‘It’s a great pity,’ sighed Matron the next morning, when I told her I had to return urgently to India on family business. ‘Have you any idea when you’ll be back?’
‘I would hope within three months,’ I reassured her.
‘Well, what I suggest we do is put you on compassionate leave. This means we are still able to hold a place open for you both at the hospital and on your nursing course. We wouldn’t want to lose you here.’
‘Matron, I’m so very sorry to let you down, but I must go. It’s a family matter.’
‘Well, just make sure you do return, won’t you, Nurse Chavan?’
‘Of course I’ll return.’ I smiled at her confidently as I stood up to leave the room. ‘My whole life is here in England now.’
As the Maharani had asked me to, I visited the P&O office and booked myself onto the next available passage. I sent a telegram to her letting her know when I’d be arriving and then steeled myself to tell Donald, who was due to return to London from Devon within the next few days. As I knew he would be, he was aghast when I told him.
‘Oh, Anni,’ he said when I broke the news on his first evening back, ‘must you go?’
‘Yes, I must. They’re the nearest thing to family I have. The Maharani was so kind to me when I was a child and lost my mother. She was the one who sent me to England in the first place and paid for my education here.’
‘But, Anni,’ he persisted, ‘what can you do? If Indira has made up her mind not to marry this maharaja, I hardly think that anyone, not even her oldest friend, will be able to change it. No one could tell me to stop loving you,’ Donald added with a sad smile.
‘You’re right, I doubt I can do anything, but the Maharani has called for me and I cannot let her down.’
‘How long will you be gone?’
‘About three months, I think.’
Donald grabbed my hands and held them tightly. ‘Promise me, not a day longer?’
‘All I can promise is that I will return to England the first moment I can,’ I said, frowning.
‘You haven’t been home to India for a long time. Maybe its charms will persuade you to stay.’
‘That won’t happen,’ I said firmly. ‘Now, tell me about Devon and how your mother took the news of Selina’s engagement?’
‘I’ve had the most ghastly ten days,’ Donald admitted. ‘When I arrived, Selina told me Mother virtually fainted from shock when she said she was going to marry Henri and in all likelihood live in France. Mother, of course, forbade it; said she’d never welcome her at Astbury again and would cut her off without a penny if she dared to marry Henri. Not that she has a penny to give to Selina,’ Donald added morosely. ‘By the time I arrived a few days later, she’d taken to her bed and refused to leave it. She said she was sick and didn’t want to see anyone. Granted, she had a cold, but when I managed to gain entry, she was hardly at death’s door. However,’ he sighed, ‘given the fact that she took Selina’s news so badly and was obviously unwell, I hardly thought it appropriate to tell her the estate would have to be sold. Or that I was in love with you, my darling,’ he added.
‘No, that would definitely have been a shock too far,’ I agreed.
‘So, we’re at an impasse at present. And now, hearing your news, I think that when you leave for India, I’ll go down to Devon and begin to look for a buyer for the estate. And try to choose the right moment to tell Mother.’
‘I don’t envy you, Donald. Where is Selina now?’ I asked.
‘She’s sailed off to France with Eleanor and Henri. He’s taking her to see his château in Provence. Lucky her,’ Donald mused. ‘I only wish I could sail for India with you.’
‘So do I,’ I answered with feeling.
We sat in silence for a while, both contemplating the hand that fate had dealt us.
‘You will write, won’t you?’ Donald urged.
‘Of course I will. And it won’t be for long. I’m sure the sale of Astbury will keep you busy.’
‘Don’t remind me. The thought of only Mother for company every day for the next few months sends shivers down my spine. And I do mean to tell her, Anni, not just about the estate, but about us and our plans for the future,’ he explained. ‘I had actually planned to ask you formally to marry me once I’d told her. Do the whole thing properly, go down on bended knee, produce a ring. But at the very least, I want you to understand before you leave just how serious I am about you and our future. We will be married, Anni, I swear it. It is what you want, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, so very much that it scares me,’ I said honestly.
