He turned to Addison, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Go easy on him, Ads. Julian’s not the most open of books. You know how he is.”
“I do.” She crossed her arms over her chest, never once taking her eyes from Julian.
As Becks rounded the house whistling, Julian shrank back as if facing the firing squad.
They stared at each other for a long, tense moment.
Finally, he pushed out a breath. “I thought you knew.”
“I knew you had this obsession with me, but I didn’t know you actually cared. Half the guys in school see me as this goddess who can make all their problems go away just by looking at them.”
“I never wanted you to make my problems go away, Addie. You’re not God.”
She slapped the papers down on the deck. “I’m not this either. You wrote about me. Adele. She’s me. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. But she’s also not me, Julian.”
He set his guitar to the side and stood to face her. “You don’t get to decide how I see you.”
“So, you’re not denying it? You’re saying Adele really is me?”
“Addison, I’ve never denied anything about my feelings for you. And I won’t apologize for them. I know you think I put you on a pedestal and it’s too much pressure, but, Ads, I see you. You’ve read the book. Can you honestly tell me Adele is perfect?”
Addison hugged her arms across herself as her lips tugged down. “No. She’s pretty flawed, actually. But you can’t write about your dream girl and then expect me to be her. That’s not how this works.”
“You’re impossible.” Julian put his hands on his head and stepped back to get some space. “Yes, Addie, you’re flawed. Truth time. So is everyone else in this God-forsaken world. But you’re not broken like you think you are. You don’t need to change for me or for anyone else. I don’t want a perfect version of you. I just want you!” His heart hammered against his ribs as he turned his back on her. “Damn it, why is this so hard?”
When he got control of his breathing and turned toward her once more, he cursed himself for the tears rolling down her face. She didn’t sob. She didn’t say a word. But they kept coming as she watched him, silent proof that his words affected her.
“Addie, don’t cry.”
“Why couldn’t you just leave me alone?” Her voice was so quiet, so small, he could barely hear her. “I was fine before you started caring.”
Julian stepped toward her, softening his voice. “One, I didn’t ‘start’ caring, Addie. I’ve always cared. And two, you weren’t fine. You were hiding behind this other version of yourself.”
“Does that matter? Does anything matter, Julian? You and I… Do we matter?” She gestured to the stack of paper—Julian’s book. “Or are we just characters in a story people forget soon after reading the last page?”
“Ad—”
“I’m sorry.” She cut him off. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here. I should go.”
She tried to turn away, but Julian grabbed her arm, spinning her back around to face him. “No one could forget us, Addie.” He pulled her against him, pressing his lips to hers like he’d done twice before.
Only this time, there was no turning back. He couldn’t let her go and pretend it hadn’t happened. Addison only stayed frozen for a moment before she let out a tiny whimper and kissed him back, her soft lips taking control.
She tasted of salt from her tears, and Julian imagined he was taking every bit of sadness from her in that moment. He’d do anything to prove to her she was wrong about them. “You matter,” he whispered against her lips. “We sure as hell matter.”
Her eyes searched his, shifting between the two different colors. For once, there was no fear in her expression. She wasn’t looking to make sure he was Julian and not Cooper. Coop no longer stood between them as some impenetrable barrier.
When Addison’s hands splayed on Julian’s chest, her fingers gripping his shirt, he knew he never wanted their moment to end.
But if there was one thing writing his book taught him, it was sometimes endings are only the beginning of something great.
“Julian…” She sucked in a breath. “I think…”
“You think what?”
“I fell for an anonymous guy I met online. A guy who talked to me as if my opinion was important to him. He listened, truly listened. But he wasn’t real, not until I figured out he was you. Do you know what my first reaction was?”
“Disappointment?”
She shook her head. “Relief. Because I felt this”—she gripped him tighter—“between us for months. I didn’t want it to happen. Hell, I’m still fighting it, but I think I feel…” Her voice trailed off.
“How do you feel, Ads?” Julian dipped his head to meet her gaze. “I need you to say it. Please.”
“I think I’m in love with you. I tried so hard not to be.”
He brought his lips to her ear. “Stop trying.” His heart jack hammered in his chest, wanting to break free as his hands slid up and down her back. He’d never imagined getting to hold Addison like this, and it was better than any dream.
“I’m not going to be a very good girlfriend, Julian.”
He smiled, pressing another kiss to her lips. He loved that Addison assumed they’d be dating when they hadn’t discussed it. It was the first sign she was accepting what he’d known all along.
Just like Adele and Jackson, they deserved their happiness.
Addison deserved happiness.
“Why don’t you think you’ll make a good girlfriend?” He tried not to laugh.
She swatted his chest. “Don’t make fun of me. It’s just… I haven’t dated anyone. Ever.”
“How is that possible?”
Her face darkened, and she didn’t need to answer for him to know. Cooper. She hadn’t gotten past what Cooper did and it held her back.
“He has no more power over you.” Julian slid his arms around her back. “You see that, right?”
She nodded. “And you aren’t him. You know that?”
Julian shrugged. “I wish more people in town saw that.”
