The Funny Thing about Love: Feel Good Sweet Romance stories

by Laura Burton

  Leading Chonk to the RV, Lainey called back to Lance, "Grab my bags, will you?"

  Lance ignored her, following her to the RV. "Absolutely not, Lainey."

  Pretending not to hear him, she opened the side door to the RV and stepped into it. She gently pulled the leash, encouraging Chonk to follow. The corgi shook his tail happily and waited. Lainey couldn’t help but laugh. Her fat dog knew his limitations, that was for sure. He also knew she was a sucker where he was concerned. She stepped back down to the sidewalk, wrapped her arms around his belly, and heaved him up the steps. Then she jogged up behind him and closed the door in Lance's face.

  The door immediately swung open. "You are a child," Lance muttered.

  "Is that any way to speak to your bride?"

  "This RV is a rental," he said through gritted teeth.

  "So?"

  "So, pets aren't allowed."

  "They'll never know."

  "Lainey…"

  "Chonk is coming." Her voice was firm.

  "No, he's not."

  "Then I'm not coming," Lainey said simply.

  "But…"

  Lainey placed her hands on her hips. "Tell Paul the engagement is off."

  Lance looked down at the dog, who had curled up on a rug in front of the sink and fallen asleep. Lainey could see that she'd won. "Fine," Lance said. "The dog can come."

  "Great. Now, would you mind grabbing my bags before someone steals them?"

  Lance muttered something she couldn’t quite make out and left the RV to get her bags.

  Lainey took in the RV's interior for the first time. It was hideous but in a so-ugly-it's-cute sort of way. She couldn't tell if the wallpaper was a re-creation or had actually been there since the 1980s. It was bright, with big bold flowers atop an orange background. To tone down the wild wallpaper, the rest of the décor was subdued. The floors were a wood laminate, the cabinets a bright white, and the cushions on the couch and dinette were a combination of burnt orange and white. One of the cushions was embroidered with the phrase, "Home Is Where You Park It."

  Two curtains hung near the back, which Lainey assumed led to a bathroom and a bedroom. She looked forward to informing Lance that she and Chonk would be claiming the bedroom, but that the couch was all his.

  The RV smelled a bit musty, as though it hadn't been used in a while. But it wasn't unpleasant. It reminded Lainey of the way her grandparents' attic had always smelled—comfortable and familiar, but with the possibility of adventure lurking just out of sight.

  For the first time in a long time, Lainey's fingers itched to hold a pencil. She wanted to sketch. Maybe this trip would give her the inspiration to return to the picture book she'd started writing and illustrating in college. She'd majored in fine art, and one of her professors had been an accomplished medical illustrator. He'd recognized Lainey's aptitude for accuracy and fine details, necessary skills for that specific type of illustration. In the five years since graduating from college, he'd thrown quite a bit of freelance work her way. She was grateful, but it wasn't what she truly wanted to do. Children's books didn't pay as well, but in her heart of hearts, it's what she loved.

  The driver's-side door to the cab slammed shut, bringing Lainey back to reality.

  "Are you and the beast ready to go?" Lance asked.

  Chonk was fast asleep on the rug, his head resting atop his front paws. "How can he call you a beast?" Lainey asked. "You're adorable." She tried to nudge the dog toward the cab, but he refused to move. "Okay, maybe you're a little beastly." After trying—and failing—to get the dog to move, Lainey grabbed the corner of the rug and pulled it toward the cab, dragging Chonk until he was positioned next to her seat.

  Lance stared in disbelief. "That is the most ridiculous creature I've ever seen."

  "Rude," Lainey said. She fastened her seatbelt. "Ready when you are, boss."

  Lance frowned. "Don’t call me that."

  "Why not? You're paying me to be here. Speaking of which, we said half up front. Pay up, please."

  Lance laughed. "I think I'll wait until we're no longer within walking distance of your front door before I transfer the money. I'm no fool."

  "Don't you trust me?"

  "Nope."

  "Not sure why. You're the known liar in this relationship, not me."

  Lance's cheeks flushed, but he flipped on the turn signal without another word. Lainey felt a little guilty for goading him. She studied him closely as he eased into traffic. He was dressed casually, but his shorts and t-shirt looked like they'd been pressed. Just once, she'd like to see him rumpled.