‘So you do love me, darling?’
‘Of course I love you, Donald.’
‘I sometimes think you’re far more English than I am, in the way you are able to hold your emotions in check,’ he teased me. ‘As you know, I’ve never been any good at that. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I always have. So can we say for now that we’re unofficially engaged?’ He kissed the tips of my fingers gently with his lips.
I looked at him with all the love I felt burning in my eyes. ‘Yes, I would like that. I would like it very much indeed.’
For the following few days, with all my barriers broken down by the threat of separation and Donald’s unwavering determination for us to be together, I showed my love for him openly and honestly. Already on leave from the hospital, I had to move out of the nurses’ hostel, so I brought my suitcase with me and moved into Belgrave Square with Donald. He in turn gave the maid a week off so that we could have complete privacy.
We behaved just like any two young people in love, spending our days strolling through the beautiful London parks and the nights entwined in his bed. I threw caution to the wind in that regard, not taking the care I should have to protect myself, but nothing at that moment mattered more than our unfettered love.
Donald drove me down to Southampton on the day I was to leave for India. He came on-board ship with me and admired the smart cabin I’d been allocated.
‘The princess returns to her palace.’ He grinned as he pulled me onto the enormous bed and held me in his arms. ‘Do you think anyone would notice if I hid beneath your mattress and stowed away?’
‘I’m sure they wouldn’t.’
‘Oh, how I wish I could,’ he sighed, as the ship’s bell rang out to indicate that it was time for all non-passengers to leave as the ship was preparing to depart. ‘But I suppose I’d better go home and try to find a way to support you in the manner to which you’re obviously accustomed,’ he said, making an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.
‘You know I don’t care about luxuries, Donald.’
‘Well, that’s a jolly good thing, because when you become my wife, you won’t have any,’ he teased.
Our mood changed as I walked with him along the corridor and out onto the deck where we would say a last goodbye.
He put his arms around me and held me tightly. ‘I love you, my Anahita. Come back to me as soon as you can.’
‘I will, I promise,’ I said, and saw there were tears in his eyes as there were in my own.
‘Right, then,’ he said, after a last, lingering kiss. ‘Goodbye, my darling. Take care of yourself until I can do it for you.’
‘And you.’ I was so choked with emotion, I could hardly speak.
He gave me a small wave as he turned from me and began to walk down the gang-plank with the last remaining guests. Just before he reached the bottom, I called out to him.
‘Wait for me, Donald! However long it takes, please wait for me.’
But it was a windy day, and my words were lost on the breeze.
25
The voyage back to India was uneventful and would have been pleasant if I hadn’t been missing Donald quite so much. There were any number of amusements to keep me occupied and also young men, both English and Indian, who requested my company next to them for dinner and asked me to dance with them afterwards.
I began to realise on the voyage that the gawky thirteen-year-old w
ho had travelled across the water to England six years before had shed her skin and become an elegant and not unattractive young woman. This pleased me as it would please any woman, and for that simple reason it made me feel a little more worthy of Donald. He sent sweet telegrams to the ship full of love and humour, telling me how he had managed to sell a painting and acquire some new sheep, that a second threshing machine had been going cheap at auction. And that his mother still lay in bed, pretending to be sick. His latest telegram had made me smile:
Mother refusing to attend Selina’s wedding Stop Next week in London Stop I’m to give her away Stop Us next, my darling Stop Donald xx
As the ship steamed through calm seas on its way to my homeland, I began to focus my thoughts on Indira. Knowing how stubborn she was, I doubted I could do anything to change her mind. I was hoping my attempts to make her see sense would show themselves to be fruitless and that the Maharani would thank me for at least trying. And, having done my duty, I’d be able to return to England and Donald as quickly as I could.
I did not wish to hear the voices who sang to me as I lay in bed in my cabin, rocked by a gentle sea, who told me this wouldn’t be the case. I was in charge of my own destiny now, I whispered to them. I would make it happen, whatever the cost.
