by Violet Howe
I giggled out loud and Gerry turned to me, his lips curled in a grin as he tilted his head to one side. “Whatever you want it to be, Willow. I’ll make it happen. I’ll do anything to see that look on your face. To see you this happy.”
I crossed the floor to stand in front of him.
“Thank you, Gerry. The house is beautiful. I can’t even…I don’t even have the words.”
“Well, you haven’t even seen it all,” he said as he gave me a quick kiss and then grabbed my hand. We passed two more bedrooms on the left, one of which was perfect for a nursery. Then he led me to the end of the hall and grinned at me, his hand on the knob. “Madame, your chamber awaits.”
He swung open the door with great flourish and bowed. The large bedroom featured high ceilings with high rectangular windows along the long wall. A double set of French doors filled the opposite end of the room, leading out onto a beautiful patio where I could see a Jacuzzi tub under an arbor.
Gerry was already across the room and in the master bath, where he called for me to join him. Each side of the bathroom was lined with marble counters and a sink, and one side also featured a marble vanity and lighted mirror. The shower enclosure was nearly as big as my entire bathroom at the apartment, and along the back wall was a rectangular tub large enough to be a lap pool.
“What do you think?” Gerry asked as he spread his arms wide.
“It’s beautiful.”
He let his arms fall to his sides and frowned. “That’s it? I just presented you with the single most romantic bathroom I’ve ever seen in my life, and all you can say is it’s beautiful? Really?”
I laughed softly and shrugged. “What do you want me to say?”
He crossed the floor and wrapped me in his arms, walking me backward toward the bathroom counter. He lifted me to sit upon it as he planted his hips between my knees. His mouth hovered above mine as he slid his hands underneath my shirt and over my belly, lightly teasing his thumbs under the bottom of my bra. Ripples of sensation shot straight from his point of contact to deep within my abdomen, sparking desire that ebbed out into my limbs and made the world go hazy.
“I want you—” his lips nibbled at mine as he increased the pressure from his thumbs “—to tell me—” his tongue ran across my bottom lip and darted inside, drawing my own out in response “—that you can’t wait—” he nudged my head to the side as he buried his mouth into my neck, suckling and biting his way from my ear down to my shoulder, which had been exposed as he shifted my shirt for better access “—to make love to me—” With one swift motion, he pulled the shirt over my head, running his tongue across my collarbone before exploring the deep crevice between my breasts. “—on this very counter.”
Any ability to form words had gone with my shirt. My body cried out for him, yearned for him, ached for his touch and his taking. I wanted the happiness he offered. I wanted the home he offered. I wanted the life he offered. But in that moment, I mostly wanted the pleasure he offered—that he demanded and eagerly shared.
We christened the marble counter in our new home before moving to the floor, the cool tile hard and almost wet-feeling against the bare skin of my back. The ungiving surface ground against the bonier parts of my spine, and my hips grated against the floor as Gerry pushed into me with increasing fervor, but the pain was of no significance compared to the other sensations I felt.
I gave over to him. To a life with him. To my love for him. I broke the remaining mortar of the wall I’d built, and I allowed myself to fully embrace my dream of the future.
So much so that I busied myself for the next two months picking out curtains and furniture, incessantly flipping through paint decks in search of the perfect wall shades.
At the end of my seventh month, we only had about two weeks left on our apartment lease, so we took to spending each evening at the house getting it ready to move in.
I’d been having early contractions off and on, and though the doctor assured me they were no cause for alarm, I insisted that we go ahead and get a phone installed in case I had a problem while I was working at the house alone.
Cabe was playing with blocks in the living room, and I was measuring the kitchen windows for curtains when the ring of the phone startled me. I’d grown accustomed to the silence of the big empty house, and the bell sounded obnoxiously foreign as it echoed.
I figured it had to be Gerry saying he was on his way since no one else had the number yet.
“Hello, love,” I said, cradling the receiver between my shoulder and my ear as I wound the measuring tape back into its case.
“Oh, my. He has you answering the phone. I should have known.”
I don’t know how I knew her voice, because I had certainly never heard it, but the chill that came over me and left me trembling could only have come from one person.
“Gerry’s not here right now. Can I take a message?” I asked, resisting the urge to hang up.
“A message?” Margot said, her sarcasm as thick as her accent. “Yes, you can give my husband a message. You can tell him my water broke, and I’m in labor. You can tell him he needs to stop playing house with his floozie in Florida and come back home. Time’s up. Our son needs his father, and our daughter will be here before morning. That’s all.”
The baby kicked hard inside me, and I gasped as I doubled over with my hand low on my belly.
“Oh, you didn’t know? You’re shacking up with my husband in my summer home and you didn’t think to ask why he was decorating a nursery? Or was it you who picked that lovely shade of coral? I should have known when he sent the pictures. That man has always been damned near color blind. Do send him along home, will you?”
I’d read before that ballet dancers have a pain threshold three times higher than that of the average person. But even dancers have limits to how much pain they can endure.
