Fire & Flesh

by Kerri Carr

  “I’ll never forget seeing you on all fours, with one guy banging you from behind, another in your mouth, and three others waiting to take their turn. They were standing around stroking themselves as they watched.”

  Avery’s cheeks warmed. “I wonder what they were thinking right then? I was being a total slut that night.”

  “They were probably grateful as hell. I imagine most men never get to see something like that.”

  “They were Marines, Alice. Not most men. Maybe that was a regular gig for those guys.”

  “Yeah, maybe. But I never heard one woman say ‘fuck’ so many times in one night.”

  “I can get vulgar when I’m in the sack.”

  “Manny had me swearing like…” She smiled sadly. “Like a Marine. He was a good lay. I’m sad he’s gone.”

  “You had feelings for him?”

  “I liked the guy a lot. We met up a few times after that night and had some fun times. Then we lost touch. I still miss him.”

  “Were you going to be an item?”

  “What, get engaged? If he’d asked me, I might have said yes.” She stared into her mug. “I liked him…”

  It was Avery’s turn to squeeze her friend’s hand. “Everyone liked him, babe. He was a good guy.”

  Alice nodded mutely, with tears pooling in her eyes. Avery handed her a napkin and she accepted it gratefully, dabbing her eyelids until they dried.

  “So do you think you’ll ever tell him? About the baby, I mean?”

  “Ross was the first to make love to me, and I woke up in his arms next morning. As far as he knows, he’s the father.”

  Alice hesitated before she spoke. “But he might not be.”

  “What should I tell him, Alice? ‘Sorry, babe, but eleven other guys had sex with me while you weren’t looking.’ It would break his heart.”

  “No, you’re right. Ignorance is bliss.”

  “He’d be happier not knowing.”

  “But secrets can be painful to swallow.”

  “And the truth can be a stab in the heart.”

  Alice sighed. “I’m not helping to cheer you up much, am I?”

  “It helps to talk.”

  “But shopping is much better. Come on, let’s go hit some stores.”

  “As long as one of them is a maternity store. I’m running out of things to wear.”

  “I know just the place.”

  *****

  By the time Avery returned home, she was more cheerful. Alice had treated her to a tour of all the best shops, where every third one allowed Avery to sit and rest for a while. Her burden of shopping was light, but useful, and included half-a-dozen maternity dresses that would allow her to feel feminine, and not need to wear Ross’s old shirts any more—unless she chose to.

  But her aching feet demanded rest, and her back cried out for warm, soothing water. Her first stop was the bathroom, where she attended to her immediate needs, and once she was more comfortable, she ran a soothing bath, scented with her favorites, lavender and lotus.

  Once the water was deep enough, she undressed and stepped in. Warmth immediately infused her calves. As she sank down, the bliss spread through her weary body, soothing her so completely, she groaned. It was wonderful to lie back and put her worries aside for the moment, although she missed having Ross at her back. She’d enjoyed having him sit behind her so she could rest on his chest, as she’d done on his first day home.

  The downside, if it could be called that, was that he couldn’t keep his hands off her body. What had begun as a gentle massage had ended with his hands between her legs. Her orgasm had been sudden and delightful, and the bath had soon been abandoned as she dragged him off to the bedroom.

  She smiled. Dragged was the wrong word to use. He’d been keen and hungry for sex, even though she was over six months pregnant. What had followed had been deep and intense, leaving her shaking and breathless. The memory of their love-making was still strong, sending a warm shiver through Avery. Her fingers slipped between her legs to stroke herself, imagining Ross was with her again, touching her and making her feel loved and special.

  But as quickly as the impulse to masturbate had arisen, it faded as she considered what a life alone would feel like. How dare she try to find pleasure when Ross was in danger? She’d no idea what he was doing at that moment. He might be relaxing in a bar, or flying into a fire fight. It would be several hours before he called to reassure her, which meant several hours of worry, which was bad for the baby.

