Miss Sally's Unsuitable Soldier

by Maggie Dallen

Just how strong all the Jones girls could be.

  Chapter 8

  Sebastian craned his neck, trying to see into the hallway. He’d been hoping to catch sight of Sally at some point today and was being dreadfully obvious about it.

  “Sebastian, are we boring you?” his father asked, impatience clear in his tone.

  Sebastian turned back to see his father behind his desk and his brother sitting across from him, leaning back in his seat with one foot crossed over the other leg as though he had not a care in the world. His expression was bland and bored, as per usual. “Sebastian does not need to stay for this, Father. We all know he finds talk of finances and accounting tiresome.”

  Sebastian ran a hand through his hair. This was the truth. He’d never had much of a head for figures and when his father and brother droned on about the state of financial affairs like this, it was all he could do to follow along. This was one of many reasons why he’d never once resented the fact that he was the spare. He’d have made a terrible heir.

  But he bristled at the condescending looks he was getting from them both. “That’s not it at all, it’s just—” He stopped with his mouth open as he tried to figure out how best to finish. It’s just that I’m worried. I’m anxious over a girl I barely know but who I know better than I know myself. Or perhaps, I’m concerned because father’s nursemaid has disappeared.

  No, none of those would do.

  His father and brother exchanged a look he could not decipher, but his next attempt to explain was mercifully cut short by the sight of a no-nonsense chignon that slipped out of view just as he glanced toward the hallway.

  Only a glimpse but it was enough to make his whole body feel light with relief. “Will you excuse me, Father? I seem to have forgotten…” He didn’t finish. He didn’t have to, he was already out in the hallway and dashing off in the direction he’d seen her disappear.

  “Sally!” He caught up with her in the library where she was returning a book. She whipped around as if caught stealing and ducked her head. “Sorry. I didn’t expect to see anyone and—”

  “Are you avoiding me?” As far as conversation starters went, that was the worst he’d ever devised. But it was a fear that had been clinging to him ever since she’d rushed off without meeting his eyes the morning before. And it had only grown as she’d stayed away all day and then hidden in her room rather than join the others.

  “No, of course not.” But she didn’t meet his gaze.

  “You’re a terrible liar, did you know that?”

  She glanced up then with an adorable little moue of annoyance.

  “Did I do something to offend you?” He approached her slowly.

  She sighed. “No, of course not.”

  “Then why have I not seen hide nor hair of you these past two days?”

  She blinked at his bluntness. But this was how it was between them. This was what he loved about being around her. There was no need for subtlety or games. He could be himself, and he thought she felt the same.

  Or he had until she’d started to avoid him.

  “Because…” She bit her lip and a flicker of emotions crossed her features. Emotions he despised, and which had him moving closer in concern.

  “Sally,” he said slowly, gently. “Has something happened?”

  She nodded, still biting her lip as if preventing herself from saying anything more.

  He reached out until he was cupping her upper arms. Something inside of him relaxed at the contact. He hadn’t realized he’d been growing more and more tense by the second without this connection. “Tell me what it is.”

  She blinked in surprise again, and he’d admit that he’d surprised himself with his serious tone of voice. But for her, he could be serious. He could be whatever she needed him to be. “Sally, I…” He glanced toward the door which he’d left open for propriety’s sake but which now merely reminded him of all the dratted guests who roamed the halls. “Just for a moment,” he told her as he moved to the door and shut it.

  “Sebastian,” she hissed. Alarm filled her eyes and he relented.

  “Oh very well.” He opened it again before moving to her and lowering his voice. “Whatever is troubling you, I need you to know that you can rely on me. You can trust me.”

  “I know that,” she whispered.

  Now it was his turn to blink in surprise. “You do?”

  Oh good grief. His heart was hammering in his chest as if they’d just run a race.

  “Of course I do,” she said. “You’re my friend.”

  The word hung between them, heavy and...wrong. Friend? Yes. That’s what he’d told her. It was what he’d been attempting to tell himself from the first moment they’d spoken. That they could be friends. That friendship would be enough.

  But now he knew… He’d been wrong. He’d been so very wrong. Whatever this was he felt toward her, it was not friendship. At least, not entirely.

  “Is that all we are?” he asked.

  He heard her breathing and his own in the otherwise silent room. She glanced toward the door and then back again. “It’s all we can be.”

  He frowned. “By what law?”

  Her answering frown, he’d admit, was far more fearsome. “By the laws of society, Sebastian.”

  “Sally, you are a captain’s daughter. You’ve been gently bred and—”

  “I’ve been oddly bred, you mean,” she muttered.

  He shook his head. “This is not so very far a stretch.”

  “Isn’t it?” He couldn’t understand the pained look in her eyes. “Sebastian, my family is not… That is, I love my family.”

  “Of course you do, I love them too,” he said resolutely. At her stare, he added, “From what I know of them.”

  Her lips twitched but she gave her head a shake. “But you do not know the whole truth.” She frowned again, a line forming between her brows. “I’m not even sure I know the extent of it.”

