, as if he’d stepped inside her mind without permission.
She shuddered, taking a seat behind her desk, trying to convince herself she’d done the right thing here today. Yes, she was sure Zander needed help, maybe even wanted help. However, for the first time in her career, she was sure she’d met her match; the first patient she didn’t feel adequately equipped to treat.
Somehow so many lines had gotten crossed and she was partially to blame for that. Not just Zander. One thing he managed to do was make her reconsider her perspective of all she’d learned, of the position she held. Her inability to treat him without getting too involved made her feel like a failure.
This moment, as her weaknesses and her mistakes stared her in the face, would stick with her forever.
Chapter Ten
It wasn’t until Zander was absent from Vanessa’s life that she realized how much he was affecting her actions and decisions. With her head clearer, she found herself giving patients better advice and she was far less irritable. It’d only been two weeks since putting him out of her office, but apparently, cutting ties was a much needed change.
In a way, she was impressed with Zander in all this. With his ego occupying a space the size of Texas, she fully expected him to buck against her putting her foot down. In the very least, she thought he’d try to stop by unannounced, but he respected her wishes and stayed away.
Greta didn’t ask questions when Vanessa informed her that he was no longer a patient of hers and to call security, and then the police, if he showed up. She’d also been able to do it all without Simon being suspicious. The last thing she needed was for him to think he’d been right about Zander. She could definitely do without the gloating. In her mind, this maneuver was a complete success.
After dropping Ryan off at school, she parked and walked toward the office building with her briefcase in hand. She was strangely relaxed and tense at the same time. She knew the source of both feelings, but dismissed it all for the sake of staying focused on her incoming clients.
Greta handed messages over as Vanessa passed by her station with a smile.
“Thank you,” she said casually, sipping through the lid of her coffee cup.
She set her things down on her desk before going back
to shut the door. None of the phone messages were urgent, so she took the few minutes of free time to relax. Her morning schedule was full and she was sure to be working straight through until her and Simon’s appointment with their attorneys.
Today was the day.
Everything would be final once their signatures were on paper at roughly one p.m. By early afternoon she’d be a single woman again; a thought that both freed and saddened her at the same time.
She didn’t want to think about that, though; about the demise of her marriage. So she put that aside for now, letting her mind drift back to the other thought she battled with a moment ago in the parking lot—the secondary cause of her stress, which she was also inclined to believe might be the cure-all for everything.
Zander.
Her eyes slowly closed as she found herself overwhelmed by the memory of his cologne’s scent. She hadn’t forgotten it. On several occasions he’d entered her personal space, bombarding all of her senses. He smelled delicious. Knowing she should scold herself for using that word to describe it, she didn’t. Instead, she enjoyed these few private thoughts that seemed harmless.
She thought of his touch, the unapologetic way he handled her the night of the meeting. The lust between she and Zander had been thick enough that, even without him being present, she could feel it. She remembered how intoxicated she felt being wanted by him, and then she remembered that these were all the reasons it was necessary to dismiss him from her roster. The mere thought of him had her losing focus again.
“Dr. Ferris, your 9:00—”
“Send them in,” Vanessa interrupted, sighing heavily as she stood to take her seat across the room.
The patient knocked lightly and then entered the office. Instantly, the smile faded from Vanessa’s face and she wished like hell she’d remembered who her first client was. Roxy had conveniently canceled her last two appointments and Vanessa was pretty sure she knew why: guilt brought on by the fact that she’d slept with someone other than her husband; guilt brought on by the fact that she’d slept with Zander.
Clearing her throat, Vanessa gathered her scattered thoughts and managed a forced smile.
“Good morning,” she said as Roxy took her place on the burgundy, leather couch without speaking a single word.
“You missed your last appointment,” Vanessa acknowledged, doing her best to keep her thoughts from bleeding through her expression.
“Yeah, I know. Things just got… crazy for a while and I needed to take a breather,” was Roxy’s response.
Vanessa nodded. “That’s fine, but making time for your therapy sessions is important, too. I’d just hate for you to get sidetracked,” she added with a tight grin.
Roxy definitely seemed out of sorts.
“Is everything okay?” Vanessa asked.
Roxy forced herself to perk up. “Perfect.”
Yeah, something was definitely off. “Okay… well… let’s begin with you telling me how your last couple weeks have been? Anything new to share?”
‘Did that sound like prying?’ Vanessa thought to herself.
Roxy avoided eye contact. “Nope. Everything’s just like before.”
Vanessa looked her patient over and set her pen down on her notebook. Roxy was notoriously open and very comfortable during her therapy sessions. She never held back sharing much of anything, so her behavior only confirmed what Vanessa already knew.
“Roxy, I’m not trying to invade your privacy. You have every right to keep your thoughts to yourself, but… you definitely seem troubled. Now, if you’re not comfortable sharing, that’s fine, but I strongly suggest that you—”
“I cheated on my husband,” she blurted.
And there it was.
“I did,” Roxy went on. “I cheated on Bo and I… I don’t know what to do, or how to feel, or… much of anything. If I lose him….” she trailed off, choking back tears.
