Ride On

by Stephen J. Martin

  ‘Why don’t you have a proper drink first then? You’ll only get shite down there.’

  ‘Yeah, I know. God. Okay then. Pint of Budweiser?’

  ‘Bud? Grand. Hang on there Trish.’

  He ordered and turned back to her.

  ‘Is that a Cork accent?’

  ‘Kerry.’

  ‘Ah right. I’m shite with accents. And what are you doing up here in the big smoke then, Trish?’

  ‘I’m a nurse.’

  ‘Yeah? Tough job.’

  ‘I like it though.’

  ‘Are they all nurses?’

  He nodded over to where another half-dozen girls were talking to Jimmy and the new bass player, Beano. Jimmy’s mot, Sandra, was hovering there too, looking pissed off. No change there.

  ‘Most of them, yeah. It’s her birthday. In the black? That’s Bronagh.’

  ‘Ah right. Out on the razz then.’

  ‘A bit, yeah.’

  ‘So c’mere, where do you do your nursing?’

  ‘Well …’

  She looked down at the drink he was handing to her. He caught a hint of something in her eyes as she did.

  ‘Well, actually, I’m not working at the moment.’

  ‘Oh right.’

  ‘I’m just back from Romania. I did some work over there for a bit.’

  Aesop looked closely at her for a second.

  ‘I saw some stuff on the telly about that.’

  She nodded.

  ‘Were you working with the kids over there?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Fuck. Those poor babies in the …’

  ‘Aesop, sorry. But I’d rather not …’

  ‘Okay. Okay, no problem. Anyway, you’re back now. Out with your mates.’

  She was still looking down at her drink.

  ‘You okay?’

  She sniffed and looked up at him.

  ‘Yeah. It was just a bit …’

  ‘Do you want to sit down?’

  ‘They’ll be kicking everyone out now, sure’

  ‘They can’t kick me out. I haven’t cleared the stage yet. We’re grand. C’mon and sit down for a sec with me. Over there, look.’

  He caught Jimmy’s eye and gave him a small nod. Jimmy just raised his eyes to heaven and got back to talking to Bronagh and her mates.

  Once they were sitting down, next to the stage and away from everyone finishing up their drinks, Aesop took out a smoke for himself and held out the pack to her.

  ‘No thanks.’

  ‘Mind if I have one?’

  She smiled.

  ‘No. I’ve heard things about you, Aesop. But you’re not really like I was expecting.’

  ‘Jaysis. What were you expecting?’

  ‘Just … y’know …’

  ‘A mad sexy rockstar who thinks he’s brilliant and only has one thing on his mind when he gets a girl into a dark corner like the very one we seem to find ourselves in right now?’

  She laughed.

  ‘A bit, yeah.’

  ‘All lies and fabrication. I’m a dote.’

  ‘Are you?’

  ‘Ah yeah. You should hear me talking to mammies, sure.’

  ‘I can imagine.’

  ‘Altar boy and everything, so I was.’

  ‘Right, yeah.’

  ‘You okay?’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Cos over there, you looked a little bit …’

  ‘No. I’m fine. It was just … it was hard being in Romania. I only got back the other day. This party is kind of for me too. Welcome back, y’know?’

  ‘How long were you over there?’

  She twisted her pint around on the table.

  ‘Not long.’

  ‘Right. I’d say it was tough all right.’

  She nodded.

  ‘It was.’

  Her eyes started to glisten.

  ‘It was awful.’

  ‘You want to tell me?’

  ‘God no. I haven’t even told them yet. I can’t.’

  ‘Well tell me. Come on.’

  ‘You don’t want to hear it.’

  ‘I do. Trish, it’s been on the telly. Christ, it’s heartbreaking. Tell me.’

  ‘I’m sure you have better things to do than listen to …’

  ‘I don’t. Believe me, I don’t.’

  She looked up at him properly.

  ‘You don’t want me to ruin your night, do you?’

  ‘You’ll ruin it if you don’t tell me now. C’mon. Please.’

