‘I shall have to check my roster, but yes, I’m sure I can manage it. It’ll be much easier once I’m at college next week. I finish my classes at four o’clock. Does Lady Selina know about . . . us?’ I asked him tentatively.
‘Well, I haven’t gone into detail, especially over Christmas with Mother around, but Selina certainly knows I saw a lot of you in France. And of course,’ he smiled, ‘she’ll guess the minute she sees us together.’
‘And you don’t mind her knowing?’
‘Anni, why on earth would I mind? Selina adores you, and besides, she’s yet to tell Mother what brings her so often to London,’ Donald added.
‘Your mother doesn’t like foreigners in general,’ I agreed quietly.
‘My mother lives in the past, in a different era. You know that, Anni.’
‘Yes, I do. But—’
‘Hush!’ Donald put a finger to my lips. ‘She isn’t here now and I don’t wish the spectre of her to spoil this rare time we have together.’
I checked my watch and realised curfew in the nurses’ hostel was in less than an hour. ‘I must go,’ I said.
‘Must you?’
‘Yes.’
Donald signalled for the bill and we stepped outside into the crisp night air. As we walked back up to Piccadilly Circus so that I could catch my bus, he pulled me into a doorway and kissed me passionately.
‘So,’ he said, finally releasing me, ‘I’ll see you at our house tomorrow night? Belgrave Square, number twenty-nine. I have an appointment at my club with the family bank manager tomorrow at six, so depending on how ghastly the finances look, I might be a little delayed.’
‘Are they very bad?’
‘Put simply, Anni, if the bank refuses to extend the loan any further, I’ll have no choice but to sell the entire estate – the Hall and all the land. So yes,’ Donald said with a sigh, ‘I hardly doubt they could be worse.’
‘Don’t give up hope yet. I’ll see you tomorrow.’ I kissed him and rushed off to climb aboard the bus.
The following evening, I travelled to Belgrave Square. Selina and Eleanor were just as pleased to see me as Donald had said they would be.
‘Anni, what a pleasure it is to have you here,’ Selina said as she led me over to Eleanor, who was looking at a picture book on the rug in front of the fire. ‘Eleanor, look, it’s Anni.’
Eleanor was soon on my knee as Selina called for the maid to bring tea. ‘Now, whilst Donald is gone, I want you to tell me all about your adventures in France. And of course,’ she smiled at me conspiratorially, ‘how you came to meet him there.’
I gave her a carefully edited version of my time working behind the front line, and an equally brief outline of my renewed acquaintance with Donald. Selina called for Jane to take Eleanor upstairs to bed and once we were alone, she continued her interrogation.
‘Oh, Anni, so you and Donald re-met on Armistice Day, then danced the night away together in France. How wonderfully romantic. But’ – she leaned towards me and lowered her voice – ‘I don’t think you’re telling me everything. I know my little brother very well, and the minute I saw him I knew he was in love. Oh please, Anni, you can trust me. If it’s with you, I think it’s adorable!’ She gave her bell-like laugh.
‘I think you would have to ask Donald that question.’
‘Don’t you worry, I will. Remember, it was you that said there was someone waiting for me. And you were right, Anni, there was. I’m so very happy.’
‘I’m truly glad for you, Lady Selina.’
‘Please, just call me Selina; one way or another, it feels as if we’re almost family.’ She smiled. ‘Anyway,’ she continued, ‘I will trust you to tell you that I’m madly in love with Henri, and that we plan to be married as soon as possible, whatever Mother has to say about it. I do hope you’ll like him, he’ll be here at any minute. You know, Anni, sometimes I feel dreadfully guilty. I don’t think I ever felt for Eleanor’s poor, dead father the way I do about Henri.’
‘Yes, but we can never choose who we truly love, can we?’ I replied.
‘No, it seems we can’t. Hugo was a good man, and perfect for me in terms of position, as Mother always said, but he didn’t ever grab at my heart.’
‘So will you stay here in London or move to France?’
