Ride On

by Stephen J. Martin

  ‘I only spoke to him for a minute, Norman. I had to phone you and run out the door or I’d be late.’

  ‘What did you talk about?’

  ‘Nothing really. I think he was just apologising about the other time, y’know, when you lot were in Cork. I told him I’d talk to him later.’

  ‘But … but … and did he say where he was or anything?’

  ‘No. I was on the phone for a minute, just. He didn’t say anything.’

  ‘Fuck,’ said Norman. He ran a hand over his head, staring at the floor.

  ‘Norman, you look awful. Do you think Aesop …’

  ‘We don’t know where he is, Trish,’ said Dónal. ‘Look, will you ever come in properly and take off your coat.’

  They all made their way over to the couches by the coffee table, saying nothing. When they were sitting down, Norman looked up suddenly.

  ‘Trish, where the fuck were you yesterday and today? Tell me the truth now.’

  Dónal and Jimmy didn’t even have to look at each other. They both got up and went into the control room. This sounded like a job for inch-thick soundproofed glass. Christ, as if there wasn’t enough going on around here.

  ‘What?’ said Trish, once the door was closed behind them.

  ‘Where were you? I called Baldoyle. You weren’t there. They said you wouldn’t be in till Monday. What the hell is going on?’

  Trish shook her head slightly.

  ‘Norman … why are you being like this?’

  ‘Like what? You tell me one thing and then I find out something else. What way am I meant to be?’

  ‘Where do you bloody think I was?’

  ‘I don’t know. I don’t even want to think about it.’

  ‘So you think I’m lying to you?’

  ‘What am I meant to think? I just drove over to your place and the girls haven’t seen you.’

  ‘I was at work!’

  She opened her coat.

  ‘Look! I stayed in the dorm last night because it was snowing by the time I finished and I knew I wouldn’t get a taxi. I haven’t been home yet to change. I was hoping we could go together and then go out for the night. Jesus, what’s the matter with you?’

  Norman looked at her uniform. But … well that didn’t necessarily mean that what she was saying was true, did it?

  ‘I don’t know!’ said Norman. ‘They said in Baldoyle that …’

  ‘Baldoyle?’

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘Christ, Norman, Nuala doesn’t work in Baldoyle. She works in the hospice in Raheny. I told you that ten times. I was nowhere near Baldoyle.’

  ‘Wh … what?’

  Norman blinked. Had she? He spent so much time just gazing at her that sometimes he couldn’t even hear what she was saying.

  ‘But … but … I thought …’

  ‘What, Norman? What did you think?’

  ‘Just that … well, when Aesop went missing all of a sudden, and then the next thing you’re called in to work out of the blue … Jesus, I’ve been so freaked out. I was sure …’

  He was staring at his shoes. She didn’t say anything. When he looked up, he saw a tear trickle down her cheek.

  ‘I thought we were past that,’ she said quietly.

  ‘I couldn’t get hold of you!’ said Norman. ‘I tried everything. No one knew where you were. No one knows where Aesop is. All at the same time. I didn’t know what … what …’

  ‘I told you where I was, Norman.’

  ‘But I … I called your work and …’

  She had a tissue out and wiped at her eyes. Then she sniffed her nose and looked over at him.

  ‘So it’s like that, then, is it? That’s the kind of person I am to you.’

  ‘No, Trish. Please. I was … I just made a mistake. I was worried about Aesop but I was sure his stalker was finished with all that shit. So when you call me to say you were working, all I could think of was …’

  ‘I know what you were thinking, Norman. And I’m sorry.’

  ‘For what?’

  ‘For making you think those things about me.’

  ‘You don’t.’

  ‘I obviously do. But we can fix that.’

  ‘No, Trish. No …’

  She was crying properly again now.

  ‘I hope Aesop is okay,’ she said, standing up and starting to button her coat again. ‘I really do. Let me know if I can do anything to help.’

  ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘Home.’

  ‘I … I’ll call you later.’

  ‘Please don’t.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Norman, I can’t deal with people freaking out on me. Not people I want to … be with. I needed you to be steady for me. I really needed …’

  ‘But I am … I want to be.’

