Sure, they loved me but sometimes it seemed between their love for each other and their very important causes, they didn’t have much time left over for me. When your parents work with “troubled youth”, you feel like you can’t really trouble them with your own trivial problems. Mum was an angel who wanted to fix the world so I kinda sorted my own shit out. So long as I wasn’t doing anything really wrong, they were pretty happy to let me do what I wanted.
I was pretty sure that if I were in love with Chad, I’d have had some gut-wrenching moment of epiphany or something.
Argghh, it just made me mad that he’d even said that. I should forget about it. It was taking up too much space in my brain.
I decided I really should do something to prove to him that I wasn’t in love with him. I didn’t know what though since sleeping with another man was off the menu.
Even as I tried to work, my gaze kept slipping to the doorway, to the spot where Chad normally stood. That annoyed me even more so I got up and moved easel so I couldn’t see the door.
When I got home, Chad must’ve been in his room. He was home because his gym bag was on the sofa but I couldn’t hear him rattling around. I got changed then worked on some sketches for my final piece. I got lost in a world of my own and didn’t really notice much until Chad’s phone rang.
My head shot up, expecting him to crawl out of his room and answer it. It was damn annoying, ringing right there in the room with me. It rang out finally but then started up again. Didn’t people realise their incessant ringing was an imposition on others? It’d totally broken my train of thought.
Maybe Chad had gone out and just forgotten to take his bag.
I reached into his bag, only planning to turn the phone off so I could get back to work. I am so not the kind of person who’d snoop at someone else’s phone but my fingers slipped and the message come up.
“Mum’s taken a turn for the worse. Can you get here as soon as you can?”
Hell, that got me worried. I had to know what had happened just in case I needed to actually go find Chad and tell him there’d been an emergency or something.
As I scrolled through the messages from someone who was obviously his sister, my insides turned to mush. His mum was sick. She’d been sick all this time. I’d not believed him. I’d thought he’d been shitting me to get my sympathy.
He hadn’t lied though.
I was a terrible, terrible person. I’d actually mocked him about it. I turned cold then hot again. A tight band of shame tightened around my chest making it hard for me to breathe while the knot in my belly got bigger and bigger with each message I read. I would burn in hell for the things I’d said to him. How could he even stand being around me?
All that time, he’d kept it hidden. He’d acted all happy-go-lucky Chad but he must’ve been tortured inside. His mum really did have cancer. But wouldn’t he want to be with her instead of taking on a stupid job like this? I mean, supervising a brat like me and dealing with my stupid grandmother would be the last things you’d want to do when your mother was dying.
When I flipped to the next message, it all made sense. The message was really old. From the date, it was a day before I’d made the deal with my grandmother.
“I have to take on the job. It’s the only way we’ll ever be able to afford the treatment.”
Fuck. No wonder he’d been so keen.
I threw the phone back in Chad’s bag and zipped it up. I wanted those words well away from me so I didn’t have to know they existed. Tears welled in my eyes. It was way, way beyond my ability to cope.
Then I realised Chad would know I’d read the message so I rummaged around in his bag for the phone and marked it as unread.
Normally, when I had a problem, I’d talk to Jayne but I couldn’t even consult her. If Chad didn’t want anyone to know, I couldn’t just selfishly blab it out to someone else. I had to think about how he felt.
Then it struck me. There was a way I could do something. Grandmother surely didn’t know why Chad had taken on this job. Even her stone cold heart wouldn’t hold the cash for his mother’s treatment over his head. It would be nothing to her to just pay him out and it might mean saving his mum’s life.
I’d never asked my grandmother for anything but I had to intervene. She could let Chad off the hook for this job and still give him the money. That would give him time to spend with his mum and she could get her treatment. I just had to swallow my stupid pride and ask her.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I’d put on my most prim and proper dress to visit grandmother and I’d even gotten her a bunch of flowers. I was not looking forward to the visit but I could play nice. It wouldn’t kill me.
Mum had always said Grandmother was just lonely, so having a visit from me might cheer her up. Of course, Mum was into all that rainbows and unicorns and sparkles shit like being nice to people, so she wasn’t the most reliable source. Still, I wasn’t asking for much. Only a shitload of cash.
I got taken into the drawing room to wait for Grandmother. I wasn’t sure what she was doing that took her time up but I had to wait for a while.
The portrait of Grandfather seemed to be even more dour than usual. That was not a good sign. I wanted to run. Then I remembered how Chad had looked the night before. He’d been in a dead sleep, obviously too deep for him to wake when his phone rang. He came out to the lounge room, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
I’d noticed how strained he looked. He’d shot me a grin but it no longer fooled me. I wondered how many times before he’d been all stirred up inside with worry but had plastered that cheeky smile on his face and I’d never even looked beyond the surface of it. I’d wanted to rush to him and throw my arms around him and tell him it would be okay, I’d thought of a plan. But, of course, I couldn’t do that. All I could do was pretend I didn’t know anything.
He’d picked up his gym bag and I noticed him check his phone then tell me he had to rush to his workout. It made me realise I rarely saw him check his phone normally. He’d even hidden that from me.
