Stay Lucky

by Halsey Harlow

  “I’ve got rounds. And—I’m not sure Leo will be up to a night out yet,” Grant said, widening his eyes at Leo and then inclining his head toward Lucky a little. “You’ve been overdoing it since you got home,” he added. “You just had major surgery and recovered from a near fatal CNS infection. Stop being a hero and rest.

  Leo glanced at Lucky, and then flashed his confusion to Grant before saying, “I’m sure we can be there, Dad. I can rest all day while Lucky’s at school, and I’m sure I’ll be able to—”

  Lucky slammed her notebook shut and ran up the stairs. A few seconds later the sound of her door banging closed reached them all.

  Leo and Chuck looked after her in confusion. Grant sighed, turned to the cookie jar, and said, “Okay then. Cookie time.”

  Grant pulled out two cookies and opened the refrigerator for the milk. He poured a glass and leaned against the counter, taking a bite, and waited. He wasn’t happy that Lucky was upset, but it had been bound to all go down sooner or later, and cookies would make it more palatable. For him anyway.

  “Grant?” Leo asked. “Do you know what’s going on with Lucky?”

  “Doctor-Patient confidentiality,” Grant cited.

  Leo narrowed his eyes and leaned forward on the kitchen table staring Grant down. “You’re not her doctor.”

  “I put antibiotic ointment and a Band-Aid on her knee just yesterday,” Grant said, waving his glass of milk in Leo’s direction, and then taking a stalling swallow.

  “Grant,” Leo said. “What’s going on with our kid?”

  Grant almost choked on the cookie and he stared at Leo, coughing into his elbow, until Chuck pounded him on the back, and his milk sloshed on the floor.

  “What?” Leo asked.

  Grant said, “I didn’t realize she was mine.”

  Leo’s eyes softened, and a small smile curved his lips. He leaned back in his chair and said, “Yeah. Of course she is.”

  “Well,” Chuck said, shaking Grant’s shoulder. “I’m concerned about Lucky, but this seems like it’s verging on being personal and private, so I’ll head on home. Leo, call me later. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for Lucky.” Chuck squeezed Grant’s shoulder again and said, “Grant, son. See you later.”

  Grant stuffed more cookie into his mouth before he said something to Chuck that would make Leo frown, and possibly derail this very interesting conversation about their kid.

  The kitchen door shut, and Leo stood up, walking slowly toward Grant.

  He put the cookie and milk down on the counter and ran a hand through his hair. Slow blinks, and a sweet smile made Grant’s heart thump, and a quiver of lust shot through him. Leo was hot when he was in love. Grant swallowed, thanking all that was awesome that Leo was in love with him.

  “We’re getting married,” Leo said, taking Grant’s left hand, threading his fingers through, and then pressing his still too-thin body against Grant’s. “You love me. You love Lucky. You wanted to be a family.”

  When Leo put it like that, it kind of made Grant feel like he should run as fast as possible to another state. Another country. Except for the fact that Leo was right there, and he was smiling, and Grant was physically incapable of denying anything about that smile. Leo could look at him that way and Grant would cheerfully break every rule or law just to make Leo look at him that way again.

  “So, she’s your kid, too, now, Grant.” Leo said. “When we’re married, we can make it legal. Curtis’s already agreed to give up custody. And so—”

  “Wait, what? Make it legal?”

  “I told you,” Leo said. “I was going to ask you. I had plans. Romantic, hot, sexy plans. And you ruined them. Remember?”

  Grant stared at Leo.

  “Part of those plans included making sure that if you said yes, if you wanted to make a family out of the three of us, then it could be official. Lucky deserves that. Don’t you think?”

  Of course Lucky deserved that. But Grant had never really considered being her father. Not like that. He’d thought he’d just stay Dr. Grant, a kind of uncle-ish figure. A friend who was married to her father.

  Leo continued, “So, I had it out with Curtis before the surgery. It was part of what we agreed on. In exchange, I agreed that she could be with him for two weeks every year. Only if she wants to go. I told him that I wouldn’t force her. And I think, after Scotland, he might not even be all that eager to try again. Though he’ll always be part of her life. I know he’ll send Christmas presents, and birthday cards, and probably drop in to see her when we’d really rather he didn’t. You know, nothing new.”