‘A bit of both, I think. Henri has a château down in the south of the country, which is apparently beautiful, but he also loves London.’
At that moment, Donald entered the room. He looked weary, but his eyes lit up as he saw me. He made to come to me, but then noticed his sister sitting opposite and checked himself.
‘Selina, you look as beautiful as ever tonight,’ he said. ‘And Anni, how are you?’ He took my hand in his and kissed it, his eyes saying all he felt that his body could not.
‘I’m well, thank you, Donald,’ I answered formally, a twinkle in my eye.
I could see that Selina was watching the two of us in fascination, but there was no time for her to question either of us further. The drawing-room door opened again and the maid ushered in a diminutive man with a moustache and hair of a length that was considered downright bohemian in England.
‘Henri, welcome.’ Selina went to him and they, too, went through the machinations of formality. ‘May I present to you Lord Donald Astbury, my brother, and our friend Miss Anahita Chavan.’
‘Enchanté, mademoiselle,’ the count said as he kissed my hand.
‘Now then, who would like what to drink?’ said Selina.
Once we had all settled and the wine had flowed over dinner, our reserve slipped. The four of us began to discuss Selina and Henri’s plans for the future.
At one point, Henri leaned across to me and whispered, ‘Is their mother really as frightening as Selina describes to me?’
‘Sadly, yes. And she doesn’t like foreigners.’
Sharing a mutuality of situation, we threw back our heads and laughed at the irony of the dinner tonight. As Donald’s hand snaked under the table towards me and rested on my knee, Henri continued to confide in me.
‘I’m to go with Selina to Devon in the next two weeks to tell “Madame le Dragon” that I wish to marry her daughter. Will I be eaten alive?’
‘There’s every chance you may come back short of a finger or two. But I doubt she’ll touch the rest of you. You are French, after all, and wouldn’t be to her taste.’
After dinner, as was the custom of the time, Donald and Henri stayed at the table for brandy and cigars and Selina and I departed to the drawing room.
‘Isn’t Henri wonderful?’ she said, as she sat down contentedly in the chair by the fire.
‘I like him very much indeed. I think he’ll make you a good husband,’ I assured her.
‘And as for you, I can see that Donald adores you just as Henri adores me. Perhaps we could have a joint wedding?’ she said, bubbling over with laughter.
‘Selina,’ I said, suddenly sombre, ‘I think your circumstances are very different from those of Donald. He’s the heir to Astbury. As he once told me, he must marry someone who can help him save it. You know all too well how much in need of repair it is.’
‘I’m sure you’re right, but I’m not involved in the business side, you see.’
‘Well, Donald has told me the family finances are desperate.’
‘But surely what he needs is someone strong like you next to him, who can give him support as he tries to put the estate right?’ countered Selina.
‘Unfortunately, we both know your mother won’t see it like that.’
‘Do you love him, Anni?’
‘More than the earth and sky,’ I replied honestly. ‘But I don’t wish to ruin his future, Selina. I have no dowry, and mixed-race marriages are still very much frowned on in England. Not that Donald has asked me, of course,’ I added hastily.
‘Nonsense! Only a week ago, I received a letter from my friend Minty, Indira’s big sister, saying one of her friends had recently married an Englishman.’
�
��Yes, and perhaps her friend was a princess, not a mere nursemaid.’ I sighed. ‘We both know your mother would be horrified.’
‘Damn my mother! Donald is of age, he’s Lord Astbury and in charge of the estate and his own destiny. You make him happy, Anni. What else matters?’
We discussed the situation no further as the men arrived in the drawing room to join us. I checked my watch and saw that it was past eleven o’clock. I had a late pass, but I had to be back at the nurses’ hostel by midnight.
‘I must go,’ I said to Donald quietly, not wishing to break up the party.
‘Of course. I’ll call a taxi to take you home.’
I said my goodbyes to Selina and Henri, and Donald escorted me down the steps of the house. As we stood in Belgrave Square waiting for a taxi to pass by, I turned to him.
‘How was your meeting with your bank manager?’
