Fear Me

by B. B. Reid

  I’ll be honest here. I wasn’t sure if we were talking about bowling or sex. Maybe Sheldon was right and I am dick dizzy.

  “Let’s see you try.” Oh, bowling. Right.

  I tried to remember what he said once he released me and his scent wasn’t driving me nuts. I kept my stance like he told me and aimed for the arrows and released. The ball smoothly rolled forward and hit the pins.

  All except one fell but I released a victory shout, which was probably more like a screech. I turned around and jumped on Keiran wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing him. When I finally came up for air I looked down at him.

  “Good job. Let’s see if we can get a strike.”

  “Or you can take me home now and do what you promised…”

  * * *

  Sheldon told her parents that she would be sleeping over with a friend so we headed straight to Keiran and Keenan’s house. I didn’t know how comfortable I was yet sleeping over at Keiran’s house but he didn’t give me much choice after I gave him the green light to take me home.

  Thinking about how Keiran hunted down Sheldon and Keenan from their dark corner and practically threw our shoes at the poor cashier before hauling ass out of the alley brought a smile to my face.

  We entered the house and I noticed once again that their uncle wasn’t home. I tried not to judge, thinking about how often Aunt Carissa was on the road because of her career. I didn’t know their story so it wasn’t my place to form an opinion.

  Keiran seemed indifferent to his uncle’s absence but I noticed how Keenan would discreetly look around before disappointment shadowed his features. He never let it show for long though. As quickly as it would come, it was gone again.

  I knew how it felt to wonder if your parents loved you or not. At least he knew where his was…or if they were even alive and didn’t abandon you… I shook off the thought and turned to Keiran who was watching me.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “Why do you always want to know what I’m thinking?”

  “Because you’re still hiding.”

  Was that what I was doing? A part of me still believed that this was a cruel joke and he still hated me. Ten years of fear doesn’t just fade away does it?

  “So are you.” It was the only thing I could think of to take the heat off me.

  “Maybe. But not because I don’t trust you.” His tone was accusatory. “But because I think it will keep you safe.”

  “From what?”

  “Me.” His expression was pained. I definitely needed answers.

  “Did I ask you to protect me?”

  “It kind of comes with the package.” His lips curled in a sneer and I could tell he was pissed.

  “Well I did pretty well when you were the threat. Maybe you still are…”

  “You’ll find out if I’m still a threat as soon as you get your ass in my bed.”

  “Is that all you care about?” I asked, feigning anger.

  “At the moment.”

  “You can be such an asshole.” I moved to sit on the couch and got comfortable. I wanted to remain in the living for as long as possible to keep us on equal grounds. As soon as he gets me into his bedroom I knew all bets were off.

  “What the fuck do you want from me, Lake? I’m trying.”

  “I never asked you to!” I screamed the words before I could catch them. When had we started to argue?

  “And I’ll never give you a choice!” he roared back. He was standing on the other side of the room but I felt his anger as if he was standing right in front of me. “You keep fighting this. Fighting me. Why?” His voice was guttural and pained. I wanted nothing more than to give him what he wanted but I couldn’t. I was still holding on.

  “Because I don’t believe in happy-ever-after, Keiran. You took that away from me a long time ago. How am I supposed to forgive you if I don’t even know why?” My voice broke at the last.

  I lifted my head and saw him turn away from me to face the wall. His hands gripped the built-in bookcase as his back tightened with tension.

  “Keiran, please –”

  “I was going to the court to play basketball, just like every day. I didn’t intend to like the game. I just wanted to embrace the one thing I was good at besides what I was taught to do. I would even sneak out in the middle of the night to play so I wouldn’t have to sleep. John finally caught me one night, so he put up the hoop in the back. It didn’t stop me from leaving, though because I wasn’t willing to accept anything from him. I didn’t want to have to say thank you because what the hell would I have to be thankful for? Eventually the nightmares stopped and I could sleep again…until you came along.”

  He gripped the mantle once before letting go to face me. His eyes were burning bright with silent fury.

  “You looked so innocent that day. So sweet and nurtured like you never had a bad day or did a bad thing. You reminded me of everything I was and what I wasn’t. That night I had nightmares again for the first time in weeks. But this time was different. It was you in my nightmare now, not her or any of them. I told myself that none of it was real anymore and that I wouldn’t hurt you or anyone. I didn’t want to be a bad person.” He released a dry laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. “I knew then that she got to me.”

  I desperately wanted to ask about this mystery “her”. Had she been a girl or a woman?

  “I wasn’t prepared to see you again. I thought—I hoped, that maybe you were just passing through but then I saw you again on the playground. You were going to save Buddy when no one else would. Not even his sister would try.” He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, averting his eyes.

  “There is nothing more in this world that I hate than a hero…” his gaze caught mine once more as he said, “not even you.”.

  “Is that why you pushed me?”

