Beautiful Sacrifice (Maddox Brothers #3)

by Jamie McGuire

  I stood in the middle of the room, narrowing my eyes at him. “Then what were you talking about?”

  He sighed. “I haven’t brought up the commute because … well … we were dealing with bigger things, and I was chickenshit.” He stood up, cupping my shoulders. “But I still want that, everything we talked about before. I can’t keep living apart. I want to at least be in the same city.”

  I fell to the bed, holding my middle. “I thought you were ending it.”

  He knelt in front of me. “Fuck no. After the weeks I’ve been killing myself, trying to make it up to you?”

  I shot him a dubious look. “Killing yourself?”

  He interlocked his fingers behind the small of my back, smiling. “I didn’t say it wasn’t enjoyable.”

  He kissed my cheek, tender and sweet. I leaned into his lips, giggling.

  The landline rang, and after a moment of confusion, Taylor hopped up and held the receiver to his ear. “Hello? Yeah, that’s me. Who?” When recognition lit his eyes, all the color drained from his face. “I’ll, um … I’ll be right down.” He hung up the phone.

  “Everything all right?” I asked.

  “The desk clerk said that a woman is waiting for me in the lounge. Alyssa Davies.”

  I shrugged and shook my head, having no recollection of the name.

  “It’s the woman I … from San Diego.”

  “She’s here?” I asked, standing.

  “I guess so,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

  “Why?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know, baby.”

  “You were tested,” I said, trying not to show the intense panic igniting inside of me.

  “Yeah … no, that can’t be it. That’s not it.”

  My heart pounded against my rib cage, making the vessels in my head throb and my fingers tremble.

  Taylor’s worry vanished, and a contrived smile softened his face. “C’mon. We’ll find out together.”

  I took his outreached hand and grabbed my purse before following Taylor into the hall. We took the elevator to the first floor, and then we found the lounge. Taylor didn’t let go of my hand as he paused when he saw a beautiful woman sitting alone at one of the booths along the wall.

  He tugged me forward and sat down, scooting across the bench. I sat next to him, looking at the last woman I’d ever expected to meet face-to-face.

  “I know you’re surprised to see me,” she said. “I apologize for not calling first.” She glanced at me, blinking and looking down at her folded hands on the table. “But what I have to say needed to be said in person.”

  Taylor’s hand squeezed mine. I wasn’t sure he even knew he was doing it.

  “Does she …” Alyssa trailed off.

  Taylor nodded. “This is my girlfriend, Falyn. She knows who you are and what happened.”

  “Well, she doesn’t know this,” Alyssa said, raising her eyebrows. She pulled a folded paper that looked like it had been wadded up a few times and pushed it across the table to Taylor.

  He opened it, read it, and set it down in front of him. I waited, staring at the side of his face. His eyes had lost focus. He was so still that I wasn’t sure if he was still breathing.

  I had a few ideas about what the paper said, none of them I wanted to be true.

  “Pregnant?” Taylor said, swallowing.

  All the air was knocked out of me, and my eyes instantly glossed over.

  Alyssa sighed. “Fifteen weeks tomorrow. I scheduled an abortion for Thursday.”

  “You … do you want me to go with you?” Taylor asked.

  Alyssa breathed a laugh, unimpressed. “No. I canceled it.”

  “So …” Taylor began. “You’re keeping it.”

  “No.”

  I rubbed my forehead and then looked down, trying not to scream. This wasn’t happening to us, to that baby.

  “You’re giving it up?” Taylor asked.

  “That depends,” Alyssa said, putting the paper back into her purse. Her cool demeanor was maddening. “I’m not in the position to raise it. Are you?”

  Taylor touched his chest. “You’re asking me if I want to keep it.”

  She folded her hands again. “I’m due December seventh. Shortly after, I have a rather large case that will begin court proceedings. I’m prepared to carry to term and then sign over rights, as I would with a typical adoption.”

