War.

by Shannon Dianne

  The note.

  I remember thinking that Winnie would find out and would surely leave me over that shit. I remember being scared out of my mind. I remembering me thinking: that’s it, no more. This woman was unstable and I had no idea. This woman had issues and I was fucking her. She could have murdered my ass in my sleep for all I know. She could have put some shit in my drink. She could have recorded our conversations. She could have destroyed me. I had no idea what kind of woman I was having an affair with. No. No more. I remember thinking that I would never do that again.

  And then she was gone.

  The note.

  I remember the fear wearing off. I remember me fucking the next woman six months later. I remember me missing Jasmine. I remember me wanting that Jasmine-feeling back. I remember Winnie not being able to give me that Jasmine-feeling. But then I got Jasmine and that feeling back and it was great…and then it was good…and then I thought that maybe I could be happy with Winnie without screwing Jasmine. And then… I am happy with Winnie without screwing Jasmine. And maybe I spent the last decade searching for something that I never really needed in the first place. Maybe those three nights I spent with Jasmine were just what I needed to get her out of my system. Maybe it was what I needed to realize that Winnie gives me everything I want and need. And, why is it that when I think of Jasmine, all I want to do is fuck her? Damn. Maybe I don’t need Jasmine. Maybe I’m remembering that other woman and how unstable she was, how Jasmine started to act just like her. Maybe I thought about that note.

  The note.

  Maybe it’s just that I realized that I’ve been wrong all of these years. After years and years of ruining my life, destroying Winnie’s life and destroying the lives of women around me, I can finally see that Winnie is the only woman I want. I just thank God that I’ve realized that before it was too late for me.

  But it’s too late for her. I won’t turn Jasmine into her. It’s not fair to Jasmine and quite frankly, I can’t go through that again. I’m ready to fly right. I’m ready to be with Winnie only. No one else. No other woman. No one but Winnie.

  I leave the market with a small paper bag of almond milk in my hand. Beckett’s the first one to see me as I cross the street.

  “Aww,” she screams out as she clasps her hands together. “I love you, Daddy!”

  MALCOLM

  “I love you, Daddy!”

  Nat and I both turn around in the truck as we hear the declaration of love. Together we look at the entrance of Starbucks and see Winnie and the kids sitting at a table near a heater.

  “Oh shit,” Nat says. “Did you see them walk in?”

  “No. Shit.” Nat’s truck is on the opposite side of the street from Starbucks, our back is to the front door. “They’ve already been in there,” I say as I notice Winnie and the kids with drinks in their hands. And that’s when I see him. Jacob. He’s carrying Jaden in that Bjourn baby carrier Red and I bought him and Winnie.

  “They didn’t look like they saw him,” Nat says as he looks back at Marlon and Demetrius.

  “Of course they didn’t, it’s crowded as hell in there.” But damn, should we go break up this little love fest now? Jake and his family are sitting right by the door. If Demetrius walks out before they leave, it could get ugly. Especially since Marlon is with him. Jacob’s a Blair—he’s quick. He’ll start suspecting shit, just like me. He’ll start thinking about Winnie and Demetrius five years ago. He’ll start thinking about him and Jasmine. He’ll start wondering if motives are involved. He’ll start wondering if Marlon had anything to do with Demetrius and Winnie’s hookup five years ago. And if there’s one thing I know about Jake it’s that he has a short fuse. Winnie and his kids are the only people he has any patience for.

  “Should we go in there before they walk out and cross Jake?” Nat says as he looks at me.

  “Oh, now you’re looking for me to tell you what to do.”

  “Shut the fuck up.”

  I look at Marlon. His head is buried in his hands again while Demetrius leans into the table and talks.

  “Yeah,” I say as I put my hand on my door handle. “Let’s go in there.”

  JON

  “I love you, Daddy!” I hear a little kid say.