“Julian Callahan is kind in a way I’ve never seen before. His multicolored eyes are damn sexy. And he’s the most talented person I’ve ever known.” She smiled. “One day, people will see it. It might just take them some time.”
Tears built in her eyes again, and Julian gripped her chin. “What?”
She hiccupped back a sob. “I’m sorry. I said some things tonight… After I read the book again, I was scared Julian. I still am. But I tried to hurt you. Not just tonight. For months. I’ve been pretty horrid when you’ve been nothing but kind.”
“As Addison, maybe you’ve been a bit harsh, but I don’t think you understand how much LitGirl meant to me.”
She nodded quickly, wiping away tears. “I do. BookBoy was everything. Even after I found out it was you—maybe especially then. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was afraid you’d stop talking to me.”
He might have. If he’d known it was her, he wouldn’t have revealed so much about himself. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth, amazed he got to do it at all. “Forgiven.”
“Good, because I have news. I got into Defiance University, and I’m staying right here in Twin Rivers.”
“You’re staying?” He bit back a grin.
She nodded. “Staying.”
He let out a whoop and whirled her around. “I couldn’t have said goodbye to you.”
She pulled away with a laugh when he set her down and turned toward the deck, picking up the pages of his book before whirling back around. “This book is beautiful, Julian. And that ending…” She closed her eyes. “I’ve never been so affected by words on a page.”
He grinned. “Not even Little Women?”
“Are you going to take my compliment or not?”
His grin widened. “Thank you, Ads.” He leaned in to kiss her again, but she put the pages between them.
“You
have to publish this.”
“What?”
“Don’t you think other people should read your words?”
He scratched his head. “Um…maybe? I just kind of wrote them because I felt like it.”
“You’re hopeless.”
“How would I even get published?”
“I can probably help with that.” Becks strolled around the side of the house looking as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He held a small bag of popcorn in one hand. Popping a piece into his mouth, he chewed slowly.
Addison and Julian shared a look.
Becks stopped in front of them. “I’ve already been through this with Avery and Nari, so let’s save some time. Yes, I was listening. How else am I supposed to know exactly what you guys said? And yes, that’s a total invasion of privacy, but I’m kinda cute, and you can’t be mad at me. That cover it?”
A laugh burst free of Addison, and she slapped a hand over her mouth.
Becks grinned. “I’m glad you two finally figured out you had to be together because no one else would put up with all the brooding you both do.”
Julian started to speak, but Becks held up a hand. “And you wrote a book. Nice going, bro.” He held out his hand for a fist bump.
Julian bumped his fist because he wasn’t sure what else to do. “It’s…ah…a romance.”
“Really?” Becks laughed. “That is magnificent. Now comes the part where I can help. My stepmother dearest is an editor. Not for a publisher. She used to be with Random House before she met my dad, but she quit to help run the hardware store. Now she edits for independent authors in her spare time.”
“Indie publishing?” Julian knew nothing about any kind of publishing.
Addison smiled. “Yeah, that’s perfect. I read tons of indie books. Yours would fit so many of the tropes.” She turned to Becks. “Can we meet with your stepmom?”
Becks shrugged. “She’s at the hardware store now.”
Addison slid an arm around Julian’s waist. As he pulled her into his side, he realized it didn’t matter what happened with the book. He’d already gotten the ending he wanted.
But publishing his words would be pretty damn cool.
* * *
Addison dropped into a seat next to Julian at the lunch table, leaning sideways to press a kiss to his cheek. “Hey,” she whispered.
A smile slid across Julian’s face. “Hey, yourself.” He turned toward her. “But that wasn’t a proper greeting.” Slipping a hand around the back of her neck, he pulled her closer.
A gagging sound had them breaking apart. But it didn’t come from all the stunned people around them who hadn’t known Julian finally got the girl. Instead, Becks was the one pretend vomiting all over the table.
“Ummmm…” Peyton glanced between them as if unsure who she should look at.
Becks started gagging again. Nicky appeared, slapping Becks on the back of the head. “Why are you the one acting like it’s a surprise? You told me about Addison and Julian this morning.”
Every eye at the table went to Becks.
“Dude.” Avery threw a fry at him. “You told my little brother and not me?”
Peyton slapped a palm on the table. “Guys, focus. I don’t care who knew.” She turned teary eyes on Julian.
“Pey, if you cry, I swear I’m going to make you eat a greasy slice of pizza.”
She bit her lip. “But you two… This has been coming for years. I’m just so… I don’t even know what I am.”
Addison leaned into Julian. “Is she getting more emotional about our relationship than we are?”
“Relationship?” Peyton squealed, clapping her hands together.
“Breathe, Pey.” Cam took her hand in his.
Julian only shook his head as he linked his fingers with Addison’s under the table. Now or never. He’d met with Becks’ stepmom the night before, and she told him the hardest part of being a writer was admitting you were one.
“I have something I want to tell all of you.”
Addison squeezed his hand in support.
Understanding lit in Peyton’s eyes, but Avery snorted. “So, you finally dating Addison isn’t the news?”
Nari elbowed Avery. “Hush.” She met Julian’s gaze. “We’re all listening. Whatever you want to tell us is cool.”