  Grant wasn’t sure what to make of the sensations racing through his body. He was hot, he was cold, and he was starting to sweat.

  “Grant?” Leo asked, clearly concerned now. His eyes dimmed and his smile faltered considerably. “What are you thinking?”

  Grant rubbed at his face and backed away, looking away from Leo, but not really seeing anything. “I never said I wanted to be her father.”

  Leo’s quick indrawn breath made Grant look up. Leo looked like he’d been slapped. Grant rubbed his face again, shook his head, and tried to figure out a different take. “Leo—”

  “Oh,” Leo said, and he sounded hurt, too. “I thought…well, I guess you know what I thought. I feel like such an idiot right now.”

  “No,” Grant started, but Leo pulled away, moving toward the doorway heading upstairs. “That didn’t—”

  “Fine,” Leo said. “I can’t believe I actually thought—I just… Wow. I didn’t expect this.” Leo shook his head, his mouth open in sadness. “I thought you loved her.”

  “I do!”

  “I can’t talk about this right now,” Leo said, his eyes bright with tears. “I need to go see my daughter and find out what’s wrong with her because I guess it’s my responsibility, since she’s mine.”

  “Can we cut the drama?” Grant said.

  “No,” Leo said. “We can’t.” And he stomped up the stairs.

  Grant threw up his hands and groaned. He tossed the cookie in the garbage and he poured the milk down the drain.

  Dammit, Leo didn’t get it. He didn’t understand, and he hadn’t stuck around long enough for Grant to explain. Not that Grant knew how to explain. It was all wrapped up in expectations.

  Leo expected that Grant would become Lucky’s father legally, and Grant had expected to be…what? What had he expected? He hadn’t expected anything, really.

  He thought that he and Leo would get married to make it legal between them, and they’d move in together. It looked like that mutual living area was going to be the farm because Lucky wanted to stay, and Leo thought it was best not to uproot her again.

  Grant had assumed they’d live here and things would be…the way they are now. He’d be Dr. Grant, and she’d be Lucky, and Leo would be his hot side dish of Leo goodness, and Grant would be that strange thing known as happy.

  So…this other thing? This thing that Leo had proposed? What did that really mean? If Grant became Lucky’s father, what changed in that scenario? In so many ways, it would be better. He’d have legal rights to Lucky if she were sick or hurt, and if something happened to Leo…

  Grant squeezed his eyes closed at the thought.

  He’d be Lucky’s parent. No one could take her from him. His stomach flipped, and his chest felt tight. He didn’t know if what he felt was fear, excitement, happiness, or some mixture of them all, because he wasn’t sure he could do it. He wasn’t sure he could be Lucky’s father. At the same time, he didn’t trust anyone else to even try. As far as he was concerned, Lucky and Leo were his now, and he might fuck up, but there was no way he was going to walk away from them.

  Grant headed to the stairs, walked up slowly, and stopped at Lucky’s room. She was sitting on the bed with her knees drawn up and her face buried in them, as Leo rubbed her back and spoke to her softly.

  “I know you’re upset, honey, but you and I aren’t going anywhere. And Grant’s not goin
g anywhere.” Leo met Grant’s eye. “Right, Grant?”

  Lucky’s head came up and Grant forced a smile. “Just to the hospital for work and back.”

  Lucky shrugged. “I don’t care about that.”

  Leo was confused. “Then what, baby? Just tell me what you’re upset about.”

  Lucky shook her head, and Grant stepped into the room. He sat down on the other side of the bed and said, “We’ll play a game,” Grant said. “It’s called Quid Pro Quo.”

  Leo looked at him with a wary expression, but said nothing.

  “What?” Lucky asked.

  “Just…listen. I told you I never had a mom,” Grant said, and Lucky looked nervously at Leo and back at Grant again, obviously afraid Grant was going to tell Leo how she felt about Jennifer. “Well, I never had a dad, either.”

  Leo shifted on the bed, turning toward Grant with a yielding, curious expression on his face. Grant knew that Leo wanted to know more about Grant’s family, about his childhood, and that he was usually disappointed when Grant shot those conversations down or snarked his way out of them.