‘As dreadful as I expected,’ he said. ‘The estate is on the verge of bankruptcy and I was told categorically tonight that the bank can’t extend the loan. Mother has let it go to rack and ruin, with no thought for prudence.’
‘I’m so sorry, Donald,’ I said softly.
‘Well, as the bank manager said to me, I’m not the only one who’s arrived home after four years of war to find a situation like this. The trouble is, the rot had set in long before. My father died ten years ago. The upshot is that the estate will have to be sold. It’s as simple as that.’
‘It may be simple to you, but do you think your mother will accept it?’ I asked him.
‘She’ll have to, like all of us. There is no choice. Sadly,’ Donald sighed, as he hailed a cab for me, ‘nothing is as it once was.’
I gave the address to the driver and Donald pressed a bank note into my hand as he held me close.
‘Shall I see you tomorrow?’ he asked.
‘I don’t finish my ward shift until eight.’
‘Then I’ll come and see you and we’ll have dinner somewhere in Whitechapel.’
‘I don’t think you’ll like it there,’ I said, as the taxi prepared to move off.
‘I didn’t like France much either until I met you again.’ He smiled. ‘I’ll see you outside the hospital at eight, Anni. Goodnight.’
I sank back onto the soft leather seat, my mind turning over the events of the evening and what Selina had said. If the Astbury Estate was to be sold because it had to be, then maybe, just maybe, there was a possibility of a future for Donald and me.
Dangerously, for the first time, I began to imagine it.
One way or another during the next two weeks, Donald and I contrived to see each other every day. Selina had returned to Astbury Hall to prepare the way with her mother for Henri’s imminent arrival and announcement of their engagement, so Donald and I had the London house to ourselves.
‘You know, Matron may decide to strike me off for appearing undedicated,’ I said as Donald and I lay contentedly together in the big bed one night. ‘I’ve had seven all-night passes in the past two weeks.’
‘But she knows too that your “aunt”, a cousin to the Maharani of Cooch Behar herself, is over in England and wishes to see her niece,’ Donald teased, stroking my hair softly as he did so. ‘Listen, Anni.’ He looked at me, suddenly serious. ‘I have to return to Devon very soon to speak to my mother about selling the estate. I wanted to leave it until after Selina has announced she’s marrying Henri. Too many shocks at once, well, it might be all too much for her.’
‘Of course.’
‘And then, there’s you and me –’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Anni, please, you know what I mean. You and me,’ he repeated. ‘I love you, Anni. You’re my best friend, my lover and the wisest and most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. And I want you to be my wife.’
I stared at him in amazement. ‘Your wife?’
‘Yes, Anni, my wife. How can you look so surprised? I just couldn’t bear the thought of living without you. What better reason is there to marry than that?’
‘There isn’t one. But—’
‘No buts.’ Donald put a finger to my lips. He wrapped his arms round me and we wriggled into a new and more comfortable position. ‘I know you’re aware of the problems I’m currently facing and I must deal with them one at a time. However, I want you to know that I’m determined to marry you. I hope you realise that, with things as they are, you won’t be the chatelaine of a great house. There really won’t be a lot left even after the Hall is sold, especially as I’ll have to buy Mother somewhere suitable out of the proceeds. I was thinking that perhaps we should live here in London and think about buying a smaller house in the country when the little ones come along.’
‘Oh, Donald.’ At this point, I began to cry.
‘Darling, what is it?’
‘It’s just –’ I blew my nose and tried again. ‘It’s just that I’m shocked you’ve seriously considered a future with me.’
‘Why? Haven’t you?’ Donald looked astonished and a little upset.
‘Donald, don’t you understand that I haven’t dared to contemplate it? We’re from such different worlds: I’m a penniless Indian nurse and you’re a lord of the realm.’
‘You’re of high birth in your own country, Anni,’ he reminded me.
‘Yes, but like yours, our family fell on hard times. My mother married for love, you see.’
‘There we are, then.’ He smiled.
