“Keep it handy, Kenny,” he heard Zane say.
“Sure thing, Mr. Devereaux.”
“Come on,” Zane said to him.
“Where are we?” Connor asked as he climbed out of the car.
“My place,” Zane said stiffly.
Connor followed Zane into the building and wasn’t surprised to find that it was as high class a place as he had expected. A doorman opened the door for them and there were more random people inside that greeted Zane upon his arrival. The elevator ride was long but Zane didn’t speak to him and he had enough sense not to ask what was happening.
The first thing Connor noticed when he entered Zane’s apartment was how light and spacious it was. Huge windows on the opposite wall offered a nice view of the Sound and the whole floorplan was open – almost like one big room. The second thing he noticed was how cold and empty the place seemed despite the expensive, modern looking furniture and decorations. The whole thing was done in a black and white theme and the only thing the room “said” to him was that it belonged on the cover of some architecture or design magazine. Nothing about the apartment felt like a home or gave him any additional insight into the man who strode past him, snagging his hand as he went.
They ended up in Zane’s bedroom and Connor felt his gut clench as he realized he’d been brought here for a quick fuck – probably their last one if Zane’s cool attitude was anything to go by. Disappointment curled through him but if this was the last little bit of time he got to spend with Zane, he’d absolutely take it. He didn’t resist as Zane led him to the bed and urged him to sit but then Zane released him and went over to his dresser. Connor glanced around the room and noted that it was just as barren looking as the rest of the place. Everything about it looked expensive and stylish but left him feeling empty. The room was bigger than his entire apartment and he guessed the king sized bed cost more than everything he owned put together. It was all just another reminder that he and Zane were different…too different.
Zane returned to the bed and sat next to him but didn’t reach for him and it was then that Connor realized Zane was holding a picture in his hand. As Zane stared at it, Connor noticed his hand was trembling and he gently closed his own hand around Zane’s wrist and angled it enough so he could see the photograph.
The man in the picture couldn’t have been more than thirty years old and the little boy whose shoulders he had his arm wrapped around wasn’t quite a teenager. The boy’s hair was black and slightly on the long side and his big green eyes were wide with delight as he held a small fish up for the camera. The man was the spitting image of Zane except he had blue eyes instead of green ones and his grin was just as wide as the boy’s in the picture.
“Your dad?” Connor asked gently.
Zane nodded.
“How old were you here?”
“Twelve. It was our last trip to the lake.” Zane’s words sounded strangled and Connor knew that whatever he was about to hear would be bad. But Zane remained quiet and Connor knew in his gut that he was struggling.
“You guys liked to fish?” Connor asked.
“Yeah. Camping too. We’d go almost every weekend when he wasn’t working. Even in the winters. He loved to ice fish.”
“Where?”
“A small lake just south of the city,” Zane said. “Minneapolis,” he added.
“Is that where you grew up?”
Zane nodded again. “My mom and dad got married young, like your parents. But they did it out of necessity, not love.”
“Your mom got pregnant,” Connor observed.
“I think my dad loved her but she resented him…me too, I guess, since I’m the reason she didn’t get to go to college. They fought a lot. My dad was a mechanic so money was always tight but my mom had grown up around money so I guess it was hard for her to adjust. Her parents had disowned her when they found out she was pregnant. She finally left my dad when I was six.”
From the story Zane had told him last night, she’d left him too, not just his father. “Did you see her after she left?”
“No,” Zane said as he shook his head. “It was just me and my dad after that. We ended up moving into the apartment over the garage he worked at and I used to help out there after school. I wanted to be just like him when I grew up.”
Connor’s heart broke as Zane’s voice cracked.
“What happened to him?” Connor asked softly.
“He was…he was arrested one night just after I turned thirteen. One minute we were sitting and watching TV, the next minute the cops were breaking down our door and my dad was on his stomach on the floor being cuffed. They said he’d raped a fourteen-year-old girl from our neighborhood.”
