by Davis, Mary
Planned—no. She hadn’t planned anything. True, she did make extra—just in case. He’s a bachelor; he didn’t get home-cooked meals. She was only trying to help—a friend. Yes, that was it. Help a friend. He’d been so nice to check up on her to make sure everything was working fine and she was safe. She knew why he did it. Mr. Davenport had asked him to. She was sure of it. And she did so like having a friend up here. She just had to be careful to keep things as friends.
“Then you made that trip to Mackinac Island—now there’s a romantic place.”
Lori opened her mouth to protest, but Josie went on.
“Don’t even think about denying it. I saw the pictures. Trips into Mancelona and Kalkaska, even Traverse City last weekend, and the Dunes—”
“The Sand Dunes was Gretchen’s idea.” She spoke up quickly, pointing a finger in the air. Why had she opened her big mouth and told Josie all the wonderful places she had been? She’d thought it would reassure Josie she was fine. Now she realized her mistake.
Josie rolled her eyes. “If he wanted to get out of it, which obviously he didn’t, I’m sure a smart guy like him could have come up with a plausible excuse.” She leaned back in her chair and put her hand to her chin. “What else? Oh, yeah, the aurora borealis. A rendezvous under the romantic northern lights.” She moved her eyebrows up and down.
She hadn’t told Josie she saw it with Garth. She had purposely left him out of it.
“Maybe you two were too busy to pay attention to the sky. Perhaps gazing into each other’s eyes.”
Garth had been staring at her at the beginning of the light show. That was only to see her reaction to the lights; he was so excited about them. “He’s a science teacher. It was a science thing. Nothing more.”
“A science thing? Ha!” She turned and looked with pleading in her brown eyes. “Lori, maybe you’re not interested in Garth—though I think you are—but he is obviously interested in you. Don’t string him along. Garth Kessel is a great guy. He’s drop-dead gorgeous, especially his eyes. He’s a Christian, kind, considerate, and very patient.”
She already knew all that. “I’m not interested in a relationship right now.”
Josie’s smile widened.
“What?” Lori said.
“I noticed you didn’t say you weren’t interested in Garth.”
Lori gave a heavy sigh. “I just can’t right now.”
She was interested. She just wasn’t willing to risk it.
❧
After her talk with Josie, Lori thought a lot about her relationship with Garth. No, not relationship—friendship. Maybe he wasn’t being kind out of some sense of duty. She had to put a stop to his growing affections.
Lori’s head sank into her pillow; two nights of tossing and turning were enough. She would sleep tonight even if the nightmare came; she longed for sleep.
“There’s nothing between us,” she heard herself telling Josie. “We’re just friends.”
“Nothing, ha! How long are you going to fool yourself?”
She wasn’t fooling herself. She treasured Garth’s friendship. He was kind and patient and caring when she needed him. Always there to comfort her and lend a helping hand. But he wouldn’t always be there, and that was the problem.
She recalled the warmth of his embrace when she sat by the lake and cried for Doug. And his attentiveness to show her all of Mackinac Island he could in a single day, though he had seen it more than a dozen times. The concern in his eyes when her hip caused her great pain. She smiled at his little-boy pleasure in sharing his treasured Traverse Bay Woolen Company.
Yes, she had suspected his feelings went beyond friendship, but she hadn’t encouraged it. She just needed a friend, and Garth was eager to be there for her. It was nice not to be so alone. Okay, so she was fooling herself.
Maybe she hadn’t encouraged Garth, but she certainly hadn’t discouraged him either.
On Monday he stopped by to check on the firewood supply he knew she never used. She realized Josie was right then, and his excuses for dropping by were just that—excuses.
“I thought maybe you and Josie built a fire while she was here.” He stood in the breezeway outside the door, looking past her into the cottage.
She didn’t invite him in as she normally did. “We decided not to bother with one. I’m sorry you troubled yourself.”
“It’s no trouble. You know I like to help.”