‘But, Donald,’ I steeled myself to say the words, ‘you must realise it won’t be just your mother who will object to our marriage. I’ve suffered from prejudice because of my race and the colour of my skin many times in England. Are you sure you can live with the stigma of having an Indian wife?’
‘I adore the gorgeous colour of your skin, my darling,’ he said as he kissed my neck. ‘To be frank, whoever doesn’t, I wouldn’t care to know anyway.’
I stared up at him, never loving him more than I did at that moment. ‘You’re a very unusual man, Donald Astbury.’
‘And you’re an extraordinary woman. I adore you.’
When he left for Devon the following day, I actually began to imagine our future. And little by little, the box in which I’d buried my true feelings for him began to splinter and crack.
24
While Donald was in Devon, I was determined to immerse myself in my nursing course. I knew I hadn’t concentrated fully on it. No matter what the future held for the two of us, this was an achievement I wanted for myself.
Perhaps it’s true to say that when one is loved by another person it creates a glow of happiness and confidence that others find irresistible. Never before had I been asked out to so many dances and outings by the doctors at my hospital.
‘Quite the girl of the moment,’ said one of the nurses, as yet again I refused an invitation from an eligible young surgeon.
For the first time in my life, it seemed as if she might be right.
I’ve since learned that one must never be complacent about a special time in one’s existence. It’s always so fleeting, that moment when one feels invincible, and I’m sad to say that my moment came to an abrupt halt very soon afterwards. A week after Donald had left for Devon, I received a letter at the nurses’ hostel, forwarded to me by Selina.
Cooch Behar Palace
Cooch Behar
Bengal
December 1918
My dearest Anni,
I have no idea where you are living since you returned from France a few weeks ago, but I thought the Astburys might. Maybe you have since written with your new address, but we both know how slow the Indian post can be. I can only say how proud we all are here of your nursing work on the front line. And I hope you are well and finally able to find your path, after the turbulence of the past four years.
Therefore this letter is hard for me to write, as I hate to call your attention away from your own life. But I need your help.
As we both know, Indira fell in love a long time ago with Prince Varun. Since the wa
r has now ended, preparations for her marriage are going ahead. But she is point blank refusing to marry the Maharaja of Dharampur. We have all tried pleading with her, telling her that she has no choice – you can imagine the scandal if she declined at this moment – and the Maharaja is a good man, if a little older than she. Indira must do her duty for her family, whatever her heart is telling her.
She is currently refusing to eat, or, in fact, to rise from her bed at all. She tells me she wishes to lie there and die rather than marry a man she doesn’t love. No one at the palace can bring her to her senses, and I beg you, Anni, as someone she loves, trusts and respects, to come back home, even if just for a short time, and help us try to make her see where her duty lies. We all feel that you’re perhaps the only person on this earth to whom she will listen.
I enclose in this letter a first-class passage back home. It is an open ticket, as I have no idea how long this letter will take to reach you, but all you need to do is contact the P&O office and arrange the exact date you wish to leave.
I know this is a lot to ask of you, but besides, it’s a long time since you visited the country of your birth, and we love you dearly.
My dear Anni, we need you.
With love, and very best regards . . .
The letter was signed ‘Ayesha’ and bore her royal stamp beneath it.
I sat on my narrow bed in the hostel, my mind reeling as thoughts from the past assailed me. My immersion in my new English life had been so complete, it was difficult to even visualise the palace, or the faces of the people who had once meant everything to me.
Numerous thoughts ran through my head, the foremost one being: what would Donald say?
Surely it was too much to ask of me to throw up everything and return, even for a short time, to a life I’d long ago said goodbye to? I paced up and down my dormitory, realising that even if I only went to stay for two weeks, the voyage there and back would take just under two months. The timing was dreadful, could not have been more so.
But I also knew that everything I was and everything I had in my life now, I owed to the Maharani and her family, who had supported and cared for me when no one else had. The last time I had seen the Maharani, she had presented me with a choice, but this time, I knew I had none at all.
The Midnight Rose Page 27
