Bittersweet Deceit

by Blakely Bennett

  “And divorce?”

  “Not an option.”

  He gazed out at the ocean and then looked back at me. “I hate to be the one to state the obvious and I understand completely that you are in love with him, but you’re thirty years old and I know you want a family. There is no future with him.”

  “I know, Dad, truly I do. It’s just, I can’t let go. He’s so intelligent and worldly and frankly stunning.”

  “And good in bed, I imagine.”

  “Dad!” I pushed into him with my shoulder.

  He chuckled. “So what are you going to do about Stay?”

  “I told him not to wait for me.”

  “So you’ve decided.”

  “Yes. Now I just have to wait to see if Mason will forgive me.”

  Dad threw his arm over my shoulder and held me against him. We sat quietly, watching the waves roll in. Surrounded by his warm, caring energy, I couldn’t help being reminded of Stay.

  My phone going off thankfully knocked the thought out of my head.

  “Hey, girl, can you come by?” Jacqs asked.

  “Are you still at Bond’s?”

  “No, my apartment.” Her voice wavered.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No.”

  “I’m on my way.” I stood up and said, “That was Jacqs.”

  My Dad took my hand and we headed back toward my car. “Thank you for the lovely walk, baby girl.”

  “Thank you for listening to me.”

  “And for my sage advice,” he said with a warm smile.

  “Yes, that too,” I said, peering up and smiling back.

  “Your mother and I will be out of town next weekend for a wedding of one of her friend’s son. Be happy you’re not being dragged along.”

  “Hang in there, daddio. I’m sure it won’t be too bad. Shall we shoot for a walk the week after that?”

  “Yes, lets.”

  We embraced and he rocked me back and forth before letting me go. “Please stay in touch. You know where to reach me.”

  “I know, Dad. I love you lots.”

  “I love you more.”

  

  It took me about seven minutes to get to Jacqs from Hollywood Beach.

  “Hey, girl,” I said, knocking on her apartment door.

  She pulled the door open, tears pouring down her cheeks.

  Her cute one bedroom apartment had a different warm color on each of the walls in the combined kitchen living room. Her pictures and paintings were no longer displayed. I followed her over to her comfy brown couch and sat down.

  “What going on?” I asked. “I thought you were staying over Bond’s last night.”

  “It’s stupid.”

  “Tell me anyway,” I said, patting the cushion next to me.

  She plopped down and said, “Last night was great at first. I loved being with Bond. He was very attentive and I didn’t feel jealous once, which is some kind of miracle for being at the club.”

  “Totally. So what changed?”

  “After he got off work, we went up to his place and had amazing sex. Some hardcore stuff he’s wanted to try. I’ll spare you the details.”

  “Thank you. It’s appreciated. Go on.”

  She shifted and pulled her legs in, wrapping her arms around them. “I swear I felt closer to him than I ever have, even more so than in the very beginning of our relationship. When I got ready for bed, my toothbrush wasn’t there and another hung in its place.”

  “Oh fuck,” I said. “Seems we’re both swimming in the deep end.”

  “Totally and I know I have no right to be mad or hurt. He’s followed our agreements. He hasn’t brought anyone over to Red’s and keeps his dalliances to his place. However, to me a toothbrush means more than a one night stand.”

  “Right. So did you ask him?”

  “I came out of the bathroom waving the toothbrush and said, ‘What the fuck is this?’ He said, ‘I’m sorry, I forgot to put yours back out,’ all nice and calm. Then my anger spewed out, ‘Who the fuck is she?’ and he tried to hold me and calm me down but I’d have none of it.”

  “Why did you come here and not go home to Red’s?”

  “Because I didn’t want to hurt Red in the process and I needed to sort out how I feel.”

  “And have you?”

  “No, I mean yes, I don’t know girl. I feel all torn up inside and I really don’t want to care. Bond and I have been in an excellent place and I’ve enjoyed my time with him lately more than I ever thought possible. I felt so close to him and now I don’t know.”

  “Have you talked to him since?”

  “No.”

  “I’m surprised he didn’t follow you.”

  “You know he won’t drive if he’s had anything to drink.”

  After years of not driving because of a past automobile accident, Bond had recently gotten his driver’s license and purchased a car.

  “It’s still crazy for me to think he’s driving at all,” I said.

  “Yeah.”

  “Has he called?”

  “He’s at Red’s now and they’ve both called me and texted. I told them to give me space.”

  “What are you going to do?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. I just know I don’t want to feel this way. It brings up all the feelings of not being good enough or being enough for him.”

  “But—” I started.

  “I know what you’re going to say. I have Red too so I’m sharing Bond as much as he has to share me. I don’t want to feel this way; I just don’t know how to make it stop.”

  A knock sounded on the door and we both jumped.

  “Apparently they’re done giving you space.”

  She frowned and didn’t move.

  “I’ll get it,” I said. I opened the door and Red stood before me, his massive frame filling the doorway. His green eyes held a look of worry and his red clinched eyebrows bid me to let him pass.

  “Bond’s in the car,” he said.

  “She worried about hurting you,” I said softly.

  “The only thing hurting me is her not letting me comfort her.”