  “Oh, wow! Uncle Jake!” Nicky screams out as he points outside of the window of California Pizza Kitchen. Uncle Jake. You have no idea how much I hate those fucking Blairs.

  “Oh, it is!” Marla says. I don’t even turn to look. Who gives a damn? I bite into my pizza slice. “And look, he has the whole brood out.” She turns to Nicky and me. “I guess everyone’s having a family day tonight.” She takes a sip of her Coke and smiles.

  “I’ve gotta go to the bathroom,” Nicky says.

  “Wait!” Marla and I scream at the same time. Nicky, who was already halfway out of his seat, eases back down.

  “Not this again.” He drops his head back onto the booth.

  “Nicky you know better than to go running off,” I say as I slide out of the booth.

  “Dad, no one’s gonna steal me.”

  Marla knocks on the wood table.

  “Come on,” I say as I feel my cell vibrating in my pocket. I already know it’s family from LA. They’ve been calling me about my brother Seth all damn day.

  “When I come back I want a side of avocado rolls,” Nicky says as he jumps out of the booth.

  “But you just ate pizza,” Marla says.

  “They’re for my mom. She’s been talking about them all week.”

  “Oh okay. Do you want dessert, honey?”

  “Nope!” he screams over his shoulder. “I have donut holes waiting for me at home.” He runs towards the men’s room as I follow behind.

  “I’ll order them!” Marla calls out after us. I look at my phone and see that my father’s calling…again. I swear, I used to never be able to find this clown. Now I can’t dodge him for nothing.

  “Pop,” I answer.

  “Alright, so this is where we are right now,” he says in a business voice. “The social worker just left your mama’s house and said no dice.”

  “What?” I watch Nicky bust through the bathroom door. Why does he always wait until the last minute to take a piss? “What do you mean the social worker said no?”

  “She wasn’t impressed with the house you bought your mother.”

  “What are you talking about? It’s five bedrooms, four baths, five thousand square feet-”

  “And it’s filled to capacity.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know your mama. Got everybody who was ever born in LA living up in here.”

  “Like who?”

  “Well for starters, your cousin Sandy and her husband and their three kids.”

  “What?”

  “Sandy was laid off, and as you know, Darryl is a stay-at-home dad.” My father’s voice lets me know what he thinks of that. “Also, your sister, her husband and their two kids are here. You know, I love Anne, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out what that husband sees in her. Never thought I’d say that about my own offspring but he could do better. Now, she’s gone and spent all their mortgage money in Reno. Couldn’t even spend it in Vegas. Spent that shit in Reno. Then your mama’s sister Shirley is here since she stepped out on Robert. Who, by the way, has been coming here every night, drunk as Cooter Brown, singing under Shirley’s window. Not a bad voice but I definitely could do without it while I’m trying to watch Scandal.”

  “Wait a minute, how do you hear him at night?”

  “Oh, well, uh, your…I’ve been staying here helping your mama out.”

  “With what? At best, you’re good for nothing.”

  “Thanks Jon.”

  “If you ever found something you were good at, it was a mistake.”

  “Yeah, I get the point. Ever heard about forgiveness? Ever heard about God?”

  “You left my mother with eight kids in a rundown three bedroom home in Los Angeles. God’s not thinking about your ass.” />
  “Listen, I was wrong, alright? Which is why I’m trying to help out as best as I can now. So back off! Now, your brother and Bonnie are about to have this baby and it’s not the best time. Seth has a full ride to Georgetown and goddammit, my boy is going to Georgetown. The only other kid that I’m remotely proud of left LA, went to school on a full basketball scholarship, got married, had a boy and is now a damn millionaire. That’s you, Jon. Out of eight kids, you’re the only success story we’ve got. You’re all we’ve got. I need another son out there, making shit happen, just like you. I need Seth to become a Jon. Do you hear me?”

  Damn. My father is proud of me?

  Silence fills the airwaves between us.

  “Yeah, I hear you,” I finally say as I run my hand over my face.

