Warrior (First to Fight #1)

by Nicole Blanchard

  “Did your dad know?”

  I nod, before remembering we’re in the dark. “Yes, I told him at the same time I spilled about the pregnancy. He gave me what information he had, which was very little.”

  Short-lived relief fills me when I hear him chuckle, before he asks, “How did that go over?”

  I think back to that conversation with my dad, how supportive he was, and have to work to speak past the lump forming in my throat. “He actually wasn’t real surprised.”

  Ben is quiet for a moment, before I hear him clear his throat. “What made you want to look for them now, after all this time?”

  “When I learned I was pregnant, it was just something I felt like I had to know.” My throat burns with emotion. “I can’t help but wonder now that if I’d known my family, maybe I would have had some warning, or some way to prevent Cole’s illness.” I’d known Ben long enough to know his family didn’t have the predisposition for heart conditions.

  His hand moves to my hip and he pulls my body closer to him. “Stop. You don’t have to be around that boy for five minutes to know how much he’s loved. You’re a great mom. You don’t need to beat yourself up for things that are out of your control. But I know that’s easier said than done, trust me.”

  I wonder what he has to beat himself up about. Does it have to do with his nightmares? His injuries? I ache to know what haunts him, but now probably isn’t the best time to ask.

  As he holds onto me in the darkness, I feel myself softening toward him. I should have known there was a reason why he kept himself away from me.

  And now I’m determined to find out exactly what it is.

  Unable to fall asleep for the fear that he’ll have another nightmare, I listen to the sound of his breathing until the sun streams in through the windows. I scooch down the bed, trying not to wake him as I slither out of his hold. I nearly manage to make it free when his fingers tighten around me.

  “Where are you goin’?”

  “Check on Cole. Make breakfast.” Escape the warm, fluttery feeling that’s come back to life in my stomach after spending a night pressed up against him.

  “He awake?”

  I gulp. His voice is all morning-rough and gravelly. The cocoon of us under the sheets is too enticing. “No, but I still want to check on him, just in case.”

  “You can, but I want a minute with you first.”

  “Everything okay?”

  His thumb begins a lazy pattern on my stomach. “Everything’s fine. First time I’ve woken up actually feeling like I got some sleep.”

  “No more nightmares?” For some reason, I find myself holding my breath. It could be the fact that I want him to be okay. Or the slow heat that’s begun to build in my stomach. Maybe a heady combination of both.

  “Nah. Slept like a baby with you next to me.”

  His candid statement steals the breath from my lungs. “Good,” I manage.

  “Thank you,” he says, his voice low.

  “For what?”

  “For chasing away my demons.”

  The hand on my stomach urges me to turn until I’m facing him. He looks so innocent with his face soft in half-sleep, his eyes a darker shade of blue in the morning. My fingers go to his chest and I note the new scars marring the skin there. I finger one of them, remembering how angry he was when he came home from his last deployment and the look on his face when he woke from his nightmare.

  I open my mouth to ask about them, once and for all, but his hand slips from my hip to cup the weight of my ass and the words get stuck in my throat. The pain in my side and shoulder diminish underneath a rush of desire so potent that my entire body tenses.

  “Ben?”

  A small smile curves his lips. Lips that are inching their way closer and closer to my lips. And then his mouth brushes mine. There aren’t words to describe how it feels to be able to touch him again, to kiss him, after all this time. Despite all that’s changed between us, despite the months that have passed, I feel like a part of me has come home. For that reason, I melt against him, finally, and kiss him back.

  He releases me for a moment to look into my eyes, our lips just barely touching. He presses a series of soft kisses to my jaw, my eyelids, then back to my lips. Then we’re kissing slowly, deeply. One arm rests beneath my head, the other cupping my jaw as he claims me completely.

  No matter how much I’ve tried to deny it, I’ve never been anything but his.

  My fingers slide down from where they’re clutching his shoulders to the muscles of his back. Oh God, and I swear there is nothing more perfect than the weight of him above me. I open one leg and encircle his hip, arching against him.

