Stay Lucky

by Halsey Harlow

  Leo knelt down next to Lucky and said, “Baby, I’m sorry. Come here.”

  Lucky chewed on her lip, glanced at Grant, and then launched herself into Leo’s arms. “I don’t want her to be my mom,” she cried. “I just want you.”

  “You’ve got me, baby. Shhh, you’ve got me,” Leo said rubbing her back and looking at Grant with sad, tired eyes.

  Grant sighed, pinched his nose, and shook his head. Jennifer better come through with that kidney if she was going to upset Lucky like this. The kid had already been through too much, and with Leo so sick, she might still have to go through more. Grant let out a short huff of fear and frustration thinking about it. The kidney – Grant had to focus on that. It was all that mattered.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Five Months Ago

  “She’s doing so well,” Leo enthused, threading his fingers through Grant’s as they walked toward Meryl and Chuck’s front door. They had to stop in to leave a check for the housekeeper because Meryl had forgotten to put it on the counter before going into work. But then it was back to the farm for Leo to rest and get ready for his stay at the hospital. It could be up to two weeks or more.

  “She’s really excited to help me, too. I can’t believe it. I really can’t believe that by this time tomorrow I’ll have a functioning kidney, and Jennifer will be starting her long-term drug counseling so that she can stay clean. Maybe, in the end, Lucky will be willing to give her a chance, too. I just…I feel like this all worked out this way for a reason.”

  Grant said nothing, preferring to let Leo ramble than to be the downer. The idea of Leo getting a new kidney made him so happy that he wanted to do something crazy like dance naked in the middle of the street. The idea of Leo going under the knife, though, made him sweat, toss around sleepless in the middle of the night, and generally feel like throwing up.

  And any belief that Jennifer would be able to complete her treatment was, essentially, nonexistent. He was just grateful that the girl was going to cough up a kidney for Leo, and he tried to keep the resentment that she was going to just turn around and break Leo’s heart to himself.

  Leo desperately needed the kidney, though. In the last month, the dialysis hadn’t been working as well, and the AV fistula was becoming more and more unstable. There was some concern about the amount of fluid building up around Leo’s lungs and transplanted heart, and there’d been some bandying around of the terms “iron overload” and the terrifying “heart failure”. It’d become clear that whether or not Jennifer was completely done with her rehab stint, time was of the essence. Leo was sick, and he needed help now.

  “So, tomorrow, after the surgery, I know I’ll be too out of it to remember to ask, but will you take Lucky out for celebratory ice cream? Because I know she’s scared out of her mind right now, and—”

  “Leo,” a voice called from the side of the house.

  Leo stopped in his tracks and his hand clenched hard in Grant’s. Grant squinted into the afternoon sun, trying to make out the person by the house. Tall, dark hair, and he was walking their way.

  “Of course,” Grant said, gritting his teeth together. “Why am I not surprised?”

  Though he was. He was quite surprised. As far as he knew, Curtis Banks hadn’t even been in contact with Leo since things had gotten serious between the two of them, and now here he was, on the day before Leo’s surgery to, what? Complicate things, of course.

  “Curtis,” Leo said, and his voice was tense, low. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

  Curtis smiled and scoffed. “Of course everything isn’t okay. You’re having surgery tomorrow. I couldn’t let you go through that—” Curtis took in Grant and then his eyes fell down to where Leo held Grant’s hand. “Alone.”

  Leo’s fingers twitched and Grant waited to see what he would do. Let go? Or hold on?

  “I can’t believe you came all this way.” Leo held on tighter. “I thought you were in Florence doing a film.”

  “I was,” Curtis said, his voice loaded with implication and not all of it good. “And it looks like you were busy, too.”

  “How Alanis-ironic,” Grant said.

  Curtis crossed his arms over his chest. “I wasn’t sure whether you were staying here at your folks’ place or out on the farm still. I thought I’d check here first.”

  “If you ever called Lucky, you’d know,” Leo said, coldly.

  “The time difference is a lot to work around!” Curtis exclaimed. “And I did talk to her. That’s how I even know about this surgery.”

  Leo sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

  “I’ll wait inside your folks’ place,” Grant said to Leo. “If you need me, I’ll be in the living room.”

