Absorbing White

by Charlotte E Hart

  “He has things to say, Belle. Just let him explain himself, please? You might have a clue about the whys then because I can’t tell you. I won’t. And if we can’t make this work together, I’m going to have to make some choices I really don’t want to make. Please don’t make me do that.”

  She stares at me for a long time, long enough that I can see her realising what I’m saying, that if it’s a choice between him and her, I might well take him. That’s how much this means to me, and it does because I can still feel him in me, I can still feel him swirling around and pulling me towards him as if I have no choice.

  She slips herself off the seat and wanders back towards her bedroom, so I watch her and hope she’s going to make the right choice. Please make the right choice.

  “Okay, Beth,” I hear as she closes the door behind her.

  Okay.

  Chapter 14

  Alexander

  “W hat do you mean he’s been having dinner with my sister? When? Where?”

  He watched the back of Andrews’ head on the drive and narrowed his eyes. What was the woman up to? First she was looking into his accounts and now she was having dinner with Aiden Phillips. Fuck. Didn’t she get enough of a show at the charity ball?

  “I have video surveillance of them entering Tudors together.”

  “Without Amira, or Cecily?”

  “Yes, just the two of them. He met her at the door and walked her in. They spent two hours doing something and then she left, alone,” Andrews replied efficiently, with no other emotion involved in the statement. “I followed her back to her apartment where she stayed for the rest of the evening.”

  He was so close to making the man turn the damn car in the other direction. Driving towards Conner’s was the last thing he wanted to be doing anyway, let alone now that he had a situation with his new-found family member to deal with. At least he could talk to Conner about that, too, he supposed.

  “Is there anything else to report?”

  “Mary’s left for Christmas. She left you a present. The security on the east wing has had an overhaul, as you asked. The safe room has been upgraded. I have got some more intel on Aiden, but nothing more than we already knew really. If he’s after you, it’s all in his head, and as for the other dick and the photos, no, nothing.” Two more turns and they’d be pulling up to Conner’s apartment. He sucked in a breath and reached for the cognac. He was going to need it. At least the fact that he had Elizabeth back made this worthwhile. “Jacobs has been playing well in his field as far as I’m aware, no other deals of any significance or related to you, and Henry Deville has been quiet. He’s just been organising his party from what I can see. ”

  If he was honest, the only piece of information that had sunk in was the part about his sister, and the thought of a possible betrayal. His mind was consumed with family and what that meant to him now. Conner, Elizabeth, Evelyn, and now Pascal – his family. He had a family and responsibilities to fulfil.

  “When you drop me off at Conner’s, go and get Ms. Peters and take her back to mine. I’ll deal with her later. Find Pascal and tell him to leave her alone.” That was all he had to say on the matter. He had some thinking to do, but first he had a friend to apologize to and some emotions to make some fucking sense of.

  “You think he’ll listen to me?” Andrews replied, astounded. It was a fair point.

  “Tell him I told you so. He’ll listen now.” He’d better, although a good beating might be exactly what he needed to do by the time he got home.

  The car pulled up at Conner’s, so he downed the last of his drink and stepped out into the afternoon sun. It was warmer here than it was in New York. It was drizzling with rain, obviously, but the air had that smoggy, muggy feeling about it. He yanked at his collar to try and get some air and then chuckled to himself at the feeling. It was nothing to do with the weather. He was nervous. She’d have told him if she was there.

  Walking towards the entrance to Conner’s home felt like the long walk on death row – the Green Mile, he thought they called it. Only this mile was blue, and waiting for him. Every footfall felt full of lead, full of that emotion rising up inside him and telling him to go backwards, to trace his steps back to the car and head toward his angel instead, or Pascal, but not Conner. This was going to be painful, possibly physically, definitely mentally. He turned his head and watched the Bentley pull away. Fuck. The phone call had been bad enough, but the meeting was going to be ten times harder.