A little too much for your own good. “Everything is working fine, so no help is needed.”
He ignored her subtle dismissal but seemed as uncomfortable as she felt. “I was thinking of ordering a pizza or going into town for a burger. Do you want to join me?”
Yes, she wanted to but wouldn’t. “I ate a little while ago.”
“How about dessert? I’ll buy you an ice cream cone.” Hope mingled with the hurt in his eyes.
“I don’t feel like ice cream. I was going to try to finish my book.” She held up the volume with her finger marking the place. That was lame.
“Okay.” The dejected sound in his voice and the droop of his mouth pressed at her heart.
“If everything is fine here, then I’ll be on my way.”
“Everything is fine and dandy,” she said with an extra dose of cheerfulness that was far from the agony she was suffering. When he left, a void ripped open inside her.
From the back window that faced the beach she watched him go. Shoulders slumped and head down, he kicked his way across the sand and up the rise to his place.
She felt sick to her stomach and wished she hadn’t forced down that sandwich before his arrival.
He looked so hurt. Wasn’t that the point? He would be better off without her in the long run. So why was she so miserable? She hurled her book across the room, plopped down on the sofa, and cried into her hands.
❧
Garth stretched out on the couch. So Miss Lorelei Hayes had tired of his company. He’d hoped for so much more. The only woman he had the slightest interest in, and she’d brushed him off.
What went wrong? What had he done wrong?
Surely he could do something to change her mind. Hadn’t she enjoyed his company? Why invite him in for dinner so often—at all—if not?
Had Josie said something against him to her? Why would she do that? She wouldn’t, would she?
Maybe Lorelei needed a little space. Was he crowding her by going over so often?
He lay there in his confusion well after dark. “I suppose I should get something to eat.” He pulled himself off the couch and walked to the refrigerator. Lorelei wasn’t going to offer her company. He missed her; he hadn’t seen her all weekend with Josie visiting, and here it was Monday night and still no sunshine from her smiling face.
He rooted around inside the refrigerator then kicked the door shut. He wasn’t hungry anyway. He walked outside and looked over at Lorelei’s place. What did I do wrong, Lord? I want to fix this, but I don’t know how. She said she came up here to be alone. He certainly hadn’t afforded her that. He would give her time. But not too much.
❧
On Wednesday when they went to church, Garth was standoffish, polite, and cordial but remained at arm’s length where she had pushed him. He didn’t come around on Thursday or Friday. She realized how much time they’d spent together and missed his company. . .his friendship. . .their relationship. Her promise to herself not to become involved shattered.
Would he ever come back, or had she scared him off completely? That was her intent, but now she wished she hadn’t.
On Saturday she sat outside with her notebook at the picnic table in her new coat. She hoped being outside would be less threatening. He said he could see her from his place.
She picked up her pen and tapped it on her lips.
The last leaves clung to the late fall branches.
She didn’t like the line and crossed it out.
The diamond-sparkled lake rippled in the wind.
She scribbled it out faster than
she wrote it.
The trees rustling in the gentle br—
No!
Again she rejected the words. She glanced toward Garth’s place. Where are you? She put her pen back on the paper.
The girl, sitting on the stupid bench in the stupid cold feeling very stupid.
She studied the page. I’ll title it “The Stupid Poem.”
She pushed the notebook away from her and rested her arms on the wood table. Who was she trying to fool? She couldn’t write poetry, nor did she want to. The only poetry she could write was the roses-are-red kind.
She pulled her notebook back toward her and tapped the pen on the paper, then wrote, Roses are red. Violets are blue. Garth is so wonderful. Why would he like you?
She turned to a new page.
I’m so confused. Here I sit, waiting for a man who will not come. A man I pushed away. I like Garth. He’s a wonderful man. I like him a lot. But what happens when he finds out I’m not perfect? My. . .defects?