  And suddenly, Lance wasn't the only one with flushed cheeks.

  Chapter 5

  Lance had spent less than half an hour with his blushing bride and was ready to call the whole thing off. First, she'd brought the retched dog along. It had done nothing but snore since he'd met it, but he suspected it would turn into a Tasmanian devil as soon as he turned his back. He made a mental note to store all the cushions and pillows in the compartment under the RV if the dog was ever left unsupervised.

  As for the beast's owner, she'd spent the last fifteen minutes fiddling with things. First, she'd discovered that her seat swiveled 180 degrees, allowing her to face the inside of the RV instead of the road. Then she'd begun fiddling with the radio dials. As soon as he'd settle into a song, she'd change it to something else.

  "Will you knock it off?" he asked.

  "You are so uptight," she complained.

  "I'm concentrating on the road."

  "Want me to drive?"

  "No."

  "Suit yourself." With that, Lainey tilted her seat back and closed her eyes. Moments later, she was asleep.

  Lance had no idea how someone so hyper and caffeinated could fall asleep so quickly. He was envious. He'd never been a good sleeper, even at home on his comfy memory foam mattress. The odds of getting any sleep this week were slim to none.

  Lainey looked angelic in her sleep. Her bun sat atop her head like a halo. Too bad she couldn’t be sweet when she was awake. Her words about Lance being a liar had stung. He hated lying to a client. It was unethical. And if he got caught, his reputation would be ruined. But he would never lie about anything important. Not to a client or to anyone else. Lance's honesty was part of what made him a good agent. He never gave clients unrealistic expectations, but on the same token, publishers knew he wouldn't back down from a fight to get his clients what they deserved.

  A jangling sound caught his attention. Lance glanced down to see the dog had awoken and was furiously scratching an itch. "Hello, beastie. It looks like it's just you and me." The dog grinned up at him, his tongue lolling out. Lance chuckled. He had to admit the dog was kind of cute.

  But then the beast lifted his leg, releasing a fart so foul that Lance's eyes watered. Cranking down the window, Lance leaned out to gulp the fresh air. Except this was NYC and the air wasn't all that fresh.

  "Congratulations, beastie," Lance growled. "Compared to you, New York smells like roses."

  "Lainey?"

  Lainey woke to the sound of Lance's voice. "Are we there?" she asked.

  "Not yet, but we're closing in. The RV needs gas and I thought you and the smelly beast could use a break."

  "Don't be so hard on yourself," Lainey quipped. "You're a beast but I've smelled worse."

  Lance scowled. "I'm amazed you could sleep through Chonk's silent but deadly farts. I'd recommend seeing a vet. That can't be normal."

  Lainey looked at Chonk. "He probably could use a break," she conceded. She reached into her purse for a plastic bag. She wouldn't give up her dog for the world but she did detest picking up dog poop. "All right, Chonk. Let's do this."

  She led Chonk out of the RV. "Whoa, Chonk. We're not in Kansas anymore." Actually, Lainey wasn't exactly sure where they were, but it sure wasn't New York. The filling station had a large lawn of lush grass. Lainey and Chonk were the only ones using it at the moment. Chonk was a New York pup. He wasn't used to having so much
freedom. He rolled around in the grass, tongue lolling and tail wagging.

  After Chonk had done his business, Lainey put him back in the RV and went to use the facilities herself. When she came back, she caught Lance sharing a bag of cheese snacks with Chonk.

  "Busted," she said.

  Lance looked up sheepishly. "He gave me the puppy dog eyes."

  Lainey nodded knowingly. "I'm sure he did."

  They drove for another hour, the RV climbing higher into the Poconos Mountains. They both laughed when their ears popped. They began to descend into a valley. Cresting a hill, a glittering lake came into view.

  Lance pulled to the shoulder of the road to check his directions. "That's our lake," he said. "The campground nestles up against it."

  "It's so beautiful," Lainey said. "Do you think it has a beach?"

  "I'm not sure," Lance said. "If not, maybe we could rent a boat."

