Risking It All

by Jennifer Schmidt

  “Let me go!”

  “You know you care, Kennedy,” he said harshly, holding her tighter. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have made such a scene out there. You would have come over and introduced yourself like you usually do, not freak out and run to hide in the bathroom.”

  Kennedy stopped struggling and scowled at him.

  “I wasn’t hiding.”

  “I bet your blood was boiling,” he continued as he gripped her wrists and moved his mouth close to her ear. “Your heart was pounding from it, and I bet you felt anger and betrayal like never before. Jealousy,” he whispered, making her shiver.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she gasped, hating that her voice gave away how much he was turning her on by sounding breathless.

  “I know exactly what I’m talking about.”

  He slid his mouth down her jaw, his lips never touching her skin, and stopped at her mouth. She could smell the wine he had been drinking as he breathed against her mouth, the cool air making her lips tingle.

  She was surprised when Memphis let her hands go, and she rubbed her wrists, still staring at his mouth. Her fingers itched to reach up, grab his hair, and pull his mouth to hers. She dug her short nails into her palms to keep from doing it as Memphis trailed his fingers along the hem of her skirt, brushing her knees as he did.

  “Do you want to know how I know, Kennedy?” he asked.

  “No,” she lied.

  “I think you do.” He brought his mouth as close as he could without touching her and said, “I know because that’s exactly how I was feeling.”

  Kennedy flung her arms around his neck at the same time he crushed his mouth to hers. Memphis slipped his hands under her skirt and grabbed her ass, squeezing hard until she cried out against his mouth. He ran his finger along the crotch of her panties, feeling them almost instantly dampen at his touch.

  Kennedy wiggled against him as he slid a finger passed her silky barrier and dragged it through her wet sex.

  Memphis broke the kiss and stared down at her, his blue eyes darkening.

  “Did you get this wet for him, Kennedy, when he showed up at your door?”

  She shook her head, afraid she wouldn’t be able to speak if she tried. Memphis pulled his hand away from her, and she almost wept from the loss of his touch. He tugged her away from the door and spun her to the right so she was standing in front of the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

  Memphis leaned into her back, pressing his front into her ass so she felt how hard he was for her. He locked eyes with her as he slid his hands back under her skirt and cupped her through her panties.

  “Do you know why you didn’t?” he asked.

  “Memphis, please,” she whimpered, rocking her ass against his cock.

  “Tell me why you didn’t,” he demanded.

  “Memphis . . .” She closed her eyes and shook her head, wishing he’d shut up and not make her think.

  “Tell me.”

  “Please.”

  “Tell me!”

  “Because he’s not you!” She opened her eyes again and looked at him. “It’s only you,” she whispered.

  Memphis’s grip on her hip became almost painful as he watched her in the mirror. She stared back at him, afraid of his reaction to her confession and what he would think.

  “Memphis . . .”

  It was all he needed to snap him out of whatever thoughts had taken hold of him. He flipped her skirt up and roughly dragged her panties down. Kennedy watched as he fumbled with his pants, the jingling of his belt echoing in the small bathroom.

  He pressed on her back until she was leaning over the sink and had to grip the white porcelain for leverage. He ran his hand down her spine and over her ass before grabbing her hips again and positioning himself behind her.

  Memphis locked eyes with her and savagely thrust deep inside her, pushing her into the sink as she bit her lip to keep from screaming. Her walls clenched around him, milking his cock as he slammed his hips against her over and over again. Kennedy couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sight of them, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room as he both took and gave what they both needed.

  He pulled almost all the way out of her so just the head of his cock was wrapped in the wet warmth of her lips.

  “Mine,” he growled as he thrust back in.

  “Yes,” she groaned, pushing against him as he plunged into her, making him sink even deeper inside her.

  “Tell me.”

  “Yours,” she breathed, encouraging him with that one word to fuck her even harder. “I’m yours.”

  Those two words seemed to be enough to drive him over the edge, and he slammed into her body hard, lifting her feet off the floor for a split second. She cried out, whether from pain or pleasure she wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t enough to stop him from finding the release he so desperately needed.

  Kennedy shuddered and moaned beneath him as he leaned over her and locked his mouth on the back of her neck to keep from bellowing his release. His hips slowed until he was no longer moving, just nestled against the cushion of her bottom, while their breathing slowly returned to normal.

  Kennedy straightened when Memphis pulled away from her and was grateful when he turned his back so she could clean up without being watched. She pulled her panties back in place and tugged her skirt back down. She looked in the mirror and saw how flushed she was, something that would definitely not go unnoticed when they had to leave the bathroom.

  She gathered her hair and held it away from her neck as she bent over the sink and splashed water on her face for the second time that night.

  “Um, you might want to keep your hair down for a while,” Memphis said.

  Kennedy looked at his reflection and gave him a confused look.

  “Why?”

  He sighed and turned her body so she could see the back of her neck in the mirror, and her heart stopped.

  “Memphis!” She spun around and slapped his chest. “You fucking marked me!”

  He grimaced and rubbed the spot she had just attacked.