The one time he’d actually opened up to me and given me a chance to understand, I’d shot him down. I squirmed and it wasn’t because of the scratchy fabric on those horrible chairs.
Where the hell was Grandmother? I’d called her to tell her I wanted to see her so there was no excuse for her to keep me waiting. She was just doing it to be a bitch. I craned my neck to see around the doorway in case she was coming. Instead, Ballard returned to the room with my flowers in a vase. He’d taken them when I arrived. He’d probably just sit them somewhere and not even tell Grandmother I’d brought them. What a waste of money. There were already flowers all over the place. I shouldn’t have bothered.
“Is Grandmother going to be long?” I asked.
“She will be along shortly, Miss Lucy. She’s just finishing up some business.”
Great. That’s exactly what he’d said when I arrived. It meant any time between now and the end of eternity.
When he left, I got up and paced around the room. Even though the room was kept in semi-darkness, I could see through the thick lace curtains out to the gardens. I couldn’t see Grandmother out there though. I balled my hands and tried to stay calm. It’d do no good to be all cranky when Grandmother finally decided to talk to me.
If I tied those lace curtains back and let some sunshine into the room, maybe it wouldn’t be so creepy and uncomfortable. I’d not ever wondered before about why my grandmother lived like this. Her house and everything in it was marked with wealth but none of it was comfortable or pleasing. It wasn’t just the chairs in the sitting room that made me itch and squirm. The beds were rock hard and the immense dining table made dinner conversation difficult outside a large gathering. The only room in the entire house that had any kind of life to it was the conservatory.
I know if I had money, the first thing I’d do would be to buy things I enjoyed.
The stairs creaked and I figured that was Grandmother on her way down. She
’d been lolling around upstairs and now I’d be late to class.
I sat back down and straightened my dress, pulling it over my knees. All up, I think I looked like the perfect grandchild – modestly dressed, knees together, minimal makeup. If that didn’t make Grandmother happy, I’m not sure what would.
When Grandmother walked into the room, I stood up to greet her. Normally, when I came to see her, she was already seated in the armchair by the window. It surprised me to see how slowly she moved. It made her body look old and frail. I’d not noticed that when she visited me.
She called Ballard to make us tea and then looked at me appraisingly.
I started to talk but she put her hand up to cut me off.
“Not now. Anything you have to discuss can wait until after tea is served.”
That left me with pretty much nothing to say, since I had no small talk. I could ask her about her orchids but somehow I couldn’t muster up the words.
When Ballard came in with the tea tray, I relaxed a little. The silence had strained my nerves.
I even took a cup of tea as much as I hated drinking tea there. The cup clanged on the saucer Ballard handed me and I think most of the tea slopped into the saucer. That meant it would drip all over my only decent dress.
When Ballard left the room, I gulped. That meant I had to broach the subject with Grandmother. How to start? Should I just launch into my request?
“I wanted to speak to you about Chad…”
“You were the one who wanted him to stay on, so if you have any complaints, I suggest you keep them to yourself.” Grandmother sipped her tea with a grace I would never have.
I brought my cup to my lips but the tea was far too hot for me to drink. I sat the cup and saucer back down on the table.
“It’s nothing like that.” I forced myself to smile. “I just thought you aren’t aware of Chad’s circumstances.”
“I did a full background check on him before I employed him. You don’t think I’d have someone unsuitable living with my granddaughter, do you?”
I tried to smile again.
“Of course. But I meant the reason why he took the job on in the first place. He really needs this job. He needs to make money. I found out his mother is really sick. She’d dying and her only chance is to get an experimental treatment that costs a fortune. It hardly seems fair to keep him trailing after me when he needs to spend time with her.”
Grandmother just nodded in a non-committal way.
“Please, Grandmother, can’t you just let him out of this agreement and give him the money? I’ll make sure I stick to the deal. It’s not long now anyway and I can report in to you every day if that’s what it takes. I hate to think he’s having to suffer.”
I picked up my teacup again but my hand shook so that it rattled. I tried to steady myself, not wanting Grandmother to see my nerves.
“So, you are prepared to give up your exchange in order for Chad to get his wish?”
I almost dropped the cup of hot tea onto my lap.
“Well, no. I didn’t mean it like that… I just thought…”
My stomach twisted up again. I noticed the gleam in Grandmother’s eyes. This was exactly the thing she loved. Having people dependent on her and having to beg. She had all the control.
“Honestly, Lucy, I’ve made a very generous offer to both you and Chad. Now you want me to pay it out twice. That is not at all fair on me, I must say. If you were willing to give in, I might consider it.”
The words twisted inside me like a knife, ripping my guts to shreds. I knew I should say I would let Chad have the money but that was so much for me to give up. Maybe she could split the money between us. But no, she’d never agree to that.
“But… but, his mother…”
“Many people in this world have sick mothers, Lucy. Am I meant to help them all? I do what I can with my charities but people should help themselves rather than look for handouts.”