44 UNTIL NOW
I’d been talking for nearly an hour, condensing the story for Dax as much as possible—skipping the sex parts, of course—and trying not to get emotional as I relived it.
“Holy shit,” he said, his eyes wide as he sat back on the patio sofa where we’d moved after clearing away dinner. “What did you say to her?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything. I had no voice. I let the phone fall to the floor. I picked up my son and walked to the car, and we drove around Miami for probably two hours. It wasn’t like I had any place to go. I wasn’t about to go to my parents’. I was too embarrassed to go to Alberto and Sandy’s. And I couldn’t bear to go back to the apartment. I had no home.”
The desolation of the memory was too heavy to hide, and my eyes glassed over.
I pressed the paper towel from my hand against my eyes as Dax massaged the tightness in the muscles of my neck and shoulders.
“I got a hotel room the first night. Then when the situation didn’t look any better in the light of day, I sucked up my pride and gathered my baby to show up on Alberto and Sandy’s doorstep. Luckily, they took us in. I started having consistent contractions later that night, but the doctors were able to stop them. It happened three more times over the next month, and Galen Margaret was born with an emergency C-section one week before her due date. I think it was the only occasion she’s ever been early for, and she’s been giving me fits ever since.”
“What happened with Gerry?”
“Nothing. He disappeared back up north without even trying to find us or to say goodbye to Cabe. Alberto and a couple of other friends went to the apartment with my key to get my stuff, and he was gone. My father’s investigator did some digging, and it turns out that the delay in the divorce was him negotiating for more money to stay with her. For reasons I’m sure she needs therapy for, Margot wouldn’t grant him a divorce, and he wouldn’t stay without compensation. Evidently what that price would be took a while to decide upon. From what I understand, it included his name being added to several of her family’s assets as well as the creation of some dummy corporation w
ith Gerry named as CEO. The agreement was signed right before the two of them purchased the summer house in Miami. She agreed that he could stay and tie up loose ends while he got the house ready. But then she went into labor and called him home.”
“Why would she want him if she had to pay him to be there? And why on earth would she want a house where she knew he had a mistress?”
I bristled at the word, and his hand stopped moving on my neck for a moment.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“No. It’s okay. It’s the truth. It’s what I was, unfortunately. I don’t even get the luxury of saying I didn’t know the second time since technically he was honest about that detail. He never said the divorce was final. I don’t think she ever cared that there was someone else. I think it was something she was willing to overlook if she got to keep her husband, her children’s father, and maintain appearances to her friends. Out of sight, out of mind.”
“So why would he go to such elaborate lengths with you if he knew he was going back to her?”
I rubbed my hands over my face and ran my fingers through my hair. “Beats me! That’s the million-dollar question I’ve asked myself over and over again for years. Why tell me it was our house? I don’t know if he thought somehow once he got the money, he could back out of her deal, or if he was just mental enough to live out the lie as long as he could.”
I stood and walked to the pool bar, unable to sit still with the demons of the past circling so close. I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge for each of us.
“You must have been devastated,” Dax said as he took the water I offered.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t just me. Why would he get so close to his son knowing he was going to leave? I’ve never understood what happened. I don’t know if it was all a lie or if it was bits and pieces of truth. I mean, at some point, he wanted a divorce, and he chose to move to Miami, so I have to think he had some intent of finding Cabe and me. I saw the paperwork, so I know he filed. And I also saw the legal bills that came in every month and sucked every dollar we made. Maybe he was playing me all along as a back-up plan in case he didn’t get what he wanted from her. He went back to New York one time while we were together to meet with the lawyers. I’ve always wondered if that’s when the tide turned. Maybe they shared something that weekend that was enough to change his mind and get her pregnant. Other than that, I don’t know when he would have found the time. He was home with me every night. Every weekend.”
“She could have come to Miami at some point, no?”
“I suppose.” I shrugged as I sat back down on the sofa and looked at Dax. “So, there you have it. I was dumb enough to not only fall for a man’s lies and deception once, but to fall twice. Oh, and conceive and bear his children both times. Not that I’m saying I’d change that.” I lifted my hand in protest. “I love my children. With every fiber of my being, I love them. But yeah, that’s how stupid I was.”
Dax put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him, burying his lips in my hair. “You weren’t stupid, Maggie. You followed your heart, and you wanted your kid to have a family. Someone took advantage of that. He deceived you in the most heinous of ways. That says a lot more about him than it says about you.”
I rested my hand on his thigh and squeezed, noting that the hard muscle was unyielding beneath the denim.
“I should have known, though. I should have listened to the people around me. I should have seen him for who he was. I screwed up. My children have paid the price for my mistakes, and I will never forgive myself for that.”
“How has the relationship been since then? I mean, him and the kids? How did you and he interact as they grew up? I imagine it was difficult.”