  So she tried to relax, letting her fingers rest on the patch of neatly-trimmed hair. She stroked herself idly, finding the motion soothing without raising any guilt. As she touched herself, she pictured Ross returning home safely to her, imagining rightly or wrongly that his C.O. would allow him time off to help her once little Erica arrived in the world. The military didn’t operate in the same way as private companies, so paternity was by no means guaranteed.

  Her fingers drew up slippery wetness that had nothing to do with the bath water. She was surprised, but was happy to spread the natural lubrication across her lips and up to her clitoris.

  Somewhere in the background, her phone started to ring, but she ignored it. This was her time, and she was going to use it to relax properly. If the call was important, whoever it was would call back. She closed her eyes and slid down a little further, until her chin touched the water. Her bump rose above the surface, a tight, fleshy island in a warm, narrow sea. Her fingers continued stroking, heating her from the inside as the water warmed her skin. She was moving with more determination now, sliding fingers between her outer lips from her tight opening, up to her hardening bud. Her mouth opened and her short gasps echoed from the sides of the bath. Internal muscles squeezed and relaxed as her slippery fingers stroked, then circled, stroked then circled.

  Her phone finally stopped, then beeped to tell her she’d missed the call.

  Oh shut up… she thought. Despite three days of naked snuggles with Ross, she needed this release. She’d been tense since he left, and she was taking back control. In the weeks he’d been away, she’d touched herself every night as she lay in bed. Now was the time to re-establish her routine.

  Her orgasm was gentle, and swift. She groaned out inarticulate words between gritted teeth as her muscles shivered, and her nerves lit up. Heat flushed through her, leaving her wonderfully relaxed once it had passed. Even so, the temptation to continue was strong.

  “No, Avery, once is enough—for now. There’s always tonight.”

  She lay still until her heart slowed to a quiet rumble, then climbed to her feet—with some difficulty. The combination of the supporting water and her still-trembling legs made standing somewhat problematic. Instead of drying herself, she wrapped a soft bath towel around her body, shook the water from her feet, then padded into the living-room to see who had called earlier.

  “Alice… what do you want?” She put the phone down and headed for the coffee machine. Alice was an incurable gossip. They’d been shopping for over four hours, giving her plenty of time to chatter, and she was calling up already? Whatever it was could wait a few more minutes, she decided.

  Still sighing from her gentle orgasm, she fixed herself a cup of black coffee, then settled onto the sofa to call her friend. “What’s up, bestie?”

  “Ceel!” Alice’s voice was tight with stress. “Ceel, it’s awful!”

  “Alice?”

  “It’s on the news. Have you seen it?”

  “What?”

  “The plane crash.”

  “The what?”

  “Plane crash. Didn’t you hear me? A military transport. It’s gone down!”

  “Calm, down Alice.”

  “I can’t. It took off this morning, heading back to the war. It crashed, Ceel. It crashed.”

  “Where? What?”

  “Put the news channel on. You’ll see. Oh, God, Ceel. I’m so…” Her voice tightened and she was unable to speak. Avery fumbled for the remote and the big TV brightened. Al
ice was right. The TV crew were panning across a stretch of sand, where a wide black line had been gouged. Tiny fragments littered the ground on both sides of the dark scar. Avery stared in horror. Small, choking sounds filled her ear.

  “It doesn’t have to be…” Avery murmured. “It could be anything.” Captions appeared on the screen, identifying the desert area, which was over five hundred miles away. Any airplane could have made that scar, she reasoned. Any airplane at all.

  “They said it’s military.” Alice’s voice was barely a whisper.

  Any military airplane at all.

  *****

  Alice slept at Avery’s place. Without her, the two days of hell would have been even worse. Not knowing… that was the hardest part of the process. The military were painfully slow to release any details of the crash, who was aboard, or even where the flight was headed.

  It was forty-eight hours before official confirmation was released—no-one had survived the crash.

  “But we still don’t know…” Alice murmured into Avery’s hair as her friend wept. “We still don’t know.”