  “When I tried to stop and you wouldn’t listen, I wanted to punish you. After I pushed you, I realized I could hurt you and that I would never be good and I hated you for it. I didn’t expect you to stay. I thought again that you would go away but you never did and I was stuck with the constant reminder of who I was every time I saw you. No one could make me feel that way but you so I tried to break you. I guess it backfired because as we grew older I began to want something different from you and suddenly making you cry wasn't nearly enough. I knew I couldn’t have you because you weren’t meant for someone like me and that pissed me off.”

  My mind was raced with questions. I didn’t know whether to be mad at him or sad for him. No child should have those types of thoughts or think of themselves that way, especially at that age when your childhood is so crucial to your future as an adult.

  “Say something,” he demanded.

  “Who was she?”

  ‘What?” His eyes shifted away and his face paled.

  “You said you had nightmares again but about me and not her. Who was she?”

  He took a deep breath and ran his hand down his face. “She was someone who didn’t deserve what happened to her.”

  “Was?”

  “She’s dead.”

  “The girl in the picture,” I said. He nodded as I stood up and walked over to him but he took a step back, retreating from me until his back hit the bookcase. I took his face into my hands and kissed his lips softly before gazing into his eyes. I saw heat and emotion flash in his eyes and felt his body shift toward me.

  That’s good baby. Stay with me.

  I wanted to ask him about his nightmares but decided against it. I didn’t want to risk it. His moods shifted around like a ticking clock except no one would know what came next.

  “When did you first see me?”

  “At Pies, Shakes, and Things, two days before the playground. I was riding by on my bike and saw you on the other side of the sidewalk with your Aunt. It was your voice that caught my attention. You were singing along to Sweetest Thing by U2. I sat there on my bike and listened to you try to hit every high note. It was the first time I could
remember smiling ever. I didn’t see you for long because you went into the shop. I wanted to follow you in. I almost did.”

  I remembered that day clearer than I’d remembered any day. I was feeling sad over being separated from my parents for the first time so my aunt took us out to get ice cream to cheer me up. I heard the song come over the radio when we arrived. It had been my favorite song so my aunt turned up the radio and I hopped out of the car to dance along to the song. I was so caught up in forgetting I was sad that I didn’t realize I was being watched.

  “What was her name?” I asked. He swallowed hard and shook his head but I gripped his face tighter. “It’s okay, Keiran. Tell me. Please, I need to know.

  “Why?” His voice was laced with emotion.

  “Because she’s the real reason you hate me, isn’t she?” He stared into my eyes for so long that I thought he wouldn’t answer.

  “Yes.”

  “You don’t have to tell me why, at least not now. Just tell me her na –”

  “Lily,” he blurted out before I could finish.

  “Lily,” I repeated, testing her name on my lips. Strangely I felt a connection to her. Maybe it was because she was the bind that tied Keiran and me together.

  “I can’t talk about her, Lake.” Keiran pleaded with me through his eyes. I kissed his lips softly which seemed to relax him and tried an easier question

  “Earlier you said that you made sure I wasn’t asked out by anyone. Why?” His eyes darkened with obsession and then his hands were on my hips, yanking me into him.

  “I’m not a good guy so I didn’t mind being selfish. If I can’t have you, no one will.”

  “You mean would?”

  “No I mean will.”

  “You can’t decide that for me.” He shrugged and shot me a look that said, “Wanna bet?”

  “I already did. It wasn’t just guys anyway. I didn’t want anyone near you. Sometimes it felt like I was trying to protect you. Or rather who you are. Ironic, isn’t it? I wanted to protect the very thing I hated,” he said bitterly.

  “I had Willow,” I argued.

  “She wasn’t a threat. To be honest she is much like you are but weird.”

  “Willow isn’t weird. She’s special.”

  “That’s the same as saying she is weird.”

  “It is not.”

  “Okay,” he smirked.

  “If you felt that strongly about me what would you have done when school was over? We all go our separate ways once we graduate. Some people never see each other again.”

  “Do you really believe that?” He shook his head and continued on instead of waiting for my answer. “I don’t think you would have gone far.”

  “Why?”

  “I wouldn’t have let you. I know that now.”

  “That doesn’t make sense.”

  “It isn’t meant to make sense, Lake. It just is.”

  “You realize what you are saying isn’t normal?”

  “It’s how I feel. Fuck normal.”

  “Keiran, you –”

  “Enough questions. Let’s go.” Without warning he grabbed my neck and began walking me backwards to the stairs.

  “I’m not done!”

  “I don’t care. I need to be inside of you now, he whispered” I relaxed against his hold and let him cart me off upstairs. We reached the landing and I could swear I heard moaning and a distinct thumping sound coming from Keenan’s bedroom across the hall.

  Just as Keiran opened his bedroom door, Sheldon’s voice shrieked out, “Quit playing Marco Polo with my ass, Christopher Columbus. This isn’t an exploration so you aren’t putting your ding dong in this donut hole!”

  I was laughing hysterically as Keiran forced me into his bedroom and shut the door.

