Fire & Flesh

by Kerri Carr

  "He had started it with only a small piece of land, a small cottage, and two horses," Grandma's voice sounded nostalgic. She had shared the big part of that rocky road to success standing by his side—always supporting him, believing in him, reminding that he could build his dream despite every hardship that came their way.

  "Times are different now, Nana," Stephanie knew she was breaking her grandmother's heart with her words. "I wouldn't know what to do with a ranch. But if I sell it and invest the money in my company, I'm gonna build an empire in a couple of years. Trust me, Nana, I'm one of the best tech girls in the field and what we're working on is an innovation that can change the world!"

  For many, Stephanie might sound like a dreamer whose head was filled with unrealistic visions and fantasies. She was not. She was quite down to earth and knew exactly how to measure her success rate. After all, she was an IT prodigy, who had earned her place in the vast world of technologies by the age of twenty-one. After spending several years working for corporate sharks, she was finally ready to start her own business and now her AI solutions were not just a dream but a very palpable reality and had laid a clear path to success.

  "Your grandpa had the same determination," Nana smiled, her eyes still filled with shiny teardrops. "And had the same stubbornness. You know, long ago we had had a fight. He almost decided to sell the ranch when he thought that he had lost me," she shook her head in disbelief.

  Stephanie had never heard that story. Somehow, it had always seemed that her grandparents' story was the perfect romance from the pages of a beautiful novel. She never expected them to have had any fights, let alone be on the verge of a breakup.

  "Why did you want to leave him?" she asked, not sure she wanted her childhood fairy tale of romantic love to be crushed by truths of real life.

  "I did not. It's just that love makes some people dumb and blind. Even the best of us. Even your grandpa," she laughed. "And Stephanie, I know that you've taken after your grandpa in almost everything. Don't repeat his mistakes. Don't jump to conclusions without knowing everything."

  That was the inevitable path that this conversation was going to take. One indeed needed to be blind, deaf and dumb not to realize that for her this ranch was associated with one name—Erik, a man who had once broken her heart. A man who she would have to face in less than an hour.

  "I don't want to interfere in what has happened between the two of you, darling, I know it was very painful for you," Grandma continued. "And I am not going to defend him. You are my only granddaughter and no matter what, I'll always be on your side. But he is a good boy. Just give him a chance to explain himself. Even if that will not change anything, you won't have to live with the unanswered questions tearing your soul apart."

  Erik... With every mile, Stephanie could feel the heavy weight of memories of the past growing menacingly larger. Erik had once been everything to her—her best friend, her partner in every teenage crime she had committed, her first love and her first disappointment. Too many roles for one person to carry.

  "For all we know, he might be happily married or something by now," Stephanie spat.

  She had not heard of him for years. In fact, she had refused to step foot on the ranch since that horrible night when she had left in tears, knowing that her life would never be the same again.

  "Well, I talk to Martha pretty often. She loves giving me very detailed updates on everyone's personal lives on the ranch," Grandma laughed. Martha had worked on the ranch her whole life. She was not just the housekeeper but almost a family member now. Martha, Nana and Grandpa had raised Stephanie while her parents were busy building their careers and traveling abroad, often spending months away from their daughter. And then there had been Erik, who had come to the ranch as a young ten-year-old apprentice. He was the one person who had a special way with horses. Even the wildest beast would let him close in no time.

  Again, her thought had slipped into those forgotten moments of the past that she had preferred to keep hidden. They both had made their choices. And no matter whether Erik was married or single, whether he waited for her or still loved her, the past was better left in the past.

  They arrived at the ranch about forty minutes later. Everyone had gathered at the farmhouse to greet them. They had all missed Nana. It had been almost two years since she had last been here. For Stephanie, it had been almost nine years. Back then, Grandpa Jonathan was still alive. It was an emotional reunion and even Stephanie, despite all her determination, felt the warmth of home as everyone welcomed and greeted them. Both, Nana and Martha were in tears.

  Stephanie looked anxiously around. Everyone was there. Everyone, except for that one person who she dreaded to see. Soon, they laid a table on the large patio that Grandpa had built for large family gatherings. Martha had prepared a real feast with all the delicious foods that took Stephanie back to her childhood. This was a clear plot—who could resist all of this and not have their hearts soften?

  Erik did not show up. Neither for the dinner nor for the late-night tea and sweets party. Strangely, it felt like everyone avoided mentioning his name. It did feel awkward, especially considering that he oversaw supervising the ranch now after Grandpa Jonathan had passed. Was he avoiding her?

  That night, as Stephanie lay in her bed thinking, she wasn't sure what hurt more—the fact that he was hiding from her or the realization that she couldn't deny the thrill she felt at the mere thought of seeing him again.

  *****

  Erik stayed well after midnight, occupying himself with all kinds of useless work. We hoped everyone would be asleep by the time he got back. It was a childish escape. He could avoid seeing Fannie tonight and even tomorrow, but how long was he going to hide before he summoned the courage to meet her?