  The man on the door pulled it open and waved him through, not surprising given the amount of times he’d been there, so he nodded and wandered towards the lift, which opened on arrival. He stepped in, closed his eyes and saw her face looking back at him. He could almost feel her hand on his cheek, telling him it would be okay, that he just needed to be honest and she’d trust him.

  “Penthouse,” he said as the doors closed. Was that how Conner would feel when he was honest? Would Conner understand and forgive him? Fucked if he knew, and he didn’t deserve it if he did, did he? First, he screwed Caroline, and then he potentially destroyed his new chance at love with a woman that was made for him, regardless of how difficult she could be.

  The doors opened, and before he could register what was going on, something hard hit his face, then his stomach. He heaved out a breath and splayed his hands to stop his fall. Dazed, he regained his balance and swung his head round to find the threat. There was nothing to see other than a sneering Conner, shaking his hand and staring at him.

  “You’re gonna stand there and take another one, dude. So get ready for it if you like.” Shit.

  He cracked his neck out to the side and shook his jacket from his shoulders as he screwed his face up around the pain. More was definitely coming. At least the physical side of it he could take if he had to, and with any luck this would all be over after that and they could just have a drink. “The first one was for Belle, the second one was for Beth, and this one,” Conner said as he got closer and once again rammed his fist into his chin, “is for the last fucking time we were in New York.”

  He felt his head recoil as he stepped back half a step to get his balance again and rubbed at his chin. But try as he might to hold it down, he could feel that venom now, surging and coursing through his veins, tensing those muscles ready for action, ready for detonation, ready to kill. His heels bounced beneath him so he planted them down and tried to contain the need to beat the fuck out of his friend. If anyone deserved it, maybe he did, but fuck, why was everyone hitting him lately? He raised his eyes to Conner and found that blue hair glaring at him, body coiled, probably ready for more.

  “I’ll give you those three, Conner, but don’t try again. I’m in no mood for it.”

  “Fuck you,” Conner growled. Alex lifted a brow. The man really was pissed off. He ran his thumb across his lip as he felt liquid dripping from it and was surprised to find blood. That hadn’t happened in a while, a split lip. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d let someone get close enough apart from Pascal. “Looks good on you. You should keep it. I could do the weekly delivery for you, you fucking twat.”

  Well, this was going well. Two more minutes of staring while he tried to stop his fists from clenching, and eventually, Conner turned and walked toward the kitchen in that tell tale gait of irritation. He supposed that meant he was allowed to follow, so he wiped at his mouth again and looked at the elevator door. He could just leave…

  “You want a beer?” Conner shouted from somewhere in front. Alex picked up his jacket with a sigh and followed the sound until he came to a stop in the lounge. Lounge was a bit of an understatement really. In typical Conner style, the huge space was dominated by over the top gadgetry and high spec furniture. There were contemporary clean lines everywhere with stark modern art, and a high-tech bar that miraculously opened into the room from behind a concealed wall – clever shit that. He chuckled as he watched two small metal robots sweep their way across the floor in front of him and stop him in his tracks.
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  “Housekeeping?”

  “Less expensive than a fucking cleaner, and I don’t have to talk to them,” the man grumbled as he sat in the long, blue, L-shaped sofa. “What have you come here for, Alex?” Straight to it then.

  “We need to talk,” he replied as he made his way over and picked up the beer Conner had left on the bar for him.

  “Yeah, what about? About you screwing up with Beth, or about Belle? Or about you being an utter dick, who I’m pretty close to hitting again?”

  “All of the above,” he replied. “You ready for that?”

  “Why not? I’ve got no one else to be doing, thanks to you,” Conner replied as he tapped something into his iPad and the sound of Audioslave filled the room around them, very loudly.

