The C Word: Redefining Me (Book 3)

by MacQueen, Michelle

  He held her close as they danced to a new slow song. His breath warmed her face as he murmured in her ear. “Do you even realize how everyone around you takes you for granted, Addison?”

  His question caught her by surprise. “I think you might be biased, Julian.” Her cheeks flushed under his intense scrutiny. He had her on a pedestal, and she didn’t think she could ever live up to the way he saw her.

  “You have a fire in your soul, Addie, but you don’t let anyone see how breathtaking you are. We’re all mere mortals standing in your shadow.” His words were a low whisper in her ear, and they made her shudder.

  “Julian?” She tilted her face toward his as he captured her lips in a slow, gentle kiss that was over far too quickly.

  They stumbled back, bumping into other dancers, and Addison jerked away.

  “Addie,” Julian whispered.

  She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” Panic flitted through her gaze as her eyes sought someone else. She whirled around to grab Becks’s arm. “Can we go?”

  Becks looked from Addison to Julian before putting an arm around her shoulders.

  “Your chariot awaits, my lady.”

  “Goodnight, Julian. Thanks for the dance.” Addison turned and darted out of the club as fast as her boot would carry her. He probably thought she was upset about the kiss.

  The kiss was perfect.

  Julian was amazing, and she would relive those few moments again and again when she got home. But his words… She’d never been more certain of anything. Julian Callahan was BookBoy and the author of the book she couldn’t get out of her head.

  * * *

  “Want some company?” Becks asked when he pulled up in front of Addison’s house.

  “Not tonight,” she said. “But thanks for the ride home. You’re a good friend, Beckett.”

  “Any time, sweetheart.”

  “Well, goodnight.” She reached for the door.

  “He’s a good guy, Addie.”

  “What?”

  “Julian. He’s a good guy. He might act like a loner who doesn’t care about anything. And he might be broody and handsome, and a hell of a guitar player too, but behind all of that, there’s a lot more to Julian Callahan. Don’t dismiss him before you get to know the real guy under the mask. I have a feeling you’d miss out on a good thing, Ads.”

  “Good advice.” She smiled. “You might be right about one thing.”

  “Just one?” He arched a perfect brow at her like he was offended.

  “He’s definitely handsome and broody. Night, Becks.” She hopped out of his car and headed inside, eager to get her hands on BookBoy’s manuscript again.

  As she waited for her laptop to power on, Addison replayed Julian’s words.

  “Do you even realize how everyone around you takes you for granted, Addison?”

  “You have a fire in your soul, Addie, but you don’t let anyone see how breathtaking you are. We’re all mere mortals standing in your shadow.”

  “It has to be a coincidence.” She drummed her fingers on the keyboard, impatient for the file to load. His words tonight were so familiar; she was certain she’d read something just like it in BookBoy’s manuscript. She didn’t stop to consider what it might mean if Julian turned out to be BookBoy.

  Addison scrolled through the chapters, looking for the place where she’d left off. “There,” she murmured, scanning the paragraph.

  She didn’t know how lovely she was. Adele surrounded herself with people who adored her for her beauty and the things she could do for them, but they didn’t truly know her. Jackson doubted whether she knew herself. She surely didn’t know how he felt about her. And he feared the opportunity to tell her was quickly slipping through his grasp.

  But could a woman such as Adele ever love a man like him? With a fire in her soul every bit as lovely as her face, he was nothing in her shadow.

  “It could be a coincidence.” She sat back in her chair, staring at the screen with the familiar words. She only had a few more chapters left. Addie kept reading where she’d left off, looking for anything else that reminded her of Julian.

  In a matter of moments, she was sucked back into Jackson and Adele’s heartbreaking yet bittersweet story. The pages flew by as she gasped, laughed, and cried for the characters she’d grown to love and root for. When she came to the end of the manuscript, she froze. That was it? The story wasn’t over.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: I finished what you sent. I’m dead. You killed me.

  Addison smiled at the three dots on her screen, grateful she didn’t have to wait long for his reply.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: That bad?

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: What? Are you kidding? That GOOD. I’m wrecked. I sobbed my way through the last two chapters before getting pissed at you because I realized you didn’t send me the freaking ending!! Where’s my ending?!

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: Will you be upset if I say it doesn’t have one yet?

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: YES! Well, I can forgive you. I’m too broken for hatred right now. Feel good about that? You’ve broken me.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: Why the hell did you leave me hanging for FOUR DAYS? I’ve been a wreck waiting for your opinion, woman. Don’t ever do that to a writer again, it’s just mean. But I’m glad you liked the book :)

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: Oops, that was probably a dumb idea lol. I just wanted to read it and make notes for you before I said anything. And shut up! You’re an author. Not just a writer.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: You made notes?