I ducked out from under Dax’s arm and stood again, walking to the water’s edge. “They had no relationship with him. I did everything I could to keep it that way. He would call occasionally to say he was coming to Florida, but I refused to let him see them. I left Miami when Galen was still a baby and resettled here in Orlando to get away from anything to do with him.”
“And that was okay with him?”
I shrugged and turned to face him. “He didn’t want my kids. He would call and ask to see them when it was convenient for him, but other than that it was like they didn’t exist. He never put up much of a fight when I said no. I knew he wouldn’t take me to court. He would never want to involve Margot with me or my kids. He offered to help financially several times over the years, but I didn’t want his money. Not that it was even his, really. It was hers. But that money had meant more to him than my children, so I didn’t want a penny of it.”
“So, they’ve never known their father?”
“Cabe hasn’t seen him since Gerry left for work the day of Margot’s phone call. Galen acted out quite a bit as a teen, and I eventually caved and contacted Gerry so she could meet him. The two of them have kept in touch off and on.”
“And the other kids? His kids with Margot?”
“Oh yeah, remember when I told you how easily he left me alone when Cabe was six months old and I asked him to go?”
Dax nodded.
“That was when Jeffrey was born, and that’s why he went home. It had nothing to do with me or my request.”
I sat down by the side of the pool and leaned back on my hands, straightening my legs out in front of me as I rolled my head back to look at the stars.
It was cleansing to get it all out and lay my secrets in front of him. It was like my insides had been purged, and I felt lighter. Less burdened.
“Do Galen and Cabe know about the other kids?”
“Yes. Galen reached out to them via social media a couple of years ago, and she and Julie, the girl born two months before her, have gotten quite close since they both live in Manhattan. I know Cabe has had some contact with the brother, but he doesn’t mention it to me out of respect for my feelings.”
“Wow. You couldn’t make this stuff up. That’s crazy.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Crazy is an understatement.”
“I can’t for the life of me imagine why she’d want him back, knowing what she knew.”
“She called me up, when Cabe was maybe seven and Galen was four. Blasted me up one side and down the other saying Gerry and I were back together. I let her know in no uncertain terms that nothing could be farther from the truth and that would never happen. It seems he had a new conquest, somewhere in Arizona, I think. Cabe said there’s two more kids from that union, but Margot is still hanging in there as the dutiful wife as far as I know. I don’t understand it.”
“He’s psycho,” Dax said, his brow furrowed. “I’m telling you, you got the better end of the deal in getting rid of him, and your kids are lucky you were smart enough to protect them.”
“I don’t know that they’d agree with you. Not Galen, anyway. She’s quite hostile with me for robbing her of having a father. She told me tonight how selfish I’d been, and Gerry’s been only too willing to tell her it’s my fault he was never around. She and I had a heated discussion tonight when she told me he wants to pay for the honeymoon, and then he and I had quite a row right after.”
“So, were you picturing his head when you smashed the coffee mugs?”
I laughed, and it felt good to be able to.
“I don’t know, Dax. I don’t know who’s right and who’s wrong. I mean, obviously what he did was wrong, but I made the choices that put me there. That put the kids there. Maybe I should have let him be in their lives, you know? He’s a lousy husband and a helluva lying ass for a boyfriend, but he was a good dad to Cabe when he was around.”
Dax grunted. “Pardon me for saying so, but if he was a good dad, he wouldn’t have fathered children with two different mothers at the same time. He knew he couldn’t possibly be in their lives the way he’d need to be. And if he disrespected their mothers so much, there’s no way he’d show the kids much respect in the long run. Besides, good dads don’t go their children’s entir
e lives without seeing them or being involved. I think you did the right thing. You may have caused them some heartache not knowing what they were missing, but it’s likely he would have caused more damage if he’d had access to them. Not to mention the need to preserve your own sanity.”
“Hmph. I don’t know if that got preserved or not.”
He stood and came over to extend his hand and pull me up to him. I sighed as he slid his arms around me, enclosing me in his strength and his warmth. I relaxed against him, feeling freer than I had in quite a while.
“It’s a wonder you’ve ever been able to trust anyone again,” he whispered against my hair as he stroked his hands up and down my back.
“I haven’t,” I mumbled into his shirt. Then I raised my head and looked up to see his green eyes looking down at me. “Until now.”
Dax bent to place the most gentle of kisses on my lips, and then my nose, and my forehead.
“I am so sorry for what happened to you. I want to find him and tear him to pieces with my bare hands. I want to go back and scoop up young Maggie and protect her. I’m amazed that you’re able to be the mother you are, and the woman you are, after all you’ve been through. But the fact that you would give me your trust—I’m blown away. I will treat it as the precious thing that it is and handle it with the greatest care.”
He kissed me again, and I rose up onto my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down to me. The maelstrom of the night’s emotions swirled into a passionate frenzy, and I wanted to claw at his skin and sink my teeth into him.
Our kiss turned more aggressive as I yanked his shirt from the waist of his jeans and walked backward toward the French doors leading to my bedroom, pulling him with me—though he came willingly enough.