  “No one got out, Alice. No one!”

  “But they haven’t told us which transport it was. It could be—”

  “It’s his. I know it’s his. I can feel it.”

  “Hush, now. Hush. We don’t know anything for sure.”

  ****

  But Avery refused to be consoled. She cried herself to sleep on the first night, and spent the second day curled up on the sofa beneath a blanket, staring at the wall. Without Alice to care for her, Avery would have pined away into starvation.

  “You have to think of the baby.”

  “The baby with no father?”

  “The baby with a loving mother.”

  “I don’t think I could ever love again.”

  “Don’t give up on him, Ceel. You don’t know—”

  “He’s gone. I know he’s gone.”

  “And what if he isn’t, huh? Have you thought about that?”

  “What do you mean?” Avery asked her knees.

  “What if he walks in that door and you’ve already written him off as gone? How will you come back from that?”

  “That would be the best thing ever. But it’s not gonna happen.”

  Alice squeezed onto the sofa beside her friend. “You keep saying that, but no-one knows for sure. Hell, the military don’t even know what day it is, sometimes. They probably got the wrong plane.”

  “They didn’t. I know they didn’t.”

  “Hush, baby. Everything will turn out okay, I promise.”

  *****

  The funeral was a somber affair, with slate-gray skies, gunfire salutes and empty caskets. The military had finally confirmed the death of Ross, and his entire squad.

  “They’re gone,” a red-eyed Avery croaked hoarsely. “Every one of them has died. Maybe… maybe I’m cursed, or something.”

  Alice pulled her into hug and stroked her hair. “You can’t think that way, baby. None of this is your fault.”

  The pair stood off to the side as the funeral was conducted. Twenty caskets, draped with flags were lined up in the military cemetery. Twenty flags, which would be handed to each Marine’s next of kin. Avery would receive no flag, no payment and no recognition. Her status as fiancée would go unacknowledged.

  “Why are there so many?” Alice asked.

  “People?” Avery glanced around the gathered crowd.

  “Caskets. A squad only has twelve men.”

  “Oh.” Avery wiped her eyes with a tissue. “I guess the others are for the aircrew.”

  “Eight aircrew? Seems a lot.”

  “They’re also holding the funeral for the other Marines,” a man said softly. “The ones who died four days before the crash.” Avery glanced up to see a Marine standing beside her. His left arm was missing, and the empty sleeve was pinned across his chest.

  “Other Marines?” Her grief would barely allow her to speak.

  “Casper and Jeff, the two who were lost last week.”

  Avery frowned. “Casper and Jeff? What about Elliott and Manny?”

  The Marine fixed her with a strange look. “I’m Manny, lady. Do I know—Alice?” His eyes widened at the sight of her.

  “Oh my God. Manny!” Alice broke away from Avery and crashed into the big Marine, throwing her arms around him. “Oh my God. It’s really you!”

  Avery blinked at the pair, trying to concentrate. “I… don’t understand. Ross told me you’d been killed. He said you went back for Elliott, but…”

  “I did. Stupid thing to do. He lifted his left shoulder. “Cost me one of my four limbs. Not my favorite one, luckily.” He patted Alice’s back fondly.

  “So you didn’t manage to save Elliott?”

  “Sure I did. He’s right over there, with the other walking wounded.” Manny nodded toward a line of Marines. Avery thought she recognized Elliott on the end, his large frame squeezed into a basic wheelchair.

  “So the bad guys didn’t get you?”

  “They tried. Hell, they tried. But we laid low until the firing stopped, then crawled away under the cover of night. A convoy of Brits picked us up sometime before morning, and here we are.” He sighed. “And if we’d been on that transport plane… Ah, what a shitty deal.”

  Avery extended a shaking hand. “I’m glad you made it out, Marine.”

  “And I’m sorry about Ross… Avery, isn’t it?”

  “Well remembered.”

  “Weren’t you the one we all…”

  Her cheeks warmed. “Yes, that was me.”

