Earthman Jack vs. The Ghost Planet

by Matthew Kadish

  While Anna was still trying to process what Jack was saying, he hopped up and helped her to her feet.

  “Oh, and uh… there may be an evil tornado thing on the surface that’ll try to eat us once we’re up there, so try not to touch the ground. Or it. In fact, try not to even look at the thing, ‘cause it’s pretty creepy.”

  “Huh?” said Anna, her previous jubilation now suddenly replaced with growing concern.

  “Relax,” smiled Jack, patting Anna on the shoulder reassuringly. “Short of an army of Deathlords showing up, I can’t think of anything that could possibly mess up our escape.”

  “Oy! Earthman!” Scallywag’s voice rang out from the comm unit in Jack’s ear. “I got an army of bloody Deathlords on me tail, and we’re headed yer way!”

  Jack sighed. “I really gotta be more careful about what I say.”

  “I can’t shake ‘em!” said Scallywag urgently. “If I don’t get some help soon, the Trundle and I are gonna be wet spots on the walls!”

  Grohm growled and straddled his hoverbike, the massive machine humming to life. “Battle,” he said.

  “Looks like it,” said Jack, more than a little annoyed. Jack hopped on his hoverbike and motioned for Anna to join him as he started it up. She climbed on behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

  “Hold on tight, Princess,” said Jack. “Looks like we’re not out of the woods yet.”

  * * *

  The walls of the Ancient hallway raced by in one direction as plasma fire streaked in from the other. Scallywag gritted his teeth as he crouched low over the control panel of the hovercraft, trying to maneuver in the confined space of the hallway. We ain’t gonna last too much longer like this, the pirate thought. Indeed, though the hallway was large, it did not give him enough room to maneuver. The Deathlords had been relentless, and it had taken all of Scallywag’s skill as a pilot to keep from getting hit by the lead Deathlord’s cannonballs of death energy.

  “Scally, you there?” came Jack’s voice over the comm.

  “Where else would I bloody be?” replied Scallywag testily.

  “Pretty soon you’re going to be coming up to an area where a lot of hallways meet,” said Jack. “You’ll want to take the exit to the far right. The far right, understand?”

  “Aye, and where’s that lead?”

  “To a tunnel that will take you to the surface.”

  “Fat lotta good that’ll do me if I’m blown ta pieces in the meantime!”

  “Relax, Grohm and I got your back,” replied Jack. “Just remember – the far right tunnel, ‘kay?”

  Scallywag grumbled in response and looked down at the sensor readout on his control panel. The area Jack had mentioned was coming up fast. The moment they entered the half-moon area where all the hallways seemed to converge, Scallywag banked the hovercraft sharply, angling for the exit farthest to the right. The Deathlords behind him did not miss a beat, staying stubbornly on his tail.

  “I’m here,” said Scallywag into his comm. “Now what?”

  “Now, DUCK!” replied Jack.

  Red plasma fire streaked by Scallywag. He watched as one of the Deathlords following him was hit by the blasts, lost control and crashed into the wall, causing its jetpack to explode. The hum of hoverbikes echoed through the hallway as Jack and Grohm rocketed forward, blasting their weapons directly at the Deathlords who scrambled to avoid being shot.

  Scallywag couldn’t help but cheer as his allies raced by him on either side of the hovercraft, a blast from Grohm’s massive shotgun taking out another Deathlord. Abraxas twisted around as the duo shot by, his fiery red eyes meeting Jack’s for the briefest of moments. The smug smile on the boy’s face sent shivers of unadulterated rage up the Deathlord’s back.

  “EARTHMAN!!!!” he screamed.

  Jack and Grohm hit the brakes, their hoverbikes skidding forward as they turned, crisscrossing each other’s position before gunning their engines and racing ahead, now behind the three remaining Deathlords, their weapons blazing.

  “Oy, Greenskin,” said Scallywag, grabbing the Professor by the collar of his shirt and pulling him toward the controls. “Take over.”

  “What? Me?” replied Green. “But-but-but… I’m no pilot!”

  “How are ya with a gun?”

  “Horrible.”

  “Then yer now a pilot.”

