Anathema (Sojourner Series Book 4)

by Maria Rachel Hooley

  "Now maybe you should go back to sleep."

  "I'm not tired," I mutter. As I look at Jimmie and Griffin, I shake my head, awed at how they can sleep no matter what’s going on around them.

  "They were up pretty late, worrying about you."

  "Figures," I murmur, glancing around the room, looking for Lev and Evan.

  "Where are the others?"

  Celia's sudden forced smile hints she's hiding something. "They’re looking around."

  "What for?" I go to the window and peer out. No such luck. I don't see anybody.

  "The Triune."

  My back stiffens; no matter how things go, I can't see any of this ending well. "Why are they looking for the Triune? What good is it going to do to find them?" I’m trying to keep my voice even; the last thing is to wake up Jimmie, who’s probably going to freak out when he finally does open his eyes. Then again, ever since Lev and I met, Jimmie seems to be freaking out a lot.

  “Evan is probably trying to talk to them.” She nods to the kitchen. “Why don’t we get you something to eat?”

  “I’m not really hungry,” I manage. Still, I follow her, anyway. Between the pounding in my head and my arm, I’m having trouble focusing, but I’m doing the best I can.

  “You look kind of pale, Elizabeth. Have a seat.” She points to a bar stool by the counter. Part of me wants to rebel and point out I’m fine. Then again, that isn’t the part of me which is really light-headed and nauseated. I hate feeling like a weakling. Still, I know what’s in my best interest; the bar stool. I make my way to the stool, my hand skimming the surface of whatever I can find to help me keep my balance until I can sit and catch my breath.

  “I’m really not hungry,” I say. But Celia really isn’t listening. She’s already pouring cereal into a bowl and covering it with milk. She sets the bowl in front of me and gives me a spoon.

  “There.” I start to argue, but she shakes her head. “And will you quit telling me you’re not hungry? Do you really want me to get in trouble with Evan and Lev? They gave me explicit instructions on how to take care of you.”

  I grab my spoon. “Because I really can’t take care of myself, right?”

  She holds up her hands in surrender. “I didn’t say a word.”

  I sigh. “Yeah, I know. I just wish everybody would stop treating me like I’m going to fall apart or something.” Sensing her watching me, I shove a bite of cereal into my mouth and focus on eating. I wouldn’t want to frustrate Evan or Lev…. I keep watching her, hoping she’ll say something to give away information about what Lev and Evan are doing. She starts humming and sits in the chair next to me.

  “You gave us all a scare earlier, Elizabeth.”

  “Really?” I’m tired of people telling me that. I’m so not trying to scare anybody, but things keep spinning out of control. “So tell me more about what Lev and Evan are trying to do.”

  Celia sits up straighter, and her smile dims slightly, telling me this is a subject she really doesn’t want to talk about. “They’re just going to talk to Lepail. Nothing big.”

  I set the spoon in my bowl and shake my head. “Celia, I’m eating cereal I really can’t stand because you think I should be hungry. I’m sitting on this barstool because you think I’m too weak to keep standing. The least you could do is be honest with me.” A stray hair falls into my face, and I grab it and savagely push it away. Celia’s still avoiding eye contact, which hints that she’s going to be pretty stubborn.

  “Elizabeth….” Her voice dies away, and she shakes her head.

  “Look, I know I’m human and this is a huge mess. I get that.” I shove the bowl away, shaking my head. “But this isn’t just about Lev and Evan and you. I have the biggest stake in this of everyone. Don’t I deserve to know what’s happening?”

  She picks up my bowl and carries it to the sink. “You won’t like it. Pure and simple.”

  “That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know—and it’s not the first time I’ve had to learn things I didn’t like. I can handle it, you know?”

  She turns to face me and leans against the counter. For a moment, I think about her wings and how awkward they would be in this small kitchen. Before that thought can blossom into full-blown laughter, I force myself to stop thinking about it.

  “All right—but you need to keep this to yourself. If Lev or Evan find out I’ve spilled the beans, I’m really going to be in trouble.”

  “Why?” I stand and move closer.