  Could he still call her Fannie? Before, she'd let only him use that pet name. Too many things had changed between them since then. After all, she was the owner of this ranch now and he was her employee. As the manager of the estate and the stables, it was his job to meet her and provide a full report on everything. He doubted Fannie knew much about the business. She never cared about this place ever since… He shook his head, refusing to think about those times. He could stop thinking or talking about it, but there was no way he could turn back any of what had happened. He wished he could. The guilt was a heavy burden to carry.

  Hell, it's been so long, he cursed in his mind.

  While Jonathan was alive, he at least talked to him about Fannie almost every day and shared the news of her life. Erik knew everything about her career, her achievements, her endeavors. And even failures. At times, that knowledge comforted him—as if they were not separated for all these years.

  At times, Erik almost forgot how much she hated him. She hadn't even set foot on this ranch since the day of their breakup.

  Now, as much as he feared, it was the time to face the mistakes of his past.

  He wondered what she'd think about him today. There was a time when Fannie used to say that Erik on a racehorse was the most beautiful thing in the world. As a young jockey, he had been a slender, shy boy who spent most of his day around the horses. He could understand the horses. Unlike people.

  And then, one day he had met her. And she had changed the whole world for him. Erik still remembered the thirteen-year-old girl who came to spend her summer vacations with her grandparents. He had been recruited only two months earlier and had not been interacting much with anyone except Jonathan. Not until a sweet chubby girl stepped into the stables and started reproaching him that her favorite horse, Green Ear, was unhappy in Erik's care.

  Both had hated each other at first. He could still remember her short flower dress and round face with cheeks blushed bright red. Fannie was not very used to getting attention from boys. Every time Erik looked at her, he could see her confusion. She'd immediately find a reason to argue with him. And that provoked his interest to her even more.

  By the end of that summer, they had grown so close to each other that Fannie wan
ted to quit school and stay at her grandpa's ranch. Erik pushed those memories of old days away.

  He was back in the farmhouse. Everyone was already asleep. All the lights in the main house were off. He headed toward his cottage. He could go to the main house for a late-night meal. He had skipped the dinner and supper. Somehow, Erik's need to avoid running into anyone tonight was much greater than his hunger. He decided an empty stomach for one night would be a good enough self-imposed punishment.

  "You surely took your time to get back, young man." He heard a familiar reproaching voice.

  Erik frowned. So much for his plan to stay unnoticed. Could a man not have some privacy on this ranch? He knew where this ambush was going to lead.

  He turned to find Martha sitting on the stairs of his cottage, leaning against the railing, with her arms crossed over her chest. Yup, old good Martha was pissed off and he knew he had well deserved it.

  "Good evening to you, too, Martha," he gave her a tired smile. "Having a sleepless night?"

  "Not just me, I can say for sure," Martha shook her head. "What do you think you're doing? She stayed up until 1 a.m. looking out of her window hoping you'd eventually grace us with your presence."

  As she spoke, her own words ignited anger inside Martha. Everyone at this ranch was aware of the beautiful teenage love story that Erik and Stephanie had once shared. Almost nobody knew the true reason why they had parted, though. Yet, once Stephanie stopped visiting her grandfather during summer vacations, it became very clear that she was avoiding Erik.

  He had considered quitting his job several times. What right did he have to cause her so much pain and be an obstacle for her to visit her own estate? Old Jonathan, who knew the whole story, never agreed to that.

  "I'll see her tomorrow to report about the current situation," Erik avoided looking at Martha. "I had a busy day. Can I go to bed now, if there are no other pressing complaints?"

  He loved the woman. She had been like a mother to him. Sometimes, she could drive him nuts, though. And most of the times, it took her only a few seconds to pull out his inner monster. He knew he had no right to bark at Martha like this. She only cared about Fanny and wanted for everyone to be happy.

  That was not how this story was to end, though.

  Stephanie was here to sell the ranch. That was clear even to someone as stubborn as Erik. Soon, either all of them would be fired or will have to work for the new owner—whoever they would be. And Fanny would be back to her city life building her career and erasing every last memory of this place and those who lived here.

  "Son, I didn't come here to scold you. You do that part on your own pretty well. All I want to say is that time has changed both of you. Stephanie is not that fragile, insecure girl anymore. You don't have to worry that you'll hurt her again. Just..." Martha hesitated for a moment before she continued, "I believe you both deserve a second chance. At least, it's better to part ways as friends, is it not?"

  He wasn't sure. Erik would've preferred for her to hate him all her life instead of knowing that she forgave and forgot him. A very egoistic part of him wanted to have his place in her heart—even if that was the darkest nook filled with rage and hate. That was still better than vanishing from her life and becoming a pale memory that did not provoke any feelings.

  "Had I made different choices back then, everything could've been different," Erik sat next to Martha on the stairs.

  His tiredness was gone. It was good sharing a little bit of late-night talk with someone who had known him and Fannie for all their lives. It was a sweet, nostalgic moment. And Erik cherished every minute of it. He knew come the morning, he would finally see her and who knew what that would lead to?