  "A boat," Lainey exclaimed. "That would be lovely!" Her stomach fluttered with excitement. It was starting to feel like she really was on a vacation. And a paid vacation, at that! She grinned at Lance. "Think it's safe to forward me my money now? I don’t think you have to worry about me running away."

  The only direction she wanted to run was toward the sparkling blue water of this beautiful mountain lake. She hoped she'd remembered to pack a swimsuit.

  Chapter 6

  Lance pulled into the campground. He left Lainey and Chonk in the RV while he went to check in. He came back with a manilla envelope. Handing it to Lainey, he said, "There should be a parking pass in there somewhere. Can you look for it while I try to find our campsite?"

  Lainey found the tag and hung it from the rearview mirror.

  "This looks like us," Lance said, pointing to what resembled a u-shaped driveway nestled into the trees. "At check-in, they said it was a 'pull-through' site, so we wouldn't have to worry about backing in."

  "That's handy," Lainey said.

  "Indeed." He'd been a little worried about trying to back the RV into one of the spaces. There were so many trees and rocks, he'd been afraid he'd hit something. He suspected the man who'd assigned the campsite saw the fear on his face and took mercy on him.

  They parked the RV and stepped out. Lainey allowed Chonk to roam without his leash. A squirrel leaped over their heads, passing from one tree to the next. Chonk sat down to watch the squirrels. Lainey stroked the dog's head.

  Lance looked around the campsite. The trees were large enough to provide the entire site with shade. It was nearly sunset and the air was beginning to feel cool. There was a trail into the woods with a marker that read, "2.5 miles to Colin's Waterfall." The site had a large picnic table and a fire ring. When checking in, Lance learned that bundles of firewood could be purchased at the camp store. He liked the idea of sitting next to a campfire and looking at the stars.

  It had been a few years since he'd left the city. He loved New York and couldn’t imagine living anywhere else, but it was lovely here. And quiet. So quiet that he could pick out the squirrels in the trees by the rustling of leaves. He could even hear the sounds of a babbling brook weaving through the forest.

  His cell phone pinged, alerting him of a text message from Paul.

  Hope you and Lainey arrived safely. Annie and I are running a day behind schedule, so we won't arrive until tomorrow morning. See you then.

  "Well," Lance said to Lainey, "we're on our own tonight. Paul and his wife won't be here until tomorrow. Maybe we should go to the camp store for groceries? Is there anything you want?"

  "Camp stuff," Lainey said.

  Lance raised his eyebrows. "Camp stuff?"

  "You know…hotdogs, marshmallows, things to roast on a campfire."

  Lance nodded. "Anything else?"

  "Milk and cereal?"

  "You have a really sophisticated palate," he teased.

  Lainey rolled her eyes. "I'm unemployed. Remember? You were there when I lost my job."

  Lance winced. Was she going to hold that over his head forever? "I sent the first half of your payment for the week. So, you should have $2,000 in your account now."

  Lainey nodded. "I appreciate that, I do. But next week I'll be unemployed again, and I'll need every penny of that for rent."

  "I'll get the groceries," Lance said. "So, you don't have to worry about the cost. What would you want?"

  Lainey tilted her head. Smiling, she said, "Camp stuff. Milk. Cereal." She laughed. "I don't really cook. I'd make a lousy wife."

  Lance smiled. "I can get the groceries and also do the cooking."

  She grinned. "You'd make a much better wife than me."

  Lance growled at her, but he was smiling when he stepped into the RV. He needed to see what appliances and utensils he had to work with. As he opened drawers and checked cabinets, he considered Lainey's words. He hoped she didn't really think cooking was a prerequisite to being someone's wife. Lance certainly didn’t care about that. He enjoyed cooking and he liked the idea of cooking for a wife.

  Where on earth had that thought come from? Lance did not want to cook for a wife. Because Lance did not want a wife. He had never wanted a wife. And that was never going to change.

  Chapter 7

  By the time Lance had finished assessing the RV's kitchen, the sun had set. The temperature had dropped enough to send Lainey inside for warmer clothes. She'd put on an NYU sweatshirt but was still complaining she was cold.

  "Did you bring a winter hat?" Lance asked.

