by Lane Hart
Leaning over the armrest, I give Luke a wet kiss right over his ear before I whisper to him, “You’re the best,” and make my way down the aisle. “Excuse me,” I say as I intentionally rub my ass against Senn’s legs on the way to the seat beside him, although there’s plenty of leg room, even for a giant. I don’t make it to my seat. Senn grabs me and gently pulls me down onto his lap. As soon as his lips brush against my neck, cold chill bumps race down my arms and legs, making me shiver.
“What are you doing up here?” he asks.
“Trading seats since this is your weekend and all. Someone should be available for your every beck and call,” I tell him. “Unless you would rather I stay away, so you can screw that fuck attendant.”
He laughs against my neck. “I don’t wanna screw the ‘fuck attendant,’” he says, rubbing a palm over my bump. “How’s our girl?”
“Good, I think,” I say. “She’s moving more.”
“And how are you? You get the results back on yesterday’s blood work yet?”
“Yeah, same,” I lie. There’s no reason to tell him the truth --- that my white blood cell count is rising quicker than the oncologist expected. He’ll only worry unnecessarily about it when he should be focused on his fight. Besides, I’ve made the decision not to go back to see the oncologist. Dr. Robertson is so pessimistic that seeing him only depresses me even more.
With the slight turn of my head, my and Senn’s mouths connect; and then it’s easy to forget everything else for a few minutes when we get caught up in our desire for each other. I run my fingers through his soft hair, and he presses my ass harder into his growing steel length, but the kiss is still sweet. It’s obviously not going to lead to sex right here on the plane, so it’s a “just because we can” kiss.
“Excuse me, ma’am, but you need to take your seat and buckle up for takeoff.” A woman’s voice interrupts our heavy make-out session.
Without standing up, Senn effortlessly lifts me over to my seat, so I can fasten my seatbelt. There’s probably only a slightly red flush of embarrassment across my cheeks. When his hand reaches for mine, intertwining our fingers, I’m almost as shocked as I was the morning I woke up with two men in my bed. Senn’s not exactly the show-affection-in public type of guy. In fact, I would’ve guessed it’s more likely for him to fuck me in public than simply hold my hand. But this softer side of him is nice. So I squeeze his hand to let him know. Exhausted, more than usual, I only intend to rest my head on his shoulder for a few minutes.
Chapter Fifteen
Senn
Abby sleeps the entire three-hour flight. I know that fatigue is part of being pregnant and all, but I can’t help but worry that this is something else. That she’s getting sicker. God knows her nose bleeds have been more frequent. Usually a few a night. The thought of her cancer getting worse is like an anvil to my chest. She’s got to hold on and make it to full term, fourteen more weeks. There’s no other option. Losing her…just imagining it makes me crazy. I haven’t been able to get much sleep having all these horrors swirling around my head. Never a cuddler, I can’t seem to let Abby go at night. If I fall asleep and wake up without her there next to me, I freak out thinking she’s gone and never coming back. I’ve never been this close with any other woman before, so the thought of losing her has sent me into a few full blown panic attacks. Deciding not to go down that road again, I start trying to rouse Abby.
“Wake up, mama bear. We’re here,” I tell her with a kiss to the top of her head and a shake to her arm.
“Mmm?” she mumbles.
“Time for us to get off the plane. Do you need me to carry you?” I ask, only half teasing.
Abby raises up and stretches are arms over her head, blinking her eyes more awake. “No, I don’t need to be carried,” she sasses. I stand up to grab my carry-on, and she gets to her feet. “I’m fine, just sleepy. More than fine.”
Her arms go around my neck, and then she’s rubbing herself up on me and kissing my neck. Like usual, she woke up ready to fuck.
“Let’s get checked in, and you can rest in the room while I go do all the promo appearances,” I tell her.
“I’m not sure if I can wait that long,” she answers, reaching for my waistband and trailing her fingers underneath it to try and drive me insane.
“I don’t want to wait either, but I don’t think we have any choice,” I tell her.
“We could go in the bathroom,” she says, nodding toward the back.
