Fire & Flesh

by Kerri Carr

  Just before dawn, I’d finally gotten out of bed and with a notepad and a pencil started one of my infamous lists. List of reasons I was marrying Drew. At the top of the list, I’d written the three words “I love him,” but I hadn’t been able to write anything else. I became fixated on those words, mulling them over in my mind. I should have just gone back to bed. My unease was clearly anxiousness over the wedding.

  Instead, here I was at eight in the morning of my wedding, seeing the groom. I wondered if it was bad luck seeing the groom before the wedding. I didn’t think so. I wasn’t wearing my wedding gown, so no bad luck should be headed my way.

  After convincing myself it was fine to see Drew one last time before the wedding and be reminded of how happy we would be, I got out of my car. Drew and I had started dating eighteen months ago. He was a practical and dependable man with a stable job as an accountant. I liked the way he made me feel grounded and we suited each other well.

  While my own family was wealthy—my mother having married Garret Stone, an investment guru—I tried to live a life as normal as possible. It wasn’t their fault I sometimes felt a bit like the odd one out. My mother had adopted well to a rich lifestyle, but I’d preferred our sedentary lives. I didn’t like the flashy parties where I always felt so out of my element. No matter the expensive dresses and jewelry, I would never be anything but plain Carrie with a to many curves.

  I’d distanced myself as much as possible from the glamorous lifestyle by taking the more “‘normal” route possible. I went to college where I studied literacy. Now I helped students at the middle school who had a problem with reading. That was about as glamorous as a whale flopping on the beach, but I loved my job and wouldn’t have traded it for anything else.

  From the elevator, I walked to apartment 102 and inserted my key into the door. Since I’d be moving in with Drew, he had caved in and had given me a key to his apartment two weeks ago when I had to start moving my things in. I had used this key about a dozen times since and thought nothing of letting myself into our apartment.

  I frowned when I entered and noticed the place was trashed. Drew had stated he wouldn’t be having a bachelor party but would have a few guys over for beers. I never believed that of course. A few guys over on the night before one got married was exactly a bachelor party.

  Beer cans were strewn all over the apartment. Empty pizza boxes were on the table in the living room. The television had been left on and I turned it off. Someone had crawled into bed late last night.

  With a smile, I headed for his bedroom and stopped short when I heard giggling. Feminine giggling. I paused, too stunned to really fathom what I had heard and what it meant. I approached the bedroom and the hushed chatting became louder.

  “—to go.”

  “You can stay for just thirty minutes. It won’t take long.”

  “I’ve to get to Carrie’s to help her get dressed.”

  My heart fell to the floor, finally recognizing the female voice. This couldn’t be happening. No, no! Of all the persons, it couldn’t be.

  I pushed the door open because I had to be certain. Giggling, followed by moaning assaulted my ears. I stared in horror at my fiancé who had his head buried between the thighs of my bridesmaid, Sienna. Her legs were draped over his shoulders.

  “Carrie!” Sienna saw me first and yanked at Drew’s head. All the blood drained from my face.

  “Jesus!” Drew cried in horror and pulled away from Sienna so fast he sent her legs flying.

  “I can’t believe you two would do this,” I mumbled past my stiff lips. Tears pricked my eyes as I stared at the naked pair. Sienna pulled the sheet up to her breasts and Drew scrambled off the bed to approach me, his cock jutted in its erect state.

  Bile rose in my throat from the disgust of seeing him this way and with one of my best friends.

  “Carrie, baby it’s not what it looks like.”

  Hysterical laughter bubbled from my lips. This felt like a bad movie that had been run one time too many. I’d seen this scene so often in movies and even laughed about it, but I had never imagined it would have become my reality.

  “Stay away from me!” I cried, inching for the door. “You disgust me. Both of you!” I glared at Sienna who had tears rolling down her cheeks. “You were with me last night pretending to be happy for me and you came back here to fuck my fiancé!”