  His eyes were huge. Blue and deep and looking at her in a way she’d never imagined they could from what she’d seen of him earlier up on the stage. Either this was for real or he was the best chatter-upper she’d ever met in her life.

  ‘I … I thought I’d get used to it,’ she said, sighing. ‘I went there full of good intentions. I was going to help. Make a difference, y’know?’

  He nodded back at her, drawing on his smoke.

  ‘The first day I walked into the orphanage, I had to run out again. I had nightmares that night. The children were piled into old cots, with bars like prisons. There were hardly any bedclothes, and what there was was filthy and torn. They were naked, most of them, and covered in their own and each others’ mess. Half starving, sick and cold. Crying. Jesus, Aesop, you should have heard them crying.’

  ‘They’d look up at me with their big beautiful eyes and hold out their arms, like they were begging me to take them away. And I wanted to. I wanted to take every one of them and make it better. It was so hard to go in there every day and see their little pleading faces. The kids I’d worked with here, before, that was different. They were loved and cared for as best we could. But these ones … they had nothing. They weren’t loved and nobody cared. Aesop, they hadn’t done anything wrong. They were just children. Why, y’know? It wasn’t fair. When they saw me pass they’d call my name and every time it broke my heart. I was supposed to stay for three months, but I could only do it for two weeks. I couldn’t help them any more. I just couldn’t. I hated to leave, but it was killing me to stay there. I had to go, Aesop, and I’ve been hating myself ever since I got on that plane back here.’

  She was sniffling into a hanky now. He put a hand across the table onto her arm.

  ‘God,’ she said, a small laugh through the tears. ‘Well, there you go. Got more than you bargained for there, rockstar, didn’t you? Here in your dark corner, like.’

  He gave her a little squeeze.

  ‘Actually I did a bit, love, to be honest.’

  They both laughed.

  ‘But listen, you can’t go around smacking yourself in the head over it. You did what you could, didn’t you? That’s all anyone can do.’

  ‘But I’m s’posed to be the person that does that stuff. Properly, y’know? Goes the distance.’

  ‘Says who?’

  ‘Bloody hell. Says everyone. Ever since I was a kid, I was one that …’

  ‘Ah, don’t mind all that shite. You’re not living for anyone else. You do what you have to do and what you can do. Not what you’re expected to do. That’s only a one-way ticket to a wrecked head. And, Christ, in a job like that there’s enough pressure on you without worrying about who you’re letting down. Fuck sake, Trish, you did what you could! You helped those kids. Who else is helping them?’

  ‘But I’m not helping them now, am I?’

  ‘Trish, you did your bit. And now you’re back here with your mates and when you start working again you’re going to be helping more people. I could never do the job you do.’

  ‘But I should be … over there and …’

  ‘Only if that’s what you want. But if you’re thinking of going back, for fuck sake just worry about the kids and yourself, right? Not people back here. Fuck them. Look, I only just met you and I don’t know what your story is, but I definitely know that you can’t always be what everyone expects. Who can?’

  Her eyes were nearly dry now.

  ‘I s’pose you’d know.
’

  ‘Hmm?’

  ‘You’re not exactly what everyone expects, are you?’

  ‘Oh. Ah Jaysis, I am a bit, Trish. There’s not much hidden in here.’

  ‘I think there is. I heard you were all lies and come-ons and one-night stands.’

  Aesop gave her a small sheepish smile.

  ‘In my weaker moments, maybe …’

  ‘But you weren’t with me. Tonight. Just now.’

  ‘No, I s’pose I wasn’t. Well … except the bit about being an altar boy. That was bollocks.’

  ‘Yeah, I gathered that. But that’s okay.’

  ‘Your mates look like they’re getting ready to head.’

  ‘Yeah. I’d better go.’

  ‘Okay so.’

  ‘Do you and the guys want to come out with us? It’d be a laugh.’

  ‘Would love to Trish, but we’ll be another hour at least here getting all this stuff together.’

  ‘After that?’

  ‘After that it’ll be one in the morning and we’ve to get it all back home. That’ll be two in the morning and we’ve a blues gig in Slattery’s tomorrow afternoon, so …’

  ‘Okay then. Well … thanks Aesop. Really. It was nice talking to you.’