  “The extent of what?” A strange panicky sensation was forming in the face of her vague responses and whatever secrets she was keeping. But one look at her set chin and he knew she wasn’t going to tell him anything more.

  “I need to get back to them,” she said. “Rebecca and I will leave the day after tomorrow. I promised Rebecca we would stay for the ball.”

  His stomach felt as though it was dropping, dropping, dropping. This falling sensation would not cease and he found his gentle grip on her arms tightening a bit as if she might keep him upright.

  As if he might make her stay.

  He swallowed hard as he dropped his hands. “So soon? But I thought—”

  “Dr. Roberts will be arriving shortly after we depart. Your father will be in good hands.”

  “My father…” He drew in a deep breath to try and calm this sensation that made him want to rage and shout. What had happened? Only two days ago they’d been the closest of friends, running and laughing and talking and…

  It was a friendship unlike any he’d ever known. It was a friendship, yes, but also something so much more. Being apart from her these past few days had made it alarmingly clear that being without her was not an option. She wasn’t just a friend who made him laugh and shared his confidences. Without her, he was adrift. And when she was by his side, the world made sense. His place in it was clear.

  For his place? It was by her side.

  Did she not feel it too? They’d only shared one kiss, but surely she had felt the connection. And every time they laughed and teased and talked...she had to feel it too.

  He stared until her pained expression turned stoic and resolute.

  Or perhaps she did not feel it. The thought made his heart take a nosedive toward the ground. Perhaps this affection was unrequited.

  “They need me, Sebastian.”

  “I need you, as well.” He clamped his mouth shut as her eyes widened in surprise, at the words and the intensity of them, no doubt. “That is…” He cleared his throat. “I am sorry that you are concerned for your family, and I u
nderstand that you need to go back but—” Promise me you’ll return. Promise that it won’t be forever.

  The ferocity of his feeling left him stunned and stupid. The overwhelming sense of loss at the thought of a future without her left him reeling.

  “But what, Sebastian?” Her voice was gentle. Kind. He wondered how much of his inner battle she could read in his eyes.

  But what? What was he asking?

  “Dance with me,” he blurted.

  She blinked once. Twice. “What?”

  “Dance with me,” he said again, stronger this time. He pulled her into his arms easily and took her hand in his, pretending not to notice that she was not going along with this at all.

  And why should she? This was a ridiculous plan. It was panic that had him gripping her tight. Uncertainty and confusion that left him tongue-tied and unable to say what he knew he ought. The only words that might make her stay, or promise to return, at the very least.

  Instead, he said once more, “Dance with me.”

  Her brow crinkled in confusion. “Why?”

  “Because I promised you a dance lesson.”

  She went to pull away but with no real strength. “Sebastian, you’re being ridiculous. I don’t need dance lessons.”

  “Your sister assures me that you do. You yourself told me you did.”

  She stopped struggling in his grip and tilted her head back to meet his gaze directly. “Why, Sebastian?” Her gaze bore into his. “Why are you doing this?”

  She wasn’t asking why he was insisting on a dance. He knew that. No matter what his father and brother might have thought, he was not nearly as imbecilic as all that. He opened his mouth and nothing came out but air.

  Or perhaps he really was an imbecile because the more he tried to put the emotions he was feeling into words, the more his mind went blank. Like trying to pin down a cloud, he found himself scrambling for words to explain how he felt, what he wanted.

  “I don’t want to see you go,” he finally managed.

  Something in her seemed to deflate, though her expression remained the same.

  Or maybe it was something inside of him that had deflated as the moment that had seemed so fraught and meaningful fell flat on its face.

  “I must go.” She pulled back. “My sister is waiting for me, and your father will wish to see me soon, I am sure.”

  She was walking away.

  No, she was running, even if her steps were measured and sure.

  Could he blame her?

  No.

  He ran a hand through his hair and stared at the doorway long after she’d disappeared.

  He’d made a mess of that. But for all he’d been worried about her these past two days, with all that he knew he’d missed her company, he hadn’t realized until he’d seen her again just how much he needed her.

  It had thrown him, and in return he’d gone and done what he always did when he was home. He’d made a mess of it.

  And she’d run.

  He spent a long moment staring after her as he tried to sift through these new and overwhelming feelings she’d stirred in him. It was too late to sort out where they’d come from or why. All that could be addressed now was what to do with them. To let her go and head back to the army as though nothing had happened?

  Was such a thing even possible?

  No. He knew it in his gut as surely as he knew his own name. He’d never forget her or the way she made him feel.

  As though he were enough. As though he could be more.

  As though he’d finally come home.

  After a long moment he followed in her footsteps, already aching for the next chance he’d have to see her.

  Had she run because she did not want what he had to offer, or had he run her off?

  But he found himself faced with something more important as he went through the remainder of the day without another glimpse of her.

  She might have run. But would he give chase?

  Chapter 9

  Sally should have known she could not avoid Sebastian forever. She was equally elated and miserable at the sound of his voice behind her the next evening before the beginning of the ball.