  “I never meant this to happen,” she cried. “I’m so sorry, Carrie. The first time was a mistake and I tried to stop it from happening again but things just got out of control. I couldn’t help it. I fell in love with him.”

  Drew stopped short and glanced back at her. “You did what?” He looked horrified.

  “I said I love you,” she repeated, kneeling in the center of the bed. “I know it’s less than ideal but I think we can sit down and work this out.”

  “You think we can sit and work this out?” I stared at her in disbelief. “What? Do you think I keep him one week and send him your way for the other week? I don’t want him so you can take him!”

  “No!” Drew protested. “This was a mistake.” He glanced at Sienna. “You knew nothing could come of this. I love, Carrie. Not you. I’m sorry but Carrie’s the one I want to be with.”

  “You’ve a funny way of showing it you fucking jerk!”

  I stormed from his apartment with him behind me. By now his cock was softening. I didn’t stop but opened the door.

  “Carrie, please wait! We need to talk.”

  I ran through the door and smack into someone. Hands steadied me.

  “I’m so sorry,” I apologized, the tears falling then.

  “Carrie?”

  I glanced up at the man who held me, surprised to find Elliot. “Elliot? What are you doing here?” Did he know what was going on?

  “I came by to have a talk with Drew,” he responded. “You know, the last talk about him taking care of my sister.”

  Of course Elliot had no idea about this. To even have thought that had betrayed him.

  “The wedding’s off,” I told him. “I want to go home.”

  “Carrie, please. Let’s talk about this,” Drew said from the open door. Behind him, Sienna shuffled by.

  “What the fuck’s going on here” Elliot thundered, as it hit him then why I was so upset.

  “I’m sorry,” Sienna cried and ran for the elevator, her shoes in her hands.

  “Can we go, please?” I asked Elliot. “I don’t want to be here.”

  “Just a minute, hon.” Elliot released me and approached Drew. “You prick, did you just cheat on Carrie?”

  Before Drew could respond, Elliot threw a fist in his face. “Shit!” Drew cried, clutching his bloody nose.

  “Elliot.” I grabbed his arm before he punched Drew again. “Please, let’s just go.”

  The tension slowly left his body. He glared at Drew. “If I ever see you near her again, I’ll gut you like a fish. That’s your one and only warning.”

  Chapter 3

  “Elliot, will you stop pacing!” I snapped at him. “You’re making my head hurt.”

  I was in the living room of my apartment half an hour later while Elliot wore a hole in the rug. He seemed even more upset than I was at the debacle I had found myself in. I had less than five hours to cancel all the arrangements for my wedding. I felt sick at the thought of all the explanation I would have to give. How did I explain to two hundred guests that I had caught my fiancé only this morning sleeping with one of my bridesmaids who thought herself to be in love with him.

  In some ways, I felt sorry for Sienna. Both of us had been screwed by Drew. He had the gall to declare he wanted to be with me even after what he had done. Did he think I had such low self-esteem that I would go through with the wedding still?

  “I’m sorry. I’m just so mad thinking about that prick,” he said and dropped to the couch beside me. He placed an arm around my shoulders and squeezed. “I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. Now I just want to go back to his apartmen
t and snap his neck.”

  I smiled fondly at him. “That doesn’t solve anything. If you really want to help, grab the phone so we can start canceling everything before they arrive,” I moaned, thinking about the cost of things that were not refundable. The venue was already booked with or without the wedding.

  “Shit. This is a lot of waste.”

  “I know.” I shrugged off his hand and climbed to my feet. “I guess I should call Mom and Dad.”

  He didn’t say anything as I walked over to the phone. I started dialing their number when the phone was plucked out of my hands. I turned to frown at Elliot and found he was way too close for comfort.

  “What are you doing?”

  He placed the phone back on its hook, took me by the hand and walked me back to the couch. He pushed me gently to sit then crouched before me on his knees.

  “I know this is going to sound like a crazy idea,” he said, “but how about we not call off your wedding?”