  ‘And you.’

  ‘Yeah, right.’

  ‘No, I mean it. And listen to me … look after yourself, right? You’ve got a gorgeous smile, Trish. Make sure and show it off.’

  ‘Oh God. Is this the come-on part or the lies part?’

  ‘Neither.’ He smiled at her. ‘This is the part where I tell you you’re the most beautiful and generous person in here tonight and you should go out with your mates knowing that about yourself. It’s important. More important than anything else. And that’s no word of a lie.’

  She stared for a minute and then shook her head at him.

  ‘I didn’t … really didn’t expect anything like this when I said hello. God, here of all places. You.’

  ‘Yeah, I’m an enigma. That’s what Jimmy over there calls me.’

  ‘Does he?’

  ‘Well … no. But he does call me names.’

  ‘Aesop?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Would you mind if … if I kissed you before I go?’

  ‘Eh … sure. Why, but?’

  ‘I just want to. Help me remember what you said. Is that all right?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah. No tongues.’

  *

  ‘I went back to Romania a week later,’ whispered Trish, her head close to Aesop’s ear. She could see his chest rising and falling slowly, hear his breath. He was relaxed now.

  ‘You still with me, Aesop?’

  She felt his thumb pressing her hand.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  Press.

  ‘There’s so many things I could tell you, but I know you’re tired. I stayed for the rest of the year. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever done. Of course there were days just like the first time, when I wanted to run to the airport and get out of there, but after a while I could see what I was doing and why I was doing it. Those beautiful innocent children were so strong and so brave. They gave me the strength to stay.’

  ‘But there was one little girl I wanted to tell you about. And then I’ll finish. She was nearly blind and very sick, but she told me through the Sister that she always knew when I was coming to her because she could just make out my uniform against the dark of the rest of the room. I always kept it clean and bright after that. No matter what. My uniform shone even if I had to stay up half the night washing it again and again. Her name was Hilda. She was with us for a couple of months. She used to say that when she saw my uniform, she thought that I was like an angel, coming to take her to God. Little Hilda. So beautiful. When I got there, she was covered in filth and cried every second she was awake. I’d try and talk to her as I cleaned her up. She’d see me coming in my white uniform and her little face would light up and she’d stand in the cot with her arms out until I picked her up and sang to her. She died then.’

  Trish paused to take something out of her pocket. A tissue to wipe her face, and something else.

  ‘Nobody could do anything about that. She was so sick. You don’t want to know what she looked like the first time I saw her. But this is what she looked like a couple of days before the real angel took her away.’

  She held a picture up in front of Aesop’s face and turned on the small reading lamp over his head.

  ‘Do you see her?’

  Aesop’s thumb pressed her again.

  In front of him, a tiny girl grinned out at the camera from a cot, her huge green eyes clouded but defiant.

  Trish put the picture onto Aesop’s bedside stand.

  ‘You gave me a lift, Aesop. Just when I needed it. I want you to have that picture. I never would’ve met Hilda if I hadn’t gone back. It’s because of you that she was able to go to God with soft words and music in her ears instead of the sound of her own crying. And all the others … I never would have had the chance to help. And all I ever wanted to say was thank you. I love Norman. I think he loves me, but … he’s got something inside him and I don’t know if it’ll ever go away. I’d love to help him make it go away, but he won’t let me. That’s why it was so important for me to talk to you. I was nearly sure that Norman and me wouldn’t work and then I’d probably never see you again to tell you about Hilda. He can be so jealous, the eejit, and all I wanted was a private moment just to tell you what you did for me … for so many people. I’m sorry about everything, Aesop. Making everything so complicated instead of just talking to you. But it was so important to me. I’m sorry.’

  She picked up his hand and kissed it.

  ‘Get well,’ she said, switching off the light over him.

