Bring Me Back

by Micalea Smeltzer

  Ryder stretches one arm behind me, his fingers grazing my shoulder.

  “We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?” he asks, shielding his face from the sun.

  “We have,” I agree.

  I think back to those first weeks and months. It was the worst time of my life and I thought I would never get better. I thought it would take a miracle to bring me back to the person I was.

  I was wrong.

  It didn’t take a miracle.

  All it took was me.

  I brought myself back from the brink of demise.

  The people around me, they helped, but I had to do it on my own. I had to accept Ben’s death in order to truly move on and accept happiness back into my life. He’ll always be with me, though, living on in my heart, in our daughter, and in the paper cranes.

  As if conjured by magic, I spot a paper crane on a park bench several yards to our right.

  “Is that …?” I begin.

  Ryder sees it and stands. “It is.” He grins.

  My heart skips a beat. I know there’s no way it’s one from Ben—it has to be from a Group member or some other random person who’s picked up on The Paper Crane Project—but it still feels like it’s a sign from him.

  “Go get it,” I tell Ryder as Ava lets out a little cry. Ryder jogs over to the bench and swipes the purple paper crane before returning. He sits back down and I nudge him with my arm. “Open it, please,” I beg.

  He unfolds it and holds it out so I can read.

  When your nights seem endless, know that the sun will always shine again.

  My throat catches. The words describe the last few months perfectly—an endless night, but the sun finally rose again and bathed my world in a brilliant light.

  FIVE YEARS LATER…

  “Ava, careful! Don’t hit your brother!” I scold when Ava whacks Cole over the head with a plastic softball bat.

  “Ow!” Cole cries, rubbing the top of his head. “That’s not nice!”

  “You brokeded my Barbie!” she yells back, drawing the bat back to hit him again.

  “Whoa, whoa, what’s going on in here?” Ryder asks, breezing into the room with our fussy three-month-old son, Wyatt, in his arms. “What’s wrong, birthday girl?” He bends down to Ava’s level.

  “Coley brokeded my doll!” Crocodile tears coat her face.

  “Aw, I’m sure he didn’t mean to,” Ryder consoles her. “Besides, I’m sure you got lots of new dolls for your birthday.” He tweaks her nose.

  “Weally?” she asks, looking up at him with wide blue eyes.

  “Really.” Ryder nods, reaching for her hand. “Why don’t we go outside and see your grandparents while mommy finishes your cake?”

  I smile gratefully at him and he winks.

  “Don’t gwive Coley any of my cake,” Ava warns me with a pointed finger.

  Personality wise, she’s my mini-me, but looks wise she’s all Ben, except for her dark colored hair.

  “I won’t. You get the first piece, birthday girl.”

  “Good.” She nods and lets Ryder take her outside where we have everything for her party set up.

  My parents flew in for the occasion, plus they’ve been dying to see Wyatt. Ryder’s parents are here too. I’ve gotten to know them well and they practically feel like my own parents at this point. They even treat Ava like she’s really their granddaughter. Loraine drove up for Ava’s party too—she tries to see her at least once a week, if not more, and now that Ava’s a little older I promised to start letting her keep her overnight sometimes. I like for Ava to spend time with Loraine and learn more about her dad. I talk to her about him too, tell her how we met, and how great he was. Even though Ryder is the only dad she knows, I want her to know that Ben loves her too. His love might not be one we can physically feel, but it’s still there.

  I finish with the cake and carry it outside.

  “Ooh! It’s pwetty mommy! Tank you!” Ava jumps up and down eagerly.

  “You’re welcome, baby girl,” I tell her, sticking the five candles in and lighting them. I bend down to whisper in her ear, “Happy Birthday.” I kiss her cheek. I lift her up and join everyone in singing “Happy Birthday”. When the song finishes, I say, “Make a wish, baby.”