  “Conner?” The shit just put his hand to his ear. “Conner, turn the fucking music down.” Still nothing, just an annoyed gaze as he turned it up even louder. Alex narrowed his eyes and took a swig of the beer. It was just as revolting as the last time he’d tried to drink it. This was going to take some thought. “One more time, turn it down.” Or he would. Conner’s head was now nodding side to side in time with the tune so he wandered casually over towards him, picked up the iPad and launched it across the fucking room. The result was sudden silence, a broken plasma screen and a pile of scattered plastic. He cracked his neck again and took another drink as his hand found his pocket.

  “What the fuck, man?” Conner said as he stared at the floor. The two metal robots scuttled over to start cleaning the mess up. They were a good buy. Perhaps he should get some. It would save Mary some time at the apartment. “Jesus, Alex, that’s like a hundred grand you just trashed.”

  “I’ll write a cheque.”

  “Wanker.” Alex smirked and took a seat on one of the bar stools. Pissed off or not, the man was cooling down. “Mind you don’t fall off and break your fucking neck or something.”

  Maybe it was going to take a little more.

  “Conner, I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry. I’m here to try and make this right again. Elizabeth is trying to talk Belle into seeing me. Hopefully I can make this alright for you again.”

  “You don’t deserve her, and I don’t want you alone with Belle. You’ll probably try to fuck her, too.” Okay, time for the Caroline conversation then. He stared over at the man and thought about how best to broach the subject. There wasn’t any delicate way really, was there? He’d fucked the love of the man’s life. Whatever way he said this, it wasn’t going to be a pleasant outcome.

  “Why did you let me off with Caroline?” Conner darted his eyes around as if trying to avoid the topic. That was funny, given he’d brought it up for the first time ever. He eventually laid his head back on the sofa with a sigh and frowned.

  “It didn’t matter, Alex. It wasn’t worth the fight. If you fucked her, she wasn’t worth it, was she? Let’s just leave it at that.”

  “At the time I would have agreed, but now, after Elizabeth, I know what love feels like. I must have hurt you. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have-”

  “For fuck’s sake, Caro was a slut. End of.”

  “Well, yes, but-”

  “Jesus, will you give it a rest? I couldn’t have cared less about her, alright? She wasn’t my priority at the time.”

  “What? You mean I was?”

  “Get over yourself. You may be like a brother to me now but you weren’t then. I didn’t trust you as far as I could throw you. And the women fell all over you. They still do. You think I would have introduced you to anything really important to me back then?”

  “I don’t understand what you mean,” Alex replied in confusion as he stared over and considered yet another thing that was not expected. Conner sighed and closed his eyes as if he were trying to decide what to say. The fucking truth would be a good start.

  “Katie and Jonah were my life,” he said quietly. “I wouldn’t have risked them being anywhere near you, or your so-called acquaintances. Murderers, druggies, gangsters. You were a fucking nightmare back then.”

  “Who?” What the hell was the man talking about?

  “It doesn’t matter now. It’s all gone. And so is the only fucking chance I had of a new life, so can you just leave it the fuck alone.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” What was gone? And who the hell were Katie and Jonah? He just stared and tried to work out what secrets the guy had that he buried so deeply, and why he’d felt the need to hide them in the first place. Conner chuckled a little and took another swig of his beer as he sat up a little straighter and gazed back.

  “You ever wondered why I take so many pills?”

  “I suppose I just thought you were a user. It doesn’t matter to me. I’d never-”

  “Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome. I was twenty-one when I met Katie, twenty-two when Jonah was born, and twenty-four when he died, because of me. I didn’t know until he was dead that I’d given it to him. I killed him. His heart couldn’t cope with the strain, so that’s the story, alright? Satisfied now?”

  “I...” There was nothing to say. How could the man have kept this from him for so long? Why? Okay, he hadn’t been the best friend, but he’d always had Conner’s back, would have always done anything he could to help the guy. He opened his mouth again and still found nothing to say in reply. Nothing could answer that and sound as emotion-filled as was required.