  "It's still summer!" Her eyes narrowed. "Did you bring a winter hat?"

  "Yep," he said.

  Lainey frowned. "I bet you were a Boy Scout."

  Lance laughed. "Nope, but I do try to be prepared." He gestured toward the bedroom. "Check the closet. I think I saw a box of winter clothes."

  Lainey came back wearing a fluffy pink hat with a white pompom on top. She'd also wrapped a printed pink scarf around her neck. He leaned closer to see the print. Unicorns. His face broke into a smile. "That's adorable."

  She held up a pair of mittens. "These match."

  "Nice."

  "There's also a white peacoat with pink buttons, but I can't squeeze into it. Apparently, the box of winter clothes belonged to an eight-year-old."

  Lance smiled. "But aren't you glad she left them behind?"

  Lainey murmured something under her breath about where he could stick his winter hat. He couldn't make out all the words, but he got the gist, and grinned.

  It was only half a mile to the camp store, but they decided to drive since they wanted to get a couple loads of firewood. On the way, Lance checked out the other campsites. It had become too dark to make out the RVs and campers clearly, but he did notice the varying sizes. Some were smaller RVs like the one they were driving. But many were twice as big. The campers hauled by behemoth pickup trucks were positively massive.

  Campfires were sprouting up from fire rings throughout the campground. Lance had never built a fire before and was looking forward to it. He wanted to tap into his evolutionary roots. To do things the way the cavemen did. To roast food on a stick. But with hotdogs instead of bison. Marshmallows instead of squirrels. He wanted to provide his cavewoman with a place to warm her hands.

  Lance parked the RV and he and Lainey walked into the store. After driving in the dark, the brightness of the store's artificial lighting was temporarily blinding. He had to blink several times before his eyes adjusted.

  "Look!" Lainey grabbed his arm, her blue eyes glinting with amusement.

  Lance looked in the direction she was pointing. It was a display shelf, containing graham crackers, chocolate bars, marshmallows, and hot dog buns. There was even a stray box of Lucky Charms on the shelf. Above the display was a sign that said, "Camp Stuff."

  "No way," Lance said, laughing.

  Lainey laughed, too. "That's everything on my list besides hotdogs and milk."

  They gathered the rest of their things, along with a couple bundles of firewood, and took the haul to the cash register.

>   "Oh," Lainey breathed. "I almost forgot coffee. I wonder if they have iced frappes in the refrigerated section."

  While Lainey went to look for coffee, Lance began unloading things onto the conveyer belt.

  The cashier looked to be in her fifties, though her age was hard to pinpoint. Her hair was a shocking shade of red that could only come from a box, her lips were slathered in a shiny gloss, and her t-shirt featured a photograph of Elvis. She popped a piece of bubble gum between her teeth as she scanned a tabloid. With a huff, she slammed the magazine onto the conveyor belt.

  She glanced up at Lance and smiled, making her appear at least ten years younger than he'd originally guessed. "She won't really take him back, will she? I mean, he cheated on her. That's unforgivable. And with her kind of money, it's not like she needs a man."

  Lance had no idea who the woman was talking about. He glanced at the cover of the magazine but it didn't yield any answers. He was relieved when Lainey joined him at the counter, saving him from having to respond.

  The cashier glanced at Lainey and gasped. "Holy crackers! Are you expecting a blizzard?"

  Lance and Lainey both jumped at the unexpected outburst.

  Lainey turned to see if there was someone behind her. Seeing no one, she pointed to herself. "Are you talking to me?"

  The cashier popped another bubble. "Well, yeah. You're the one with the hat and scarf."

  "It's chilly," Lainey said defensively.

  The cashier shook her head. "If you think summertime is chilly, I hope you're not planning to stick around for winter." She began scanning their grocery items.

  A man walked over, obviously hearing the cashier's outburst. He looked like a descendant of Paul Bunyan. Thick as an oak tree, with a bushy beard and straw hat.

  "Not from around here, eh?" His voice was like gravel. He leaned toward Lainey. "Then you don't know about the Sasquatch."

  "Bigfoot?" Lainey asked.

  "Sasquatch. Plural. We got a whole family of 'em in these parts."