  I frowned at him. “You’re not making any sense. There’s no way I’m going to marry him, El. I don’t care if everybody thinks I’m a plain Jane and not likely to find another man. I simply won’t marry that cheater. So you can save your breath.”

  “Hey, calm down. I don’t expect you to marry that ass,” he answered, patting my knee. “As for the rest, you sorely underestimate yourself, Carrie. You’re anything but plain.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “You don’t have to try to say nice things to boost my self-confidence. I promise. I’m not likely to jump from a building because my wedding was an epic failure.”

  “Don’t joke about that,” he scowled at me, “I never thought you would hurt yourself intentionally. I know you’re a strong woman. Stronger than many.”

  “Thanks. I think. Now will you explain what you’re talking about when you said not to cancel the wedding? Do you know someone else who wants to use my wedding as their own and pay me back? Because I could sure do with some of my money back.”

  “I’ll explain but can you tell me first what you were doing at Drew’s?”

  I looked down at my hands. “I just had some jitters. I didn’t sleep well last night and I wanted to talk to him, for him to reassure me that we loved each other and were committed to each other,” I snorted. “Look how that turned out. There’s an irony if I ever did see one.”

  “Hmm, okay,” he paused and frowned as though thinking. His indecisiveness hit me. Elliot was usually so sure of himself and here he was hem-hawing.

  “Will you just spit it out?”

  “You should marry me instead,” he replied.

  I sucked in a deep breath at his words and wondered why the universe was being so unkind to me. My deepest secret desire in the world would have been to have Elliot as mine. I’d always wanted him to be mine since he joined my family when I turned sixteen. But seeing the girls Elliot dated then, I had pushed thoughts of him from my mind. At least I tried to. Hearing these words from him only reminded me of what I couldn’t have.

  “Ha ha. Very funny.” I tried to get up again but he tipped me back over into the chair with a gentle nudge. “Elliot!” I cried in frustration.

  “No, just listen to me,” he said. “I know it’s going to be a pain to call off the wedding and everyone’s going to be disappointed. We don’t have to let Drew feel he has won. Dad’s been on my tail recently about me settling down and I really am not of a mind to. Why don’t we scratch each other’s back? I marry you, I get my inheritance which is a stupid clause of dad’s anyway. We can always get a divorce afterward.”

  I stared at him as if he were crazy. “Are you high or something?” I asked him. “There’s no way we can do that. Nobody would ever believe we got married.”

  “Except they’ll see it with their own eyes. Think about it.”

  “I hear what you get out of it,” I told him, “but what do I get out of a fake marriage to you?”

  “I know you always said you wanted to start your own literacy program,” he answered. “You never wanted to accept money from Dad to help you. If we do this, you’ll earn this money. I’ll give it to you so you can start working for yourself. Hell, I’ll give it to you even if you don’t go through with this.”

  “This is crazy,” I told him when I saw how serious he was. “Mom and Dad will freak out.”

  “Maybe not, but who cares? We are both adults here and they know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.”

  Except he would if I gave him the chance to slide even an inch further into my heart.

  “Listen, you have six hours to think about it,” he said, getting to his feet. “I’ll be waiting at the altar, taking Drew’s place. I hope you won’t stand me up.” He winked at me and turned to go. “Don’t think about that asshole,” he said over his shoulder. “Things will turn out in your favor. You’ll see.”

  The look he threw me over his shoulder stole my breath. I couldn’t decide if he had just leveled those smoky bedroom eyes at me like I had seen him done with so many girls in the past. It was crazy stupid. No way I could marry Elliot. He was my step-brother. That was final. Besides, he couldn’t possibly be serious about showing up at my wedding as my groom. Could he?

  Chapter 4

  “What the hell is going on?” Dad whispered from one corner of his mouth as he spotted the bridegroom. I barely heard him over the pounding of my heart. Elliot looked at me as though I was really his bride instead of the fake one he had picked up just a few hours ago. I still didn’t get why he wanted to take the place of my cheating groom which in a way was quite stupid for me to be here right now.