  He breaks the kiss to inhale deeply. When he looks up his eyes are burning with desire. For me. I remember this feeling all too well. Our one night together was fuel for a year of fantasies and Ben far exceeds all of them in real life.

  He starts to dive down for another kiss and we freeze at the sound of Cole’s cry over the monitor.

  My fingers dig into his back for a second, then I let loose, tapping him on the shoulder. “I, um, I should go get him.”

  Ben lifts up and I scoot out from under him, thankful for the cool air. I hear him plop on the bed and groan into a pillow behind me.

  One day and I couldn’t even keep my hands off of him. I press a hand to my hot face as I walk into Cole’s room, body still thrumming from our kiss.

  He is trouble. A big, hot, nearly-naked-in-my-bed pile of trouble.

  The baby squeals as Ben topples the tower they’ve been working to build. I smile from where I’m sitting on the patio. After this morning, I’ve strategically kept my distance. Much as I like kissing Ben, I’m not sure it’s the best thing for either of us right now.

  Ben looks up as Cole slings the blocks around on the blanket. “He was born on—”

  “May 17th.”

  “Why Benjamin Cole?” Ben asks as he watches Cole’s antics with a smile on his face.

  I blush. I hadn’t considered when I named him that I would have to explain the story. I clear my throat. “I wanted him to have a part of you—that’s important to me. But I also wanted him to have his own name to go by, no offense.”

  “None taken,” he murmurs as we reach the swings.

  “Anyway, I know Marines are also called warriors. I may or may not have looked up all the boy names that mean warrior. Plus, Cole Walker sounds pretty badass, doesn’t it?”

  He chuckles. The sound is low and sends ripples through my stomach. “It does.”

  As Cole plays, Ben smiles at me. “Thank you.”

  I glance up at him. “For what?”

  He opens his mouth to answer, but Cole squeals in happiness and urges Ben to knock the tower down. Ben gives me a small smile and turns his attention to the baby, who is over the moon with all of the attention. As I take in the sight of them, I feel my heart squeeze.

  “I’m sorry that you had to go through his surgeries alone,” Ben says.

  “Thanks. He came through them like a champ, though.” Cole punctuates the statement with a squeal as the tower falls.

  “I promise you won’t have to go through anything alone again.”

  I turn sharply to study Ben’s face to see if he realizes what he just said, how much it meant to me, but he’s lifting Cole from the blanket and snuggling him to his chest.

  I admire the picture they make for a moment before my phone starts ringing in my pocket. Because of Cole’s condition he can’t spend too much time doing strenuous activities, so I motion to Ben and we start heading back inside.

  I answer the phone as Ben starts picking up the toys.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Olivia, it’s Logan.”

  “Oh, hey. What’s up?”

  “We have some new developments. Can I meet you at your house?”

  All happy feelings from the morning with Ben and Cole turn immediately to panic. “Sure,” I reply around the lump in my throat. “We’ll be here.”
r />   “Good. Give me about ten minutes. Is Ben there or should I give him a call?”

  “No, he’s here.” Ben perks up and sends me a questioning look. When I’m unable to do little more than send him a frightened look, he carefully lifts Cole and comes to my side.

  “Good. See you soon.”

  “Who was that?” Ben asks.

  “Logan. He’ll be here in a few minutes to discuss the case.”

  “Did he say what it was about?” Ben rests his spare hand on the small of my back as he guides me back inside.

  “Just that there were new developments. He didn’t go into much detail.”

  We wait in the living room for a few tense minutes watching as Cole entertains himself on the floor. When the bell rings, Ben is up in a flash. Murmured male voices come from the entryway and they appear in the living room. I pick Cole up so I have something to do with my hands as Logan takes a seat on the couch.

  “Hey, Livvie,” he says, running a hand over his nearly-bald head.

  “Logan. Tell me you’ve got some good news.”

  “Of sorts. Do you know Chad Trenton?”