  Scallywag left the nervous Trundle alone to steer the hovercraft as he turned and unholstered his guns, smiling to himself as he took aim. “Time for a bit o’ payback,” he said to himself as he opened fire.

  His blasts narrowly missed Abraxas, who quickly spun out of the way. The remaining Deathlords were now caught between Scallywag’s fire from in front, and Jack and Grohm’s fire from behind – a situation that did not please Abraxas one bit.

  Green looked down as the control panel on the hovercraft beeped at him. The sensor readout showed the exit tunnel to the surface rapidly approaching.

  “Um… Mr. Scallywag…” he said nervously. “The tunnel to the surface is approaching…”

  “So?”

  “So it… ah… it doesn’t seem to go there right away.”

  Scallywag turned and raised an eyebrow. “What? Where’s it go?”

  Green looked up as the hallway’s exit rushed toward them. The illuminated metal rings of the greater tunnel into which it emptied lay in the distance.

  “Um… down!”

  Green braced himself against the control panel. Scallywag quickly wrapped his arm around the side railing of the hovercraft, and not a moment too soon as they emerged from the hallway and Green angled the vehicle downward sharply. Scallywag briefly lost his footing, his legs kicking up into the air as the floor of the vehicle fell out from under him. Gravity soon caught up, and he crashed back down.

  “Bloody hell!” spat Scallywag. “What was that???”

  “The tunnel angled in such a way so that we could only follow it downward at our current velocity,” Green said.

  Scallywag quickly holstered his weapons and pushed Green aside. “Look at the size o’ this tunnel,” he said. “Ya don’t need to make sharp turns like that.”

  “I told you - I’m a scientist, not a pilot,” whined Green.

  Scallywag glanced at the sensors. The tunnel they were in seemed to straighten out horizontally for a few miles before curving upward for the surface. He looked behind them to see the Deathlords were down to three, but Abraxas and his two remaining minions were better able to dodge the blaster fire in the larger tunnel than they had managed back in the Ancient hallway. Jack and Grohm found themselves having to adjust course constantly to try to stay on the Deathlords’ tails.

  Abraxas saw Grohm veer to the side, taking aim at one of his Dark Soldiers. He summoned another ball of death energy into his hand and seized the opportunity.

  “FALL BACK!” he ordered.

  Immediately, he and his two remaining followers cut propulsion to their jetpacks, slowing their momentum and allowing Jack and Grohm to overshoot the Deathlords before they re-engaged their forward thrust. No sooner had Jack and Grohm passed than Abraxas hurled his death energy right toward Grohm.

  Grohm saw the attack heading directly for him and tried to adjust his course, but it was too late. The death energy hit his hoverbike’s rear stabilizer just enough to take a rather significant chunk out of it, causing its engine to whine loudly in protest.

  “Grohm!” yelled Jack as he watched the Rognok’s hoverbike spin out of control, sparks flying and smoke billowing from the damaged vehicle.

  Scallywag glanced behind him to see Grohm’s bike flip over, the massive alien falling from its seat before it veered off wildly and smashed into pieces against the side wall of the tunnel. Immediately, Scallywag cut the acceleration of the hovercraft, allowing it to slow enough to meet Grohm’s velocity as the Rognok plummeted toward the ground.

  Grohm landed flat on his back in the center of the hovercraft’s passenger platform, impacting its floor with a loud THUMP. The we
ight of the alien’s landing forced the hovercraft down, its bottom skimming the surface of the tunnel. The entire vehicle rattled violently before Scallywag could correct its motion and compensate for their new passenger.

  “If we somehow manage ta live through this,” Scallywag yelled at Grohm. “Yer going on a bloody diet!”

  Grohm only had a chance to growl in response before blaster fire erupted around them. Scallywag swerved the hovercraft to and fro as he tried to avoid the blasts while gaining altitude once again.

  Jack banked to the side just as Abraxas let loose another ball of death energy that rocketed by him. He glanced down and saw that Grohm, Scallywag, and Green were all in the hovercraft, but they were having a hard time avoiding the relentless blaster fire from the Deathlords who now enjoyed the advantageous position of being on the craft’s tail.

  “Jack,” he heard Anna say in his ear. “Try and hold it steady for a little bit.”

  “What?” replied Jack. “Why?”