  “You didn’t?” Lucky asked.

  “No, I had an uncle.”

  “You had an uncle for a dad, too?” Lucky asked brightly. “We have that in common.”

  Grant looked down at the patchwork quilt on Lucky’s bed, and picked at the loose edge of one of the patches. “Not exactly,” Grant said. “My uncle was a jerk.”

  Leo’s head came up and he focused on Grant, understanding starting to show in his eyes.

  “Yeah, that kind of jerk,” Grant said to Leo.

  “What kind?” Lucky asked.

  “He called me names, pushed me around. Once when I didn’t pass a test with the kind of grade he expected from me, he belted me five times for each wrong answer.” Grant cleared his throat. “He said, ‘This is how you pay me back for keeping you alive all these years.’”

  “Oh, my God, Grant,” Leo whispered.

  Lucky took his hand, kissed the palm, and said, “I hate him.”

  Grant put his arm around her and pulled her close. “Sometimes I hated him, too.”

  “Why was he so mean to you?” Lucky asked. “Were you mean back?”

  Grant smiled at that and caught Leo’s eye. He swallowed and didn’t tell Lucky all of the things he’d done to the old man, all of the ways he’d tried to make him pay, the tricks he’d played on him, the pranks, and how he’d humiliated his uncle by walking out of his house after announcing his full ride to medical school and never returning again.

  Instead he said, “This is a crappy bedtime story.”

  “Grant, please,” Leo’s voice was so sad, so warm, and full of how much he didn’t want that to have been Grant’s childhood.

  Grant didn’t look at Leo, though. He looked down at Lucky, took her chin in his hand and he searched her hazel eyes. He remembered the tantrum she’d thrown the day before when she hadn’t wanted to help wash the dishes. He recalled the full-on screaming, the stomping, and the tears. Grant had been flabbergasted and he’d stared at her then thinking she had been replaced in her sleep by an alien. But he’d have never hurt her, or called her names, or slapped her face.

  Grant said, “I’m better than that.”

  Lucky looked confused but said, “You’re the best in the whole world.”

  Grant smiled a little at her sweet confidence in him, and Leo said, “Grant—you could never.”

  Grant shrugged and said, “Okay, carrot, I told my secret. So, your turn. Spill it.”

  Lucky looked at Leo and squeezed Grant’s hand harder like she was seeking his strength. “I don’t want Jennifer to be my mommy. I don’t want her. Ever.”

  Leo’s face dissolved with affection. “Baby, she’s always going to be the woman that you grew inside of, but I’m your dad. Me and Grant are your parents.”

  “Dr. Grant?” Lucky asked, looking up at him.

  “Yup,” Grant said. “We can make it official. You can be my kid. But only if you want that.”

  “What about Papa?” Lucky asked.

  “He’ll always be your Papa,” Leo said. “He loves you. But this way you’ll have me and Grant, and if I can’t be around—”

  “Why wouldn’t you be around?” Lucky asked, warily. She wasn’t anywhere close to being over having almost lost Leo.

  “Hopefully, I’m going to be around for a long time,” Leo said. “But if I couldn’t be around for some reason, you could be with Grant. Would you like that? Do you want Grant to be your other dad?”

  Lucky thought about it for a long time, and Grant’s gut started to churn. His palms began to sweat, and he felt sick. He didn’t know if he could stomach how much it would hurt if she said no.

  “And Papa will be Papa?”

  Leo nodded.

  “And if you…if you…then Dr. Grant will take care of me? Forever?”

  “Yes,” Grant said.

  Lucky nodded her head. “Okay. That’s good. I like that.”

  Leo said, “You could call him Pop, or—”

  “Or Dr. Grant,” Grant said.

  Leo looked at him like he was being a jerk.

  “Dr. Grant,” Lucky said, clapping her hands together happily.

  “It’s a little formal, don’t you think, Grant,” Leo said, and he widened his eyes at Grant like he should change his mind.

  “No one calls him that but me,” Lucky said. “It’s mine. I like it.”

  Grant nodded and gave her a high five.