Connor managed to stifle the gasp that threatened to escape his throat.
“They put me in a group home that night and I didn’t actually see my dad for almost a week. His lawyer finally came to meet with me to tell me what was happening. He said the girl had identified my father as one of three men who’d attacked her the night before he was arrested. I told the guy she was lying because my dad had been with me the night before but he said the cops wouldn’t believe me because I was his kid. He said my dad would get 25 years in prison if he didn’t take a plea. With a plea he’d get 5 years but with good behavior he’d probably only end up doing a year.”
Zane shook his head as his finger’s gripped the edge of the picture. Connor reached behind him and rubbed his hand over Zane’s back as he continued.
“The lawyer took me to see my dad and I begged him to take the deal even though I knew he was innocent. I was so selfish,” Zane said bitterly as he wiped at a tear that slipped down his cheek. “I was struggling at the group home I was in and the lawyer had promised he’d help find me a good foster home that I could stay at till my dad got out. I think that was the only reason my dad agreed to the deal.”
“He loved you,” Connor said.
Zane nodded and more tears began to fall unchecked.
“What happened to him?”
“They murdered him,” Zane choked out. “Three inmates stabbed him with homemade shivs. Turns out even the most hardened criminals don’t like child molesters.”
“Oh God, Zane-”
“A week after he was killed, the girl recanted her story after the D.A. got the DNA results back – she’d only been with one other person that night and she finally admitted that she hadn’t been raped at all…she’d been with her boyfriend and hadn’t wanted her parents to find out. My dad had done some work on her father’s car so that was how she picked him as one of the guys.”
Zane let out a guttural sound. “If he hadn’t taken the plea, he could have made bail or at least stayed in jail instead of being transferred to prison when the truth finally came out. I found out later that his lawyer had a 95% plea rate because he was too fucking lazy to get up in a courtroom and actually defend his clients.”
“Zane-”
“I killed him, Connor,” Zane whispered. “He never would have taken that deal if I hadn’t asked him to. He was trying to protect me.”
“It was not your fault,” Connor said firmly as he forced Zane to look at him. But he could see his words had absolutely no effect so he did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arm around Zane’s waist and held him.
“Is that why you became a defense attorney?” he asked.
Zane nodded.
“Were you in foster care when he was killed?” Connor asked carefully.
“No. Fucker had lied about that too. He had nothing to do with what foster home I would end up in or if I’d even get one at all. He didn’t even have the balls to tell me what had happened to my father. One of the older boys at the group home saw the story on the news the night after my dad was killed.”
Jesus.
“They found me a foster home about a month later. There were already two older boys living there and they used to beat the shit out of me all the time. I was pretty scrawny and hadn’t ever learned how to figh
t so I was glad when they moved me to foster home number two six months later. I was the couple’s first foster kid and within a week they were saying they wanted to adopt me. The woman was really nice to me, made me cookies, took me to school and picked me, that sort of thing. The guy used to toss a football around with me and help me with my homework…it was like I was part of the fucking Cleaver family. Only I don’t think Ward ever snuck into the Beav’s room at night and crawled into bed with him.”
Bile rose in Connor’s throat and he had to swallow hard to force it back down. He wanted to slam his hands over his ears so he wouldn’t have to hear anymore.
“Did he…?” Connor made himself ask.
“No, not all the way,” Zane said as his eyes remained focused on the picture in his hand. “He touched me, made me touch him. I begged him to stop but he kept telling me it was what people who loved each other did. I knew there’d be a point where he’d do more than just touch me so I told his wife. I was foolish enough to think she’d put a stop to it.” Zane laughed harshly. “I actually had this fantasy that she’d choose me over him and that at least I’d finally have a mom.”
“She didn’t believe you?”
“No, but Family Services picked me up that same day so I guess in a way she did stop it. I ended up in the group home again for a few days before they put me in foster home number three.”