  “Just leave it, Alex. I don’t want to talk about it. I’d rather know what you think you’re going to do to make this whole fucking mess better.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Why should I? Caro was the perfect cover, and you did exactly what I thought you’d do. I know you, Alex. You just wanted something you couldn’t have, didn’t you? Do you still? Are you after Belle, too? Do you have your little green-eyed goblin perched and ready?” He sneered a little in response. That was below the belt, and he wasn’t even discussing it. Besides, he wanted to know about the other woman.

  “What happened to Katie?”

  “She left me and then topped herself a few years later.”

  “Conner, I’m sorry. I wish you’d have said something at the time. I could have helped, could have...”

  “Alex, I love you, man, but apart from in a fight, your idea of support back then was just to get me trashed. It’s only since Beth’s come along that you have any idea what reality is about. When they died, I kicked Caro to the kerb and we moved on. That’s all there is to say really.”

  “She’s been blackmailing me for years. Did you know that?”

  “Really? Good on her. Was she worth the money?”

  “No,” he replied with a snort as he fiddled with the label on his beer. Fucking fiddling. He put the bottle down on the counter and stood up to try and calm that strange sense of guilt that was riddling him, yet again.

  “So, Belle? Any fucking ideas? She won’t even answer my calls anymore. She just said she doesn’t want to see me anymore. We’re done, apparently.”

  “She left because of Elizabeth and me. If I can prove to her that I mean it then maybe she’ll lighten up a bit,” he said, hoping that it might be true. Belle wasn’t an easy manipulation, but he’d find a way around her. He had to.

  “You won’t touch her? I’m damn serious, Alex. She’s off limits.”

  “I don’t want Belle, Conner. I have two of my own to deal with now. That’s plenty,” he snapped as he thought of Pascal and the difficulties he’d placed on himself. He still couldn’t decide what the hell to do with the man, or quite come to terms with why he’d done it in the first place.

  “What do you mean by that? If you’re fucking someone behind Beth’s back, man, I swear I’ll-”

  “Conner, she knows. Calm the fuck down. She’s part of it, too, told me she wanted it. I just don’t know how to achieve a happy balance.” Conner gaped at him and wandered towards him with a smirk. At least he wasn’t pissed any more.

  “Only you could find the love of your fucking life and
have her want another woman involved, too. Jeez, man. How the hell do you manage that shit? What is it about you and women? Christ, it’s like you’ve got a sign on your head that says ‘God’,” the guy replied, very nearly laughing and grabbing himself another beer out of the bar as he sat on a stool. Alex looked at him and pondered telling a lie, just ignoring this until he could fathom the reality himself and have a better explanation for what was happening. Conner smiled and winked at him, a typical Conner move, full of decency, regardless of their current altercation. Enough lies.

  “Man,” he said quietly, very nearly looking at the floor.

  “What?”

  “It’s Pascal.”

  “Did you finally turn bi overnight? Wondered when that might bite your ass. Whatever the man’s got, it’s something I can’t deliver, isn’t it?” Alex raised a brow in surprise and stared back. “Don’t do that shit with me, Alex. It’s obvious something’s been going on between the two of you all this time. But Beth, though? Wow, kinky shit. I would never have thought that of her.” Did everyone know about it? It had never occurred to him that Conner might understand.

  “It’s complicated, different, and I thought I was going to lose him. It forced the issue.”

  “Those emotions finally catching up with you, huh? You’re going to be an all-round normal human being soon, man. Fucked up and confused as hell pretty much all the damn time.”

  He chuckled at the thought and tried to push the visions away. He had enough difficult emotions to play with lately. Confusion and dilemma’s concerning Pascal were not welcome. With any luck, this would all just fall into place without the need for games. “Listen, there’s no way on earth I’m going to let you down on this. I’ll deal with Belle. You’ve given me a family I never had, and you’re the closest thing to a brother I’ll ever have. I’ll fix it, okay? Besides, Beth will never forgive me if I don’t.”