On the morning the ship docked in Calcutta, I packed my heavy woollen jumpers away at the bottom of my suitcase and put on an old summer dress that had seen better days. Then, I went up on deck and smelt the hot sultry air. Below, a colourful, noisy mass of people were waiting on the quay for their loved ones.
I was home.
The Maharani had sent Suresh, one of her aides-de-camp, to meet me and escort me by train from Calcutta to Cooch Behar. As he spoke to me in rapid Hindi, I struggled to follow him. It had been many years since I’d last conversed in my native tongue. On the long train journey up to Cooch Behar, I realised it would take time to re-acclimatise to a culture I’d almost forgotten. I suffered from the overwhelming heat, and my ears rang from the incessant noise that India and its inhabitants made. There was an urgency, an intense atmosphere which I found difficult to adjust to, so used was I now to the more measured pace of England and its residents.
I realised I had also forgotten the staggering beauty of the Cooch Behar Palace. As the chauffeur drove me through the spectacular grounds, I devoured every detail, as my eyes had been long-starved of such dramatic surroundings.
‘The Maharani requests an audience with you at sunset,’ Suresh informed me. ‘She will come to your room. Until then, please take time to rest.’
I was given a beautiful suite in the opulent guest quarters, and as the maid bowed out of the room, I realised that perhaps Indira had no idea of my presence here. I lay down on my bed and I wondered how I, a woman currently embroiled in a clandestine affair herself, could try to persuade another that she should act against the dictates of her heart?
At six o’clock, as I smelt the dhuan being wafted about the palace and watched the many oil lamps being lit, the Maharani appeared in my doorway.
‘Anahita,’ she moved forward with her usual grace, looking as beautiful as I remembered, and took me in her arms, ‘welcome home,’ she said, then stood back to survey me. ‘Why, you’re a beautiful young woman and, I think I’m right in saying, a woman who has had many new life experiences since I last saw her. I heard about your bravery in France through Selina’s letters to Minty.’
‘Thank you, Your Highness, but I was only one of thousands who did what they could. I must apologise to you for not having appropriate clothes to wear here at the palace. These days, I only have Western dress,’ I said, embarrassed, as I studied her exquisite sari, fashioned out of a deep purple cloth embroidered with delicate gold hibiscus flowers.
‘No matter, I will have my dressmaker come to you tomorrow. Now, let us go outside and talk.’
We walked together to a courtyard full of sweet-smelling frangipani flowers and jacaranda trees. And as the sun set over the great central dome of the palace, the Maharani told me about Indira.
‘She refuses to leave her room unless her father and I agree to cancel the marriage contract with the Maharaja of Dharampur and allow her to become the wife of Prince Varun. We both know that Indira is capable of being very headstrong, and I understand she believes she loves this man. But it is simply impossible, do you see?’ the Maharani said, gesticulating wildly, her ringed, elegant hands betraying her tension. ‘It would cause a scandal amongst the princely states in India and I do not wish for my daughter or my family to be at the centre of such a thing.’
‘Does Indira know I’m here?’
‘No, I didn’t tell her. I thought it might be better if you arrived unrequested, simply wishing to see your old friend.’
‘Please, Your Highness, forgive me,’ I replied. ‘Indira is many things, but she isn’t stupid. She’ll know you have sent for me.’
‘Yes, you are right, of course,’ the Maharani shook her head in despair, ‘but you were the only person I could think of whom she might listen to. What Indira does not understand is that love can grow. My marriage to Indira’s father was also arranged. He was not my choice, but I learned to love him as he did me, and we are very happy.’
‘I know you are, Your Highness. Everybody sees and feels it.’
‘I have also come to see that Indira was given the kind of childhood I didn’t have. She’s spent time in and embraced the freedoms of Western culture. She’s a young woman who’s grown up between two worlds. And while her father and I believed we were widening her horizons, the truth is, we confused her. We allowed her to believe she had choices that weren’t ever going to be hers to make.’ The Maharani stared into the approaching dusk with sadness in her eyes. ‘But you, Anni,’ she turned her attention back to me, ‘you must know all about that.’