  My lips pull into a frown. “Of course. We went out a couple of times until—” I break off and glance back at Ben. “Until a few days ago. Maybe a week? It was a little bit before the incident. I haven’t seen him since.”

  “Is there any reason why he would want to hurt you?”

  “Chad? I don’t think so, I mean, he wasn’t happy with me the last time I saw him because, well, I broke things off between us. But he’s not the kind of guy that would hurt anyone.”

  “We’ll take that into consideration, but he’s one of a few suspects with a vehicle matching the description of the assailant’s. We’ve brought him in for questioning just to be safe. Is there anyone else you can think of that may have a grudge against you?”

  I shake my head. “No one at all. I’ve barely even left the house over the last couple of months.”

  “For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s our guy either, but we want to be sure. The other is an out of state vehicle. Some low-life named Mason Smith, lives in the next county over. He’s a local thug. Drug dealer. Has a group of women that he pimps out on occasion.”

  “I guess it’s too much to hope that you’re bringing him in for questioning, too.”

  “He wasn’t at his residence when they went by, but we’ve got men out looking for him. In the meantime, just keep aware. Set your alarms and check your locks, just in case. There is something about this that isn’t sitting right with me.”

  “Of course. I appreciate the update. I know you’re doing all you can.”

  Ben walks Logan out. When he returns, I send him a relieved smile, “I’m so glad we finally have some leads. I’ve heard of Mason before. He lives on the other side of town. I highly doubt Chad could have anything to do with this. He’s not the brightest crayon in the box, but he couldn’t hurt a fly.”

  He watches as I flit around the living room, tidying up things that don’t really require tidying. “You can’t be so sure of that.”

  “Mason is a drug dealer. If anyone has anything to do with this, I’d bet it would be him. Besides, Chad and I were really just beginning to see each other. Even after he saw us the other night, he wasn’t that upset. Even when I broke things off.”

  Ben blocks the kitchen doorway with an arm as I try to squeeze through with a handful of dirty dishes. “You’re delusional if you think he wasn’t pissed off when he found me with my hands all over you.”

  “Your hands weren’t all over me,” I scoff.

  “Baby, my hands were full of tits and ass. Any man who walks in on that, especially with a woman like you, they’re going to be pissed off.”

  I look at him sharply. “A woman like me?”

  “Yeah, a woman like you.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  “It means if I were in his shoes, I would have been pissed off, too.”

  “So you’re saying that you would have gunned me down in a parking lot if you saw me with another man?”

  “I’m saying any man can snap, given the right circumstances. Losing you,” he says, staring deep into my eyes, “that would definitely throw any man over the edge.”

  I don’t even know how to respond so I duck under his arm and distract my racing heart with rinsing out the dishes. Desperate to change the subject, I blurt, “I bet you’re relieved that you don’t have to keep staying over here, huh?”

  Ben follows me in the kitchen, leaning against the island behind me. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, the police have some leads now. All they need to do is bring the guys in for questioning, then this will all be over. Do you want me to help you pack?”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Ben turns me around to face him. I keep my gaze steady on his neck. “I’m just saying that now that they’re making some headway on the case, you can relax a little bit. Get back to your own life.”

  “I don’t fucking think so.”

  “You...don’t fucking think so...what?”

  “You’re delusional. We just had the conversation about keeping you safe until this man is behind bars. That doesn’t change because there have been a few developments.”

  “Ben, this is getting ridiculous. I’m fine. We’re going to be fine. You don’t have to stay here. If you’re worried about me keeping the baby from you, you don’t have to be. You’re welcome to see him anytime you want. We can go see a custody lawyer and get started on that if it makes you feel any better.”

  Ben leans his weight on the kitchen counter and crosses his arms across his muscular chest. “It’s not about the baby, Olivia. It’s about you and me.”

  I flush and move to leave, but he cages me against the counter. “You mentioned that before but…things are just too complicated right now. I have to focus on Cole. I think it’s probably best that there isn’t a ‘you and me.’” I can’t entertain the thought of Ben and I again, even though my body is screaming otherwise. I would only lose him again. Like I lost my father and—

  “Let me take you upstairs and I’ll remind you of all the reasons why there should be,” comes Ben’s voice, low in my ear.