  She’s beautiful, confident, pregnant with Taylor’s baby, and a lawyer? Could she surpass me in any more ways?

  “Stop,” I said. “You need to think about what you’re doing.”

  She glared at me. “Excuse me. I respect that you’re here for Taylor, but I’m not asking for your opinion.”

  “I understand that,” I said. “But I’ve been in your position. This is not a business transaction. It’s a baby.”

  “You’ve—”

  “Given up a child, yes. It’s not something that ever goes away. Just … I guess I’m hoping that you make sure it’s truly what you want before you decide.”

  She blinked, for the first time seeing both of us, and then she trained her eyes on Taylor. “I’m leaving it up to you. If you choose to also relinquish your rights, I’ll begin the process of looking for candidates for the adoption. A few agencies in San Diego have been recommended to me.”

  “If you want to keep the baby,” I said, “I know Taylor will help you.”

  He nodded. He seemed a million miles away.

  “I don’t need anyone’s help,” Alyssa said, “but I appreciate the offer.”

  I stood up.

  Taylor reached for me. “Where are you going?” he asked.

  “Home.”

  “Just … give me a second. I’ll drive you.”

  My next words caught in my throat. “You should stay. You two have a lot to talk about.”

  Taylor began to stand, but I touched his shoulder.

  “This decision has nothing to do with me, Taylor. And it’s important.”

  Taylor stared at me, taking deep breaths. “What do you mean, it has nothing to do with you?”

  “I mean, it’s your decision to make.”

  He shifted in his seat. “Just remember what you said to me not ten minutes ago.”

  “I remember. I remember a lot of things. Stay here. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

  I set down the phone he’d given me on the table and then left Taylor and Alyssa behind.

  “Falyn!” he called after me.

  But I ignored him.

  Out of the lounge, I walked across the lobby, passing Dalton on the way.

  “Hey, Falyn. You headin’ out?” he asked.

  I smiled politely and continued through the doors, beginning my trek to downtown. I expected a long walk, but every step I took became more difficult as I fought the urge to sob.

  But I would not cry. So many times I’d said—to myself and to Taylor—that we had met for a reason. I’d thought it was so that I could have closure with my past, but sad stories had a funny way of ending the way they’d begun, and the irony of our situation wasn’t lost on me. I had given up my child and couldn’t have more. Taylor was going to stay with me anyway, and by a snowball of events that had started with me, Taylor would have a child of his own after all.

  The streetlights were buzzing, flickering as they reacted to the dim light. Stars were beginning to poke through the twilight sky, and I still had a long way to go. The cars whizzed by, a few full of kids, blaring music and honking as they passed, and I walked alone with the reality of what Alyssa’s pregnancy meant sinking in with every step.

  Summer was in full swing, and it hadn’t rained in weeks. The world was still green but dry. The intermittent wildfires had brought Taylor’s crew to the area.

  The walk to downtown took longer than I’d thought, and I was out of shape. A dark Mercedes G-Wagon slowed next to me, and the tinted passenger window rolled down, revealing Blaire behind the wheel and no one else in the car. I began to walk agai
n, but she honked.

  “Falyn?” she called. “Where are you headed, dear?”

  I sighed. “No one can hear you.”

  “Are you going home?”

  “Yes.”

  “Please let me drive you. We don’t have to talk.”

  I looked down the road and then back at Blaire. “Not a word?”

  She shook her head.

  As much as I didn’t want to get in that SUV, my feet were already hurting, and all I wanted was to crawl into my bed and cry. I opened the door and got in.

  A victorious smile lit Blaire’s face, and she pulled away from the curb.

  After just a quarter of a mile, Blaire sighed. “Your father hasn’t been well. I don’t think this campaign is good for him.”

  I didn’t respond.

  She pressed her lips together. “The car is still parked in the garage at the house. Your father drives it sometimes to keep everything in order. Still changes the oil. We would like you to have it back.”

  “No.”

  “It’s dangerous to walk around alone in the dark.”

