Phoenix (Blackwings MC Book 3)

by Teagan Brooks

  I stayed silent for a few minutes, gathering my strength for the next part of the conversation. I gradually stopped walking and turned to face the water while I spoke. “By this time, several weeks had gone by since you left. Even after I told Octavius I was in love with you and waiting for you to come back, he still kept pressuring me to give him a chance. He finally stopped asking me when I told him I was pregnant with your baby.”

  The tears had already started. Phoenix stood behind me, his hands on my shoulders as we both stared into the deep blue sea. I expected an outburst from Phoenix, but he remained silent behind me, so I continued. “He told me he would let me keep the baby and even provide me with prenatal care if I agreed to marry him and bear him a son. He said I could leave after I gave him a son, but I had to leave the boy with him. I refused, Phoenix. I didn’t want to have his child, but he said he would have our baby aborted. I couldn’t let that happen. I thought if I could get through having a son for him, I could leave with our child and go straight to the police. They would arrest Octavius and I would have both of my children, but that’s not at all what happened.”

  My breath hitched with a sob and I had to take a moment to compose myself. Phoenix gently turned me by my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. He held me tightly to him, one arm around my waist and the other cupping the back of my head. “She died, Phoenix!” I screamed as I beat my fist on his chest. “Our baby girl died! I did everything I could to make sure she was healthy and get us out of there and she died!”

  Phoenix took us to the ground, rocking me back and forth while I cried my pain into his chest. “I didn’t even get to see her or hold her before they took her away. One picture of her, that’s all I’ve ever had of my baby girl. I’m so sorry, Phoenix! I’m sorry I lost her!”

  Phoenix stopped rocking me and tightened his arms around me. He spoke softly, his mouth right beside my ear, “There’s nothing to be sorry for, doll face. Nothing at all.” I cried even harder, clutching his shirt and praying he never let me go.

  “I wanted her,” I bawled. “I wanted her and I wanted you. It wasn’t fair!”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Phoenix

  I held Annabelle in my arms while she cried, my heart breaking as the pain she had carried for years poured from her soul. “Let it out, baby. I’ve got you,” I promised.

  How was I going to tell her that Ember was alive and well? And Coal? She hadn’t mentioned a thing about Coal. Surely she knew about him.

  When she started to calm, I eased her face away from my chest so I could wipe the tears from her cheeks. Her blue eyes held so many emotions—pain, anger, fear. “Tell me what happened,” I said softly.

  “I-I don’t really know. I went into labor one morning. I told Octavius my water broke and he took me to see the doctor at the infirmary on the farm. He confirmed the labor and took me to one of the rooms at the very back of the clinic. He said I needed to have a C-section. He put some medicine in an IV and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in a lot of pain and being told that my baby girl was stillborn.”

  She looked down at her hands. “They wouldn’t let me see her. I begged and begged, but Octavius said they had already taken her away. I was furious with him and he knew it, too. I demanded that he let me name her.” Her breath hitched again, “I named her Ember Rose Blackburn. I wanted her to have a piece of me and a piece of you in her name.”

  I kissed her cheek and pulled her closer. “It’s beautiful.”

  I was gearing up to tell her that Ember was still alive, happy and healthy in Croftridge when she continued, “I was a mess after that, for a long time. I fell into a depression so deep I didn’t think I would ever find my way back. Through my entire pregnancy with Nathan and especially after his birth, I was in a very dark place. I did what I needed to do for him, but I built a wall around my heart and nothing was breaking it down. I’m ashamed to say that even my newborn son couldn’t make my heart feel anything. For a long time, I resented Nathan. I didn’t understand why the baby I wanted didn’t live, but the baby I didn’t want was born healthy. I hate myself for that now.”

  “You obviously love Nathan very much and I’m sure you did then, too, it was just masked by the pain of losing your firstborn. When did you finally pull through the depression?” I asked.

  “It was when Nathan was around two years old. Octavius was fed up with me. He said if other people were going to take care of my child, I was going to take care of other people’s children. There was a daycare on the property for the children of the workers. He sent me to work there.”

  “And that helped you?” I asked softly.

  She gave me a small smile. “Yes, it did.” She turned her face to the side, staring off into the distance, obviously remembering something from that time. “There was a little girl at the daycare. She was around the same age our daughter would have been. She was like a little angel. The first day I was there, she ran up to me and begged me to hold her. When I picked her up, she wrapped her little arms around my neck and hugged me with every ounce of her strength. Something inside me was healed by that one hug from her. I’ve thought about her often over the years and I always wondered what became of her.”

  I was pretty sure I knew who this little girl was, but I asked anyway, “What was her name?”

  She turned her eyes back to me. “Her name was Amber, Amber Smith.”

  “Annabelle,” I blew out a long breath, “there’s something you need to know.” I wasn’t sure if I should hold her close when I delivered the news or give her some space. I opted for something in between and placed her on the sand beside me. Intertwining my fingers with hers, I brought her hand to my lips for a soft kiss.