  She blows out the candles and everyone claps. I lower her and cut her piece first. She takes the plate from me and runs over to sit on my dad’s lap. That girl has her grandpa wrapped around her little finger. Talk about spoiled.

  I cut everyone a piece and finally take a seat myself between Ryder and Ivy—who’s newly married to that guy she liked at work, Jeremy. Casey, Chloe, and Hannah are there too. Cyrus is glued to Hannah’s side. I’m pretty sure he thinks she walks on water. Casey has a boyfriend now too, and I have a feeling this is the one but she’s too stubborn to admit it.

  “Hey, gorgeous, you have some cake just there.” Ryder points.

  “Where?” I ask, about to frantically wipe at my mouth.

  He grasps my face in one hand, holding Wyatt in the other. “Right there.” He kisses me. When he pulls away his eyes are lit up with mischief and our son coos in his arms, kicking his legs wildly.

  “I love you,” I say.

  I’m still in love with Ryder Cooper as much today as I was all those years ago. He stole my heart, and I don’t want it back. Not ever.

  “Mommy?” Ava prompts.

  “Yes, baby?” I look over at her, bouncing on her grandpa’s knee.

  “How twill I know if my wish came twue?”

  “You’ll know, baby girl.”

  Her nose wrinkles. “I dwon’t tink I twill.”

  “What’d you wish for?” I ask, my brows drawing in.

  She opens her mouth to tell me.

  “Wait,” Cole cries. “You can’t say or it’ll never come true.”

  “Is dat wight, Mommy?”

  “It is,” I say sadly, “but you can come tell mommy quietly and it’ll still come true.”

  She hops off her grandpa’s lap and scurries over to me. I bend down so she can whisper in my ear.

  “I wisheded fowr my daddy in hweaven to know I wuv him.”

  My breath catches. I think I stop breathing altogether.

  From the moment I found I was pregnant with Ava that’s all I wanted—for my child to love Ben even if he’s not here.

  I hug Ava to my chest, fighting tears. “He already knows, Ava. I promise you that.”

  “How dwo you know?” she asks, her blue eyes wide.

  I smile. “Because, he’s here.”

  “He wis?” Her eyes brighten.

  “Yes,” I whisper, poking her stomach lightly. “You see these paper cranes?” I point to the ones on the table and there are even more hanging in the tree. She nods. “Every single one of those is a piece of your daddy’s love left here on this Earth.”

  “Wow,” she breathes. “He weft a wotta wuv.”

  I swallow thickly. “That he did.”

  Ben may be gone, but his love and heart certainly isn’t it. He lives on in The Paper Crane project—which completely took off, becoming a sensation. Now, wherever we go, we always seem to find a paper crane. Each one brings a smile to my face and reminds me to cherish every single day. Life can be cut short in an instant, so make sure to live with no regrets and love with all your heart.

  This book. This book has been ten years in the making. Ten years of starting, stopping it, deleting, and questioning whether or not I’d ever actually tell it. But in that ten years Blaire, Ben, and Ryder stayed with me. They waited patiently until I was ready to tell this story and then they burst forward and demanded that I finally do it—that I take that step out of my comfort zone. I know this book isn’t for everyone—in all honesty, as a reader, it’s probably not something I’d want to read (is it bad for me to admit it) but it’s a story I had to tell. Over the years this story took on many different shapes and forms—in most of them Ben wasn’t a main figure early in the story, but in my mind I knew him and it hurt me that readers would
n’t know him. You can’t fall in love with a character you’ve never really met. So I knew that I’d have to build his character up before his demise and I also knew that it was going to crush me. I hope I’ve done my job right and that the emotions are there, that you feel everything I wanted you to feel as a reader. …And I hope you don’t hate me too much.

  Regina Bartley, you are my partner in crime. Thank you so much for all the writing sprints and always being there for me to talk to. Your friendship means so much to me—more than you’ll ever know.

  Hang Le thank you for creating the most beautifully artistic cover I’ve ever seen. It’s exactly what this book needed and I think it truly speaks to the feel of the story, which is what I wanted.