  Leo attempted a reassuring smile. “It’ll be fine.”

  Grant wasn’t so sure of that, but he figured the best thing to do for now was to give them some time to talk it out, and he knew that Leo needed to do that on his own. He just wished that Curtis Banks wasn’t so damn tall, dark, and handsome—because he looked like he might be gunning for a reunion, and Grant was cute enough, all right, but could he really compete with that?

  “Where’s Lucky?” Curtis asked as Grant went into the house.

  “With Memaw,” Leo replied, and Grant’s stomach clenched at how tired, how gutted Leo already sounded, when only moments ago he’d been bright with anticipation and joy.

  Shutting the door of Meryl and Chuck’s house behind himself, Grant stuck his hands in his pockets, and rocked back on his heels. He stood in the middle of Meryl’s cozily decorated living room, as he tried to figure out what to do with himself. There was no way to pass the time. The magazines on the table were all knitting, hunting, or fishing related, like he gave a damn about any of that.

  He fought the urge to stand by the window and spy. Instead, he sat down on the sofa and then directly stood up again, pacing to the bookcase and back. There was the kitchen. He could make something to eat. But he wasn’t hungry, not even close to hungry.

  A few minutes into pacing, there was a crashing sound from the patio, and Grant raced to the door, jerking it open. His heart was in his throat and his hands in fists ready to attack. Rage and worry flooded him like a swollen river overflowing its banks.

  Leo stood staring down at flowerpot shards next to his parents’ patio table, his mouth twisted in a mask of sadness. “It’s okay,” Leo said, looking Grant’s way. “I knocked it over.”

  “It was an accident,” Curtis clarified, not taking his eyes from Leo. “Someone should fix that table. It shouldn’t tip like that.”

  Leo sighed, stuffed his hands in his pockets and swallowed hard. His skin was dull, and he was obviously having a hard time holding himself upright. That was happening more and more lately, but Grant blamed Curtis for Leo’s current weakness. He’d been fine before.

  “So, what do you say?” Curtis said. “I could stay here. Just—let me be clear before you answer—I want to stay.”

  “No, you should go,” Leo said, his voice quiet and tired.

  “Seriously, Leo? Are you sure about that? Because I’ve already looked into selling—”

  “No, really, Curtis.” Leo looked him in the eye and attempted a smile. “It’s all right. I’ve got my mom and my dad to help me out—” He glanced toward the door. “And Grant.”

  Curtis crossed his arms over his chest again, glaring with startlingly handsome blue eyes. “And this is the famous Grant?” he gritted out.

  “Yes,” Leo agreed softly.

  “Look, Leo, I don’t know this guy from Adam. All I know is you were seeing him while we were broken up, and, well, I’m not sure I trust him around our kid.”

  “Oh, come on, Curtis,” Leo said, his voice rising a little. “You left Lucky with all kinds of paid strangers whenever you wanted. This is my boyfriend, Curtis. And Grant loves Lucky.”

  “What’s not to love?” Grant said, stepping out onto the porch before he realized that he was getting involved in something tha
t he had no intention of being involved in. Leo did that to him. “Lucky is amazing.” He put on a softer smile, trying not to sound as close to anger as he was. “Mr. Banks, I assure you, I’d rather have my fingernails pulled off one by one with dirty tweezers than see anything bad happen to her.”

  Leo sighed, his eyes cast down, and his shoulders sagging. He was getting so tired. Grant could see that, why couldn’t Curtis? Leo should be resting. The surgery was the next day. He needed to be in good condition for it.

  “Curtis, you left me. Over and over you left me, remember?” Leo said.

  “I’m not the one who moved across the country!”

  “To get help with our daughter. Help that you weren’t able to give.”

  “Would you just shut up and listen to me?” Curtis said to Leo, his face twisting with anger.

  “I think you better go,” Grant said, stepping forward.

  “Grant, you’re not helping,” Leo whispered.

  “You know what? I can’t believe you,” Curtis bellowed. “You haven’t even been gone a year and you’ve already moved on. Did you plan this all along? Did you decide you’d made a mistake back then? Chose the wrong guy so you came back here to right your wrongs? Is that it, Leo?” His voice cracked and he shook all over with rage or hurt, Grant wasn’t sure. Either way, it was a good show. “Because I don’t even know what to say about that!”