  “I didn’t mean to,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

  “What if Brooks sees this? What am I supposed to say?”

  Memphis shrugged.

  “Tell him I bit you.”

  Kennedy glared at him and pushed past him to the door.

  “That’s very helpful, Memphis. Thank you. I need to get back.”

  “Kennedy?”

  “What?” she sighed, turning to face him again.

  “Did you mean it?” he asked, not needing to explain what he meant.

  Standing there with his hands in his pockets, looking so unsure of himself and what just happened, shocked her. This was what Memphis looked like when he was vulnerable. In all the years she had known him, she had never seen that side of him. He was always so confident, so sure of where he was going and who he was. This . . . this was new. And her heart broke a little that she was the one who had the power to turn him into that.

  “Yes.”

  “Then you know what you have to do.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “It is,” Memphis argued. “You know it is.”

  “And what about you?” she asked. “You want me to open up and bare my soul and everything I’m feeling to you. When do you do it for me?”

  Memphis stayed silent.

  Kennedy pressed her lips together and opened the door without first looking to see if anyone was around. Pretty stupid since Brooks could have been standing there waiting for her, but all she could think about was getting away.

  Memphis wanted everything from her but wasn’t willing to give anything in return. How could she trust what he felt was real and not just a sudden urge of jealousy if he wasn’t willing to tell her?

  “Kennedy!”

  She turned and saw Brooks hurrying toward her from the entrance of the restaurant.

  “Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” he
said. “I sent the hostess in to check on you, and when she said you weren’t in the bathroom, I panicked. I’ve been outside looking for you.”

  “I’m sorry. I was just heading back to the table now.”

  “Where were you?”

  “In the bathroom.”

  Brooks narrowed his eyes at her.

  “No. I told you the hostess was in there and you weren’t.”

  Shit.

  “No. I mean I was in there, and then I needed some air, so I went out for a bit. I was just coming back from the bathroom now to find you.”

  “I was outside, Kennedy. I didn’t see you.”

  “I guess we missed each other,” she said, angry. Angry at Memphis for hiding how he felt. Angry at herself for putting them in this position and not knowing what the fuck to do about it. Angry at Brooks for looking so damned concerned about her when all she wanted was for him to shut up and leave her alone. “Look, I’m sorry, but I need to go home. I’m not feeling very well.”

  “Do you need me to take you to the hospital?” he asked, automatically going into doctor mode.

  “No. I just need to go home. Please.”

  Brooks gazed at her for so long Kennedy started to sweat. She was sure he could see through her feeble answers and knew what she had been up to, and she was terrified Memphis would step out of the bathroom at any moment—before she had a chance to get out of there. Finally, he nodded.

  “Okay. I’ll take you home.”

  Kennedy tried not to bolt from the restaurant and draw even more attention to herself. She walked beside Brooks at his pace, making sure to keep a good foot between them. The drive back to her apartment was quiet, the truck filled with uncomfortable silence.

  She figured he had to know something was up. He couldn’t be that clueless about the whole thing, could he? Maybe he was waiting to confront her at her place; to ask her what was going on and where she had really disappeared to.

  But when they pulled into her parking lot, the only thing Brooks asked was if she wanted him to stay the night in case she got sick.

  “No, thank you.” She forced a smile. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay, if you’re sure. I have an early shift tomorrow so I’ll be at work if you need me.”

  “Of course.” She opened her door and scrambled out quickly, waving to him from the safety of her entrance, thankful he hadn’t insisted on following her upstairs.

  She wanted nothing more than to sink into a warm bath and forget about the two men who had taken over her life.

  She knew what Memphis wanted her to do, and she knew what Brooks wanted her to do. The only question was, what did she really want do?

  She filled the tub with water and poured a good amount of bubble bath in as well before stripping off her clothes and sinking into its warmth. She rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind of everything and enjoy the quiet.

  That lasted for a minute before she heard her cell ring. When it stopped playing its musical tone, her house phone was next to break the silence.

  “Go away,” she said to whoever was calling.

  Her machine clicked on and suddenly Memphis’s voice filled her apartment.

  “Hey . . . I guess you’re either screening or not at home.” He paused and she waited with bated breath to see if that would be all he said. “Look, Kennedy, this isn’t something I wanted to say on a machine . . .” Her heart stopped and her stomach rolled. “Maybe it’s best this way, though. I can’t tell you what you want to hear . . . I want to, but I can’t. Not while you’re with him. But you know. I don’t need to say the words for you to know.

  “When you walked out tonight to go back to him—I’ve never felt that kind of punch in the gut before. You see me with someone else, and you think you’re the only one who’s hurting, but you have no idea what I’m feeling when I see or even think of you with him. And what I realized tonight is I can’t do it anymore.

  “You need to choose, Kennedy. And whatever you choose, I’ll support you and be there for you. But I can’t be there until you do. Make a choice, beautiful. And call me once you have.”

  Kennedy’s heart clenched as her chest tightened and tears streamed down her face as the machine clicked off and Memphis was gone.

  Chapter 17

  Kennedy shut herself away from the world over the next few days, hoping by doing so she would figure out what to do. She spent hours at the studio, unable to find her usual comfort in the strokes of her brush.