  Wendi, formatter and editor extraordinaire, when I say I don’t know what I did before you I mean it. It’s such a relief to have someone I can rely on so completely. You’re a rock star. Don’t forget it.

  To the girls in my Facebook group, Micalea’s Minions, thank you so much for all your kind words and help whenever I need it. Creating this group was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. This group has become my happy place and I’m so thankful for each and every one of you.

  To my beta readers (you know who you are!) I can’t thank you enough for all your help in making this book, and my others, what they are. I value your opinions and input so much, and I love that you guys love my characters as much as I do.

  Haley Douglas I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love our talks and how excited you get when I send you chapter. It always puts a smile on my face. And thank you for being my kinda-sorta-assistant since…you know…I suck at giving you things to do. Sorry. Haha!

  Emily. Emily. Emily. What is there for me to say that hasn’t already been said? You’re amazing and I’m so lucky to have a friend like you in my life.

  To each and every person that has read this book, and any of my others, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to live my dream. Thank you for your messages, comments, and emails. Thank you for coming to see me at signings. Thank you for everything. I wish I could hug each and every one of you.

  Coming this summer

  The Game That Breaks Us

  A standalone New Adult college romance

  Hockey’s bad boy needs to clean up his reputation…

  Bennett James has built his career at being the best, on and off the ice, and now it’s come back to bite him. The media has turned against him, and with a near career-ending injury, he needs to clean up his act and prove that he’s serious about the game. For Bennett, working with his old coach at his alma mater feels like a step back, but it might be just what he needs.

  …and she’s going to help him do it.

  Grace Wentworth has always been the good girl, and she’s tired of that stigma. She wants to prove that she can get down and dirty with the best of them. The problem? She doesn’t know how.

  Bennett will teach the good girl how to be bad, if she pretends to be his goody two-shoes girlfriend in front of the media.

  But what happens when the game becomes real?

  An Excerpt from:

  ESCAPING HEARTBREAK

  REGINA BARTLEY

  It’s time for Sawyer to start living her life. Since she was fifteen she has taken care of everyone but herself, including her older brother Dane. She has been lying to herself to keep from feeling the pain of her parent’s death. Now she is twenty and she’s ready to start a life of her own. Moving into her parent’s lake house would be the perfect escape. Wouldn’t it? That’s what she thought. Only, it led her right into the emotional place she’s been hiding from all this time. All of those years of running from her feelings, she now has to face them. It’s too much. She can’t deal with it alone. Someone has to help. She’ll do anything to escape the heartbreak, but you can only run so far.

  Travis can’t believe his eyes; his half-opened, blood shot eyes. Sawyer Evans was in the flesh and standing over him. He hadn’t seen this girl since he was ten years old. Travis only saw the Evan’s during the summer when they moved into the lake house. He and Dane were best friends. When Dane invited him and the old gang to a welcome back party at the Lake House, he couldn’t wait to go. It turns out getting wasted was only half the fun. Seeing Sawyer was the other half. She was the sexiest girl he’d ever seen and he was going to make sure that she knew it. Only she shot him down time and time again. He’s determined to break down those walls and get inside her head, but he’ll have to be sober to do it, and no matter how hard he tries, she’ll always run. He can’t keep chasing her. He has to figure out a way to make her stay.

  It’s time to stop running, stop hiding, and start learning where the true escape lies. Everyone will face heartbreak, but not everyone will find love.

  ONE

  Sawyer

  “Earth to Sawyer,” Uncle Jake snapped his fingers in front of my face. “Where are you at?”

  Today marks the six-year anniversary of my parent’s death. It still feels like it was yesterday. I was fifteen and my brother, Dane, was eighteen when the accident happened. The rain was coming down hard that night. The semi lost control and crossed over the yellow line. The officer said that it was instant and no one felt any pain. There’s no way in hell that he could know that. At fifteen, you feel like your life is shattering around you, but when everyone else is crumbling, you have no choice, but to be strong. I’m grateful that I was there to help everybody, keeping busy made things easier for me.