  ‘I know. Maybe you do.’

  She put a hand on his arm.

  ‘But I can’t tip-toe around you. No matter how I feel about you. To know that that’s what you think of me … what’s going on inside you every time I’m not around. I just can’t do that. It’s not worth it.’

  She walked to the door and Norman ran over to her, taking her arm.

  ‘But Trish …’

  ‘I’m sorry Norman. Please, go and find Aesop. I hope to God he’s okay.’

  ‘Can I not …’

  ‘Please Norman,’ she shook her arm away from him, her eyes red and streaming. ‘Don’t do this to me. I really thought … I thought that we might …’

  ‘Trish,’ said Norman. ‘Don’t … don’t go.’

  ‘I have to. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Please Trish. I … I love you. You’re all I have, Jesus. I love you. Please don’t. Please don’t.’

  He was whispering now.

  She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, pulling the door open.

  ‘You don’t, Norman. That’s not love. It’s something else and I can’t deal with it.’

  *

  Jimmy and Dónal had watched all this through the glass. You didn’t need subtitles to know what was going on.

  ‘Poor cunt,’ said Jimmy, watching Norman go off to the toilet.

  ‘Yeah. That didn’t go well, whatever it was.’

  ‘It was about Trish and Aesop.’

  ‘What? He wasn’t … was he? With her?’

  ‘No. Of course not. But Norman got it into his head that she was up for it. So did Aesop actually. Ah, it was just something stupid. She wanted to meet Aesop to tell him something. There was probably nothing in it, but you know what Aesop’s like. Fucking drama queen that he is, he was sure she wanted him to shag her. Norman must have picked up on it too.’

  ‘So … Norman thought the two of them were off shagging the last two days?’

  ‘Looks like it. And it looks like she didn’t appreciate him thinking that.’

  ‘Fuck.’

  Back in the main room, Norman was back from the toilet.

  ‘Sorry man,’ said Jimmy. ‘Whatever that was, I hope it works out.’

  Norman ignored him.

  ‘We know he talked to Trish at lunchtime,’ he said. ‘But we don’t know where he was when he was talking to her. We know he called that one, Alison, at some stage last night. But we don’t know where he was then either. Do we know any fucking thing else at all?’

  ‘No,’ said Jimmy. ‘Except that something happened to make him want to leave the band and join Leet.’

  ‘What would make that happen?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Well think. Cos that’s all we’ve got to go on.’

  ‘He was always against stopping The Grove. Even after I told him I might not be able to play much with everything going on here, he still said he didn’t want to join Leet. It’d mean he was always away and he’d miss home and … and …’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Fuck,’ said Jimmy, understanding breaking across his face.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Helen.’

  ‘What? My Helen? What about
her?’

  ‘He said … he wanted …’

  ‘What Jimmy?’

  ‘I know where he is. Fuck! Why didn’t I think of it before?’

  ‘What about Helen, Jimmy?’

  ‘He’s fucking mad about her, Norman.’

  ‘I told him I’d fucking throttle him if he so much as …’

  ‘I know! That’s why he spoofed you yesterday about rehearsals. He was trying to get away from you so he could go down there and try and hook up with her! That’s where the fucker is!’

  ‘Are you sure?!’

  ‘Yes! Call her. Call her now. Quick.’

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Norman gave the other two a thumbs-up. Jimmy felt the weight dropping off him like a sodden coat.

  Aesop was in Cork.

  ‘So come on,’ said Jimmy, as soon as Norman rang off. He was jiggling about. ‘What’s the story? He’s down there? He’s okay? What happened yesterday?’

  ‘He called Helen yesterday around lunchtime and told her he was coming down. She told him not to go to all that trouble, because it wasn’t going to work out between them. She’d made up her mind.’

  ‘Fuck.’

  ‘Yeah, well he must have flown down, cos he met her anyway at about seven in Kavanaghs. He didn’t want to hear it over the phone.’

  ‘Right. And then?’