“Although fucking you where people shit sounds incredibly arousing, I’m gonna have to pass since, you know, those bathrooms are tiny as fuck and I’m not,” I explain.
“Please,” she begs, and actually grabs my cock through my jeans. “I want you so bad.”
This isn’t like Abby to be so persistent. Even the morning horndog Abby has her limits and pride that she carefully protects. Something else is going on with her.
“Come on,” I tell her, removing her hand from my cock. “We’ll be at the hotel in a few minutes.”
“Yeah, but then I’ll be sleepy again,” she says, sounding almost drunk. I tilt her chin up, so that I can see her face. Her eyes are drooping like she can’t hold them open, and she’s swaying on her feet. That’s it. I pick her up and cradle her in my arms.
“You got her bag?” I yell over to Luke, who’s watching us from a few rows back.
“Yeah. She okay?” he asks with a frown, looking worried.
“Sleepy,” I reply.
“Didn’t she sleep the whole way?” he asks, and I nod before carrying her off the plane. I only sit her down when we get to the chairs next to the luggage claim. When I start back with our bags, I find Abby crying on Luke’s shoulder. He looks up at me and shrugs like he has no clue what’s going on with her.
“Abby?” I ask, squatting down in front of her. “Abby, what’s wrong?”
“Too tired,” is all she says, those few words muffled by her face being in Luke’s shirt.
“That’s why we’re going straight to the hotel. Are you up for the walk to the shuttle?” I ask.
Abby scoffs and finally pulls away from Luke to wipe briskly at her face. “Yes. I’m not an invalid,” she says before getting to her feet.
Luke and I glance at each other in disagreement; but when she starts for the exit, we have no choice but to follow. She gets halfway there before she stumbles. I drop the luggage and grab her around her waist before she hits the floor.
“You’re not okay. Do you need to go to the hospital?” I ask her once she’s cradled in my arms again.
“No,” she says, burying her face in my shirt. “You smell nice, like sandalwood. I’m gonna miss the way you smell.”
“What are you taking about, Abby?” I ask, swallowing past the knot in my throat, but she ignores me. Nodding to Luke, he grabs our luggage too; and we find the hotel van waiting outside with the rest of the team already on it.
I sit Abby in one of the empty rows and take the seat next to her. She starts to look more awake, only she stays quiet, her eyes watching Atlantic City pass by the window the entire fifteen minute ride. She even stands in the hotel check-in line without wobbling, her arms crossed over her chest sullenly. I rack my brain trying to figure out what the fuck happened or if I did something to piss her off.
On the plane she seemed fine, especially when she was on my lap and we were making out like teenagers. Then, she fell asleep and woke up horny and…sad? It doesn’t make sense. Being in the dark, not knowing what’s going on with her makes me irrationally angry. So does the fucker standing next to her.
“You got your own room?” I turn around and ask Luke gruffly.
“If by own room you mean one with her, then, yeah, I have my own room,” he says with a smirk like he’s pleased with himself. My fists clench by my sides, wanting to knock the ever-loving-shit out of him again.
“You got the room to yourself. She’s staying with me,” I tell him.
“She is?” Abby asks. “Maybe you could ask i
f that’s what she wants.”
“I thought you couldn’t wait to fuck me. Isn’t that what you said on the plane?”
Abby’s face turns red when she glances around us in embarrassment and probably anger to see if anyone besides Luke heard me. I really don’t give a shit.
“I’ve changed my mind,” she replies, making my teeth grind together.
“If you fuck him, we’re done,” I warn her.
“That’s what you want, right, to be done with me so you can go fuck some cage cunts this weekend?” Abby says before she bolts into the women’s restroom.
“Lay a finger on her tonight or any other night and I’ll kill you,” I warn Luke.
“You’re an idiot,” he says with a shake of his head. “Unlike you, I can be there for her without being between her legs.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.
“She’s getting sicker, weaker, and she doesn’t feel like screwing around all the time.”
“Fuck, it’s not like I ask her to or force her. She’s the one who comes over to my place every night. She’s the one who always initiates it.”
