by K E Osborn
But knowing he’s still thinking of me has melted a little piece of my frozen heart. I might be broken, but that message has perhaps mended a tiny crack. I don’t know how, I know why it shouldn’t. I can’t allow myself to get trapped in his web again. All I know is I can’t get Xander from my thoughts. When I do think of all the good times, the flooding nightmare that he’s actually Alex comes soon after, and the tidal wave crashes over me.
I’m a mess.
But I need to be strong for Levi.
He’s my main focus right now.
So, I take a deep breath, steady my shoulders, and open the front door to the sounds of Levi’s video game coming from the family room. Calmness washes over me knowing he’s doing okay tonight as I walk in hanging my bag on the rack, kick off my flats, and head inside. Greta glances up at me as she stands in the archway with a coffee in hand, her slightly graying hair up in a loose bun as she warmly greets me. “Hey sweetheart, I wasn’t expecting you for another half hour?”
I shrug. “Brent,” is all I reply.
She scrunches up her face as I peek in at Levi who’s happily playing his game. “I swear you’re far too good for that place, Tomi. You need to find work at another tattoo studio, you’re wasting your talents.”
I let out a snort. “You’re the second person to tell me that today.”
She tilts her head. “Think about it then? Promise me?” She pulls the mug up to her lips to take a sip of the steaming cup of joe.
I nod. “How did Levi do at school today?”
Greta grimaces gulping down a mouthful of her coffee. “He tried to throw a chair at a student. They had to shut the classroom down for a short time while they placated him. I was called to pick him up early.”
My eyes widen as I almost choke on thin air. “No. Really?”
She places her hand on my forearm sympathetically. “He wouldn’t open up to me about it. The principal was lenient because he didn’t actually throw the chair, but the intent was there.”
I sink in on myself. “Shit. Okay. Thanks for handling this till I got home.”
She rubs my arm tenderly in acknowledgment, reminding me she’s so much like my mom.
God, I miss her.
I sniffle as I exhale, walking past her to the sofa. He glances up at me as I enter. I try not to get in the way of the game as I sit down next to him. My feet ache like hell as I bring them up to rest on the coffee table.
Levi groans. I realize my mistake and shift them more to the middle of the table for him. I have no idea when he’s so focused on a game how he can still be so attuned to his surroundings. I incline into the sofa, my body feeling like death as I lean my head back into the plush cushions waiting for Levi to be ready to talk to me. I don’t want to push him if he’s had a shitty day. The last thing I want to do is trigger him again. He needs to know that behavior isn’t okay, but I need to know why he did it first.
But I have to let him come to me.
This is how we work.
“When’s Xander coming over again?” he asks out of nowhere.
My eyes fling open as I drop my legs from the coffee table, sitting upright to stare right at him. “Wow! Where did this come from?”
He pauses his game, turns to look at me with a sad demeanor about him. “He’s my friend.”
My entire body sinks into itself—he misses Xander just like I do.
Xander never once saw Levi for anything other than the bright spark he is. “I know, buddy, I know.”
“So, can he come tonight?” he asks, a hopeful look in his eyes, and it suddenly clicks.
I reach out to grab his hands. “Levi, did you get angry in class today because you miss Xander?”
His eyes dart around the room like he’s thinking then he finally looks back at me and nods. “He’s my friend.”
My chest squeezes as my eyes water. “You have friends at school, though, right?”
He scrunches his face. “They said… I was weird, that I don’t have any friends. I told them Xander was my friend, and they didn’t believe me ‘cause he hasn’t come in the car again.”
I clear my throat to try and stop myself from crying in front of him. “Xander is your friend, but you can’t use him as an excuse to try to hurt people, Levi. If those kids are picking on you, you tell a teacher or me. Or Greta. We will help you. There’s never an excuse for violence.”
He picks up his video game controller, turning away from me. “I understand. Don’t throw chairs. It’s bad. Xander is my friend. He will come to see me soon.” He turns the game back on effectively ending the conversation making me feel like I want to be sick.
I slowly stand from the sofa, making my way back over to Greta who’s watching intently but also sympathetically. I’m almost stumbling as I try to keep my shit together. I can’t let Levi see me fall apart as I rush past Greta. She peers at me like she knows I need a moment as I head straight for the bathroom.
I feel like shit.
I’m upset. I’m tired. I’m run down.
And my stomach’s swirling like there’s a damn tornado going on in there. I open the bathroom door then close it behind me. Walking to the basin, I turn on the faucet and wash my reddening face. The cold water on my skin soothes me as I glance into the mirror to see my eyes puffing up and turning more bloodshot every second. “Get a grip, Tomi.”
Taking a deep breath, I turn, pulling down my panties to sit on the toilet. As I glance up at the ceiling, a thought pops into my head as my stomach swirls again violently.
Then panic swarms through me.
When the hell was my last period?
I quickly finish on the toilet as I do the sums in my mind—I’ve definitely missed at least one.
It could be stress, I’ve been under a lot of it lately.