  * * *

  When Keiran finally released me I backed toward the bed but stopped when he didn’t follow. He remained by the door wearing an uncomfortable expression. I stood there, motionless as I watched him watch me. He didn’t pounce on me as I expected. His demeanor was different from all the other times we’d had sex. The angry lust that was normally present in his eyes was missing. I moved toward him, thinking he was playing another one of his mind games and wanted me to make the first move. During the weeks he made me his personal sex slave Keiran would often fuck my mind harder than he fucked my body.

  “Lake?” he asked, stopping me in my tracks.

  “Yes, Keiran?”

  “I want,” he swallowed deeply as a look of uncertainty passed through his eyes and I realized this was what Keiran looked like vulnerable. “I can’t explain what I want to do with you right now but will you just…let me?”

  I didn’t answer immediately. In just a few words he managed to make me feel like a virgin all over again and not the girl who secretly craved his hard, rough, angry sex and mind games. This could very well be another mind game…in fact I knew it was but I didn't seem to care. I also didn’t realize I was nodding my head until he pushed off the door and stalked toward me. The look is his eyes although softer still made me feel very much like the prey he’d always made me feel.

  When he finally reached me, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “Fuck,” he groaned unexpectedly wrapped his hand around my neck again, nipping my cheek and then throat. “Are you going to make me explain myself?” he asked gruffly.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and stoop up on the tips of my toes to reach his lips. “No. Whatever it is, I…I want it.” I shouldn't want it but I did and somehow I knew his behavior was because of what happened downstairs. Did I push him too far?

  He undressed me slowly and then laid me down on his bed before undressing himself. All the while he kept his eyes on me as he stared at my body hungrily. When he was fully naked he stood above me, stroking his cock, preparing it for whatever punishment he needed to inflict on me. “I don’t know where to start first,” he said and bit his lip. His eyes lowered and I couldn’t help but admire how sexy he looked.

  “You can start by kissing me,” I whispered nervously. “I always love that.” With a smirk he leaned down to kiss my lips. It quickly turned into a kissing frenzy as we devoured each other’s mouths. When the need became too strong I started to pull on his body. I needed to feel his hard body molding to mine and his weight on me. It was something highly erotic about that to me.

  “You’re so fucking sweet,” he groaned. Being who he was I didn't know whether to take that as I compliment or not. His hand trailed my leg and around my thigh inching up where I needed him most. “But you taste so much sweeter here,” he whispered, slowly slipping two fingers inside of me. I whimpered against his mouth and lifted my hips into his plunging fingers. He crooked his fingers and increased the pressure while keeping his rhythm until I came around his thick fingers, soaking the bed beneath me. “Turn around,” he demanded before I could catch my breath.

  I was taken aback by the strong tone of his voice and didn’t immediately obey. I searched his eyes that were now burning with intensity and the need to give in to his urges. There was none of the cold distance I was used to in his eyes so I turned around despite my nervousness and settled myself on my knees. I braced myself for the hard thrust of his cock but it never came. Instead I felt him plant soft kisses across the back of my thighs and his hands rubbing my bottom with soothing strokes.

  Just as I was on the verge of begging, his tongue swept across my swollen lips and I let out a small cry as my pussy welcomed the pleasure his mouth created. By the time he was satisfied, I’d come twice and was left a writhing mess on his bed.

  The bed dipped under his weigh while I was still catching my breath. He turned me until I was settled on my side and then spooned me from behind and wrapped his arm around my waist. “Keiran?” I turned my head around to face him wondering if he changed his mind.

  “Lift your leg for me.”

  I did what he asked without a second thought. The look in his eyes told me he still wanted me. He pulled me closer to him until
every inch of our skin was touching. We’d never been this intimate before. He’d always held some part of himself away from me whenever he took me but now I felt surrounded by him.

  He brought his top leg in between mine and began entering me slowly. The sensation alone stirred my need to come and when he gritted his teeth I knew he felt the same. It felt like forever had come and gone when he was finally fully seated inside me. He rested his head on top of mine and took a deep, shuddering breath.

  “This is killing me,” he groaned. He lifted his head and peered into my eyes. He was so close that I could see the sweat on his brow. I shifted a little to see more of his face and when he groaned again, his eyes fluttered and his gaze lost focus. “Don’t – ah shit, don’t –,” he grunted as my walls clenched and pulled at his cock. I grinned up at him and portrayed innocence.

  “Don’t do what?” I asked sweetly. A part of me wanted him to lose control and take me harder than he’d ever taken me before.

  He narrowed his eyes at me and then flexed his hips once, driving his cock hard into me where he breached my cervix. I released a sharp, cry and whimpered against his lips. “That was your only warning,” he gritted before kissing me softly.

  He thrust into me again but this time he was surprisingly gentle as he continued to rock against me. The new position let me feel him in places I’d never felt him before so when he rolled me onto my back and reentered me swiftly, I almost protested but the sheer wonder in his eyes as he gazed down at me stopped me.

  The raw emotion in his eyes overwhelmed my own. I gripped his hair in my hands feeling the dark silky strands slip through them and bit his lip. His lips parted and he deepened his strokes, moving us further up the mattress. He was letting go.