Julian sucked in a breath. It wasn’t like he was telling his friends he was a mass murderer or kept a box of intravenous drugs in his closet. Peel off the Band-Aid. “I wrote a book. A romance novel.”
Silence surrounded him for only a moment before they burst into excited chatter. Peyton and Addison told everyone how amazing it was. Becks made sure to let Avery and Nicky know he knew before them.
Finally, when they were all done talking over one another, Peyton looked to Julian. “So, are you going to publish it?”
He nodded. “Mrs. Anderson is going to be my editor, and she has connections with cover designers. She’s going to help me every step of the way. I’m doing this. I’m publishing a book.”
As he said those last words, he caught the pride in his sister’s eyes. It matched looks given by each of his friends around that table. Finally, he met Addison’s gaze, filled with so much hope.
It was then that he realized high school was almost a part of their pasts. The bullies. The disastrous parties. Mean girls and feelings of inadequacy. He couldn’t remember a single day at Twin river High where he’d felt good enough for his classmates.
But it was almost over. His eyes traveled the faces around their table. Peyton, Cam, Avery, Nari, Becks, Nicky, Addison… That was what would last. That was what he wanted to remember.
As they continued talking excitedly about his book—suggesting ridiculous titles—he memorized them. As much as he hated high school, he didn’t want this to end. He’d spent so long pushing people away, saying he didn’t need friends, and now he wasn’t quite sure how to let go.
But letting go was a part of life. Because endings were inevitable.
And so were new beginnings.
Epilogue
Addison
Three months later
Feeling nostalgic, Addison slipped into the familiar booth beside Peyton and Nari. This was where their friendship took root so many years ago when they were just young girls.
“I’m going to miss you two.” Unexpected tears filled Addison’s eyes.
“No, I can’t start crying again.” Peyton dabbed at her eyes. “Graduation is supposed to be fun. Besides, I’m not even leaving until later this summer.”
“But Nari is leaving in a few days to go be a rock star.” Addison pouted as she reached for Nari’s hands across the table.
“Country star,” Nari corrected. “And we’ll only be a few hours away. I’ll be back all the time.”
“Oh no, they’re getting all weepy again,” Avery said as he scooted into the circular booth beside Nari. “Babe, we just graduated, and we’re finally free of Twin Rivers High. Let’s celebrate.”
“I’m just going to miss my girls,” Nari said.
Addison moved to let Cameron sit beside Peyton, but she only had eyes for Julian.
“Hey, you,” he whispered, pressing his lips against hers. “Congrats.”
“Congrats to you too, Mr. Published Author.” She couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face. She was so freaking proud of him. “Did you bring it?”
“Yeah, just waiting for the others to get here.” Julian scooted into the booth beside her while Nicky and Wylder moved a second table to join the booth.
“Where’s Becks?” Cameron asked.
“Present!” Becks shouted from the diner entrance, still sporting his cap and gown.
“You were supposed to return the robe, dude.” Avery rolled his eyes.
“I’m keeping it.” Becks took his seat between Avery and Nicky. “I make this look good.”
“You know you don’t get your diploma until you return the robe, right?” Addison laughed.
“Hey now, I’
m not doing the college thing, so this is my only graduation. I want to keep the mementos, besides, I have my diploma right here.” Becks flipped open the folder containing his certificate and screamed. “What kind of witchery is this?” His eyes widened in shock.
“You better go find Principal Stevens before she leaves town,” Nicky said. “I’m pretty sure she’s leaving for a cruise tomorrow.”
“Shut your face!” Becks stood up, toppling his chair over.
“Don’t have a conniption, Beckett, I’m way ahead of you,” Principal Stevens crossed the diner. “I figured you guys would be here. Hand over the robe.” She snapped her fingers, holding Becks’ diploma hostage in her other hand.
“Yes, ma’am.” Becks shed his graduation robe and grabbed Mrs. Stevens, spinning her around and dipping her like a ballroom dancer. “I’ve always wanted to do that.” He let her go.
“All right, I expect to hear great things about all of you. Now go spread your wings and fly. Meanwhile, I have a few margaritas waiting for me in the Bahamas.”
Addison and the others waved goodbye to their high school principal just as Mrs. Callahan brought out the first course of their graduation celebration.
“We’ve got appetizers and drinks to start,” Mrs. Callahan said. “Short rib empanadas and salmon crostinis with capers with raspberry iced tea.” Mr. and Mrs. Callahan passed around the plates, leaving the kids to enjoy their celebration.
“Before we eat, I have an announcement,” Julian said. “So keep your hands clean.”
“Is it here?” Peyton squeaked, clapping her hands together.
“What’s here?” Avery asked.
“I have copies for all of you.” Julian’s hands shook as he reached for the box he’d set under the table.
Addison batted his hands away and discretely opened the box for him. She was so proud of him she could burst.
“Are they signed?” Cameron asked, accepting his copy of Julian’s book.
“No, um. I didn’t think about that.” Julian’s ears turned red.
“Sign it, man. I want to say I knew Julian Callahan way back when.” Cameron passed his copy back to Julian.
The C Word: Redefining Me (Book 3) Page 16