  Curtis sounded so self-righteous, so accusatory that Grant had a hard time holding back from punching him in the mouth.

  Leo’s face crumpled, and there were tears in his eyes, but Grant saw clearly that rage was the thing keeping him still standing.

  Leo jabbed his finger at Curtis. “You don’t get to say that to me! You don’t get to show up here one day—one day, Curtis—before my surgery and pass judgment on my life.”

  Leo shook hard, and Grant reached out, putting a hand on his shoulder to steady him, to slow down the rage that could damage his already fragile body. But Leo jerked away, his focus still on Curtis.

  “When we got Lucky, you promised you’d be there for her, for me, no matter what, but you never were. I don’t even know if you really meant it—”

  “Of course, I did. I just didn’t know how hard it would be Leo. You pushed her on me. I wasn’t ready yet. You—”

  “No!” Leo shouted, his body shaking so hard that Grant stepped even closer, afraid that Leo would fall. “Don’t go there! Don’t even start with that again! I’ve heard that enough in my lifetime, and I won’t hear it again. You were there. You signed the papers. You walked away. None of it was my fault, Curtis. You did it all yourself. You’re the one who screwed it up. Not me. It was never me.”

  “Leo, come on. That’s not fair. You played your part. I never wanted it to be like this. I just needed a little breathing room to do my work, to get my focus—”

  Leo pushed at Curtis’s chest, yelling, “So, go! Go! That’s what you do best! Why would today be any different?” Leo got in Curtis’s face, spitting his words out slowly. “And after everything, why would I want it to be?”

  “Leo—”

  Leo shoved against Curtis again, and said, “You left us. You weren’t there. So just…go.” He moved back, shaking his head, his mouth trembling. “Go. I don’t want you here.”

  Grant stood with his arms crossed over his chest and his chin down. He watched in blind rage as Leo clutched the doorframe to steady himself as he went into the house.

  Curtis called after him, “Leo!”

  Grant blocked Curtis’s path to the door and narrowed his eyes. “Do you actually want to kill him? Because pushing him like that when his body is already breaking down is one good way to induce a heart attack.”

  Curtis had the decency to look scared. But then Curtis was all about decency and the appearance of devotion. It played well in the celebrity rags. And yet when the going got tough, Curtis sold out.

  “He doesn’t understand,” Curtis said. “It’s not that I don’t want him. Or them. It’s that I needed time. Some space. That’s all.”

  “And I care so little about what you need that I could not begin to express it. And as for Leo, it seems like he’s heard it all before. Is it any wonder, Mr. Banks, if he doesn’t believe you anymore?”

  “Look, who are you to—”

  “You know who I am to Leo. He told you to go.”

  “And if I don’t?”

  “Papa!” Lucky’s voice called out from the driveway, and Grant turned to see her running toward them, her dark hair streaming out behind her. “Papa! You’re here! I’ve missed you!”

  Chuck walked down the driveway, a smile of greeting fading into an expression of concern when Leo stepped out from the doorway looking grey and tired. His skin was sweaty, and Grant wanted to check his pulse, but he didn’t want to scare Lucky.

  Chuck said, “Hey, son, over lunch with me and Memaw Lucky remembered she left her Sammy Spider here, but when Memaw couldn’t get you on your cell, I offered to bring her over to grab it.”

  “Yeah, I had my phone on silent,” Leo said, his eyes down and his shoulders hunched. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t worry about it. We’re here now.” He looked between Grant and Curtis, and then glanced at Leo again, his jaw setting in obvious annoyance. “I’ll just go in the house and grab it then?”

  “Don’t bother,” Leo said. “I’ll get it. Thanks, Dad, for taking care of Lucky. I really appreciate it. But I think Curtis would like to spend some time with her now.”

  Chuck nodded and patted Leo on the shoulder, jerked his chin Curtis’s way, and gave Grant what was probably supposed to be a reassuring expression.