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: Tons of notes and suggestions. Most of it’s just my reaction as a reader, but I wanted to give you as much feedback as I could. I hope that’s okay.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: No, that’s great. I need all the constructive criticism I can get. I have so many questions for you. I’m kind of a mess at the moment. You know… This might be easier if we talk on the phone. Maybe tomorrow? I don’t want to put you on the spot or anything, but I doubt we’d recognize each other’s voices anyway.

  Addison stared at his message, not sure how to respond. If she was right and she was talking to Julian about his novel, a part of her was afraid this friendship would fall apart, and she didn’t want it to end.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: Maybe. Let me think about it. I’ll send you the file with my notes for now, and maybe we can talk soon.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: Whatever you decide. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m just so grateful for your feedback, and I’m stunned you liked the novel so much. Are you sure you aren’t messing with me?

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: I don’t joke about books :) Your novel is brilliant and I can’t wait to see it in print someday soon. Once you get me an ending, of course. ;>

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: That thought makes me a little nauseous. You’re my first reader, and I can hardly handle it. I can’t imagine putting it out there for the whole world to judge.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: Why don’t you start by giving it to your sister? And then maybe we can talk about giving it to the world ;)

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: I can do that. You have all the best ideas. Talk to you soon. You know, on here. No pressure ;)

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: Get some sleep BookBoy--or, you know, write because I want more. TTYL

  12

  Julian

  Julian stared at the document open on his computer, cringing at the line of comments down the right-hand column. When LitGirl said she’d made notes, she wasn’t joking. Some of them were just excited moments showing him what she felt throughout the book, but others…

  Expand this scene.

  This character is unnecessary.

  WHY WOULD JACKSON DO THIS?! Please don’t make me think less of him. If he really loves Adele, he’ll be completely honest with her.

  That last comment struck a nerve, and Julian pushed his computer off his lap. Honesty. Had he ever been truly honest with a single person in his life? The one girl who knew about his book didn’t even know his identi
ty. And the other people he cared about… If they didn’t know about his writing, did they really know him at all?

  With a sigh, he rolled onto his stomach, stretching out toward the computer on his bed, and scrolled down the page. LitGirl liked it. That much was obvious. She must have spent hours and hours making notes, and he had to admit her ideas would make the story better.

  When he’d been writing, he’d never imagined the story could actually be… good. He shook his head, realizing it was just how he was. Julian Callahan never truly succeeded at anything. Cooper had been the one to rise to the top. Sports. Grades. While Julian skated by under the radar. He’d never wanted to be seen.

  But writing a book and actually showing it to people… That would shine a big old spotlight right on his shadows. Was he ready for that?

  He sighed again and rubbed his eyes. He’d been working on edits all week whenever he wasn’t at school or the diner. Adele and Jackson became his life, sucking him into their world where a kiss meant something and a look held a hidden meaning.

  Not the real world where you finally kiss the girl of your dreams and she runs away before avoiding you for an entire week.

  Yep, that was right. Julian Callahan kissed Addison Parker. God, he was an idiot. Years ago, he’d have given anything to have her look at him the way she saw Cooper. And seven long days ago, in the middle of a packed club, she had. She’d seen him. Not his twin. Him. Julian.

  He blew out a breath as his phone dinged.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: BookBoy, where’s the new chapter you promised me? The one I told you to write.

  Julian smiled. She’d demanded a chapter where Jackson and Adele got a bit more steamy. Not on the page sex but pretty darn close to it.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: It’s my book, woman.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: Yes, and I’m your editor, so you have to do what I say.

  —@DontTouchMyBooks: I don’t think that’s how that works.

  —@ShutUpAndDrive: Give me the heat!

  He laughed as he tried to think of a response. How could his best friend be a faceless person he met online? Sure, they went to the same school, but they’d never talked face to face. Yet, he thought about her almost as much as he thought about Addie, and that was saying something.

  A throat cleared from the doorway, and he looked up to find Peyton watching him. “Hey, Pey. Didn’t know you were home from work.”

  She glanced at the screen of her phone. “It’s almost eleven, Jules.

  The late shift picked up at ten.” As if on cue, voices drifted up the stairs followed by the closing of the front door as their parents got home.

  Julian sat up, LitGirl’s words from the week before rolling through his mind. She’d said maybe it was time he told his sister. A faceless girl online couldn’t be the only person he let in. Ever since their argument at the diner, things had been strained between the siblings, and he wasn’t used to fighting with Pey. Cooper, yes. They’d constantly warred but never with their sister.

  She leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed and her phone dangling from her fingers.

  He lowered his eyes to the computer, needing the confidence just seeing LitGirl’s screen name gave him. Blowing out a breath, he motioned to the door. “Shut the door.”

  “Julian.” Peyton scowled. “You can’t keep pushing me away.”

  Julian’s lips tilted up into a wry smile. “I meant come inside and shut it. I want to talk to you.”

  “Oh.” She shrugged and closed the door before crossing the room and perching on the corner of his desk. “This seems kind of ominous, bro. Talking isn’t really your style. Grunting is more you.”

  He lifted his middle finger, and she laughed.