  *****

  Stephanie got up early in the morning. She didn't get much sleep last night, anyway. She had seen him get back from work well past 2 am. She knew Martha was also sleepless last night. The poor woman cared too much about everyone and tried to put every effort she could to make things right. Sadly, some relationships were beyond fixing.

  Being sure that everyone would still be asleep at 5 in the morning, Stephanie went out of the house. She was still wearing her nightgown and had wrapped a shawl over her shoulders on top of her nightie.

  In her busy city life, she didn't get much time to enjoy the peaceful mornings. Here—in the countryside—mornings were even more beautiful. The crisp fresh air, the endlessly green landscapes and blue skies that were not filled with gray skyscrapers.

  As she sat on the porch, she quickly checked her emails to make sure everything was running smoothly at the office while she was away. A startuper's life did not leave much time for vacations. The sole reason she had agreed to take this week off was the hope that selling the farm, she could secure the investment that was vital for the next round of her company's development.

  "Never thought you'd become an early bird." She heard a voice that she'd always recognize—no matter how many years separated them.

  Her heartbeat quickened. She wasn't ready to face him. But then, she'd never really be ready.

  "You, too. Considering you were so busy last night that you didn't have time to come see Nana. That's how you respect her, right?" She could feel the anger boiling inside her and the sting of her own words.

  Nana did care about Erik, as much as her grandfather had. That was true. Both of them considered him a part of the family. A family, who had once betrayed her, Stephanie hated that she was unable to forgive him.

  "I am sorry I was out there working, making sure everything was under control on your ranch," he spat. "Not that you care much. If you did, you'd shown up here earlier."

  "That's what you're paid for," Stephanie barked.

  He walked closer. So close she couldn't pretend she was reading her emails any longer. Letting out a muffled sign, Stephanie tilted her head to look at him. A gasp escaped her throat—too unexpected for her to swallow it back.

  He had changed so much. Nothing left of the slender boy she had once fallen in love. A tall, muscled man stood in front of her. Back then, when he used to ride racehorses, he needed to keep his weight down. Being quite a chubby girl in her youth, Stephanie always felt shy around Erik. She felt shy around every boy back then.

  Now, the hunky cowboy who stood in front of her was big enough to tower over her and could intimidate anyone. Stephanie did consider herself quite a voluptuous woman even now, yet, compared to him, she looked tiny.

  "You've changed," she said.

  "So have you," Erik extended his hand and as much as she'd wanted to avoid touching him, there was no escape from it. Stephanie answered his handshake.

  The moment her skin touched his, she felt warmth flow through her body. The same warmth and care she had once felt when they were inexperienced teenage kids in love with each other. Back then, she had thought that no matter what happened, Erik would always stand next to he and would protect her from any foe that came her way.

  He had not! He had failed and betrayed her when she needed him the most.

  "How are you doing, Fannie," his voice grew softer as he knelt in front of her—too close. Too dangerously close.

  It could've felt cozy and sweet, if not for the anger that was storming inside her. How dare he come so close to her? How could he ask about her wellbeing knowing all too well what he had done to her?

  She jumped up. There were things, she would never be able to forgive him.

  "My employees do not have to kneel in front of me. We are not in the Middle Ages, " she said as she turned her back to him, rushing into the house. "I'll be in Grandpa's office after breakfast. Please make sure to bring all the bookkeeping documents with you. I need to go through all of that this afternoon. Thank you."

  "Is this how you want us to be, Fanny?" Erik spoke as she was about to close the front door behind her.

  Stephanie stopped. As much as she wanted to disappear, to get as far away from him as possible, she also knew she still had not gotten enough of him. She had missed him so much and
every time he called her “Fanny” she felt a tiny icicle covering her heart melt. She could not let it happen. She needed to despise him now more than ever before. She needed to fuel her anger and remind herself of all the pain he had caused her. That was the one way she could stop herself from repeating the mistakes of the past. Had life taught her nothing?

  "Stephanie," she made sure her voice sounded cold and distant. "That's how you should address me." She did not turn to look at him but did not move either. She stood there—her shoulders curled forward, her legs trembling and tears gathering in her eyes.

  Calm down, she hissed at herself. Pull yourself together. You've been through tougher situations than this. You can do it.

  Stretching her back, Stephanie stepped inside and closed the door.

  Later, when he came to her office, she'd treat him like another employee at her estate. She'd let the past rest. No good in stirring old wounds.

  But until then, Stephanie ran to her room and collapsing on her bed, burying her face in her pillow to muffle her sobs. She could pretend as much as she wanted, but the terrifying truth was that she still cared about Erik. And there was no cure in this world for the scars he had left in her heart so many years ago.

  *****

  Day after day, it was getting harder to communicate with Stephanie. Erik knew exactly what the problem was. He needed to get her spill out all the anger she had gathered inside her for all these years. He knew there was no way she'd forgive him, but this hostility between them reflected on everything and everyone around them.

  The atmosphere was so charged that one wrong word and either of them would snap. He tried to avoid the evening gatherings and dinners at the farmhouse, which were a tradition set by Jonathan. The old man used to say that there was no better way to relax after a hard-working day than spending some time with family and friends. Drinking together helped the team get closer to each other.