  Moving out of his way, I let him pass. I turned and watched him pull Jacqs up and settle on the couch with her on his lap. He wrapped her up in his arms as she cried. He smoothed her hair and held her tight.

  Watching them did something to me that I didn’t like at all. She had a man who loved her more than life itself and would always be there for her no matter what. I didn’t see that in my future for myself.

  After closing the door behind me I made a beeline to Red’s SUV. I climbed into the driver’s seat next to Bond. He looked wretched.

  “Fuck, Lainie. I can’t seem to ever get it right with her.”

  “All I can tell you is that she wishes she felt different than she does.”

  “It was a stupid oversight on my part.” He ran his fingers over his long, dark hair.

  “Is it serious?”

  “It’s convenient. She’s a nice gal, but it’s not love. I needed a balance away from Jacqs and Red. I doubt you can understand but watching their—”

  “Oh, no, I get it. I was wondering all this time how you were going to cope. It makes sense to me. Maybe if you can explain it to Jacqs, she won’t feel so hurt. I think it might help.”

  His light-brown eyes searched my faced. “Thank you, Lane. I never thought you and I would ever be on the same page.”

  “Yeah. Who would’ve thunk it?”

  “Not me.” He chuckled. “Have you talked to Stay?”

  I shifted uncomfortably and said, “No and I don’t see that happening for a while.”

  “Relationships are complicated aren’t they?”

  “Very,” I said and meant it.

  “Will you check to see if she’s ready to talk to me?”

  “Yes, of course.” He looked so bereft, I reached out to him and he hugged me back.

  When we broke apart, he sighed heavily.

 
; I climbed down out of the ridiculous high SUV and knocked on the Jacqs door, praying I wasn’t interrupting.

  “Come in,” Red said.

  “Are you ready to talk to Bond?” I asked Jacqs.

  “Yes, and Lane?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks.” She held her hand out and I grabbed it.

  “I’ll go get Bond,” Red said.

  “I’m coming with you,” I said to Red. “Call me if you need me, girl.”

  “You too.”

  When Red and I exited the apartment, I waved Bond over.

  Bond passed us and slipped in the Jacqs’s old place.

  “Are you okay?” I asked Red.

  “I just hate to see her in pain. My heart hurts for her.” He rubbed his red, short-cropped beard and asked, “How are you doing? I’ve heard you’re dealing with your own drama.”

  “It’s a right mess but I hope to sort it out soon. I’m not sure I’ll make it to your place on Wednesday. I think it’s best if Stay and I avoid—”

  “He’s not planning to be there. He said the same thing so you’re free to come.”

  Red’s words were like a sharp knife stabbed straight through my heart. Stay didn’t want to see me.

  “It’s going to be okay, Lane. These things have their way of working out.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  

  Back at my condo, I looked around at my clean home feeling more alone than ever. Even though Jacqs’s relationships held challenges, she shared her life with another—two others currently. I had been solitary for so long. Until recently it hadn’t bother me. I would even say I had preferred it that way. I did not welcome all the complications that came along with love, but at some point we all wanted to find our one and only. Why I stayed with someone I had to share, made no real sense to me. But when does love make sense? If it did, would have Jacqs hung in there so long with Bond? Would Red have been okay or even suggest that Jacqs see both he and Bond? What about my father staying with my mother? And Stay and his loyalty?

  Fuck Stay. Fuck him. He doesn’t want to see me? Well I don’t want to see him either. Good riddance!

  I didn’t want to think about him anymore. Instead I did something I rarely do. Out on the balcony, with a cigarette in hand, I typed out an email on my phone to Mason.

  To: MMontheLam@gmail.com

  From: Lainie.Simmons@gmail.com

  Hi Mason,

  I know you’re probably getting ready for your flight out. I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you and looking forward to our time together on Tuesday.

  I’ll make arrangements with Samantha to cover for me. What time should I be home? Is there anything special you would like to eat?

  I hope your trip goes well and I’d love to hear from you when you have the time.

  Yours,

  Lainie

  I hit send before I had the chance to change my mind. I tamped out my cigarette and headed in to strip my bed and then tackle the laundry.

  By bed time and no email back from Mason, the last thing I wanted to do was to peruse anymore of my thoughts. I had sufficiently exhausted them and dissecting each one hadn’t helped to lessen the tight knot in my gut. Two more days until I had to confront the inevitable, whatever that turned out to be. At least for tomorrow, I could count on my job and the start of my weekly routine. I welcomed the normality.

  I set my alarm and turn on my music, letting the sound lull me to sleep.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Lovesong

  by The Cure

  Monday breezed by with the exception of me obsessively checking my email. If Stay managed to weasel his way into my thoughts, I shut them down before they could make any headway. Samantha was a doll about covering for me and as always we worked well side by side. Although Monday’s tended to be slow, we managed to move a good bit of merchandise. Having a restaurant a few doors down provided traffic we might not otherwise have caught.

  I worried about hearing from Mason and whether or not we were still on for Tuesday.