  Leo rolled his eyes and said, “Fine. Whatever. You guys are the least—”

  “Sentimental romantic boobs,” Grant supplied.

  “I’ve ever met,” Leo finished.

  “I’m going to grow boobs one day,” Lucky said sounding a little worried about that.

  Grant flashed to a future of boys—or girls—knocking on the door to take her out on dates, and he imagined her coming down to greet them with her freshly grown breasts on display in some too-small dress, and he shuddered. What had he just agreed to in becoming her other dad?

  Leo laughed and agreed that breasts would grace her chest when she was older, and Grant had to shake away the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach.

  “I love you, Daddy,” Lucky said as Grant and Leo left the room together.

  Grant noticed that Leo moved slowly, stiff from the transplant wound which was healing nicely, but still had a way to go.

  “‘Night, Lucky. I love you, too,” Leo said.

  Grant blew her a kiss, and had the door almost closed when Lucky called out, “I love you, Dr. Grant.”

  He opened it a little and gazed in at her little face staring earnestly at in him the darkened room. “I love you too, carrot.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Grant,” Leo breathed as he shut the bedroom door behind them, and then leaned back against it. “You never told me.”

  Grant shrugged, starting on the buttons of his shirt, and kicking his shoes off next to the closet door. “Yeah, well.” He shrugged again.

  He tossed his shirt in the hamper in the closet, and unbuckled his belt. He could feel Leo’s eyes on him, the sadness and worry pouring across the room in a steady, thick stream of affection. Grant sighed.

  Leo pushed off from the door, and Grant let Leo wrap his arms around Grant’s waist, and closed his eyes as Leo pressed kisses to his shoulders and collar bone.

  “It was a long time ago,” Grant said, lifting Leo’s chin. “It sucked. I lived through it. Chalk one up for the resilience of kids.”

  Leo didn’t look convinced. “Did he hurt you a lot?”

  Grant looked at the ceiling, and his lips pressed into a thin line, considering. “The physical abuse was minimal. My aunt took the brunt of that.”

  Leo’s eyes went even wider, and tears shone in them. His lips pressed into a trembling frown, and Grant wanted to kiss the worry away, but he knew better. Leo was going to drag this out of him. He might as well just spill it, get it over with, and move on to
the sex he was sure to get as compensation for sharing the horror of his childhood. It might make up for having to dredge it all up at least.

  “Grant…” Leo murmured. “Did he hit her?”

  Grant groaned and pulled away, moving toward the bed, but not sitting down. He stared at the blue quilt that Leo had pulled out of one of the hallway closets when he got home from the hospital, saying it was his favorite and that Memaw’s mother had made it.

  “It wasn’t every day,” Grant said. “He was brusque. Rude. Insulting. Demanding. A perfectionist.”

  “Oh,” Leo said, softly.

  Grant said with a half smile, “Yeah. Well, let’s just say I never quite learned how to be like him. I fell short of his expertise.” Grant looked down as Leo’s arms wrapped around him from behind. “Thank God,” Grant whispered.

  “Did he hit you, too?”

  Grant felt Leo kiss the back of his shoulders and up his neck, nothing passionate. Soothing kisses, like Leo wanted Grant to know that he was adored now, even if he wasn’t then. Grant still thought that might be the craziest part about this thing with Leo.

  “It happened,” Grant said. “I won’t deny that it did. But it was worse when he hit her.”

  “Did he drink?” Leo asked.

  Grant nodded and turned around in Leo’s arms, meeting his eyes. “Yeah, he drank.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  Leo bit his lip and his face showed that he was feeling emotionally wobbly. Grant wanted to smooth it away, to get Leo to smile again, but he knew Leo well enough to know they weren’t done.

  Leo said, “I promise you, Grant. Our house won’t ever be like that. I would never do that to you or to Lucky.”

  Grant laughed and said, “Is that what think? That I’m worried you’ll turn into my uncle?” Grant laughed again. “I cannot even begin to tell you how much I’m not worried about that.”

  “You won’t turn into him either,” Leo said earnestly.

  “I know,” Grant said. “I know that.”

  “Because you’re not him,” Leo said. “You’re a good man.”