Fisher of Men

by Phoebe Alexander

  Leah was stunned. She'd never heard her mother talk like this, of hopes and dreams that didn't involve marrying her father, having babies, or serving the Lord. She stared at her mother's creased hazel eyes and searched for that little girl she was describing.

  She had grown up poring over faded snapshots of her mother and her family pasted into brittle photo albums, always trying to imagine what life was like for young Evangeline Yoder. She always wondered how things were different back then; how they were the same. She distinctly envisioned a Polaroid from Easter circa 1970, her mother wore a peasant-style dress with a wide sash tied around her waist. That little girl, that Evangeline Yoder who would one day become Mrs. Miller, had wild hopes and dreams, Leah thought, just like all little girls do.

  “When I got older, I got scared,” Mrs. Miller continued. “I realized how big the world was and how frightening it was to think about going off into it all by myself. I was petrified to go to college, but my parents pushed me. They knew I needed to get out of the nest. I was so tentative and cautious. Then I met your father and he didn't seem scared of anything. He paraphrased Luke 12:27 for me, 'Consider the lilies and how they grow. If God takes care of them, wouldn't He also take care of you? Why do you have such little faith?' Your father has always been my rock, Leah. I feel like I could have followed him to the ends of the earth and trusted him to take care of me.

  “But you – you did it all yourself. You went a thousand miles away to school. You got your own car and own place and own job and you've always been so independent. You don't seem scared of anything, Leah. You always face challenges head on and I admire you for that so much. I wish I had been like that. You definitely got it from your father, not from me.”

  Leah was struggling not to cry. Her mother had never paid her a higher compliment. “Oh, Mom, sometimes I do get scared! It's not always easy for me to venture out into uncharted territory, but it's always paid off for me. I've always learned so much by risking a little, by challenging myself.”

  She considered the past year and the new territories she had explored. It took a lot of courage for me to risk getting hurt when I met Cap. It was a huge risk for me to explore my sexuality like I did and to discover that I'm an exhibitionist. It was really difficult for me to reconcile my faith with all the conflicting desires I had. But I did, I did all those things and I don't regret it. She appreciated that she was stronger as a result, and that just like Mary said, once she'd put all the scriptures into context and prayed about her feelings and desires, she realized that she was closer in her walk with God than ever before.

  Her mother's words were still with her a few days later when she boarded the plane back to Maryland. She had collected so many happy memories during her visit home, her mind was full of images of her brother with his new wife, her cousins and their babies, her youngest brother's slick dance moves at the reception, stories her Grandma Yoder shared with her about when she was little, and her mother and father sharing a sweet embrace, still so in love after nearly 30 years of marriage. She knew how lucky she was to come from a good family who loved each other. Even though she felt so far removed from that life, from that world, she was still proud it was her heritage.

  She was lost playing that reel of film on the screen at the back of her mind when the pilot's deep, smooth came across the plane's audio system. “This is Captain Robert Goodson again, folks, sorry for the interruption. I just wanted to let you know that we've identified a slight mechanical issue with the plane and we'll be making an emergency landing in Chicago. Don't worry, it's nothing dangerous or life threatening,” he clarified as a loud murmur rose up from the cabin of the plane. “We just want to err on the conservative side. Naturally, the safety of our passengers is always our primary concern!”

  Hearing the title “Captain” momentarily sent Leah's heart into a tailspin, but she made a fast recovery. She sighed and gulped down the remainder of the soda she'd been served by the flight attendant. For a second, she tried to picture her mother in the flight attendant's place. Nope, that just isn't happening, she mused. My mom was meant to be a music teacher in tiny Wahoo, Nebraska. There's no doubt about it.

  About fifteen minutes later, Leah began to feel the plane descend into Chicago. She hadn't been to O'Hare for a very long time, but she'd always enjoyed visiting the Metropolis of the Midwest. She wondered if she'd have any issues getting a connecting flight back to Philadelphia or Charlotte, the two hubs that served the regional airport in Salisbury, Maryland, or if they'd just give them a new plane and they'd be on their way to Philadelphia again. Ordinarily she would be flustered by the plans deviating from her agenda, but she felt a peace enveloping her. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger, she repeated, a mantra that had served her well in the past few weeks.