“Yeah, because she thinks that if she doesn’t, you’ll go out and find it somewhere else.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?” he replies. “Because she’s getting bigger with your baby, and you can see the life draining from her a little more every single day. Of course she’s insecure, and you haven’t done shit to show her that you want more than to get in her panties.”
“Fuck,” I mutter, combing my fingers through my hair and watching for Abby to come out the bathroom. He’s right, and I really hate to admit that. “I don’t know what the hell to do. It’s not like I’ve ever done this shit before.”
“Luckily for you, I have an idea.”
“You have an idea?” I repeat. “You are half the problem!”
“Then let’s both agree to do what’s best for Abby. Doesn’t she deserve that?” he asks, holding out his palm to me in an offering of truce.
“Fine,” I say on an exhale when I shake it.
“Now, the first thing you need to do is keep your dick in your pants,” he says with a smirk.
…
Abby
Taking my time, I wash my face in the sink and avoid looking in the mirror. I know what I’ll see, a cow who looks like she’s on her last leg and should be put down. It’s not the baby bump that I mind about being pregnant. It’s the rest of my body swelling to try and compete with my protruding belly. Also, my complexion looks paler than a vampire’s, but with lots more acne. The lovely dark circles underneath my eyes are proving almost too bright to cover with concealer. I’m a hot mess, and I know it’s only gonna get worse. It’s starting to feel like Senn’s only with me out of pity, which really sucks. He blames himself for getting me pregnant, when he shouldn’t. I’ll never regret that night or the consequences. I just wish he actually cared about me. And then there’s Luke who may even love me, but I don’t feel the same way. It’s selfish of me to lead him on just because I’m terrified of the loneliness before the end. Luke’s who I need, even if he’s not who I want.
When I eventually step out of the bathroom, Luke is waiting for me, smiling proudly and holding up two plastic key cards. God, I don’t deserve him or his kindness.
“You got us checked-in?” I ask in surprise since the room is in my name.
“I can be very persuasive,” he answers. “Bellboy already took up our luggage. You ready to head up?”
“Sure. I could really use a warm bath.”
“Sounds good. I’ll go get some dinner while you soak,” Luke says after pushing the button to wait for the elevator.
I glance around, looking for Senn. Can’t say that I’m surprised when I don’t see him anywhere. Luke doesn’t mention him, so I don’t either on the way to our room. The pregnancy hormones have my emotions bouncing all over the place. Sometimes I’m so horny that I could jump Senn, but sometimes I just want him to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right. He, on the other hand, doesn’t have any desire to touch me unless we’re fucking. And today I can barely hold my eyes open. It’s only a matter of time before he finds someone else to get him off. I wouldn’t be all that surprised if he’s doing that right now. The thought is enough to have me attacking Luke as soon as we walk into our suite.
“Abby,” he warns against my lips when I reach for the button on his jeans. “Abby, stop.” He grabs my hands to stop me from unzipping his pants. Great, now he doesn’t want me either. Or he does, but is worried about Senn’s cockblocking threat.
“Fuck him,” I say to Luke. “I don’t care what he said.”
“Yes, you do,” he argues with a frown. “What’s going on, Abby?”
“He’s probably fucking someone else right now,” I say when I jerk away from Luke’s grasp.
“No, he’s not. We’ve only been here five minutes. That’s not enough time for even a quickie,” he says, causing me to scowl at him. “Why do you think he would go fuck some random girl?”
“Because he can. That’s what he does,” I answer, flopping down on the edge of the king sized bed. “Did you know there’s a Facebook group dedicated to him?”
“Really?” Luke asks with an impressed gleam in his blue eyes before he comes to sit down next to me. “How many people are in it?”
“Like two thousand, almost all of which are women.”
“That’s pretty cool, but what does that have to do with anything?” he asks.
“There are a ton of women who talk about fucking him or wanting to fuck him. Some of which are gonna be here this weekend trying to do just that. Pretty, slutty, unpregnant women.”
“He wanted you to stay in his room,” he points out.
“Yeah, just because he’s jealous of you.”
“Or, he only wants you in his bed, not those unpregnant sluts.”