The one where Zane had been burned with cigars. Connor felt tears sting his own eyes as he leaned his head against Zane’s chest. Zane’s heart thrummed rapidly beneath his ear.
“The foster parents already had four other foster kids, all my age or older. I was actually glad when all the man did was knock me around and play his games with his cigars. At that point all I wanted to do was get good grades so I could go to law school so I spent most of my time studying or working odd jobs to save up some money. But it was like I was wearing a target or something on my back every time I went to school and I usually walked out of the place with more bruises than when I’d walked in. Luckily, one of my foster brothers took pity on me and taught me to fight so that shit didn’t last too long. And the second I had enough credits to graduate, I took off. I applied for every scholarship and form of financial aid I could get and worked my way through college. I got accepted to Columbia and ended up graduating top of my class.”
“He would have been proud of you, Zane,” Connor murmured as he gently took the picture from Zane’s hand.
“I’d give everything I own to have him back even for a few minutes,” Zane whispered.
“I know you would, baby,” Connor said softly.
They were both silent for a long time before Zane said, “You threw me off, Connor. Last night, this morning. And then Mrs. Finney and that damn hug.”
Zane’s voice dropped off before he murmured, “Friends were always something that were in short supply while I was growing up so I guess I got used to not having any. Maybe it’s not right to ask for so much when I can’t give you more-”
“You don’t have to ask, Zane. It’s done. Friends…no matter what happens.”
Connor felt Zane relax against him.
“Friends with benefits,” Zane clarified.
Connor smiled and then tilted his head up for the kiss he knew Zane would give him. “Friends with benefits,” he confirmed before Zane sealed their mouths together.
“Let’s go do the tour,” Zane said when he released Connor’s mouth.
“I have a better idea,” Connor mused as he carefully reached over to Zane’s nightstand and put the picture down.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” Connor murmured as he let his hand glide over Zane’s thigh. “Play hooky with me tomorrow. We’ll do all the touristy stuff – the tour, Space Needle, Pike Place Market, ride the ferry.”
“And do you have any ideas for what we should do for the rest of the afternoon before we have to get back to Mrs. Finney’s place so we can fix her toilet?”
“So you can fix her toilet and yes, I have a few.”
“Okay,” Zane responded with a feigned casualness that disappeared the second Connor’s hand brushed Zane’s cock through his pants.
“Okay,” Connor murmured as he reached up to drag Zane down for another kiss.
***
“I knew it was too much,” Zane muttered as he wrapped his arm around Connor’s waist.
“It was so totally worth it,” Connor said with a weary smile as he let Zane lower him to sit on his bed. Before Zane could rise, Connor snagged him around the neck and pulled him down for a long, sweet kiss. “Thank you for today,” he whispered against Zane’s lips.
Zane couldn’t resist the need to taste Connor but he kept his kiss brief and then dropped to his knees and started working Connor’s shoes off. Connor’s heavy eyes watched him work and he wasn’t surprised when Connor’s fingers started skimming through his hair.
Once Zane had Connor’s pants off, he rested his fingers just above Connor’s prosthesis and said, “Show me how it works.” He lifted his eyes to see Connor watching him with some unnamed emotion but Connor tore his eyes away and began walking him through the process of removing the prosthesis. They’d only been about halfway through their day of exploring Seattle when Zane had noticed Connor’s shuffle had started to include an extra unevenness to it but when he’d asked Connor about it, Connor had insisted over and over he was fine. Zane had tried to include more breaks throughout the day but Connor had staunchly refused to slow down or cut the day short. There’d been a moment early on during the underground tour where Connor had gotten lost in himself briefly but it had just taken Zane saying his name a couple of times and running his fingers over Connor’s face to bring him back.
It took only a minute to remove the prosthesis in its entirety and Zane was caught off guard by both how simple and complex the equipment was. But it was the raw skin around Connor’s stump that had Zane’s body drawing up tight. He ran his fingers over the abrasions and blisters and he felt Connor’s sharp intake of breath. And for once it wasn’t because his touch was turning Connor on.