  An hour later, Leah finally found herself next in line at the US Airways counter. The airline staff member wore a navy cardigan and a little red and navy striped ascot at her neck. Her hair was pulled back into a severe bun and her glossy red-manicured nails sounded like machine gun fire as they punched away at the keyboard searching for flights. She kept scrunching up her nose as if there was a foul odor permeating the space around the counter. Finally she stopped typing and looked up to address Leah. “Well, I can't get you into Philly or Charlotte today, but I can tomorrow. Since it was a mechanical problem with the plane, we will put you up in a hotel tonight.”

  As tempting as it sounded to have a free night in Chicago, Leah knew she needed to get back to The Pearl for an important meeting in the morning with the contractors who would be redesigning their lobby area that winter. “There's nothing available at all today to get me into Salisbury?” she pressed.

  “Not into Salisbury,” the lady responded and resumed her furious typing. After a moment she smiled as if she'd just found the key to a locked door. “I can get you into Baltimore late this afternoon though. Is that close enough?”

  “BWI?” Leah asked. The lady nodded. I could rent a car and drive to Ocean City, I guess. “Okay,” she agreed, deciding quickly. “That will work.”

  She headed toward the gate to board the flight to Baltimore, feeling relieved that everything was going to work out. See, things are fine after all! she thought to herself with a smile. A man passing her in the corridor thought the smile was intended for him and smiled back.

  Leah's cheeks flushed a little with embarrassment once she processed how handsome the passerby was. She remembered promising her mother that she would join the Christian dating site where her friend Janet's son had met his wife. It sounds totally lame, she had thought soon after she agreed to appease her mother, but I guess I have nothing to lose.

  She had a little time before her flight so she opened up her laptop, connected to the wi-fi and pulled up the website for the dating site. She quickly scanned the homepage and then created a minimal profile. I'll upload pictures later, she decided. She bought herself a coffee from a nearby stand and did a little mental toast. Here's to getting back out there, she sighed.

  Soon she was boarding the plane with Zone 4 and stuffing her carry-on luggage in the nearest overheard compartment. She identified her seat and noticed there was a woman in it. “Oh, I think that's my seat,” she said apologetically.

  “Oh,” the woman replied, glancing down at her boarding pass. “I thought I had the window seat this time.” She studied the pass again. “Yeah, you're right. I'll trade you. I'm sorry.”

  “You can stay by the window; it's no problem. I'll just take the aisle seat.”

  “Are you sure?” the woman asked. She had short blonde highlighted hair, tan skin and brown eyes popping out from heavy black eyeliner. She wore jeans, a black shirt and black high-heeled boots that came up to her knees.

  It's a little warm for those boots, Leah thought, taking her seat. It reminded her of her own tall black leather boots that seemed to be part of the requisite swinger uniform. Almost every woman she knew in the lifestyle owned a pair. It made her wonder if the woman who took the window s
eat was also a swinger.

  “Do you live in Baltimore?” the lady struck up a conversation with her while the flight attendant was going through the safety instructions.

  “No, I live out on the Eastern shore, in Ocean City,” Leah answered. “How about yourself?”

  “I live in Frederick, it's about an hour west of the city. You know, I used to live in Ocean City actually! My ex still lives there, in fact,” she revealed.

  “Oh,” Leah answered. “Did you like it out there?”

  The lady nodded. “Yeah, I miss the beach sometimes. I'm from Pennsylvania originally.”

  “You and half the population of the eastern shore!” Leah laughed. “I'm from Nebraska myself. Gosh, I don't hardly know anyone who is actually from OC.” Except for Cap, she thought, though she didn't want to.

  “My ex was from there originally. He came from a long line of fishermen,” she shared.

  Leah almost had to forcibly pry her heart from her throat and she couldn't control the way her mouth gaped open at her seatmate's revelation. She breathed deeply just as the lady was beginning to look concerned about Leah's mental faculties. There are lots of fishermen in Ocean City, she reminded herself.