  The snapping continued. “I’m here.” I shook my head and tried focusing my attention where it was needed. Uncle Jake was a handsome guy. His long brown hair hung down in front of his blue eyes. He had aged so much over the past several years. After mom and dad had died, he stepped in as sole guardian for me. Dane was eighteen and in his first semester of college. He couldn’t handle the responsibility. Uncle Jake was only thirty at the time and had absolutely no clue what it meant to raise a daughter, a teenage one at that. He was so young himself. The two of us have practically raised each other. Actually, I’d say I raised him. I did all the cooking and household responsibilities. Someone had to. He worked and made sure that the manly duties were all taken care of. As far as teenage female issues, he had no clue. I learned a lot of things on my own or from my best friend Wren.

  “It doesn’t look like you’re here.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “I asked you what you want to do for your birthday.”

  “It’s two weeks away. Do we really have to discuss this now?” I rubbed small circles into my temples. “Besides, I’m sure Dane won’t come home. It’s been nearly six months since I’ve seen him.” I looked down at my hands. “He barely even calls me anymore. We used to be so close and you’d think that today of all days, he’d call.”

  “I know pickle, but he’ll come around. He’s probably busy with finals or something.” I love that about Jake. He finds the good in everyone. He has to stop making excuses for Dane though. Dane is a big boy, he needs to start acting like it.

  “Uncle Jake,” I said taking his hand.

  “Yeah,” he squeezed mine in return. I gave him one of those overly serious, we-need-to-talk looks. He lifted his brows. “What is it? You’re freaking me out.”

  “How long has it been since you’ve had a date?”

  He looked down at his watch. “What day is it?”

  “I’m serious Uncle Jake.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I don’t know maybe a year.”

  “Or three,” I waved my fingers in front of his face. “You have to get out and get yourself a life. You will never be married at this rate. You don’t want to end up an old lonely man with nothing but a computer and a dog.”

  “Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black. You haven’t been living much yourself, you know.” He tugged on my ponytail.

  I set back in my chair and shut my mouth. He was right. Besides my best friend Wren, I have no life. I haven’t had a date since my junior year of high school. It went so bad that I refused to do it ag
ain, ever. I prefer spending my time taking care of Jake and when Dane’s home I take care of him too. Dane’s the older of the two of us, but certainly not the wiser. I was supposed to go to college right out of high school. It was what my parents and I had always talked about. I chose to work instead and stay home with Jake. We’ve always been a team. Only recently have I been thinking that it’s time to do my own thing. I’ve just not found the right time to tell him. Or, maybe I’m just scared of what it will feel like to be on my own.

  “I think it’s time that you got out more pickle.”

  “I’m twenty years old. Don’t you think it’s time you stopped calling me pickle?” I raised my brow and watched him closely.

  “Hell no, you’ll always be my pickle.”

  “Whatever,” I rolled my eyes. The thought of eating pickles now makes me sick. I used to eat them jars at a time when I was little and the name just stuck.

  “What about swimming? It used to be your thing.” I took a deep breath. This was not where I wanted this conversation to go. I hoped that it would never be brought up again.

  “I don’t want to have this conversation.” I rolled my eyes and stood up from the table. I poured the left over milk from my cereal into the sink.

  “Listen to me Sawyer,” Jake walked over and stood next to me in front of the sink. He wasn’t much taller than I was so we were nearly eye to eye. “You never want to talk about this, but we need to.”

  “It’s not a big deal.” I grasped the frame of the sink in my hands, holding on so tight that my knuckles whitened.

  “It is a big deal. Swimming was your life. You can’t just give everything up because you feel like the accident was your fault. It was an accident. It was no one’s fault. Start living already, you hear me.” I heard him alright. This wasn’t something that I was prepared to argue about.