  And that’s exactly why I can’t go there again. With one sentence, he solidifies my conviction and pours a bucket of ice cold water over my traitorous body which was once again heating up at Ben’s sinful words and close proximity. There’s no doubt in my mind that I can take Ben up on his offer right now and he would more than deliver on his promise. Attraction, sex…they’ve never been an issue between Ben and I. But I need more than that now. Cole needs more than that. And we can’t have both.

  “I’m not the kind of guy who can give you the white picket fence, but I can promise you that it’s a night you’ll never forget.” Ben’s truth, which he gave me himself. He gave me the best part of himself that night. And it would have to be enough.

  “I don’t think so. I’m going to go upstairs and take a shower. You’re more than welcome to stay for dinner.” I move to leave, but he doesn’t budge. “I’m serious, Ben.”

  “So am I.”

  “Are you listening to a word I’m saying?” I exclaim.

  “Not really. Especially not when all that’s coming out of your mouth is bullshit.”

  “When did you get so stubborn?”

  “I’ve always been stubborn. You just always used to agree with me, so it was okay.”

  I square my shoulders, placing my hands on my hips, and give him my best no-bullshit glare. “Well, this is one thing that we aren’t going to agree on, no matter how stubborn you are.”

  He moves in closer, going in for the one spot that he knows from experience always makes me weak. He presses his lips to my ear and whispers, “You sure about that, Spitfire?”

  LIVVIE LOOKS AT me with wild eyes. I recognize the primitive fight or flight response. The way she wants to protect herself from me, keep the soft, vulnerable part of her
hidden. The part of her that I like so much. Her gaze flickers around me searching for a way out.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Liv. Get used to it.”

  I step back a bit and let her slide by. She sends me panicked glances as she disappears around the corner. Cole bangs on the little playpen for attention. I pick him up, careful to do so by holding his butt and neck the way Livvie taught me in order to not agitate his still-healing wound from his second surgery. He isn’t quite sure of me yet, no matter how much fun we had this morning with the blocks. To stave off the tantrum I can feel coming, I give the kid a handful of snacks I find in the cupboard, which seems to satisfy him for the moment.

  After pouring myself a cup of coffee—it seemed a better option than the six-pack I normally down each day—I sit at the island with the little guy and check my email. There are a couple of messages from people I knew in the Corps, the regular spam and adverts. Nothing from the one person I’ve been reaching out to for months now, to no avail.

  I zone out, suddenly looking up to find myself in the desert with the body parts of my fallen men around me. The trucks are belching black smoke and cackling flames. Greene has come to and is screaming inconsolably. I can’t hear him. I can only see the ravaged stain of pain on his face. He’s almost white with it and a river of blood surrounds him. My gear and clothes are soaked in it. My vision spots white and I look up to see the smoke of another rocket coming straight for us.

  A loud smack breaks me from the waking nightmare, sending shockwaves throughout my body. I tune back in to the present and find a red-faced Cole staring at me, his snack spread out in a wave on the floor. My fingers grip the edge of the table. I take a deep breath, offering up a weak smile.

  “Sorry, kid. Was I ignoring you?” I get to my knees and rake up the food with shaking hands. Cole hiccups above me and a tear streaks down his cheek. “We’ll get you cleaned up and I’ll make you another snack. Does that sound good?”

  I get to my knees, tossing the food in the trash and the bowl in the sink. I wipe the tear from his face and there, just for a second, he leans into my hand and closes his eyes. The earlier panic melts away and a seed of connection is born between us. I didn’t get to bond with him while he was in Livvie’s belly. I didn’t get to see him when he was born. I hadn’t even quite wrapped myself around the concept of being a father. But touching him, seeing him, having a moment with him, makes our bond real for the first time. That simple wonder is enough to wipe away the cold sweat and the remaining dregs of fear.