  “Because they are trying to protect you, and you don’t listen when people tell you something for your own good. That’s why. So--you promise?” She stares at me expectantly until I finally nod.

  “All right. I won’t tell.”

  She nods but doesn’t look any more comfortable talking than she did before. She folds her arms across her abdomen and looks down at the floor. “Evan and Lev are trying to approach the Triune to convince them you aren’t a threat, which considering what you were able to do when you were asleep, isn’t really the truth. If you can attack in your sleep, you are a threat.”

  I absently rub the bandage on my arm. “What do you think will happen?”

  She shrugs. “It’s hard to say. I guess it really depends on how open the Triune is to what they have to say. They know Evan.” Her voice dies suddenly, as though she’s just stopped speaking in the middle of her thought. She’s guarding the truth.

  “There’s something you aren’t saying. Just like Evan.”

  She paces around the kitchen, her eyes darting from the room to me and back. “You’re right. There is something I haven’t said. But it doesn’t matter. Knowing won’t help.” She licks her lips and looks out the window. Is she searching for Evan, much like I had, because this conversation has suddenly taken a turn she was never prepared to handle?

  “I want to know,” I press. “I deserve that.”

  She stops, and her body stiffens. She closes her eyes, and I can tell she really doesn’t want to do this. “Elizabeth, please don’t ask me.” Her arms dangle at her sides, and I see she is curling her fingers into fists as a way to deal with all the stuff she doesn’t want to get into.

  “Please. It’s about me. I want to know.” My voice is small, and I look at her, my eyes begging for her to give on this one score.

  She nods. “All right. But you can’t do anything rash, Elizabeth. It’s impossible to know which path the future will take, and reacting according to one possibility won’t get us anywhere, okay?”

  I sense the build-up of what actually means, “Don’t be stupid after I tell you,” so I nod. I’d promise pretty much anything if it meant she would eventually tell me the truth no one else will.

  “There is a slight chance that things could go wrong with the Triune. Terribly wrong.”

  I frown. “What do you mean?”

  “Because the Triune will know the connection between you and Lev, the angels might assume Evan is just taking your side, that his judgment is flawed and cannot be trusted.”

  My whole body begins to stiffen, and I suddenly have an urge to fly out of there and find Lev before something dreadful occurs—something that would be all my fault, which I can’t bear. “If they don’t trust Evan and won’t listen to him, what happens?” No matter how hard I try to keep my voice even, the panic makes it sound uneven and higher pitched than normal.

  “Look, it doesn’t matter. It’s only one possibility.” She looks down at her hands, pretending there is a cuticle that bothers her.

  I shake my head, and my body starts to sway slightly, so I lean against the counter. “I have trouble believing that. You wouldn’t have mentioned it if it weren’t a strong possibility. You keep looking for them like you know something bad has happened. You’re just as worried as I am.”

  She looks away. “I’m not worried, Elizabeth. I still think things will work out for the best.”

  “No, you don’t—at least give me that much credit. You know the Triune could easily kill them, don’t you? The Triune will d
emand I be handed over. Lev would rather be destroyed than give in, and that’s what will happen, isn’t it?”

  Celia quickly grabs my shoulders. “Don’t jump to conclusions, Elizabeth. It won’t help anyone.”

  I pull away. “I’m not jumping to anything. What I’m thinking is all over your face for anyone to read. It doesn’t take much.” I shake my head. My body hurts, but right now I notice the deeper pain in my heart as I realize Evan and Lev could be in over their heads.

  “There’s nothing you can do!” Celia snaps. “No matter what you’re thinking, you can’t change things. Whatever occurs isn’t your fault.”

  How many times have I heard that one? I shake my head and start for the door. “I can’t just sit back and let this happen. I won’t.”

  “It’s not your decision.” Celia starts toward me. “Lev and Evan already made it. They told me to keep you here.”

  “No!” I argue and rush toward the door. Of course, I’m mistaken in thinking I’ll get through it before Celia. She’s too fast, and wraps her arms around me before I know it. Although she’s short, there’s no limit to the strength she possesses, and I can’t get free, no matter how hard I try.