  ‘And then she told him that she was after hooking up again with Davey Molloy. That’s the ex, remember? Apparently he’s on the wagon now after seeing Aesop on the stage that time and the way Helen was with him. So he’s going to the meetings, off the drink completely, working hard in his job and playing out of his skin on the park without losing the rag with every fucker that comes near him. Anyway, they all reckon he’s a new man. She wants to give it another go with him.’

  ‘Jesus. Aesop must be fucking gutted.’

  ‘He wasn’t happy. Stayed back in the pub on his own and got trolleyed for two hours. Then he got a bottle of Jameson and went back to the cottage.’

  ‘How did he get in?’

  ‘He had keys, didn’t he? From the last time. I don’t remember him giving them back.’

  ‘So that’s where he is, then? Dying with a heartbroken hangover in your Granny’s place?’

  ‘Yeah. Probably.’

  ‘So call him.’

  ‘There’s no land line there, Jimmy. Sure the house isn’t used that much. It’d only be a waste of money to have a line active. We’re stuck with his mobile, and the langer has it turned off, doesn’t he?’

  ‘Right. Yeah. Well anyway, Jesus, that’s good, right? We know where he is.’

  ‘Yeah. We know where he is. But it’s not good. He’s on his own down there with no one around.’

  ‘But sure, wasn’t that the reason yiz went down there in the first place? No one knows about it. He’s grand. He just needs to sober up and turn his phone on. He’s might even be on his way back up here right now.’

  ‘Yeah, probably.’

  ‘Aw … thank fuck. I’m telling you, I’ll bleedin’ kill him when I see him. The bloody idiot doing that to us. I’ll kick the arse off him.’

  ‘You’ll have to get in line,’ said Dónal. ‘Because I’ve got a new pair of walking boots that I need to break in. And I don’t even want to think about what Sparky’s going to do to him.’

  The tension was gone out of the room now. It was all deep breaths, shaking heads and sheepish grins. Except for Norman. He was still quiet and the colour hadn’t come back to his face yet.

  ‘You all right man?’ said Jimmy.

  ‘Not really, Jimmy. I fucked up. She’s gone.’

  ‘She just needs to cool down. I’m telling you man, you should have heard me and Sandra back when I was going out with her. I don’t even know how many rows we had over stupid stuff, but then we’d both calm down and everything would be grand after a bit. Everyone needs to let off a bit of steam. It’s probably only your first row, isn’t it? Just give her a bit of time.’

  ‘Time won’t do it, Jimmy. Because she’s right. I am a fucking freak. I couldn’t just be happy that everything was going great. I have this fucking … thing in me that gets all mental and has to go looking for things to mess it up. I mean, once I got it in me head that her and Aesop … I just couldn’t let it go. It didn’t matter what anyone said. It didn’t matter that I knew she really liked me or that Aesop knew I’d pull his head off his shoulders and punch the fuck out of it. Didn’t matter. I knew nothing was going on. I knew it and then I decided that something was going on anyway. Ran over to his gaff expecting to see them at it. Then I went over to her place. And this is what happens. She’s better off.’

  ‘Ah, shut up, will you?’ said Jimmy, ‘Look, you were a bit jealous. Who the fuck doesn’t get a bit jealous?’

  ‘You don’t.’

  ‘What? Of course I do! Jesus. Everyone does. You were just a bit thrown because Aesop was gone and then Trish turned up at the wrong time when we’re all trying to figure out what was happening. It’s nothing, man. Call her later. I know what happened. She turns up here to surprise you and then finds you all bent out of shape. She wasn’t expecting to walk in on all the shit that was going on here, was she? She thought you’d be chuffed to see her. She was just upset.’

  ‘Yeah. And then I go and accuse her of lying to me and riding Aesop on the sly. Like she hasn’t put up with enough shit from me and fucking Aesop? She’s better off. I’m bad news, so I am.’

  ‘Will you shut fucking up, Norman? She’s lucky to have you and she knows that. Go over with a bottle of wine and a big apology and tell her you’re a gobshite and you’ll never do it again.’

  ‘But I will!’