  Holding her hand against my chest, I began, “What I’m about to tell you is going to be hard to hear and you’re not going to believe it, but I promise, it is the truth and I can prove it.”

  “Please, just tell me whatever it is,” she begged.

  “That little girl’s name wasn’t Amber. It was Ember. Our daughter is alive and living in Croftridge,” I said, trying to keep my voice as even as possible. Of all the reactions I expected, I did not anticipate Annabelle jerking her hand from mine and slapping me across the face.

  “You fucking bastard!” she screamed, getting to her feet. “Why would you say that? Why, Phoenix? WHY?”

  I remained seated on the sand, letting her have her moment. I calmly reached into my cut and pulled out the paternity test results. “I said it because it is the truth. Here,” I said, holding the papers out for her to take.

  She hesitantly took them from my hand. “What is this?”

  “Those are the results of the paternity test we had done to confirm that she is my biological child,” I explained.

  She was already shaking her head. “That doesn’t mean she is my child! My child died!”

  “No, Annabelle, she didn’t. Octavius took her from you. He wouldn’t let you see her after she was born because she was alive. I’m guessing that’s also why they put you to sleep for the C-section, so you wouldn’t know she was alive when she was born.”

  The horror on her face was something I would never be able to erase from my mind. She was backing away from me, shaking her head, muttering, “No, no, no.”

  “Was Ember born on June 5, 1999, at 11:26 am?” I asked.

  She dropped to her knees. “Yes!” Annabelle then folded in on herself and let out a sound of pain that chilled me to my core. She raised herself up a moment later. “Where is she? I want to see her.”

  I stayed put and spoke evenly, “She lives in Croftridge and you can definitely see her. She wants to see you. She has been helping me look for you this last year, but before we get to that, there’s more.”

  “I can’t take any more, Phoenix. I just can’t,” she whispered between hiccupping sobs.

  “I know it’s hard, doll face. It was for me, too, but you need to know.”

  “Fine. Spit it out,” she spat. Good, a little anger would help he
r handle the next bombshell.

  “When you delivered Ember, you also delivered a healthy baby boy. Octavius didn’t tell you and had him raised right under your nose, just like he did with Ember,” I said and handed her the next set of papers.

  She snatched them from my hand, glanced over them, and screamed her fury to the sky. She whirled around, clutching those papers in her hand. “Coal Martin is my son? Did Kathleen know about this?”

  “No, she didn’t know he was your son. She does now, but she had no idea then. She didn’t know about Ember either.”

  “How did you find out about all of this?” she asked.

  I sighed. “It’s a complicated story, that I will gladly share with you sometime, but I don’t think now is the time for it.”

  “Why not? You’ve already sliced me open. Why not keep going?” she snarled.

  “Annabelle, I didn’t tell you about the twins to hurt you. You had a right to know. Would you have rather not known about them?” I asked.

  She heaved in breath after breath. “No. Yes. I mean, they’re my children, of course I want to know about them. I want to see them. It’s just a lot to process and you’re telling me there’s more. I can’t go through this again. I would rather hear whatever it is now.”

  I got to my feet and approached her. I bent down and pulled her into my arms. “That was the worst of it, doll face. Everything else is just details.”

  We stayed on the beach a little while longer, just holding each other. I hated what she was going through. I remembered it all too well when I found out about Ember and, not that long ago, Coal. She quietly cried off and on, lost in her own thoughts. Eventually, she asked me to take her home and, reluctantly, I did.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Annabelle

  Phoenix dropped me off at my house just before dark. I should have invited him in, but I needed some time alone. I think he did, too. He kissed me on the cheek and asked if he could come over in the morning. I said that would be fine and after a quick hug, he left.

  It was odd for me to be home alone on a Saturday night. I was usually at the clubhouse or at one of Nathan’s matches. As much as I didn’t want to, I needed to use the time alone to process everything Phoenix had shared with me.

  Grabbing a bottle of wine, I opened it and headed straight to my bathroom. A nice hot bath and a bottle of wine were the comforts I rarely had time for but desperately needed. I sank into the sudsy water, laid my head back, and closed my eyes.

  So many emotions were coursing through me, but two were the most prominent. Guilt and shame. How could I have been pregnant with two babies and not known? How could I have looked at my own child every day for years and not recognized her? How could I have looked at Coal several times a week and not recognized him? How could I have taken Nathan away and left the two of them there under Octavius’s rule?

  They probably hated me. Who could blame them? I hated my parents and they had done far less to me than I did to my own children. What could I even say to them? “I’m sorry, your mother is the stupidest woman alive. I brought you into this world, but I’m such an idiot I couldn’t even recognize my own children.” I deserved for them to hate me.

  And Nathan. What was I going to do about Nathan? He had a right to know about his siblings and they had a right to know about him, but that meant telling him things I had kept hidden from him all these years. When he found out what I had done, he would hate me, too. I was going to lose everyone and it was no one’s fault but my own.

  I had no choice but to face the music. I would tell Nathan the truth about our past. I would go to Croftridge and see my children and own up to the mistakes I made. Then, I would leave. They would all be better off without me.