  “Let go!” I shout.

  “No.” Celia maintains that same calm Evan has, and it chills me to the bone. I hate it. “You have to stay here.”

  At once, my vision starts to change, and I scream. “Let me go!” I yell.

  “Calm down, Elizabeth!”

  “What’s going on?” Jimmie’s voice.

  “Get out of here!” I scream. I see the light forms ahead of me as Jimmie and Griffin stand in the doorway, watching in shock. But the glow of their bodies is nothing compared to the heat which is starting to burn in my hands. The ball of fiery light appears, and I know what’s coming. I try to think of the blanket as Evan taught me, but I can’t. The bright light won’t go away. I can’t control it. Evan was wrong. The Triune is right, and now three people I love are in danger.

  “Celia! You have to let me go!” I try to break free, but I can’t. She’s too strong. Jimmie and Griffin approach.

  “What can I do?” Jimmie asks.

  “Give me a—”

  The light flies from my hands in three directions, knocking them all to the ground. I hear my own horrible keening. It’s wordless and high-pitched. Then I start falling. Nothing holds me. My vision tries to go black and strand me in unconsciousness, but I fight it. I’m crying and screaming, rocking back and forth and waiting to be able to see again.

  But when my vision returns, I wish I were blind. Three bodies lying there—my fault. I look at my hands and scream louder. How could I have done this? How?

  I should check to see if they are breathing, but I can’t. I’m afraid. I just rock harder and faster, as if that will help me stay sane. They all look dead, and so I do the only thing I know that can still save Evan and Lev: I run and hope the Triune will follow.

  Chapter Sixteen

  At first, I have no clue where I’m running to. I’m not sure it makes a difference. I keep looking over my shoulder, as if I’m expecting Celia to follow me. Somehow I doubt Celia will ever follow anyone again. And it’s my fault. It’s all my fault.

  Even though I should be hot because I’m running, it’s cold outside—much colder than in Tennessee—and I sure didn’t pack warm enough stuff, not that it matters. I have to find the Triune. I have to stop whatever Evan and Lev have put into motion before they get hurt. I won’t let them sacrifice themselves for me.

  But how do I find them?

  I stop running a moment, trying to catch my breath and mull over this problem. Then the answer comes. I don’t have to find them. I have to help them find me. I look back at the distant outline of the cabin. No one follows me. So I rush toward the trail head which will lead to the falls. I guess if I’m going to die, that’s as good a place as any. At least it’s beautiful.

  By the time I’m halfway up the trail, I’m crying so hard I can’t see anything. My side cramps, but I force myself to at least walk quickly. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can help Lev and Evan, even if they really don’t want my help. This is my mess to clean up. My fingers are bright red. My arm aches from running, and my head pounds, probably from the exertion of my powers. I’m sure I’d look half wild to anyone who saw me, but I don’t care. All I care about is finding the falls and starting things into motion.

  I know the angels in the Triune will have felt the disturbance when I used the powers against Celia. I don’t know for sure if they would know exactly what I did, but I know, and I’ll never forgive myself. Maybe Lev and Evan can find it in their hearts to still love me unconditionally, but I can’t do that for myself. Celia was like my sister. She didn’t deserve this.

  Ahead, I see the trail open up, and I know just around the corner are the falls. That makes me start running again, ignoring all the pain in my body. Pretty soon, the pain won’t matter anymore. I’ll be free of that, too.

  Sobbing, I rush toward the rail, and I lean over for a moment, trying to catch my breath. The air is heavy with cold mist from the falls, and the crash of it rivals the thundering of my heart in my ears. The world spins around me, threatening to dump me back into the blackness, but I fight it. I have to do this. I don’t care how much I hurt right now. I wait until I can straighten up and close my eyes, searching my body for that power core which is tucked away. I know it’s there. It’s been a curse ever since I stabbed myself, and now I have to find it to go on with whatever needs to happen.

  Nothing. What am I doing wrong? I know the power is there.