  “Alright. Now the social worker said the house is nice, the drapes are pretty, but there’s too many folks here. If your mama got custody of the baby, it wouldn’t have a place to sleep. And of course, your mama’s not about to kick anyone out. Then the social worker said your mama don’t have a job.”

  “What is she talking about? I give Ma eighty-five hundred a month.”

  “Yeah, but the social worker said that’s not income, it’s a gift. And just because you give it one month, that doesn’t mean you’ll give it the next. So we tried to give the worker my trucker salary. Showed her some paystubs and everything. Says that $35,000 is fine and since your mama and I are still legally married, she said that we could use my wage as joint income. But then it comes back to the space issue. Nowhere for the baby to lay it’s head. So, your mama told Seth and now he’s sitting around here worried that he’ll have to either let go of the scholarship or give the baby up for adoption. Now your mama’s been crying for a half hour, cussing everybody out cuz can’t nobody take this baby in. Nobody can pass the social worker’s inspection. None of your sisters or brothers. And we don’t want to give the baby to nobody else in the family because legally, they’d have power over him.”

  So I guess Seth’s having a boy. “What about Bonnie’s family? Why can’t her parents take the baby?”

  “Don’t want to. Plain and simple.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “Listen Jon, Bonnie lives here with Seth and your mama.”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

  “She moved in here in the beginning of her senior year. Nobody wanted to tell you. Her parents don’t like our family, don’t want nothing to do with her because she had a volleyball scholarship to Howard and now she’s pregnant and will probably have to give it up.”

  “Oh God…” I take a deep breath. “Alright, so where do I come in? Because I’m sure I come in here somewhere.”

  “Well…” His voice trails off.

  “I’m listening.”

  “Seth’s sitting right here, so is Bonnie and your mama. Say hi to Jon, ya’ll.”

  “Hi, Jon,” they all say in unison.

  “So we’ve been talking and we’re thinking that since you’re in Boston and Seth and Bonnie will be in DC, maybe you can help the family out?”

  “And here we go,” I say as I put my head back and close my eyes. Knew this shit was coming.

  “Listen Jon, if they put this little boy in foster care, he won’t have a chance in hell. A black boy in LA? He’ll be wearing a scarf on his face and shooting people in the back of the head before he learns his ABC’s. So…”

  “Are you asking me to take this baby?”

  “Listen, nobody else has the courage to ask you, but I do. Everybody else may be afraid of you but trust me, I’m not. I made you. Came right out of my dick.”

  “That’s beautiful. Now back to my original question.”

  “Yes. I’m asking you to help the family out and take this little boy. Your mama will come to Boston and stay there to help you out. She’ll basically be the one doing all the work. We just need you to sign some papers and show the social worker your digs. And I’m sure they’ll probably throw the baby at you.” I knew this was coming. “And like I said, your mama will come to Boston and live there. All you need to do is put her up in a home because I’m not too sure if Marla wants another woman taking over her territory. The baby will stay with your mama, wherever you stash them. All we need is for you to set up a baby room in that swanky condo of yours so that when the social worker visits, it looks like this little boy lives there. Because legally, you’ll be his daddy.”

  I look at Marla who’s smiling at the waitress as she’s handed an order of avocado egg rolls.

  “Can I have a to-go box?” I see her ask. She smiles at the waitress as she walks away. Soon her eyes drift over to me. She waves before blowing me a kiss. I nod at her as I hear Nicky bust out the bathroom door.

  “Jon?” my father says. “What do you have to say?”

  “I’m eating dinner with my family right now. I’ll call you tonight.”

  “What time?”

  “Ten.”

  “My time or your time?”

  “Your time.”

  “Alright, I’ll be waiting.” I end the call with my father. I should be annoyed. I should feel pressured. I should feel inconvenienced. But I don’t. For the first time in his life, my father is fighting to keep his family together. He’s the only one who had enough courage to call and ask me to take my brother’s son. Yet, he should have been the one who was the most afraid. But this is his family he’s fighting for. He called anyway.