  “I rarely venture out,” I said simply.

  “But on the off chance that you do …”

  “You said we didn’t have to talk.”

  Blaire parked in one of the many empty spots in front of the Bucksaw. “You have to come home, Falyn—or at least let us move you into an apartment and your father can get you a decent job.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why,” she snapped.

  “It’s always about appearances, isn’t it? You couldn’t care less about me.”

  “That’s not true. I’m appalled that you live up there in that filth,” she said, looking up at the café’s second floor.

  “Don’t you see where keeping up appearances has gotten our family? Your husband is sick. Your daughter wants nothing to do with you. And for what?”

  “Because it’s important!” she hissed, her hair swaying when she moved her head.

  “To you. It’s only important to you. I’m not obligated to live a life I hate so that you can feel important.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “What is wrong with our way of life? Because I want you to go to school? Because I want you to live somewhere that doesn’t need to be condemned?”

  “When you say it that way, it sounds wonderful. But you can’t keep omitting the ugly parts. You can’t just erase a pregnancy. You can’t hide a baby. You can’t pretend your daughter isn’t a waitress who doesn’t want to be a doctor. Our life is not a highlight reel. It’s time you stopped pretending it was.”

  She inhaled through her nose. “You have always been supremely selfish. I don’t know why I expected tonight to be any different.”

  “Don’t come back,” I said before getting out of the car.

  “Falyn,” she called.

  I leaned down as the passenger window lowered.

  “This is the last slap in the face. If your father loses this campaign because of you, we won’t offer to help you again.”

  “I didn’t expect that you would.”

  I thanked her for the ride and then left her alone, ignoring the sound of my name.

  By the time I pushed open the glass door, it was night, and I was exhausted—physically, emotionally, and mentally.

  The headlights of the G-Wagon poured through the glass wall as Blaire backed out and then disappeared as she pulled away.

  The dining area was dark, and I was alone. I sat on the orange-and-white tiles, lay on my side, and then curled up into a ball before crying myself to sleep.

  Someone stabbed a finger into my shoulder, and I winced. The person did it again, and I opened my eyes, raising my hand to protect me from another jab.

  My vision sharpened, and I saw Pete standing over me, concern in his eyes.

  I wiped my face, sitting up. “What time is it?” I asked, not really expecting an answer.

  I twisted the narrow leather band on my wrist to see the face of my watch. It was five a.m. on Saturday morning. Chuck and Phaedra would be arriving at any moment.

  “Shit,” I said, scrambling to my feet.

  Before I could make a dash for the stairs, Pete grabbed my wrist.

  I relaxed my shoulders, covering his hand with mine. “I’m okay.”

  He didn’t let go.

  “Really. I’m okay.”

  Pete touched his thumb to his lips, lifting his pinky in the air.

  “No. I wasn’t drinking. The girl Taylor was with in San Diego? She’s pregnant.”

  Pete’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline, and he released my arm. I hurried to the stairs, taking them two at a time.

  I jumped in the shower, pushing down memories of the previous evening before they could surface.

  I was never so glad to be working on a Saturday. It would be busy, and there was a festival this weekend. There was no better distraction than impatient, hungry customers. Without a phone, Taylor would have no way to contact me, other than coming to the Bucksaw, and I knew he was on second shift that day and the next.

  I was conflicted, trying not to cry one minute and fighting anger the next. I worried, knowing he was miles away in the burning woods with so much on his mind. Leaving him alone to deal with Alyssa hadn’t helped matters any, but I had created the mess we were all in. Taylor had made it worse. But his job wasn’t going to change, and neither were our problems. It was time I bowed out for good. One of us had to do it.

  I walked down the stairs, tying my still damp hair into a bun at the crown of my head, and I heard Phaedra having a one-sided conversation. I pushed through the double doors and sat on my regular counter in the kitchen, across from the center prep table.

  Hector was washing vegetables, keeping his head down, not saying a word. Pete was peeling potatoes, grimacing at me while he worked.