  After closing the shop, I stopped by Publix and pick up food for dinner and the next day. At home, I followed my usual routine, trying to drown out the growing feeling of dread. I ate the chicken lo mein I bought from the deli counter and watched The Voice on TV.

  My phone finally chirped so I paused the show. Bringing up the screen on my cell phone, I saw a message from Mason. His long text came in all at once, blowing up my phone.

  MM: Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. I don’t often check that email address and as you know, I don’t have it set on my phone. The meeting has gone well, which

  MM: will mean a lot of traveling. This CEO has three different locations he wants me to check out once we get started. I still have the last local job to finish up

  MM: this week so the new job won’t start until next week or the following. Don’t worry about anything special to eat. I miss you too. It kills me to be away from

  MM: you for so long. I hope you’ve been a good girl. I’d hate to have to punish you over my knee. Well, no, I wouldn’t. I think we need to start with that and

  MM: we’ll both feel better. I need to be inside you. Be ready for me.

  My pussy clinched over his comments about the spanking. I texted back:

  Me: I’m already more than ready. What time? Any special instructions?

  MM: Be ready, willing, and naked. Let’s say one to be on the safe side. That should give us a few hours to ourselves. Again, I’m sorry about Saturday and let me

  MM: make it up to you.

  Me: You already have. I know I’ll feel better when I’m back in your arms and can see your love shining back to me. The spanking too. :*

  MM: I’m wiped out from the day and will be going to sleep shortly. See you soon.

  Me: Bye Mason.

  I hopped up and danced the jig around the living room. He still loves me! “Woohoo!” I whooped. Once I expended my excited energy, I collapsed down on the couch and finished the show. Setting off to bed, I checked and noted that everything was in place. Stay, a distant memory.

  

  Tuesday dragged by painfully. Every minute felt like ten. Samantha stared at me on a few occasions seeming to assess my crazy, frenetic mood. I left Bella just before noon, and waited in my robe for Mason to show. I felt jittery and alive, like I was on a precipice looking down. I craved his reassurance as if it was the very air I needed to breathe.

  I heard his footsteps before he arrived at my door and scurried to hold it open for him.

  We stared at each other for a moment before we clasped onto one another, our lips connecting in a fiery kiss. He pushed the door shut with his foot and kicked off his shoes while we continued to kiss, not wanting to spend a second disconnected. He walked me backward into the bedroom, until the edge of the mattress hit the back of my knees. I fell and he came down on top of me.

  Still lip locked, I pulled on the buttons of his shirt as he tugged my robe out from between us. I needed his skin next to mine and I knew he felt the same way. As I worked on the last button, he unbuckled his belt and pants and kicked them off.

  “Lainie, I can’t wait.”

  “Oh god, please don’t!”

  When he slid inside, I felt vindication and exaltation. He was the man I wanted and I would hold on for as long as I could.

  “Oh, baby, you feel so good,” he said, pausing mid thrust. The lust and love in his eyes told me everything.

  “Mason, don’t stop moving, I need you to take me. Please,” I gasped in desperation.

  He propped himself on his arms and held my legs against his shoulders, bending me over and taking everything I had to give. The deep penetration of his hard cock and passionate stare consumed me.

  We writhed together, my hips meeting each incursion with equal zeal.

  “This is ... where I’m ... oh baby ... meant to be. I love you ... I love you ... I love you!” he grunted.


  “Mason, oh Mason, please!”

  “You’re getting close ... your tight pussy, oh yes, baby, you can do it, you’re clutching my dick. Come for me my love.”

  I flew to the edge of my release, so full of my love for him. I could no longer hold it back. “Oh, Mason, I ... I.”

  “Give it to me, baby!”

  “I love you ... oh god ... I love you,” I screamed as my climax fired and my pussy began to spasm against him.

  “Lainie.” He lowered down so he could kiss me as my aftershocks continued to fire.

  I spread my legs out to the side and wrapped them around his back.

  He placed his hands on either side of my head, his elbows into the mattress for leverage. He danced his hips, rubbing his pelvis against my swollen entrance. “You’ve made me the happiest man on the planet,” he whispered. His lips lowered to mine and he kissed me again with slow soft caresses.

  “I love you,” I said again. “I have since that very first night.”

  He held his hips still and said, “I’ve known for a long time, baby, but hearing you saying it, giving that part of you to me—I understand what that means to you—I will never take it for granted.”

  “I believe you.” I stared back into his pale-blue eyes.

  “Before I come, I want something from you.”

  “Anything.”

  When he rolled off of me I cried out. “I’ll be back there very soon,” he said, chuckling. “Let’s move into the living room.”

  My robe fell off when I sat up. I grabbed a towel from the bathroom on our way and spread it over the bottom cushion of the couch.

  “Over my lap,” he said, pointing down. His prominent erection stood at attention and I couldn’t help noticing. “I wish I could spank you over my lap with my cock inside but that tight glove will have to wait.”

  I complied, most of my body across the couch, my hips over his lap.

  He rubbed and squeezed my globes. “I think about this ass often. So full and round. I’ve been fantasizing about make it rosy pink to remind you that you’re mine.”

  I swallowed hard. Stay was brought into our scenario and I didn’t want him there. I wanted him as far away as possible.