  She didn’t like that Memphis had given her an ultimatum. But when she thought about it, she knew that wasn’t really what it was. He didn’t say ‘choose me or I’m gone’; she just had to be with only one of them. Memphis would still be in her life either way.

  Wouldn’t he?

  If she chose to keep seeing Brooks, would Memphis really support her decision like he said he would? He would still have to see them together and live with the fact that she chose Brooks over him. Would that become too much and he’d bail?

  But why would she choose Brooks when Memphis, the man she wanted and couldn’t stay away from, was telling her he wanted the same thing?

  If she chose Memphis, would it last? Or would his feelings be over as soon as the chase was? Was it simply a case of suddenly wanting the one person he shouldn’t have? Once he had her, would she lose him? Memphis wasn’t a relationship type of guy. She knew him too well. She knew he grew bored of women quickly and moved onto the next one like a junkie needing a fix. If she gave him everything she had and it didn’t work, what would she have left to give him platonically? There was no way she would be able to remain friends with him if something like that happened. It would be too hard. There would be too many hurt feelings.

  But didn’t she run the risk of the same thing happening if she stayed with Brooks?

  With Brooks she knew what she was getting. He hadn’t been the most reliable boyfriend, but he was trying. When Kennedy pulled her head out of her ass long enough to see, she realized he really was trying to change and be the man she needed. He was stable, a little career driven, but was that really a fault?

  He doesn’t want kids.

  Kennedy frowned. There was that, and it was definitely something that could be a deal breaker. But she didn’t even know if Memphis wanted kids. It was the one thing they had never talked about. She didn’t even know how he felt about kids.

  She wanted a baby. She wanted to walk about with her stomach sticking out farther than her feet and feel the tiny kicks within her womb. She wanted to sit in bed at night and circle potential baby names from a baby book. She wanted to go through all the hard work of delivering a tiny human into the world and hear its cry for the first time and know that everything she had just gone through had been worth it.

  She wanted to be a mother more than anything. Was she willing to give up that dream for either of them?

  Kennedy looked at the blank canvas in front of her and decided to give up for the day. She had been sitting there for hours, waiting for inspiration to hit, and it didn’t look like it was coming any time soon.

  She cleaned her brushes, put everything away, and was just walking out the door when her cell rang. The anxiety she felt lifted when she saw it was Vanessa’s number.

  “Hey! I was just leaving the studio,” Kennedy said before Vanessa could get a word in. “Want to meet up?”

  “Yes. At the hospital.”

  Kennedy tripped over her feet and nearly fell down the entrance steps.

  “What?” Kennedy cried, positive she had heard her wrong since she sounded so damn calm.

  Vanessa laughed.

  “We’re on our way to the hospital!” she cried. “My water broke thirty minutes ago. You have to meet us there.”

  “I’m getting in my car now.” Kennedy fumbled with the keys, cursed, and finally managed to open the door.

  “Take your time, sweetie. Don’t get into a wreck on the way over. I’m sure it’ll be awhile,” Vanessa assured her
before hanging up.

  Leave it to Vanessa to be the calm mother hen during labor.

  She got to the hospital forty minutes later, positive all the bad drivers in Vancouver were out and all in cahoots to make the drive to the hospital as long as possible. The nurse at the information desk told her where to go and it took her another ten minutes to find the room. She knocked softly, pushed open the door, and saw Joe rubbing large circles over Vanessa’s back as she bent over the bed breathing through a contraction.

  Joe looked up and smiled, and motioned for her to come in.

  “Hi,” she whispered.

  “You don’t have to be afraid to talk,” Vanessa ground out through clenched teeth, and then heaved a sigh of relief once the contraction had passed. “Phew.” She straightened and smiled at Kennedy. “See what he’s done to me?”

  Tears stung Kennedy’s eyes as she returned the smile.

  “Well, you look absolutely gorgeous,” she said.

  “Don’t even think about crying because if you do then I will, then Joe will start weeping because I’ll start yelling at him, and it will be a big mess,” Vanessa warned her.

  Kennedy laughed and wiped away the tears, nodding.

  “Okay. No tears.”

  “Did you call Memphis?”

  “Seriously? You’re in labor and you want to talk about that?”

  “What else am I going to do?”

  “Have a baby.”

  Vanessa laughed, which turned into a moan which required more back rubbing from Joe.

  “Where’s the guy with the drugs?” she moaned. “Someone get me some drugs.”

  “I thought we were going to try it natural, honey?” Joe reminded her.

  Vanessa glared at him.

  “We aren’t doing anything! I’m the one about to be torn open like a Twinkie wrapper!”

  Joe looked at Kennedy helplessly, and she had to look away to keep from laughing.

  “Will you just go find a fucking doctor who can jab that huge-ass needle into my spine and take away this pain, please?”

  Before Joe could do as demanded, a nurse came in to save his ass and promised the anesthesiologist would be up shortly.

  “If he’s not, Kennedy, will you just knock me over the head with the bedpan repeatedly until I’m out cold?”