  I watch Marla put Nicky’s coat on.

  But as impressed as I am with my father, I would never take my brother’s baby to make him happy.

  I watch Marla put on Nicky’s hat.

  NAT

  “Alright, let’s go,” Malcom says as he opens the passenger door.

  We’ll have to give our greetings to Winnie and the kids before we head in after Demetrius and Marlon to see what the hell they’re up to. It may end in a brawl, especially if Jacob lays eyes on Demetrius, a man he hates more than any human being alive. This whole thing is risky. Jake doesn’t mess around with his kids, and the last thing he’ll want is for them to see him fighting on the streets of Boston. But once Jake sees Demetrius and remembers the day, five years ago, when he caught Demetrius in the condo he paid for, in the bed he shared with his wife, there’s no telling what Jake’s liable to do.

  “It may get ugly,” I say to Mac as I open my door.

  “Oh, I’m sure it will. Just make sure we get Winnie and the kids out of here.” Mac takes his coat off and slides it in the backseat. Next his cufflinks come off. Next his tie is loosened. I follow suit. When we’re both finished, we step out of the car and-

  “Pop!” Shit.

  Nicky.

  MALCOLM

  As soon as Nicky says the word, I see his face freeze. Pop. He’s never made that mistake before in front of Jon. Jon looks down at Nicky and then slides his eyes over to me. They’re on the opposite side of the street, waiting to cross.

  “Nicky-boy!” I say with a smile, as though nothing’s wrong. “Those avocado egg rolls?” I ask as I point to the bag in his hand that says California Kitchen.

  “Yep!” He’s over his mistake. I look over to Jacob and he’s looking at us all, confused. Nat, me, Jon, him. Is there a problem? He puts his coffee on the table, slides Jaden out of his carrier and hands him to Winnie. He’s not sure what the problem is but he’s down for it. He immediately gets up from the table and walks to the curb to hail a cab for his family. He’s not sure what’s going on but it won’t be done in front of his kids. I look back towards Jon and see Marla. If she’s nervous and surprised, she doesn’t show it. She has a smile on her face as she gives me a wave.

  “Hey, Malcolm!” Marla says as she takes hold of Nicky’s hand and they start crossing the street. Jon’s eyes are locked on me. His blood is boiling. Steam is damn near coming out of the top of his head. His son has just called me, a white man, Dad. Nicky barely remembers his folly as he sees Ralphie, his best friend. Ralphie gets up and nearly runs t
o the curb to meet Nicky. He then starts talking about the probability of seeing Nicky tonight.

  Jon’s eyes are still glued to me.

  “Marla. What’s going on, baby?” I say to her with a smile and wave. You’ve gotta respect Marla. Most people are intimated by Jon’s stoicism. With his size and impassiveness, he could probably make most people cower under a table. Not Marla. No matter that Jon and I tried to kill each other last month, it doesn’t bother her. She refuses to allow Jon’s utter hatred of me destroy her status in my life. She’s the girlfriend to my wife’s ex-husband and that’s what she’ll remain. Good for her.

  “Hey Malcolm,” I hear Winnie say. I turn to her and see her eyes questioning me. What’s going on? I shake my head. Just take the kids and go.

  “Winnie,” Jacob says. He motions for his family to go into the cab he just hailed.

  “But Nicky just got here,” Harper, Jacob’s oldest daughter, says. She’s had a schoolgirl crush on Nicky since she was able to talk.

  I watch Winnie, Beckett, Ralphie and Nicky’s future wife pile in the car.

  “Go slow,” Jacob tells the driver as he takes cash out of his wallet. “He’s not in a car seat.” He points to Jaden.

  “Of course, Attorney Blair,” the cabbie says.

  “Dad, can I ride with Auntie Winnie and Ralphie?” Nicky asks Jon.