  “You can’t dodge these attacks and fight back at the same time,” said Anna. “I just need you to keep the bike steady long enough for me to do something.”

  “What are you gonna do?”

  “This,” said Anna as she angled her left leg across Jack’s lap and reached across his chest with her hand to grab the handlebar of the bike. In a quick motion, Anna spun herself around Jack and into his lap, so they were now face-to-face. Jack locked eyes with her, wide-eyed at the maneuver. Anna smiled as she grabbed Jack’s pistol from his hand.

  “You keep us alive,” she said. “I’ll keep them off our backs.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” replied Jack, smiling.

  Anna hugged Jack close, bringing his chin up to her shoulder so he could see past her. She raised her arm over his other shoulder and opened fire, hitting the first Deathlord before he had time to react, striking his jetpack and sending him spiraling out of control. He crashed into the wall of the tunnel in a fiery explosion. Anna smiled to herself as her heart pounded in excitement. It felt good to be fighting back for a change.

  Abraxas and his remaining soldier began evasive maneuvers. As long as the Deathlords were focused on not getting shot by Anna, it made things easier for Jack and Scallywag.

  “Kill her!” screamed Abraxas.

  The Dark Soldier fired directly at Jack and Anna as Abraxas hurled yet another death energy attack at them. Jack swerved left and right, trying his best to avoid the incoming fire, but one of the plasma blasts hit his left forward stabilizer. Before he had a chance to react, the hoverbike rotated violently to the left, almost turning upside down. Anna shrieked as she fell out of Jack’s lap, losing her pistol in the process.

  “ANNA!” screamed Jack as he reached out and grabbed her by the wrist, his thighs tightening around the seat of the hoverbike and his right hand gripping it’s handle as he held on for dear life. Anna dangled in mid-air, looking up at Jack as her hair whipped around her face. Jack’s hand burned and his arm ached as she swung in his grasp. He gritted his teeth, trying desperately to hold on, even as his hand refused to obey – his grip slowly slipping.

  Below them, Jack could see Scallywag bringing the hovercraft in line; Grohm was there waiting to catch her. God, I hope this works, Jack thought as his grip finally gave out. Anna fell, squealing slightly before she landed in Grohm’s arms. Jack breathed a sigh of relief and looked behind him just in time to see Abraxas hurl another ball of death energy.

  “Oh, crap!”

  The blast rocketed toward Jack. He let go of his grip on his bike and fell just as the death energy impacted it. What was left of the hoverbike twisted away, disintegrating as it hit the side wall of the tunnel.

  Jack screamed as he fell – the fall from his bike wasn’t on target for the hovercraft below him, and it became frighteningly clear that he was going to miss it. Suddenly, Grohm reached out, his massive hand wrapping around Jack’s forearm as he fell. The hulking alien was leaning halfway out of the hovercraft, his other hand holding firmly to its railing as Jack flapped about like a rag doll in his grip.

  More blaster fire and balls of death energy shot toward them, with Scallywag frantically moving the hovercraft to and fro, its engine whining with the weight it now carried. Jack flailed about helplessly outside the hovercraft as it banked and juked, the Deathlords not letting up on their assault even for a moment.

  “Somebody – do – something!” Jack yelled.

  Professor Green reached over and grabbed one of Scallywag’s pistols from its holster and with a scream rushed toward the back of the hovercraft, firing the weapon wildly at their pursuers. Abraxas wheeled away from the sudden blaster fire but his sole remaining Dark Soldier was not so lucky. He was hit directly by the Professor and tumbled to the ground, his jetpack erupting in an explosion.

  Taking advantage of the sudden respite, Anna helped Grohm pull Jack onto the hovercraft’s platform. Scallywag looked at Professor Green, who was grinning proudly.

  “Horrible with a blaster, eh?” said Scallywag.

  “Easier than flying, my good fellow,” responded Green.

  The control console beeped at Scallywag. He looked down to see that the tunnel was about to change directions, curving vertically toward the surface.

  “Everyone, hold onto something!” Scallywag ordered as they raced toward the incline of the tunnel.