I am afraid of my growing feelings for him. And I am afraid of not feeling at all. Sinking ever so slowly into that dark pit void of emotions. It’s lonely down there. I know. I visited once and don’t care to return. I feel fragile and vulnerable. I don’t know if I could handle it very well if things didn’t work out between us.
So here I sit. . .waiting. . .debating. . .out in the cold on a hard bench with my hip aching. I’m such an emotional mess. I don’t even know what I want. Should I just go back inside and leave well enough alone? But I can’t. I hurt him. I can’t leave things this way. If he doesn’t appear soon, I’ll go over and talk to him. No, I’ll call him. But what would I say? I can’t think of one intelligent thing to say. What’s the use? He probably thinks I’m a flaky dimwit and is glad to be rid of me.
I think I want another chance, but I’m afraid to ask. What if I make a mess of it again?
She looked up and was startled to see Garth ambling over with his hands shoved deep in his coat pockets.
She sighed. Thank You, Lord.
She closed her journal.
“Howdy. I was going for a walk and saw you out here. Would you like to come along?” He looked tired. Had he gotten as little sleep as she the past week?
She could hear the tentativeness in his voice and chose her words carefully. “I’d love to, but my hip’s acting up. I was about to head inside.” He looked disappointed. The truth of it was her hip hadn’t just started hurting. Between the hard bench and the cold air she’d had an hour of pain now. She had given up on him when he finally showed up. “I was going to make a cup of hot chocolate. Would you like some?”
His demeanor brightened. “Sure. Maybe we could walk later.”
She gasped at the pain that shot through her hip when she rose. Garth hooked an arm around her waist to support her. “Are you all right?”
“That bench is harder than I thought,” she said through clenched teeth, trying to breathe normally. “I’ll be okay once I get the stiffness worked out.”
“You shouldn’t sit out in the cold so long.” She saw compassion on his face and heard it in his words.
“I know.” I was waiting for you, you big lug. If you had come out sooner, I wouldn’t have sat so long. How did he know she was out here very long? Had he been watching her? She could never tell; his place was shrouded in the shadows. She supported herself on him. “If you don’t mind, I could use a little help.”
She winced with her first hobbled step and was immediately swept up in his strong arms. She didn’t protest; instead she slipped her arms around his neck. She was tempted to rest her head on his shoulder but decided against it.
He insisted on getting the cocoa while she reclined on the couch. He knew where things were in this house almost as well as she did. That told her something. He had been over a lot.
“Thank you.” She took the steaming cup of chocolate. “Not just for this but for helping me. All your help.”
“You’re more than welcome. I’d help more if I didn’t think I was making a pest of myself.”
Was there more meaning behind his words than was on the surface? “You’re a lot of things, but pest is not one of them.”
“I just thought after Monday. . .” He quirked his mouth up on one side.
“I’m sorry about that. I was in a weird mood. I wasn’t very good company, even for myself. If I could have gone someplace without me, I would have.”
He relaxed a little, and the doldrums surrounding him seemed to dissipate.
They spent the whole unplanned day together, laughing and talking, had lunch at the burger joint, and ordered out pizza for dinner. Had he missed her half as much as she’d missed him?
Eleven
The following week they spent every unplanned evening together except Friday, that one they planned. He had asked her Monday if she would like to go to the homecoming football game.
“I haven’t been to a homecoming game in years. As a matter of fact, any football game.”
“Then it’s high time you went.”
Lori enjoyed the game. Between the first and second quarters Garth led her over to the snack shack. The score was seven to zero in favor of Garth’s school. Before they reached the concession stand, a husky boy with dark hair and dark eyes waylaid them. He looked as if he could be a football player.
“Hey, Mr. Kessel.”
“Tyler, how’s it going?” Garth shook the boy’s hand. “How’s college life?”
“Great! I made second string, but the coach still has me play a lot.”
“Lori, this is Tyler Jenkins. He was our star fullback for four years straight and has quite an aptitude for science.”
“Ty, this is Miss Hayes.”
“Hi.” Tyler dipped his head shyly.