I bit my lip to stop myself from talking. Grandmother had been born into money. She’d been rich her whole life. She had never had to work a day. All she did was sit around drinking tea and making people miserable. I couldn’t understand why she should have all that money and Chad, who was a really good person, should have none. Well, not enough to help his mother.
Every ugly chair in the room, every hideous bit of furniture, the paintings, the candlesticks, any one of them was worth more than what Chad needed for the treatment. My blood boiled at the unfairness of it all.
I’d never thought about it before. Even though she’d never done anything to help out Mum and Dad, we’d had enough money to manage on. Sometimes it took a bit of stretching to make it to the end of the month but that was just a game to Mum. We never went without anything important.
Then, at uni, you saw girls like Rebecca Forsythe who had everything handed to them but we just laughed at her. I’d never even thought to envy her because she was so lame.
That was totally different to needing the money for someone you loved and not having it.
“I wouldn’t let you out of the deal that easily anyway, Lucy. If you read that contract, you would know there is a no forfeit clause. In effect, you’d both lose if you backed out now.”
“But you said you’d consider it.”
“Yes. I wanted to see how you’d react.”
I sat my cup down and picked up my bag. Grandmother wasn’t going to change her mind and I had nothing further to say to her.
“Leaving so soon, Lucy?”
I didn’t even answer. I wanted out of that room before it smothered me. All the money and the expensive things couldn’t hide the rottenness at the core of the place.
When I got to the door though, I had a thought.
“Did you know when you hired Chad? Did you know then why he needed the money? You said you’d background checked him so did it come up?”
Grandmother nodded. She even looked me in the eye.
“Of course. That’s why I hired him. I knew you’d try to corrupt any man I set to watch you but he had a stronger motivation. Naturally, he’d put his mother before you. You aren’t worth that much, Lucy.”
I ran from the room, out to my car. I couldn’t believe it. Her soul was black and she had a hole in her chest where her heart should be. It was NOT okay for her to toy with people like that.
Her words were true though. Chad had been exceptionally motivated to keep up his side of the arrangement. All those times when I’d tempted him and he’d refused, now I understood why. It wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to, it was that he couldn’t.
I brushed my fingers over my lips.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I finally got something I didn’t have to sweat and toil for but all the shininess had gone off it.
That night, Chad and I both sat in front of the TV, not talking. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to hang out with me if he wanted to go to the hospital but I couldn’t let him know I’d checked his phone.
I didn’t even know what was happening on the movie we both watched. My thoughts tossed and turned in my head. Wow, I’d been such a cry baby when I’d hurt my ankle and he’d nursed me through it.
“Are you okay?” I asked Chad.
He jerked around as though he’d forgotten I was there.
“Why do you ask?”
“No reason. I just thought you might be sick of this whole thing. Having to live here and watch over me. It can’t be much fun for you.”
“There are other things in life besides fun.”
He’d told me that before but I’d thought he was just being a bore with it. Trying to act all superior and judgey. But he hadn’t been at all. He’d just been telling the truth. Now we were stuck in this stupid game with my grandmother in control. It made me depressed, thinking about it.
The whole thing was a bad joke. I needed to work out a solution that meant Chad could get his money. I couldn’t believe my grandmother had known about this and had used Chad’s misfortunes to her own
advantage. I couldn’t believe I’d almost been feeling sorry for her when I’d first got there. She had looked frail but obviously it was a physical frailness only. Underneath it, she was as hard as rock.
I got up and poured myself a glass of wine. At least that would stop my brain from buzzing around.
“Hey, get me one of those too.”
I’d never known Chad to drink wine but then we had no beer in the house. I wondered, if I got him talking would he mention his mother again. Probably not, after my reaction the other time. If only I could find some way to apologise for that without letting on I knew all about it.
I still wanted to close the distance that had grown between us but I had no ideas on that either. The only thing I knew about Chad was that he went to the gym.
Before I could stop my mouth from talking, the words popped out.
“Hey Chad, I’ve been thinking about getting in shape. How about I go to the gym with you sometime?”
Surely, he’d say yeah then never, ever mention it again.
“Really? I was thinking of going soon. You could come with me.”
“Well, not tonight obviously. I’ve been drinking and I don’t have any gear.”
“You’ve had one sip of wine and you don’t need anything special. You could wear your Chucks and a pair of tights. There you go. Sorted.”
He’d jumped up, grinning. Well, I’d definitely closed that distance. He was far too enthusiastic.
“This is going to hurt, isn’t it?”
He shook his head.
“You’ll be fine. We’ll take it slow.”
I really needed an excuse to get out of this. Some kind of injury maybe.
“Actually, we should leave it for a few weeks. My ankle hasn’t fully recovered yet.”
Perfect. Absolutely perfect. He couldn’t deny that.
“We can work around that.”
Damn it. He really wanted to do this and, if it made him happy, how could I refuse? He had a cancer mother. And I’d mocked him for it. It was like I had a lifelong bond now to do whatever made him happy. I couldn’t fake my way out of this one.
Hands Off! The 100 Day Agreement Page 12