  Regardless of his reason for wanting to marry me, Elliot wanted my help so I was rendering it to him. After all these years of him being there for me and ensuring that I was okay, this was the first time he had ever asked me for anything. It was the one time I could show him that he could rely on me too, that I didn’t just take but that I was willing to give.

  As I watched him and how handsome he looked, I pondered just how much I wanted to give him. I swallowed my urges and reminded myself this marriage was fake. Elliot didn’t really want me. Why would he want me? The last girl he had been with had been the epitome of a beautiful woman. Cherise was French with a svelte form I would never be able to perfect. I had already lost enough weight to fit in my wedding dress but the rest had remained stubborn to go away. There was very little I could do about my wide hips or the way the bodice of my dress clung to the curves of my breasts. Save getting a breast reduction surgery, I was pretty sure they would remain double Ds.

  “Carrie, you better start talking before we get to the altar or I’m calling this whole thing off,” Dad continued whispering. “When did you have time to change grooms? And your step-brother?”

  “Oh Dad, it’s fine,” I told him, then admitted. “I love him. Always have.” Not that I would admit it to Elliot. If he heard me say it anyway he would just think it was just for the sake of the pretense we had to keep up. I hated lying to my dad but he was serious about calling off the wedding and I couldn’t do that to Elliot. Besides we were already too far gone with this plan of ours. Everyone had already seen me in my dress and him standing at the altar.

  I was aware of the sea of confused faces glancing from me to the altar. My now they would have realized something was underfoot. My eyes shifted from Elliot who was waiting for me to my mother and step-father. My mom gave me a big smile and had tears in her eyes. I glanced from them to my step-brother again. Just what had he told them for them to be so happy about our wedding?

  “What happened to your fiancé?” Dad asked. “The other one. Did you just dump him overnight the way your mom did me?”

  I groaned. I loved my father to death, but he had never gotten over my mom leaving him although all and sundry knew he had driven her to it.

  “Dad, not today, please,” I told him. “This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.”

  And it would be too. Since I was already here, I could pretend that this was the most
magical time of my life. This was always a secret desire of mine to belong to Elliot, but I never thought it would ever happen in this lifetime. Even if this wedding was all fake, I could enjoy it.

  We finally arrived at the foot of the altar and my dad tightened his hold on me. He never quite liked what he had called my second family but a part of me felt sorry for him knowing he was just hurt I never spent as much time with him as he wanted.

  “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked, embarrassing me because I was pretty sure those at the front pews heard what he said.

  I nodded, my cheeks stained crimson. I swallowed the lump in my throat, glanced at the man who was about to be mine and knew what my answer would be. “Yes,” I told him, “this is what I want.”

  He was conflicted, but there was nothing he could do about it. He accepted that and instead raised my veil to plant a kiss on my cheek.

  “Thanks for making me a part of this event,” he whispered, tears in his eyes. “I love you.”

  I sniffed back tears, not wanting to ruin my makeup. “Thank you for accepting,” I told him. “I know it wasn’t easy for you. I love you too.”

  He could have declined on account of my mother and my step-dad but he still managed to show up and act halfway decent toward them.

  I turned my attention back to Elliot who moved to take my hand. He extended his palm toward me. I hesitated, breathing hard and aware of how my bosom heaved with each breath I dragged into my lungs.

  “Carrie?”

  At the way Elliot breathed my name so soft, I knew I couldn’t turn him down. I placed my hand into his and started to pray that I didn’t fall all the way in love with him this time.

  “Dearly beloved, we are gather today…”

  Chapter 5

  I stood on the deck with a margarita and stared at the expanse of water and sky meeting in the distance. I kept my eyes trained on the disappearing sun and the splash of color it threw on the landscape because it quietened the thumping of my heart. Amid the flurry of events that just took place at my wedding, I was still wondering what the hell had happened?