  And then she got up and left him in the dark, a single tear rolling onto the pillow under his neck. He couldn’t wipe away the trail it left so he just lay there, waiting for it to dry.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Jimmy had to go home that same night. Nothing was happening in the hospital anyway. They had to just wait. He needed to see his Mam, who his Da said was up the walls with worry. He walked into the house first thing the next morning and suffered the third degree for the best part of an hour, Peggy boiling the kettle and making pot after pot of tea as she demanded to know everything about what was going on down in Cork. The doctors were happy enough, that was the latest. Aesop was stable, but it was too early to know anything for sure about what would happen later on. But she wanted to know more than that. How did he look? Was he in any pain? What did the doctor say exactly? No, but Jimmy, what did he say? Jimmy just sat next to Seán at the kitchen table and went over it all about four times, stuff she already knew anyway from his calling her. When she moved on to asking about Jennifer, Aesop’s Dad and Norman’s Mam, he knew the worst of it was over. She’d wrung him dry.

  She was putting out sandwiches for the two of them when his phone rang. Jennifer. He spoke into it for a couple of minutes and then looked up at his folks.

  ‘He’s awake.’

  *

  He got a taxi straight to the airport and was running through the corridors of the hospital in Cork not three hours later. Before he even got to Aesop’s room, though, he almost bowled over the doctor who was looking after him as he rounded a corner. Jimmy stood, panting, and asked him how everything was. The doctor took his time, going over everything in detail and outlining the various ways things could go from here.

  Jimmy looked at him, his mind reeling from all the information. Bloody doctors.

  ‘I’m afraid Mr Murray’s injuries were serious, as you know. But he is stable for the moment. And he’s awake, which is excellent news.’

  ‘Will he be okay?’

  ‘As I said, he’s very ill. It’s too early to say exactly how his recovery will progress. He seems to be doing well and that’s all I can tell you. I’m optimistic, but there’s a long road ahead of hi
m.’

  ‘Can I see him?’

  ‘Of course. But, please, not for too long.’

  ‘Okay. But is he … is he … when you talked to him, y’know … is he … okay? In his head, like.’

  ‘He can’t talk yet, due at least in part to the severe bruising to his face. We’ve given him a pencil and pad, although he hasn’t used it yet. He’s lost at least some function down one side, Mr Collins. He’ll have more scans today so we can try and find out why.’

  ‘Fuck … okay. Thanks doctor.’

  *

  Jennifer and Marco were coming out of the room when Jimmy got there. He hugged them both. They looked wrecked.

  ‘What’s up?’ said Jimmy. ‘Is he okay?’

  ‘He looks awful,’ said Jennifer. ‘But I think he’s okay. Comfortable anyway.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Yeah. Well, it’s hard to tell with all the … but …’

  ‘Come on Jen,’ said Marco, an arm around her shoulder. ‘Coffee time. We’ll be back in a while Jimmy.’

  They left Jimmy standing outside the door and moved off down the corridor. Jimmy took a deep breath and went in.

  Aesop was lying there on the bed, covered in wires, his head wrapped up in a huge bandage. Machines everywhere, beeping and flickering. Jimmy stood just inside the door, rooted to the spot and his legs shaking.

  ‘Jesus.’

  He walked closer to the bed, both hands over his mouth.

  ‘Aw Aesop, you … you stupid fucker. Jesus Christ … look at you …’

  The bandage covered all of one eye, right down past his cheek and back up again so that his other eye was half visible, although that one was almost completely closed from the swelling. Almost. Jimmy could see that the eye was following him. He shook his head slowly and moved a bit closer.

  ‘Can you hear me?’

  It was really weird, talking to a big bandage like this. The guy in the bed looked nothing like Aesop. Nothing at all.

  The corners of the lips tugged a little. Was that a smile? Recognition?

  ‘Listen Aesop …’ said Jimmy.

  He grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to the bed.

  ‘Listen, everything’s going to be okay, man. The doctor says you’re grand. You’re awake now and he’s delighted about that. Means you’re going to be grand. Everyone’s here to look after you. Fuck sake, every single nurse in Ireland has been trying to get transferred to Cork since they heard you were here. Queuing up to give you sponge baths, they’ll be, watch.’