I wash my hands in the basin then glance at myself in the mirror again. “Tomi, you idiot!”
Drying my hands first, I then rush out of the bathroom into the main room, slide on my shoes, and grab my bag. “Greta, I gotta go to the pharmacy, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
I don’t wait for Greta to reply before I rush out the front door to get into my car. I’m moving about so fast, I drop the keys on the concrete as I go. “Goddammit,” I mumble picking them up, then jump in my car, start it up, and pull out. I take off like a shower of shit to get to the pharmacy before it closes.
The entire drive all I can think about is, What the hell am I going to do if this is really happening? If I’m pregnant, this is going to change everything. Do I even want a baby? I mean, I’m only twenty-five. I didn’t plan on this happening just yet. Not with a man I’ve fallen for but equally despise.
I pull up at the pharmacy, rush inside, and quickly find the aisle with the tests, but of course, they only have a limited supply. The only one on their shelf at the moment is one which displays a damn smiley face if you’re pregnant. Panic washes over me, but I need to know for sure, either way. So I grab two and run to the cashier.
I can’t even wait to get home to take it, the thought of this kills me.
“Excuse me, do you have a bathroom I could use?” I ask the uninterested clerk.
She points to the other side of the shop where there’s a small bathroom.
I sigh a breath of relief. “Thank you,” I reply, not that she cares.
Briskly I walk to the bathroom with my paper bag of pregnancy tests. I open the door and walk in, nerves rattle my entire body. That swirling in my stomach is intensified even more right now as I make my way to a stall and sit down.
I pull out a test, unwrapping it and stop for a minute to simply take a breath. The next few minutes could dramatically alter the course of my life and Levi’s. I need to take a beat and try to calm myself. Taking in a few long deep breaths, they come in staggered and shallow. No matter what I do, I’m not calming down.
I need just to do this.
Get it over with.
So, I use the stick, then place it on the toilet roll holder out of my fie
ld of sight to try not to think about it for the next three minutes.
They roll by the slowest in the history of time itself.
I’ve never had a longer wait in my life.
How three minutes feels like my entire life is beyond me. I’m sure it hasn’t even been the full three, but I can’t wait any longer as I pick up the stick, my eyes narrow to almost shut as if I don’t want to look at it, but I peek at the display to see a smiley face brightly illuminated.
My stomach falls through the floor as my eyes shoot wide open while I bring the stick closer to examine it more. A tidal wave of emotions erupts through my body as I flush with a surge of heat. I’m so hot, I’m not sure what I feel right now as I grab the front of my dress fanning it in and out to try and cool myself. But I still can’t place the emotions running through me.
Am I happy?
Am I freaking out?
I’m simply unsure.
The only thing I am sure of is that I’m pregnant.
With Xander’s baby.
No, with Alex’s baby.
Right now, I can’t fathom what the hell I’m going to do with this information.
Abruptly, my stomach swirls as bile creeps up my throat. My stomach lurches as I jump, spinning around as I’m physically ill into the bowl. I cough and splutter heaving as tears prick my eyes.
Eventually, I slump onto the tiled floor as the back of my hand comes out swiping across my mouth, shock washing over me.
I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do.
I have no one to turn to for advice.
No mother or father I can run to who will help me.
No sister to give me a pep talk.
I’m all alone in this.
There’s only one thing I can do—suck it up and go home. So, I sniff back my emotions, flush and grab my things, including my positive test. I might not be sure how I feel about this right now, but this baby is a part of me, and whether I like it or not, it’s happening—this test stick is worth keeping.
Standing, I straighten myself out and rinse my mouth with water. I pack the test back in the box and place it in the paper bag, then head to my car and home.
I still feel sick, and I guess I now know what the weird feeling has been in my stomach this last month or so.
I’m pregnant.
Holy shit.
Still, with the amount of sex we were having, and the fact my brain left town barebacking for most of it, I guess I can’t blame anyone but myself. I take a breath before I turn the handle and walk through my front door. I place my bag and things on the counter as I walk in making sure to keep the tests with me. The house smells of a baking cake as Greta walks out from the kitchen to greet me, the look on her face instantly tells me she knows something’s up.
She steps up to me, glancing down at the paper bag I’m holding, then back up at me. “I’ve been watching you the past month, you’re running yourself ragged, what’s going on with you?”
Exhaling, I open the bag handing her the positive test back in its container without saying a word.
Greta exhales, her body slouching. “This is okay, every life is a precious life, my dear. We will get through this together. If you need me more, I’ll be here, for you, for Levi, no matter what you need.”
My heart warms with the love oozing from Greta. I’d be so lost without her. It’s only now I realize, I’m not alone. I have her, I have Levi, I have Jana, Hogtie, Gigi, and Skins. If I needed any of them, they would come at any time.
They may not be blood, but they’re family.
I lean forward taking Greta into a massive embrace. She’s the mother figure missing in my life, the mother I need.