  With my decision made, I finished off the bottle of wine and climbed out of the tub. I didn’t bother with my usual bedtime routine, didn’t even run a comb through my hair. I slipped on a t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants. Then, I crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep.

  When Phoenix arrived the next morning, I had already been awake for several hours. He followed me into the kitchen and took a seat at the table. “Nathan is still sleeping. I haven’t figured out how to go about telling him about Ember and Coal, not to mention everything else I’ve kept from him. I would appreciate it if we could hold off on discussing anything of that nature until after he is gone for the rest of the day.”

  “That’s not a problem, Annabelle,” he replied.

  “On that note, can you call me Taylor in front of him, at least for now?” I asked. If Nathan heard Phoenix calling me Annabelle, it would raise questions I was not ready to answer.

  Phoenix’s lips pressed into a hard line. “I’ll try.”

  We made small talk for the next hour. Surprisingly, it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. It felt like old times, when we were teenagers. There had always been a natural ease between me and Phoenix and I was relieved to know it was still there.

  I was in the middle of telling Phoenix about my job at the tattoo shop when Nathan walked into the kitchen. “Morning, sweetheart,” I said. I gestured across the table. “You remember Phoenix?”

  Nathan nodded. “Yes. Good morning, sir.” He redirected his attention to me. “I have to meet the team at the gym to go over some things before we start training tomorrow.” He lowered his voice, “Are you okay with him being here?”

  I placed my hand on my son’s arm. “I’m fine, honey. No need for you to worry.”

  He leaned down to give me a hug and a kiss. “I should be home around 8pm. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” He gave Phoenix a stern look before he turned and walked out the front door.

  “He sure is protective of you,” Phoenix said with a smile.

  “Yeah, he is. It was just the two of us for a long time. He didn’t realize it when he was younger, but when he got older, it was obvious to him that I was being protected from something by the Knights. He never said anything about it, he just started mimicking their behavior,” I explained.

  “He seems like a good kid.”

  I smiled. “Thank you. He really is. I’m so proud of him, landing that MMA contract. He’s worked hard for it. Wave and some of his members helped him with his training when he first started.”

  “Will he stay here while he’s training?” Phoenix asked.

  “Yes, he will be here most of the time. He has to go to L.A. for a six-week training camp that starts tomorrow. Then, he will be home until the scheduled fights start. The team travels as a unit, so even if he isn’t slated to fight, he still has to be there.”

  “Would you be willing to come to Croftridge while he is away training?” he asked.

  His question caught me off guard. “When?”

  “I have to head back home soon. You can come with me if you want,” he said.

  He was asking me to ride across the country on the back of his bike. Just the two of us. I had fantasized about the two of us taking off on his bike countless times over the last 20 years. Even last week I would have given my right kidney for that fantasy to become a reality, but things had changed, drastically. I wouldn’t be riding off into the sunset with Phoenix. I would be riding to a life I left behind, to children I left behind.

  “I would have to talk to my boss. I don’t know that I can take that much time off work with such short notice. When are you planning on leaving?”

  “That depends. If you’ll go with me, I would like to leave tomorrow. If not, I’ll probably head out Tuesday. I gotta tell you, Annabelle, I damn sure don’t want to leave you here. I want you with me, where you were always meant to be.”

  Before my brain realized what I was saying, the words were out of my mouth, “Let me talk to Wave about work. I’ll be right back.”

  I excused myself from the table and went into my bedroom to make the call. I didn’t want to go to Croftridge as much as I did want to go. I hurriedly dialed Wave. “Half pint! What’s up?”

  “Hey, Wave. Um, I need to talk to you about work,�
�� I said.

  “All right. What is it?”

  “Would it be possible for me to take some time off?”

  “How much time and when?” he asked.

  “That’s the thing...I don’t know how much time, but it would start tomorrow.” I braced myself for his reaction.

  He cleared his throat. “What’s going on, Taylor? Is everything okay?”

  “Yes and no. I’m fine, but after talking with Phoenix, I need to go back to Croftridge. I’m going to have to go back there one way or another, but he’s leaving tomorrow and offered me a ride. It’s not a big deal. I can always fly out there later on,” I rambled.

  “Half pint, do you want to go with him?”

  “I think I do,” I almost whispered.

  “Listen here, you go with him and you can take as much time as you need on one condition.”

  “And that is?” I asked.

  “You have to check in with me every couple of days.”

  I smiled. “I can do that.”

  “Does Nathan know you’re going back with him?” he asked carefully.

  “No, he doesn’t and I would like to keep it that way. I need to feel things out in Croftridge before I talk to Nathan.”

  “All right. If you need anything, and I mean anything, you call me or Token. I don’t care if you’re here or half-way across the country, we’ll come get you.”

  “Thanks, Wave. You guys are the best. Love you.”

  “Love you, too, half pint. Be safe.”

  I sat there for a while after the call disconnected. What had I gotten myself into? I wanted to go with Phoenix. A ride across the country with him was literally my dream come true. It was everything else that terrified me. How was I going to face the children I left behind?