  Her last evening here at Hampton Manor.

  The thought shouldn’t have made her throat tighten with unshed tears. She hated that it did.

  “Sally, you look wonderful.” His voice behind her as she gazed out the window made her still. She shut her eyes against the rush of warmth that came unbidden and unwelcome.

  When had his voice become so familiar...so dear?

  The other ladies and several of the gentlemen from the house party were gathered here as well, waiting for the other guests to arrive. For once their conversation did not push the boundaries of impropriety, but try telling that to her heart.

  Sally drew in a deep breath and turned to face him. She instantly wished she hadn’t. The sight of him in his finest attire, his hair neatly slicked back from his face...he was more handsome than ever. She knew without a doubt she wasn’t the only lady in the room to notice.

  What was he even doing talking to her? Did he not know that he could have any lady he wished? Irritation had her lips pressing together firmly.

  His gaze raked over her and his eyes were warm beyond belief. So warm a mere look seemed to singe her skin. “You look beautiful.”

  She clenched her hands. “I don’t. I look adequate.”

  His lips quirked up at the corners. “Fishing for compliments, are we?”

  He was teasing, but she refused to fall victim to his easy laughter. This flirtation—or whatever it was for him—had gone on long enough. Seeing her mother hadn’t just torn at her heart and made her face a gaping hole in her life she’d done her best to avoid, it had forced her to remember her priorities. Her family needed her now more than ever. Her father needed her.

  There was no space in her life for frivolous flirtations that could only ever bring harm to her reputation and her family’s.

  “Just being honest,” she said. She sounded as tired as she felt. “One of us ought to be.”

  His brows arched. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  People were watching but they were not so close to overhear. All the same, Sally lowered her voice. It was time to stop dallying and be done with it. She knew better than anyone that pain lasted longer when one didn’t deal with a wound directly. She drew in a deep breath to brace herself. “There is no future here. You know it. I know it.” He looked like he might protest but she did not let him speak. “Do us both a kindness and leave me be.”

  His expression was stricken. Her stomach roiled with nausea. But this was necessary. For both of them. He might not see it, but there was so much he could not see. Her mind flashed back to the image of her mother. There was so much he could not know.

  He might have thought something had grown between them. Something more than friendship...

  Her heart gave a painful thud. All right, fine. Perhaps she’d started to think so too. At some point, some girlish, ridiculous part of herself had reared up and planted hopes and dreams without her approval and without her even knowing.

  Romantic daydreams might have sprouted but she refused to nurture them. The moment she left, he would move on.

  And so would she.

  “Sally, we need to talk,” he said. “Come with me to the—”

  “No,” she said, her tone firm. “We’ve courted enough trouble as it is.” She gave her head a shake, appalled at her own lack of sense. Somehow, when he was near, her practical nature and good sense seemed to disappear into thin air. The very qualities that made her so dependable at home were nowhere to be found when he stood this close. When he looked at her like this. Like she was so very special. Like she was perfect.

  Like she truly was beautiful.

  But she wasn’t. She never had been.

  She knew her place in this world and it wasn’t in this manor, and it certainly wasn’t as the wife to an earl’s son. And it most definitely wasn’t
with a charming, handsome gentleman like Sebastian.

  “I don’t like the way things ended yesterday,” Sebastian started.

  She shook her head. “Please do not do this.”

  “There was more I wanted to say,” he said. “Please. Meet me tonight, outside.”

  He did not need to say where. The stables and the land behind it leading up to a tree atop a hill. That had become their place. How that had been established so quickly, she knew not. She was tired of trying to reason out why she felt so close to him, and why he’d chosen her to be so open with.

  Trying to find reason in these feelings was like trying to unknot skeins of yarn after she’d made a mess of them. She’d never been much good with yarn, and she was no better at feelings.

  “Sally.” He lowered his voice to a near growl. “We cannot pretend that nothing has changed.”

  “Nothing has changed,” she said.

  “Everything has changed.”

  His voice was too loud and they both grew silent. No doubt they’d garnered attention from the crowd around them. She waited for the curious glances to drift away before replying in a hushed voice that made her throat ache and tears prick the back of her eyes. “Not for me.”

  Lies.

  She was a liar.

  His hurt gaze said that he knew it too. His chest rose and fell as he strove to keep calm. He looked like he might say more, but he never got the chance.

  “At last, the first of the guests have arrived,” Lady Gertrude called out.

  At that, the relaxed atmosphere shattered, replaced by a hum of excitement and last minute preparations. Rebecca ought to have come down from their rooms by now but Sally hadn’t caught sight of her.

  “You should go,” she said now to Sebastian. “Your father and brother will expect you to greet the guests.”

  She could see he wanted to argue, but she was right and they both knew it.

  “We will talk, Sally,” he said before he walked away. “This is not finished.”

  She feigned an intense interest in the goings-on outside the window, though all she could see was the frost-covered lawn and the clouds forming overhead.