  “What the hell is going on?” Phaedra asked.

  Chuck was standing behind her with no sign of talking her down. I opened my mouth to speak, but she held up her hand.

  “And don’t tell me it’s nothing, that it’s no big deal, or that you just had a bad night because nothing that’s nothing is going to make you curl up in the fetal position on a tiled floor for an entire night.”

  I snapped my opened mouth shut. Phaedra could intimidate anyone, but she had never been so cross with me.

  “Spill it,” Phaedra demanded.

  “When I asked Taylor for the break, he went to San Diego to see his brother. He ended up … with another woman while he was there. He told me about it in Saint Thomas. We’ve been working through it.”

  “And?” she asked, unfazed.

  I sucked in a breath, feeling a lump form in my throat. “She came to the hotel last night. She’s pregnant.”

  Audible gasps came from all four of my coworkers.

  I quickly wiped away a few escaped tears.

  “She’s keeping it?” Chuck asked.

  I nodded.

  Phaedra shifted, trying to uphold her stern demeanor. “What does Taylor have to say?”

  “I didn’t stick around long after that.”

  Phaedra held out a set of keys and tossed them to me. I caught them, recognizing the key chain.

  “There is also the matter of your parents dropping off your vehicle. You’ll have to move it. It’s sitting in customer parking.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I told them you didn’t want it,” Chuck said. “The key is in the ignition.”

  I looked down at the shiny metal in my hands. “My car is here? They just left it?”

  “Lord, girl. Aren’t you listening?” Phaedra asked.

  “Where should I … park it?”

  Phaedra pointed in the general direction of the street. “Next to where Kirby usually parks. Well? Get goin’.”

  “Why are you angry?” I asked, wiping my cheek with my wrist.

  “I’m not angry, damn it! I’m worried. Beat it. I’ve got pies to make.” She whipped around, wiping her eyes as she marched to the
back.

  “Want me to move it?” Chuck asked.

  I shook my head. “I’ll do it.”

  “Falyn,” Chuck said, his voice soft, “Pete finding you on the floor like that is concerning. We wish you’d talk to us.”

  “It just happened. I haven’t had time to talk to anyone.”

  “You should have called.”

  “I gave Taylor back the phone.”

  “Does he know that?”

  I nodded.

  “So, he knows it’s over then.”

  I gripped the keys in my palm, feeling the edges digging into my skin. “He has something far more important to concentrate on.”

  I turned for the door, but Chuck called out, “Falyn?”

  I stopped but didn’t turn around.

  “You should let him decide if you’re his priority or not.”

  “It’s not that I don’t think he would choose me,” I said over my shoulder. “It’s just that I couldn’t live with myself if he did.”

  After work on Saturday and Sunday nights, instead of waiting for Taylor to come to the Bucksaw after his shift, I would get into my car and drive. I would keep my foot on the gas pedal until I was too tired to continue, trying to get lost and find my way back again.

  Monday, I told myself that Taylor would know better than to show up at my place of work, but at eleven thirty, he and his crew arrived.

  Kirby, already knowing what to do, sat them at the back table, and Phaedra took their orders. I did my best to ignore them, but Dalton made it a point to tell me hello.

  I remained polite, only seeing Taylor from the corners of my eyes. He was staring at me, waiting for me to see him, but I passed by.

  “Falyn! Order up!” Chuck yelled.

  My feet moved even quicker than normal toward Chuck’s voice. There was no food in the window, so I knew he was allowing me a moment to collect myself. I slipped through the double doors and escaped to my countertop, letting it support my weight as I leaned against it.

  “You okay, kiddo?” Chuck asked.

  I quickly shook my head. I took a deep breath and then used both of my hands to burst through the swinging doors. If I looked unsure in my decision to end things or showed even a second of weakness, Taylor would be relentless until I gave in. If his post-island actions were any indication, he would never give me a moment of peace.