‘Oh, I do. You find you belong in neither world.’
‘At least you have no arranged marriage and can follow your heart. Sadly, Indira cannot. So, please go and see her tonight. Try to persuade her that she must see sense, that she cannot bring the shame and scandal upon her family that this would cause.’
‘I don’t hold out much hope.’ I sighed. ‘But I will do my best.’
She patted my hand. ‘I know you will.’
An hour later, I was taken to Indira’s room. As I entered, I saw the empty bed that I’d once slept in as a child. Indira was lying in hers next to it, her eyes closed.
‘Indy?’ I whispered. ‘It’s me, Anni, I’ve come to see you.’
‘Anni?’ Indira opened one eye and looked at me. ‘Goodness, it really is you! Oh, Anni, I can’t believe you’ve come.’
‘Of course I came.’
‘I’m so happy to see you.’ She held out her stick-like arms to me and I put my own around her tiny frame. This time, no one had been exaggerating about the state of Indira’s health. From the look and feel of her, she really was starving herself to death.
‘Your mother wrote and told me you were sick, Indy,’ I said as I sat down on her bed and she nuzzled into my shoulder.
‘Yes, I’m sick. I don’t wish to live any more,’ she sighed.
There was a part of me that wanted to giggle, for Indira hadn’t changed a jot. When she was a child, the world would come to an end over a simple thing she needed or wanted. I realised then that even though our problems might become more serious in adulthood, our behaviour and attitude towards them can remain much the same as from the day that we were born.
‘Why is it you don’t wish to live?’ I asked her quietly as I stroked her hair.
‘Please don’t patronise me, Anni,’ she sighed, removing her head from my shoulder and staring at me, her eyes luminous in her thin face. ‘I know my mother sent for you and has probably already talked with you since your arrival, so you know why I’m like this. And if you’ve come to try and convince me otherwise, then please, just go away now. Because I won’t listen. I won’t listen. Oh, Anni, I –’
Indira cried then, great racking s
obs that shook her frail body. I sat with her calmly, just as I did with my patients, saying little and waiting until the wave of emotion subsided.
‘Here, have a handkerchief,’ I said eventually, as the sobs diminished.
‘Thank you,’ she snuffled.
‘Yes, I do know why you’re sick. And yes, your mother did send for me,’ I admitted. ‘But it was my choice to come. I’ve left many things behind in England to be here, Indy, and I did so because you’re my friend. I love you and I want to try and help you if I can.’
‘How can you help?’ asked Indira, as she blew her nose hard. ‘Even you, with your wisdom and your special foresight, can’t change the fact that in exactly four months I’m meant to marry an old man I’ve only met twice in my life, then spend the rest of it in his zenana, and his ghastly, godforsaken palace that no one ever visits. So, I might as well die here, where at least I’ll be in my own home, rather than locked up there, all alone.’
‘Well, I don’t think that’s the whole truth, is it? You’re miserable because you’re in love with someone else,’ I said gently.
‘Yes, the fact that I could have such a happy life with Varun, who’s not that much older than me, whom I love and want in all the ways any woman should, just makes the thought even worse.’
‘I can understand that,’ I said softly. ‘I know what it’s like to be in love.’
‘Do you? Well, I only wish my parents could understand too.’
‘Indy, I’m going to ring for some food – I’m hungry, even if you’re not – and while we eat it, I want to hear all about your prince.’
I rang the bell and spoke quickly to a servant, who nodded and disappeared from the room.
‘Now,’ I said, ‘let’s have you out of that bed, and we’ll go and sit outside, where we can be sure no one will be listening, and you can tell me all about him.’
Shakily, Indira climbed out of bed and I helped her outside onto comfortable cushions placed on the veranda.
The Midnight Rose Page 28