  “Look, okay…um…” How did he say it? I’m writing a book sounded dumb. Check out my romance novel made him seem like a delusional idiot.

  But this was Peyton. No matter how he said it, she wouldn’t judge him.

  He lifted his computer and held it out to her. She raised an eyebrow but took it and scanned the open page, her eyes widening.

  A few moments of her reading passed before she looked up at him. “Jules, is this what I think it is?”

  He breathed deeply, pushing the words out on his next breath. “My book.”

  “Your book?” she said, her words slow as if she couldn’t quite comprehend them. Excitement sparked in her eyes. “You wrote this? I thought maybe you’d started writing one, but this is a full book.” She stared at the screen again, a slow smile spreading across her lips.

  “Except the ending,” he mumbled.

  Standing, she moved to sit beside him on the bed to get more comfortable with the laptop resting on her legs. “Julian,” she whispered. “This is…”

  He waited for her to finish the sentence. Crazy. Too ambitious. Not like him.

  “This is incredible.”

  “Incredible?” He tested out the word on his tongue, never having imagined such an excited reaction. He cared about Peyton more than anyone else in the world. For many years, he and Coop were her protectors, shielding her from anything ugly in the world.

  They hadn’t been able to shield her from themselves though and their stupid decisions that led to the accident. Somewhere along the way, Julian went from looking after Peyton to having her look after him.

  Her opinion meant more to him than anyone else’s.

  “Pey.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You really don’t think this is stupid? I mean…I’m writing a romance novel.”

  She met his gaze unflinchingly. “Julian Callahan, don’t you start thinking less of yourself for what you choose to love. I think it’s beautiful you’d choose to write a love story. But even if it was some slasher book, I’d love it. You think of yourself as a boy who cares about nothing, but I know you better than anyone, and the truth is, you care more than you’ll ever admit. You have passion, Jules. Why is that something to be embarrassed about?”

  She paused. “Now, the more important question is, who the hell did you tell about this before me?”

  “What?”

  “The notes. Someone has read this. I don’t know who it is, but I kind of like them. Look at this one. You’re a dick. I’m never speaking to you again.”

  Julian laughed. “She thought they were going to break up.”

  “She? Who is this girl who is obviously more important than your favorite sister? I promise I’ll try not to be offended you trusted her more than me.”

  With a sigh, he leaned back. “It’s not that I trusted her more than you, Pey. But you have to understand, none of this is easy for me. I don’t…let people in. And LitGirl kind of just happened.”

  “LitGirl?” She raised a brow.

  “I met her on No BS.”

  “My app?!” Peyton clapped her hands together. “Oooo, this is good. Is No BS matchmaking now? When I created the app, I didn’t see that potential.”

  “No matchmaking. I don’t even know who she is.”

  “Oh, well, that’s easy. Tell me her screen name. I can look her up in my database.”

  “Peyton… I can’t. If I found out who she is, I’m not sure she’d keep talking to me, and I can’t lose her.”

  “So…she’s like an anonymous friend? What do you know about her?”

  “Just that she goes to our school and loves books. We tell each other what to read and talk about it. It was easier for me to send her my book because she doesn’t know who I am. She doesn’t have all these preconceived notions of just what Julian Callahan is capable of.”

  “I get it.” She grinned. “This has the makings of a Hallmark movie. Boy falls for anonymous girl. Boy gets everything he ever dreamed of.” Her smile dropped, and she leaned in to whisper. “What if she’s really a dude?”

  A laugh burst out of him. “I don’t think she is. But…” He shrugged. “We’ll only ever be book friends, so it wouldn’t really matter, would it?”

  “Yeah, besides…you have Addison.” She wiggled her eyebrows, an
d he threw a pillow at her head. She caught it with a laugh and closed the laptop.

  “I don’t have Addison.”

  “I saw you two at the club last week. After all these years, my big bro finally kissed the girl.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I haven’t talked to her since.”

  “Jules.” Peyton shifted so she faced him and crossed her legs pretzel style. “I have watched you pine after Addison Parker since you were old enough to realize girls were pretty cool.”

  “And for most of that time, I watched her follow Cooper around.” He gritted his teeth at the memories, wanting to feel anything but anger for his brother.

  Peyton sighed. “Cooper never saw her that way. You guys were a year older than us, and he went after older girls. But you… None of that mattered to you. Julian, I’m going to ask you something I’ve been asking all year, and this time, I want an answer.”

  He swallowed and nodded silently.

  “Cooper did something that night. Something that caused you to fight him. I know it had to do with Addison. You once told me I didn’t know the real Coop, but he was my brother just like you are. I need to know what happened.”

  Julian averted his eyes. Did Peyton have just as much right to Cooper’s secrets as Julian? It wasn’t only Cooper’s secret but Addison’s too. Yet, if anyone could help Addie, it wasn’t going to be Julian. Peyton would be there for her in a way she’d never let the boy who shared Cooper’s face.