  “I guess I’ll head on back in to town and see if your mother can use any help in her office. Good to see you, Curtis. Grant. Love you, Lucky.” He looked back twice as he walked away, and it seemed to Grant like he had something he wanted to say, but he held it back for now, whatever it was.

  Lucky clutched Curtis’s neck in a massive hug. She grabbed his cheeks in excitement and said, “Papa, this is Dr. Grant! He’s so cool! He takes care of me sometimes when Daddy’s getting his treatment. He showed me this one room where we can see the operations and there was this man and his chest was open and I could see his beating heart! It was amazing, Papa! It was like, ba-boom, ba-boom, and so pretty!”

  “Is that even legal?” Curtis asked, incredulous.

  Leo ignored him and said, “Lucky, Papa is just here for a little visit while I’m in the hospital. He’s staying at a hotel. Do you want to go have ice cream with him? See a movie with him?”

  Curtis glared at Leo, before turning a sweeter expression on Lucky. “What do you say, Luckster? Ice cream with your old man?”

  Lucky, to Grant’s surprise, seemed uncertain. She glanced between Leo, Grant, and Curtis, like she was trying to read their minds, and finally said, “Daddy’s sick. He needs me.”

  “It’s okay, baby,” Leo said. “Go with Papa, all right? You’ll have a good time with him. Maybe you could spend the night with him in the hotel, and you could be with him tomorrow while I’m in the hospital. Would that make you feel better?”

  Lucky’s eyes went straight to Grant, and she seemed torn. Her hands clenched in Curtis’s shirt, and she finally said, “Okay, Daddy, I’ll go with Papa.”

  “Give me a kiss,” Leo said, reaching out for her. He clung to her for a long time, burying his face in her neck, and then handed her back to Curtis with his face down, and his voice tight. “Have a good time. I’ll see you tomorrow night, or the next morning. Be good for Papa.”

  Curtis looked like he wanted to say something else, but Lucky had scrambled down to the ground, taken hold of his hand and dragged him away from the house. “Come on, Papa. I want ice cream. Chocolate chip! And maybe a cone, okay? A waffle cone!”

  Only as she climbed into the rented BMW with Curtis did Grant realize she’d left Sammy Spider behind. He hoped she’d be okay without him.

  • • •

  Leo held Sammy Spider cl
ose to his chest and stared at his parents’ coffee table blankly. Grant sat next to him studying Leo’s chin for signs of wobbling, and saw only a slow burn of ongoing anger. Occasionally, Leo would shake his head, as if trying to make himself accept something that he didn’t want to believe.

  Finally, Leo spoke, “Can you believe him? Can you believe that he just showed up here? Like… like what? Like I’m supposed to be happy about that?”

  “Yeah, well, from what you’ve said about him, that seems pretty typical,” Grant commented.

  Leo ignored him, saying, “I really did not need to see him today. And Lucky! She was just getting used to the idea that he wasn’t around anymore. I mean, he calls her every few weeks; he’s been pretty good about that. Better than he used to be and I shouldn’t have given him a hard time about it. But to show up like this? She’s going to be so confused again!”

  Leo looked fragile, physically and emotionally. Grant sat up to rub his back, but Leo tossed his hand away.

  “Don’t,” Leo said. “Don’t feel sorry for me.”

  “Why would I feel sorry for you?” Grant asked. “He’s the idiot.”

  Leo shook his head again, and covered his mouth with his hand. His eyes tumbled with emotions, like light on stained glass.

  Grant wished he could go find Curtis and slug him. From what Grant knew about the situation Curtis had basically been designed as the perfect foil to Leo’s self-esteem, effortlessly saying or doing just the thing that would take Leo down again and again.

  Leo said, “It’s always been on his terms. Right from the beginning. It was never about me, or what was good for me. He never supported me in anything, not unless it was reluctantly, begrudgingly given, and I just thought that of course that’s what I deserved. That’s what I was worth, obviously, because that’s all I was worth to him, and I loved him.”

  Grant said, “He never valued you.”

  “Wow. Thanks for the ego boost.” Leo sank back in the sofa, his skin sweaty and his pallor poor.

  “You’re welcome,” Grant said. His hands itched for his stethoscope; he wanted to have a listen to Leo’s heart.