  “Yeah, my younger daughter keeps telling me when she graduates from college she wants to go live with her dad at the beach. She spends quite a bit of time there in the summer, but I remind her all the time, 'Now, Emma, you know it's a ghost town in the winter. You'd be bored and miserable!'”

  Cap's younger daughter is named Emma, her brain screamed out at her. She really could not formulate any words.

  “So what do you do out there?” the woman asked.

  By this time, they were airborne, ascending to their cruising altitude. Leah felt like her heart was beating as fast as the plane was flying. “I work at a hotel,” she managed. She gulped another huge breath of air into her lungs and remembered what her mother said about her facing challenges head on. “Um, this is going to sound really strange, but is your name Sharon by any chance?”

  The woman's heavily-lined eyes grew into wide circles. “How did you know that?”

  “I know your ex-husband. Chris Sheldon, right?” Leah asked. This is simply unbelievable, she thought, her mind vibrating with shock. What the heck are the chances that this could be happening right now? And now that I've opened this can of worms, what do I do?

  “Well, well, small world, isn't it?” she smiled.

  Now the swinger boots totally make sense, Leah thought. She had been part of the lifestyle with Cap years ago. Maybe she was still involved.

  “Do you know him well?” she asked after a moment of silence had forged an awkward space between them.

  “Pretty well,” Leah answered vaguely.

  “Emma is there with him right now. Have you met her?”

  Leah nodded, “I met her and Ashton both a few months ago. Really lovely young women. A credit to you both as parents.”

  “That's sweet, thank you,” Sharon replied. “Emma says Cap has been really busy with charters and she's hardly seen him. She's been a little worried about him though. She said he's depressed because his girlfriend left him.”

  And now, now her nerves were like miniature bombs detonating inside her body. “I'm sorry to hear that,” Leah replied, trying to maintain the appearance of being removed from the situation but fighting every single synapse's urge to bellow out that the girlfriend was in fact her.

  “Did you know his girlfriend too?” Sharon inquired. “How did you know him again?”

  Ordinarily Leah appreciated people who cut to the chase. It was one of the qualities she loved most about Aimee. But to hear it from a complete stranger in such a delicate situation was intensely overwhelming. And, naturally, it happened to be a complete stranger that was her ex-boyfriend's ex-wife that she was trapped next to on a plane for at least the next hour and a half.

  I feel like I'm a character in a movie or something, she thought, her head suddenly pounding from all the pressure of the thoughts and feelings that were bubbling up inside her. I need a script.

  “I'm the ex-girlfriend,” Leah revealed solemnly, wincing from the pain it caused her to admit it. She remembered her earlier promise to herself, to quit trying to be someone she wasn't just to make people happy. In the past, she might have lied about her identity to spare the feelings of this complete stranger. She hated to make people uncomfortable.

  “Wow, well, I don't even know what to say,” Sharon laughed. “Emma didn't know why you two broke up. Cap wouldn't tell her apparently.”

  Leah took a deep breath. “It's a pretty long story,” she said dismissively, as though it was completely uninteresting.

  “Well, we have a pretty long flight ahead of us,” Sharon replied, looking eager to devour some juicy pieces of gossip. “My daughter was pretty bummed about the breakup too, for the record. She said you were pretty and nice, and she thought you were good for her dad.”

  Leah hesitated. Why in the world would I share details of my personal life with his ex-wife, let alone a complete stranger? But part of her, the less mature part that would have been really thrilled to feel just an ounce of vindication, pressed onward. “Well,” she began, “I found out not too long ago that Cap was just using me for the business he and his friend were starting.”

  “Oh, you mean Casey?” Sharon asked, clearly much more aware of her ex-husband's life than Leah had thought.

  She nodded, still stunned that this conversation was actually happening. “Casey's friend Rhonda spoke with Cap at a party we all attended awhile back and he told her that he wanted to get me interested in and comfortable with the lifestyle so that I'd agree to manage the club they were opening.” Whoa, did that just come out of my mouth? she chastised herself, wishing she could shove all the words she'd just spewed back down her throat.