  Frustrated, I force myself to lie on the ground and try to relax, hoping that will help me channel into it. If I can’t go to the Triune because I don’t have a clue where they are, I’ll summon them—not that I’m expecting them to be happy about it. I can’t have everything, can I? And after Celia, Griffin, and Jimmie, it really doesn’t much matter; I’ll take whatever fate decides to give me.

  For a moment, I sense nothing, no matter how hard I reach for it. It’s like the power has fused itself so finely to my body I can’t tell the difference between it and me. But it’s there. I know it is. I just have to find the fine seam between the two, the artificial line to tell me what is inside of me that should not be there.

  I push deeper, envisioning my body as I lie there, probing harder. That’s when I find it—the faint, tell-tale lines like the aura of wings draping Lev or Celia’s body. That’s the reason I couldn’t find the source of the power at first: I was looking for a glowing ball of power like right before it surges when I see it gather at my fingertips. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been using the power or because of the amount of time which has passed since I used the dagger, but something has allowed the power to change the way it is distributed in my body. That makes me wonder what else the power has done. It would also explain why the power is easily accessible now. It’s pretty much fused throughout my body in all the integral places. Of course I have no idea what the power is really doing. No one does, which means the angels from the triune are right to be concerned. This gradual shift could definitely be something bad.

  Still, I force myself to focus on the soft glow and draw the heated power from throughout my body to my hands where I can collect it.

  Something must be working because it's then, even with my eyes closed, I sense my vision has shifted into the stranger version of darkness and light. I keep drawing it because I don't know what I have to do to attract the attention of the triune. Can they sense when the power is growing, or does it have to surge?

  It doesn't matter. The ball starts out the size of a nickel. I keep nurturing it. It's like pulling glowing cotton from the fiber of my being and watching it jump together, reforming itself into the ball. But as I gather it, I feel the intense heat—a new side-effect, I'm guessing. And that probably means this power is evolving, forcing me to evolve with it. Come next week, there’s no telling what that will mean.

  I guess it's a g
ood thing it's going to be over one way or another—right now.

  The energy is now tennis-ball sized. I could discharge it, but I want to wait. I want to make it bigger to attract them. No mistakes about what I'm doing or where I am. Give them all the ammunition they need to end this.

  My head is starting to throb, and even with my eyes closed, the world is spinning. The ball is now the size of a volleyball, and I feel weak, which probably means this is as big as it's going to get without me passing out. I feel myself sweating; as the size of the ball has grown, so has the amount of heat it's generating.

  I start to pull myself upright with the help of the railing. I keep my eyes closed because the distortions in my vision only make it harder for me to concentrate, and right now I need all the help I can get. The world tilts like I’m on some kind of a ride, and I taste bile. In the distance, my shoulder hurts, but I push the pain farther back so I can’t feel it beneath the ache blossoming in my head.

  When I can finally stand without huddling over the rail for support, I look down at my hands and hold out the ball. For a moment, nothing happens. Then I look at the trees just a short distance away. The sudden shift of my concentration is enough; the fiery light jumps from my hands to the trees and underbrush. Although most of the leaves have fallen already, the bark seems healthy enough, at least until the bright flaming light touches it. The hard brown skin of the tree suddenly glows in heat for a minute before the light fades, leaving a charred skeleton where a healthy oak had stood just a moment ago; all the limbs are brittle and scorched.

  I fall backwards, and the rush causes me to vomit. I just keep my eyes closed, hoping that will make the disorientation pass a little more quickly; I can’t stand the way it seizes me, refusing to let me go. I remain there, rocks from the hard ground digging into my body until I have enough strength to roll over to my side and try to stand. The pain in my head and arms is worse, and I’m exhausted. Without the glowing orb of energy, I feel cold, and I shudder as the wind picks up around me. Tennessee was so much warmer.

  Although I manage to get to my feet, my knees are weak and threaten to dump me back to the ground, so I clutch the rail for support, hoping this wave of weakness will pass. My vision is closer to normal but still skewed. That doesn’t stop me from trying to see the world as it should be, including the vicinity where I loosed the ball of energy. Then I see what my ‘power’ has truly purchased, taking something so green and vibrant and turning it into charred death.