  “And me,” Alice added from her hug.

  “But you passed out, Alice, if I remember rightly. Avery was amazing; she lasted until around dawn.” Manny glanced at her swollen belly, and his voice grew soft. “We all laid with her. Every one of us.”

  “I know, right.” She smiled. “That means any one of you could be…Oh, hell. Forget I said that. I didn’t mean—”

  “You know something? You’re right. Ross might have been your boyfriend back then, but—”

  “But he was limp as a fish,” Alice supplied. “He couldn’t have been the father.”

  “I remember,” Manny said. “We laid you two together because Ross had passed out completely, and we had to leave. The guys had a discussion, and we volunteered him to stay with you.”

  “What?” Avery stared, shocked. She frowned at Alice, who shrugged.

  Manny continued. “We thought it would be shitty for you to wake up alone, after all the fun we’d had, so we gave you Ross.”

  “You gave him to me?”

  “We were all on duty, but Ross was too sparked out to move, so we left him behind.”

  “That’s the reason we were together that morning?”

  “Like I said…”

  “I thought he’d been with me through the night. I thought he was my first, and my last.”

  Manny shook his head. “He didn’t manage once. But at least you had someone to sleep with.”

  Avery nodded. “I would have hated to wake up on my own.”

  “Especially as we’d all… enjoyed your company. We felt that we owed you some respect.”

  Avery snorted. “Respect?”

  “To be fair, the whole thing was my fault,” Alice said. “I dragged you in because I was scared.”

  Avery’s anger evaporated. “I guess. And no one forced me.” She managed to smile. “It was a fun night. But now they’re all gone.”

  “All except these two,” Alice pointed out.

  “Oh, yeah. Sorry. My head’s a mess right now.”

  Manny smiled. “We should get together after this is over.”

  “Really?”

  “After Elliott is presented with Ross’s flag, we should all meet at the diner.”

  “Our diner?” Alice asked.

  He laughed softly. “Yeah, that diner.”

  “Wait, what did you say about Ross’ flag?” Avery asked.

  “Ross has no family, so Ell
iott said he’d accept it.”

  “No family?” I thought he had a sister?

  “Step-sister. And they weren’t close. Besides, she lives in Singapore. Never made the trip.” He inclined his head. “Would you like to have his flag?”

  Avery burst into tears, and Alice resumed comforting duties.

  *****

  Avery and Alice were already at the diner when the Marines pulled up in a minivan.

  “When we were dating, we made a point of coming here,” Alice explained. “There’s something cozy about the place.” She glanced around at the retro fittings as Avery watched Elliott struggle into a wheelchair.

  “Ross brought me here once,” Avery replied. “He didn’t think much of it, as I remember. He imagined he had higher standards.” She shook her head at the memory.

  “Well, I like it. Hello, guys!” Alice called as the door opened. The other customers turned to watch the big men, still wearing their dress uniforms, squeezing through the diner’s narrow doorway. Manny steered Elliott’s wheelchair around the table and parked him in a space vacated by the chair Alice had moved. Elliott was carrying a flag in his lap, folded into a tight triangle. When he offered it to Avery, tears welled in her eyes again.

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” he said in a surprisingly gentle voice. She nodded mutely, then slid across so she could sit closer to him. She brushed the table clear of debris, then laid the flag in front of her. Alice’s hands squeezed hers gently as she turned to Manny.

  “It’s really good to see you again—both of you.” She nodded to Elliott.

  “It’s good to be back.”

  “No one told us you made it,” Avery said in a tight voice. “Ross never said…” Her throat closed and she was forced to stop.

  “Ross wouldn’t have known,” Elliott explained. “We caught a flight back yesterday morning on a British transport. The guys had already gone down at that point. We only found out once we were debriefed.” He glanced at Avery’s swollen belly. “And how are you, little lady?” One side of his mouth rose into a smile.

  “We’re both fine, considering Erica no longer has…” She pressed a hand to her mouth as it twisted with pain.