  “Casey told me she really believes Rhonda is telling the truth. Then she told me some pretty horrible stuff that Cap did to you,” Leah finished.

  “Like what?” Sharon asked, intrigued. She seemed personally removed from the situation, as if she was watching a soap opera drama unfold and she was anxious to hear how it would end.

  Leah stared at her for a moment. She has to know what I'm talking about, she thought, surprised at her reaction. Maybe she just wants to hear me say it, to prove that I know. “Well,” Leah cleared her throat as if that would help her choose her words more carefully, “Casey told me that when your daughters were little, Cap used to work in Florida during the winter, and he had another family down there.”

  She never expected Sharon to burst into laughter. “Casey told you that?” Her body was shaking with amusement. “That's not what happened at all,” she finally said.

  “It's not?” Leah asked. “What do you mean? Casey told me you told her yourself.”

  “I thought that was what was going on for a while. I found some bills that came to our home in OC. I did some investigating and I did learn that Cap had a family living with him, a young Cuban woman named Maria and her little boy. I thought it was his kid. He kept denying it, said that it was his friend's housekeeper's daughter and her son that he was helping out, letting them live with him, and he was providing for them. He promised me he wasn't sleeping with her, but of course, I didn't believe it.”

  “I still don't get it. You divorced him anyway?” Leah asked.

  “The truth was that when he was away in Florida, I was having my own affair with a man in Baltimore. He'd come over to OC every weekend because he had a beach house there. And once I thought Cap was cheating, it was an easy way to divorce him and I wouldn't have to be the bad guy. I know, stupid and immature, but I was like, what, your age when that happened? What did I know?” she shrugged her shoulders.

  “So when did you find out that he was telling the truth?” The bombs exploding inside her were getting bigger, more destructive.

  “A couple of months before the divorce was final. I'd already moved back to Baltimore but I'd taken the girls over to OC to see the
ir dad one weekend. His buddy from Florida was up and he told me himself. Said the girl had since gotten married to some Mexican guy she met. Cap was still sending her money for her son, though.”

  “Wow,” was all Leah could manage to respond. “Casey was so sure that was what had happened. She'd barely forgiven him herself!”

  “I had lost touch with Casey and all our other lifestyle friends on the eastern shore by then. And I wasn't really a fan of admitting I was wrong so...I never set the record straight,” Sharon explained. “I guess I figured after so long, it didn't really matter anymore.”

  It doesn't change what Cap did to me, though, she thought. “Well, in any case, he was still using me for his business. Rhonda told Casey everything,” Leah shared. For some reason, she almost felt like she had known Sharon forever by this point. Their conversation seemed like the most natural, ordinary thing in the world.

  “Rhonda? Oh god, she's a bitch, Leah. A royal bitch. Trust me on this,” Sharon claimed. “Look, the whole time Cap and I were in the lifestyle together, Rhonda did everything in her power to stir up drama and try to tear us apart. She always wanted Cap for herself. You shouldn't believe a goddamn word that cunt says.”

  Leah's eyes bugged out at the C word, which most women only reserved for the lowest of the low. She gave her heart a moment to stop galloping in her chest and her mind a moment to lay out all of the new information, reconciling it with the old. “So what you're saying is that there's a chance that he was honest with me the whole time?”

  Sharon shrugged. “It's possible. You never know what's going on behind those vicious dimples and big blue eyes,” she laughed. “But I can definitely dispel what Casey told you and I can certainly advise you not to trust anything that comes out of that bitch Rhonda's mouth.”

  Leah's brain was working so hard at processing everything that she could barely get her legs to function when it came time to walk to the rental counter and request a car to drive to Ocean City. She had said goodbye to Sharon at the gate and thanked her for their serendipitous meeting. Her father always told her that God brought the right people into your life when they were needed. She had a feeling there was a divine hand in so much of what had just transpired, from the mechanical failure of the plane and emergency landing in Chicago, to there not being any flights to Philly or Charlotte, to the seat assignment next to Sharon, to every strand of conversation that led up to the discovery of their mutual interest in Chris Sheldon.