  ‘You won’t! After this? Jesus, Norman, the next time the little green bastard taps you on the shoulder, you just keep your fucking trap shut and you’ll be grand!’

  ‘But how am I meant to do that when I’m going mad inside?’

  ‘You practise! Christ man, if you give vent to every thought that occurs to you when you’re with a bird, you’ll never get a minute’s peace! Dónal, tell him!’

  ‘Aw Jesus, lads, don’t involve me in all this,’ said Dónal, backing away with his hands up.

  ‘But you’re married.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘And am I right?’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘About keeping your gob shut sometimes when you’re with your woman.’

  ‘Oh fuck, yeah,’ said Dónal. ‘You’re right about that. Absolutely.’

  ‘See?’ said Jimmy to Norman. ‘And he knows what he’s talking about.’

  ‘Wha … hang on,’ said Dónal, frowning. ‘What’s that s’posed to mean, Jimmy?’

  ‘Hmm? Oh. Nothing. Just that you’ve had a lot of experience with being in a relationship.’

  ‘What’s wrong with Mags?’

  ‘Nothing! What? Nothing’s wrong with Mags, Dónal. I’m just saying, sometimes when you’re with a person, it’s better to keep quiet than say every little thing that pops into your head.’

  Dónal nodded slowly, looking at him.

  ‘Right.’

  ‘It’s probably the same for women, Norman. What kind of home life would Dónal here have if all he ever got all day long was “take your shoes off … I saw you looking at her tits … what’s wrong with the steak … turn off the football … is that you I smell … why do you hate my Ma … I wonder how much beer went into the size of that belly … but why do you love me … distinguished my arse – fat and bald, more like … you’re wearing that jumper … ” Y’know what I mean? No one would ever last more than a fortnight, Norman. Okay? So the next time …’

  ‘Hang on a fucking minute now, Jimmy,’ said Dónal. ‘What are you on about?’

  ‘What? Nothing. I’m just saying, like.’

  ‘Saying what?’

  ‘Just that, y’know, sometimes you need to keep quiet.’

  ‘Right. I think this might be one of those times, Jimmy.’

  ‘O
h.’

  ‘Fuck sake.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Mags does a great steak.’

  ‘No, Dónal, I wasn’t talking about Mags.’

  ‘You were!’

  ‘I wasn’t.’

  ‘And I’ve always had thin hair.’

  ‘It was just an example of the kind of …’

  Norman stood up.

  ‘Yeah, thanks for that lads. But I need to get to Cork.’

  ‘What?’ said Jimmy. ‘Now?’

  ‘Yeah. Now.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I need to know he’s all right and I don’t know that yet.’

  ‘But … you think there could be a problem in Cork?’

  ‘Not really. But it’s not my job to play odds. I’ll drive down. You call me if he calls and I’ll turn around.’

  ‘But … are you sure?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘I thought things were grand now.’

  ‘They’re better. But not grand. Not yet.’

  Jimmy checked his watch.

  ‘What time will you get there?’

  ‘I know the roads well. I’ll be grand.’

  Dónal walked over to the window.

  ‘I don’t think so, Norman.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Look out there.’

  Norman and Jimmy went over to him and looked out the window. It had finally started. The snow that everyone had been talking about for ages was finally putting in an appearance. An inch of fluff already covered everything and it was coming down in huge thick waves now, blocking out anything that wasn’t just a couple of metres away.

  ‘Look at it,’ said Jimmy. ‘But … it’s not that deep yet. It’s only starting.’

  Norman shook his head.

  ‘I’d never make it. That’s down for a while.’

  ‘Could you fly?’

  ‘Maybe. I’d get to Shannon or Cork if the airports were open, but the roads down around Granny’s are … I wouldn’t get much further than the airport.’

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  ‘Hang on. I’ll check the forecast on the computer in there.’

  He went off into the control room and was gone for five minutes. When he came back he was scratching his cheek.

  ‘No good. It’s down until about midnight they say. Fuck.’

  ‘So what do we do?’

  ‘Two things. First thing is that we hope he calls. Second thing …’