“He feels…responsible for me, I think, nothing else. I’m a pity fuck.”
Luke chuckles. “A pity fuck?” he repeats. “Why, because he knocked you up or because you have cancer?”
“Both.” I sigh.
“Maybe he wants to be with you because he knocked you up and you have cancer.”
“Um, that’s exactly what I just said,” I point out.
“Because he actually cares about you and doesn’t want to lose you or this little girl,” he says, rubbing a hand over my bump.
“I don’t know,” I reply softly. “I’m pretty sure he only cares about himself and his dick.”
“Or maybe that’s what you tell yourself because you’re afraid to admit that he might actually love you since that would mean putting your own heart on the line and admitting that you love him, too.”
“Why are you Team Senn? Trying to get an invite to watch again?” I ask.
“You’re my best friend, and I just want you to be happy, even if that means you end up with him and not me. Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll never mention his name again.”
I fall backwards on the mattress, causing my shirt to rise. Like usual, my hands go to my growing stomach, entranced by the way it feels, knowing our daughter is in there, full of life and moving around so much I can feel her all the time now. Loving her is so easy and effortless. When I think of Senn, it’s usually in the form of irritation or affection. Irritation because I can’t trust him to not hurt me, which I absolutely hate. And affection because every night and every morning he kisses my belly in such a tender way that I know he already loves our daughter, making me think it might be worth it to take the chance of getting hurt if there’s even a possibility that he could love me in the same unconditional way.
“What if I’m just projecting because of the baby?” I ask Luke seriously.
“Who cares?” he replies so helpfully that I scoff when he lies down next to me. “Is he who you want to be with right now? Is he the one who makes you happier than anyone else? If the answer is yes, then so what if the baby is what m
ade you feel closer to him? That doesn’t make it any less real.”
I brush away the wetness from my cheeks before I look over at Luke. “So what am I supposed to do?” I ask.
“Pick him,” he says simply. “You and I can still be friends without benefits, but I’m pretty sure that he’s gonna go nuts if he has to keep sharing you.”
“Really?” I ask. “You’re okay with that?”
“Yeah,” he says with a small smile. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’m a resilient motherfucker.”
I can’t help but laugh, even though a part of me is a little sad. It’s a small part, though, with most of me nervous and excited about what I could have with Senn if I trusted him enough not to break my heart.
“Now, why don’t you go take a bath, and I’ll go find some food?” Luke asks with a quick peck to my cheek. “Steak? It’ll be good for you with all the blood loss.”
My stomach rumbles just at the mention of a juicy steak. Maybe that’s why I’m so tired. I haven’t had much to eat today after leaving Senn’s house before sunrise to pack for our flight and get to the airport. And he’s right, my nosebleeds have been rough the past few days.
“Steak would be awesome. Ooh! And a salad with lots of cucumbers, too, please.”
“Got it, darling. I’ll be back as fast as I can,” he says before he walks out the door.
As soon as he’s gone, I roll myself out of the bed and undress as I walk to the bathroom. There’s a nice deep tub calling my name, so I start filling it up, making sure the water’s not too hot for the baby. I squeeze a bottle of the hotel soap in the running faucet to make some bubbles.
Sinking down into the warmth feels so nice. My tense muscles in my neck and back from sleeping on Senn’s shoulder for hours instantly relax while I soak. Closing my eyes and leaning my head against the tile wall, I try to clear my mind of everything and just enjoy this quiet, blissful moment.
My hands trail along the curve of my belly, and I would almost swear that I felt the baby moving on the outside. She’s growing bigger and healthier, which is what I’ve prayed for. Since I may not be around after she’s born, I’ve started recording a video diary for her to have. My sister Whitney has been helping, so I know she’ll make sure she gets to see and hear me as she grows up. It’s nothing deep or profound on the recordings, just the advice Whitney and I wish our mother would have given us growing up, if she hadn’t been too busy planning garden parties and picking out the most expensive dress for a gala. After each recording I’m usually an emotional wreck for the rest of the day, but it’s worth it to leave a piece of me behind for her.