Greta pulls back looking into my eyes. “I know you don’t want to hear this, sweet girl, but the father has to know, no matter how much you might despise him.”
My stomach rolls again, but I grimace with a single nod of my head.
Shit.
ALEX
A Week Later
It’s been so long since I’ve seen Tomi. Fuck, I miss her. I’ve been trying to play it cool. The last thing I need is to overcrowd her. She’s still angry, but with me sending her a text every now and then, and some flowers, just to let her know I’m thinking of her, I’m hoping it will cement that we’re good together. That this wasn’t some elaborate plan—I want her to know that I’m in, I’m all in. I have to wait for her to thaw enough for me to make my move.
But for now, I’m at the building site. The demolition has taken place. I’m grateful Tomi wasn’t around when Hope & Faith Ink’s building was demolished. Even I was sad to see it go. But now the framework is up for the new mega-complex, and I’m walking around in my tailored suit with a freaking hard hat on, looking like a damn fool.
I stride over to where Tomi’s new shop is going to be positioned. She may not have broken yet, but I’m hoping she will cave when she sees what it looks like when it’s finished. I know she’s working at the grocery store as a cashier. I ask Henry to drive past there every night, so I can check up on her. I can’t help but see she’s looking more and more tired and dejected as the days progress. It’s so hard not to message her every damn second, but restricting my messages is the right thing to do even if it’s fucking hard. I don’t want to smother her or push her further away. Though, her replies let me know she’s not completely out of my reach.
She’s still my feisty girl, underneath it all.
I’m standing right out the front of where her front door will be situated when my personal cell beeps. It rarely goes off these days, so I pull it from my pocket looking over the screen to see it’s a message from Tomi.
My heart hammers in my chest as my eyes widen in excitement. I swipe to read it instantly.
Tomi: Meet me for a coffee?
My chest tightens as I type back immediately.
Me: Name the time and place.
The three dots appear so I know she’s writing back.
Tomi: Now? Your place?
I can’t help but tense up, the last time we were at my place shit went south real quick. I’m hoping for a better outcome this time.
Me: See you soon…
I spin on my heels dodging and weaving through the construction workers as I make haste for the car. I jump in the back, yanking the hard hat off my head as Henry looks at me. “Leaving so soon, sir?”
“Afraid so, Henry. To my apartment, and hurry!”
Henry turns back to the front then speeds off in a race-car-like fashion. Just what I need. The thought of seeing Tomi after all this time apart is like a drug hitting my system. I feel alive and swamped with chaos all at once. I have no idea what she’s going to tell me, what she intends to say—good or bad—but I just need to see her up close, so I can hopefully persuade her to my way of thinking.
Eventually, after what seems like hours, we arrive at the apartment. I don’t even wait for Henry to pull the car to a complete stop before I’m out and running toward the elevator, but letting the attendant know Tomi’s on her way and to let her up. I hop in then press the button for my suite. My foot taps nervously on the tiled floor as I think about what I need to tell her, the pictures I can show her of how her shop is coming along.
I have so much I need to say.
So much I want to say.
The elevator dings, the doors open. My breath catches as I see Tomi standing at the entrance to my apartment, wearing her usual getup, including her red heels. It knocks my fucking breath away. She looks a little tired but still as beautiful as fucking ever as I step out and up to her instantly. I move in to embrace her, but her eyes widen like she’s shocked by my movement, so I catch myself and stop. Instead, I grab my wallet and move past her to open the door.
My heart hammers in my chest so damn fast I can hardly hear anything other than the persistent thumping in my ears as the energy sizzles and pops in the air, mixed with the dense tension. The atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I open the giant double
doors, and we both walk inside without saying anything. She heads straight for the living room, the room which caused us so much pain and heartbreak, as she makes her way to the sofa then sits down.
Okay, she’s here to talk.
I take her lead walking over next to her, slowly sitting beside her, but as I go to say something, she starts before I can. “I don’t want you to think I’m forgiving you.”
I sit forward, joining my hands together in a ball. “I need you to understand what happened. You don’t know the full story, Tomi.”
She sits back placing her hands on her lap. “Okay… I’m ready to listen.”
Elation fills me. It’s taken us a long time to get to where we are right now, but if she’s finally willing to listen, then I’m telling her exactly how it really is.
Sighing, I face her, looking straight in her bright green eyes. “The thing about the mega-complex, Tomi… the deal for the expansion was drawn up and made years ago by my father. Nothing could have stopped this build from taking place.” She narrows her brows as if she didn’t realize how long this development has been in motion. “You were at Hope & Faith Ink for nearly five years… this project has been in the pipeline for almost eight…” I pause and reach out for her hand, but she pulls away. “Tomi, your shop was marked for demolition before you even took over your tenancy.”
Her lips pull in tight like she’s becoming angry. “Did Jacob, the owner of my shop, know?”
“Yes, he knew. He should have told you as part of your lease agreement.”
She looks off in another direction like she’s having trouble holding it together right now. I’m so fucking angry at Jacob myself for putting Tomi in this situation.