“It’s not supposed to look like this, is it?” Zane asked quietly as he moved his hands higher up Connor’s leg and began massaging the stiff muscles.
“No,” Connor murmured.
“You need to see a doctor,” Zane said.
“It’ll be fine. I just need to keep the prosthesis off for a few days. I have crutches that I can use to help me get around.”
“Is the prosthesis just the wrong material or something?” Zane asked.
“The socket doesn’t fit right,” Connor answered as he dropped back on the bed. “That’s the part that connects my leg to the prosthesis.”
“Can’t your doctors fix it?”
“The prosthetist at the VA keeps telling me it fits properly. I’m saving up so I can see someone outside the VA. I’m also hoping to get a prosthesis that will give make it easier to do stuff like climb stairs…maybe even run someday.”
“This isn’t right,” Zane muttered.
Connor leaned up on his elbows and then forced himself upright once more. Zane felt fingers brush his chin and then Connor was forcing his head up. “I’m one of the lucky ones, Zane. So many men and women lost so much more than I did. Too many,” he added.
“Let me give you the money, Connor,” Zane said even though he knew what the response would be.
But he was glad when Connor didn’t get angry or push him away. Instead, he got a brief kiss and then Connor said, “It’s something I need to do on my own,”
“If the situation were reversed and it was something you could give me, would you?”
“You know I would,” Connor answered solemnly. “The question is, would you take it?”
Zane didn’t answer since he wasn’t willing to lie to Connor and he didn’t want to have to say the truth out loud. Another kiss was brushed over mouth.
“Would you help me to the bathroom? I’m going to soak in the tub for a while.”
Zane put his arm around Connor to help him stand. Once they were in the bathroom, Zane helped Connor sit on the closed toilet so he could start taking the rest of his clothes off while Zane got the water started in the bathtub. While the bathroom wasn’t as big as his own, the whole room was much more modern looking than the rest of the apartment. There was a separate shower and tub and numerous handrails were placed all around the room.
“Bad place to fall,” he heard Connor say. “Mrs. Finney was one of the few landlords I met when I started looking for apartments who didn’t have a problem with me adding handrails.”
“You did this yourself?” Zane asked as he glanced around the bathroom.
Connor smiled and shook his head. “You’ve seen me with tools,” he said with a chuckle.
Zane laughed as he remembered the fiasco it had been trying to fix Mrs. Finney’s toilet yesterday. Every time he’d asked Connor to hand him the tool he needed, Connor had fumbled around in the homemade quilted bag that Mrs. Finney had handed them and declared her “toolbox.” The man didn’t know a wrench from a socket.
“I had some money saved up when I got discharged so I found a guy to remodel this room and put up handrails in the rest of the place.”
Zane let the tub fill as he helped Connor remove his underwear. Once he got Connor settled in the water, he leaned down and kissed Connor long and hard. “Do you need anything else?” Zane finally asked when he pulled back.
“You in here with me,” Connor responded, his eyes growing darker with desire. Zane definitely would have taken him up on the offer if he hadn’t seen the sheen of pain in his eyes too.
“Next time,” he promised as he kissed Connor once more before rising.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” Connor asked hopefully. “I have to work at 5 but I could meet you at the motel around lunch time.
Something tightened in Zane’s gut and he slowly dropped back down to the floor and snagged his hand around the back of Connor’s head. “The only place I’m going is to your kitchen to make some dinner. And you will see me tomorrow but it will be in the morning when you wake up with my mouth wrapped around your cock,” Zane growled. “And when I fuck you tomorrow afternoon, it will be here and not at that piece of shit motel. When we’re done, I’m going to give you a ride to work. Any questions?”
Freeing Zane (Barretti Security Series, Book 4) Page 11