There was an ache deep within Vanessa’s chest, in a place that usually felt hollow, but not today. She swallowed hard and remembered she still hadn’t responded to Roxy. “Well… let’s start with why you think you did this.”
Roxy reached for a tissue on Vanessa’s table and wiped her tears first. “Honestly? I have no idea. It was just one of those things, you know?”
No, Vanessa didn’t know. Nor did she understand it when Simon tried to explain that ‘it was just one of those things’. To her, that sounded like nothing more than a cop out.
“I just felt like…” Roxy paused. “He made me feel sexy,” she reasoned. “With Bo, it’s never like that. I think because he’s so used to sex not really affecting me like it does other women, he’s stopped trying to make it special. I mean, I can’t blame him.”
Vanessa stopped her. “Don’t do that, Roxy. Your condition doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have a fulfilling sex life just like everyone else.”
Vanessa strained to separate Zander from this situation, but that was impossible. He was at the epicenter of it. He was the reason Roxy now feared losing her husband; he was the reason Vanessa was having a hard time advising her patient. Add to it the fact that she, herself, would be finalizing a divorce this afternoon because of similar circumstances. Whether she liked it or not, this particular session was personal… on several levels.
Roxy sobbed a little harder. “But… I think, regardless of what he says… he blames himself! I can’t imagine what it must feel like to think you’re not capable of satisfying your spouse.”
Vanessa didn’t say anything back.
“I just feel so…..selfish,” Roxy added.
“You made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.” The words came across terribly insincere, but that was the best Vanessa could muster, considering.
Roxy continued to wipe her eyes, but said nothing back.
“How did you feel afterward? Other than guilty, I mean.”
“Sad,” Roxy answered. “Angry with myself for letting it happen. And yes, there was guilt, but… not just for the reason you would expect.”
Vanessa didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”
Roxy let her gaze drift out the window when it became impossible for her to look at Vanessa. “I don’t know how, but… he made me have an orgasm,” Roxy confessed, finally turning her wet stare toward her doctor.
There was silence in the room as Vanessa found herself speechless.
“And because of it, I’ve avoided intimacy with Bo. I’m afraid that, somehow, he’ll be able to tell something is different. Like… what if I have another one? That’ll surely raise some red flags in his mind.” She paused. “And what if I don’t have another one?”
There was a look of real concern on Roxy’s face. Meanwhile, Vanessa was struggling more than ever with the role Zander had to play in all this.
“Do you think it’ll happen again? The orgasm, I mean?” Vanessa asked, clearing her throat.
Roxy shrugged. “Not sure—with Bo, anyway.” She met Vanessa’s gaze again. “What if it can only happen with that one guy? What if, now, everything goes back to how it used to be?” She shook her head. “I don’t know if I’d be okay with that.”
“Do you plan to see… this man again?” Caught inside her own thoughts, Vanessa nearly slipped and said Zander’s name aloud.
Roxy sat motionless as another tear slipped down her cheek. “I’ve thought about it.”
Vanessa expected that. It was normal in these sorts of incidents for an emotional connection, false affection, to be projected onto the other party because of the intense experience.
“It’s my professional opinion that seeing him again would do more harm than good,” she advised, hoping it didn’t sound like the words came from a place of jealousy. “Is he someone you can avoid? Do you work together? Is he in your circle of friends?” Vanessa inquired, pretending to not have all the answers.
Roxy shook her head. “I can avoid him.”
Vanessa nodded. “Good. Then do that.” The words sounded harsh, too demanding, so she soft
ened her tone. “Focus on your family like you’ve always done, Roxy. The worst thing you could do is let yourself start to feel any sort of attachment to this guy. Continuing the relationship could lead to resentment toward Bo. Eventually, depression when your feelings begin to deepen… it could just lead you down a very dark and dangerous road.”
Roxy nodded and Vanessa lowered her head to make a note.
“The man,” Roxy started, grabbing Vanessa’s attention. “He’s uh…” When she paused, Vanessa’s heart sank, already hearing Zander’s name roll off Roxy’s tongue, although she had yet to confess. Still, Vanessa held her breath, preparing herself.
“It’s Bo’s best friend,” Roxy admitted. “Danny”
Bo’s best friend? But…
Vanessa was beyond confused. She felt her body go rigid.
“He came by while Bo was out fishing with his dad. I was bringing in groceries. He helped me… then… one thing just led to another.”
Roxy’s gaze slipped down to her hands again and she fell silent.
A cold sheen of sweat lightly coated Vanessa’s face as the realization hit her. She’d falsely accused Zander. The speech she dismissed as a ball of lies was actually the truth. Yes, she told him the reason she couldn’t see him anymore was mostly because of his behavior at the meeting, but she knew deep down that wasn’t it. His know-it-all personality was merely an annoyance, but nothing she would’ve stopped seeing him over.
She lowered her head, acknowledging the mistake. It was so easy to think he was the bad guy, so easy to think that all men lied and schemed like she’d discovered Simon had done. After hearing about the lengthy conversation Simon witnessed between Zander, Roxy, and Jasmine, she jumped to conclusions. In the end, her prejudices clouded her judgment and this was the outcome. Now, she felt heavily weighed down by guilt.
Overdose: A British Bad Boy Romance Page 11