  All who could, wrapped their arms around the side railing of the hovercraft bracing themselves as Scallywag angled it into a climb and gained altitude. Above them, the golden hue of the Ghost Planet’s sky revealed itself in the distant opening. Jack glanced beneath them and saw Abraxas below.

  “Professor!” Jack said urgently. “Your gun!”

  Green glanced at the pistol in his hand like he’d forgotten it was there. He slid it across the floor of the hovercraft to Jack, who snatched it up and immediately started firing at Abraxas. The Deathlord avoided the blasts easily, trying to angle himself into the ship’s blind spot directly beneath it. Jack could see he was charging up another attack.

  “Scally! INCOMING!” Jack yelled as Abraxas unleashed his projectile.

  Scallywag jerked the hovercraft to the left, but the death energy grazed their side, taking a small part of the ship with it as it flew by. The hovercraft jolted, and alarms on the control console beeped in protest. Scallywag cursed as he tried to regain control. The hovercraft swayed unstably as they continued their ascent, the opening to the surface growing bigger and bigger as they got closer to it.

  Jack glanced down again just in time to see Abraxas fire another attack. “RIGHT!” he screamed. “To the right! The right!”

  The group slid to the right as Scallywag banked in the direction Jack had ordered. The death energy blast sailed by, just inches from the ship.

  “Somebody kill that sodding browner!” Scallywag snarled.

  Jack, happy to try to oblige Scallywag’s request, looked over the side of the hovercraft, blaster pistol at the ready – but there was no Abraxas to be seen. He glanced around frantically, trying to see where the Deathlord had gone, when suddenly the hovercraft jolted, as if something had hit it from the bottom. Alarms on Scallywag’s console blared angrily as it happened again. This time a ball of death energy shot right through the center of the hovercraft’s floor.

  “Blast it!” yelled Scallywag . “We’re losing engines!”

  “Get us to the surface!” yelled Jack as he climbed to the hole in the floor. “Whatever it takes!” Jack shoved his arm through the hole the death energy blast had formed and fired blindly, hoping to flush Abraxas off their tail. Meanwhile, Scallywag tried to level off the hovercraft, redistributing the strain of their ascent to the outer areas of its stabilizers. They continued to climb, but their speed was steadily slowing.

  “C’mon ya bloody piece of…” grumbled Scallywag as he angled the vehicle to the side, the tunnel’s exit steadily coming toward them.

  No sooner had they passed the edge of the opening to the surface of the planet than Abraxas appeared
by their side, having come up from under them, a ball of furious death energy swirling in his hand.

  “DIE!” he screamed as he raised the attack over his head, ready to unleash it.

  A collective scream emanated from the group at the Deathlord’s sudden appearance. Scallywag banked the hovercraft to the side, away from the Deathlord and his attack, but without much luck. The blast impacted the side of the hovercraft, sending them spinning like a top. The hovercraft hit the ground like a frisbee, its metal undercarriage shrieking as rock and dirt tore at it.

  The vehicle’s rotational frenzy came to an abrupt end as it impacted a large rock, sending those inside of it flying out as it flipped over. Jack and the others flew a few feet into the air before hitting the ground, rolling as they did so.

  Jack shook his head, dizzy from the impact, his joints protesting as he tried to sit up. He looked around him, the hovercraft’s carcass smoking and sparking a few feet away and his companions all coming to, nursing injuries from the landing. Then, Jack’s eyes looked down and focused on his hand as it lay flat against the dirt of the Ghost Planet.

  Oh no, he thought.

  A blood-curdling shriek pierced the air, echoing out from far away. Jack got to his feet, his heart racing with panic. “Off the ground!” he shouted. “We gotta get off the ground!”

  “Jack – LOOK OUT!” he heard Anna cry.

  Before he had time to react, Anna had hurled herself into him, tackling him to the ground as a death energy blast impacted right where he had been standing. Jack glanced in the sky as Abraxas hovered there, lording over them.

  “Behind,” bellowed Grohm as the massive alien grabbed what was left of the hovercraft and wielded it like a shield in front of him. The group scrambled to its shelter as Abraxas lazily tossed another ball of death energy their way, laughing as he did so.

  “We are so bloody kittened,” grumbled Scallywag.

  “We gotta get off the ground,” said Jack. “That thing will be here any minute!”