Garth and Tyler talked for several minutes longer. While they spoke, two blond girls came up and stood on the other side of Garth from her. Garth took a step closer to her and put his hand lightly at the small of her back, not hesitating in his dialogue with Tyler.
“Hello, Mr. Kessel,” the taller of the two girls said at an opportune break in the conversation.
“Amanda, Ami,” Garth said tightly. “This is Miss Hayes.”
Lori said hello, but Amanda didn’t so much as bat an eyelash in her direction, while the shorter girl offered no more than a quick sideways glance. Lori looked up at Garth. Was he blushing? She couldn’t quite tell in the shadows of the field lights.
“I’m sorry I missed the test yesterday. I was ill, and my mother still kept me home this morning just to be sure,” Amanda said with a little smile.
“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better. You can make it up on Monday.”
“With you after school?” She sounded so innocent.
The color in Garth’s face deepened, and he slipped his hand more fully around Lori’s waist. “I’ll make arrangements for you to take your test in the front office, so you won’t be disturbed.”
Amanda sighed. “Okay.”
“I’ll catch you later, Mr. Kessel.” Tyler turned to leave.
Amanda smiled at Garth before she headed after Tyler. “Wait up, Ty.”
Lori had known girls like that in high school before she had to quit. They wanted attention by causing trouble. She could tell Garth was uneasy, probably trying to figure out what to say after Amanda’s display.
She drew in a deep breath. “Mmm—that popcorn sure smells good. I’m hungry.”
“Then I shall feed you, m’lady. I can’t have you fainting dead away on me for lack of food.”
He relaxed a little and even jumped up and cheered, “Go, Blazers!” as the game progressed, then joined the wave when it swept their section.
The Blue Blazers won the game forty-seven to seven, a victorious homecoming.
Later, when Garth took her home, he said, “I’m sorry about Amanda and Ami.”
With all the excitement Lori had forgotten the blonds.
“You and Doris were—right—about the girls and the science thing.�
�� The admission seemed difficult for him.
“We all have our blind spots.” She’d enjoyed seeing Garth turn three shades of red.
“I was wondering if you would do me a huge favor?” He fidgeted with her hand. “I’m one of the chaperones for the homecoming dance tomorrow night. If you were to go with me, the—students wouldn’t—you know—bother me as much.” He looked down at her, pleading for rescue.
“You mean the girls flirting with you.” She was hard-pressed to contain her smile.
“Yes, the girls.”
“Let me see if I have this right? You want to use me to fend off the swarm of adolescent girls?”
He dropped his head, his chin resting on his chest. “Yes.” After a brief pause he looked back up at her. “Would you do it? I’ll be forever in your debt.”
“Sure, I’ll save you from the Garth-hungry pubescent she-wolves.”
“Thank you. I owe you big-time.” He gave her a peck on the cheek before bounding out to his vehicle.
His quick kiss on the cheek sent a thrill through her. It confused her, too. She liked it, but it caused her stomach to knot. She knew it was like a green light—okay, move forward. She should put an end to it but didn’t want to push him away again. She didn’t know what she wanted. Yes, she did. She wanted the impossible.
❧
She wasn’t sure what one wore to a high school dance. She had an idea what the girls might be wearing or what she might have worn ten years ago. But what did an adult wear? A chaperone?
She selected her nicest church dress and fussed a little extra with her hair. She wished it would grow faster. It had been short since the accident, easier for others to take care of until she could do it herself. Then having her hair cut was part of the routine; but now she was growing it out as she had once had it. One more thing robbed from her in that flash of an instant that had changed her life forever. The approving smile Garth gave when he gazed at her caused her heart to race. He’d even bought her a corsage.
The music at the dance was loud. A few songs grated on her nerves, but most were tolerable, and a handful were pleasant.
Afterward, back at her place, he came in and closed the door behind him. “I really appreciate your coming with me tonight.” He helped her out of her coat and hung it over the back of a chair.
