All About You (Love & Hate series #1)

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

Present

  Next day, the four of us pack everything into Dora’s car and make the journey back to our hometown. Over two years ago, Oliver had sworn he would never come back to Gargle. Then he showed up unexpectedly during that New Year’s Eve party. He wanted to know why I came to visit his mother. Then we made peace, his bullying stopped, and now we are getting back together, as if the past no longer matters.

  Last time, no one knew Oliver was back, but now it’s official. Other people will recognise him, judge him. Then they will spot me. The person that was the cause of all the drama and pain.

  Oliver is quiet throughout the journey. Last night I called Mum to let her know that I was on my way back. She had heard the news, and after a lot of difficult conversation, she agreed for Oliver to stay with us. But she wants an explanation of why he isn’t staying with his own mother.

  Mum knows only bits and bobs about the conflict in the Morgans’ household, but she has no idea what happened between Christian and me.

  Three hours later, we drive through the town centre. I feel Oliver tensing next to me without saying a word. Dora drops us outside my house and asks me to let her know if any date has been set for the funeral.

  “Are you sure your mother doesn’t mind? I can stay in the hotel,” he says, looking around.

  “I spoke to her. She’s fine with this, but you have to go and see your mum. There is no point in waiting until tomorrow.”

  “I told you I will as long as you’re with me.”

  Mum runs across the path and hugs me. She is the spitting image of me, the same long, caramel hair and fair skin. When she finally notices Oliver, her eyes widen with amazement.

  “My God, what a transformation. India was right when she said you changed,” she says.

  “Good to see you too, Mrs. Gretel.”

  My mother says she is really sorry for his loss. Oliver nods and we all go into the house. My little sister Josephine keeps staring at Oliver for several minutes before she realises that’s him.

  Mum takes me away to the kitchen to talk a little. I feel sick that I haven’t told her that Oliver and I started dating.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s going on here?” she asks, folding her arms together. I bite my lip, contemplating where to start. There is so much I have been meaning to tell her.

  “Oliver left Gargle because his relationship with his mother broke down. He wasn’t planning to come back.”

  Mum arches her eyebrows in confusion. “That’s why he can’t stay with her, because they had a fight?”

  “It’s more than just a fight. It’s complicated, Mum. Can you drop it for now?” I ask.

  She sighs and places her palm on my shoulder. “I can, but there is something else you’re hiding from me. You and Oliver are a couple, right?”

  “We’re working things out between us. This is also very complicated.”

  “Are you sure you want to get yourself involved with another Morgan? I know how hard it was for you to cope after Christian—”

  “Mum, please. I don’t even know why I dated Christian. Maybe because I wanted to get closer to Oliver. Can you be happy for me just this once?” I ask.

  “I’m happy for you. It’s just worrying me. I don’t want you to get hurt. Oliver looks a little damaged, and he could take you down with him.”

  “It’s going to be all right. I’ll make him see Mrs. Morgan. She changed. She takes her medication and goes to therapy. Oliver has nothing to worry about.”

  “I hope you’re right, hun. Just be careful. He needs to be the one with initiative.”

  Later in the afternoon, Oliver finally emerges from my room. I saw him drifting off earlier, so I left him to catch up on some sleep. Mrs. Morgan has been on the phone with me, asking if Oliver was planning to come today. The funeral was set for Saturday, which gives Oliver two days to make peace with his mother.

  I witnessed some of their encounters, so I could understand him, but now his father is dead. He doesn’t have to wait for anything. She also doesn’t know about his transformation. Oliver will remind her about Christian; that’s why I have to be there with him.

  “Let’s go to town, see if Gargle is still as depressing as I remember,” suggests Oliver, passing me my jacket as the darkness falls.

  “I thought we were going to see your mother. Don’t you think it’s time?”

  “She can wait until tomorrow. I’ve got to be in the right frame of mind to able to face her, India, and today isn’t a good day,” he says, spinning me around and kissing me. He’s doing a good job trying to distract me.

  “You guys are so gross.”

  We pull away from each other and Oliver starts laughing. I smile at Josephine, who doesn’t look too happy that she had to witness Oliver and me making out.

  Dora arrives with Jacob to pick us up and we head to the club in the town centre. It’s no point trying to convince Oliver that he should take it easy. Maybe that’s the way he wants to deal with his grief. Get drunk and party. Everyone copes differently. I started hurting him because I felt trapped in my own body.

  “Wow, old, nasty Gargle, even the name for this town is appropriate,” says Oliver once we approach the small club. When we were younger, we weren’t allowed, but now I’d rather be at home than drinking here.

  I exchange a worried look with Jacob and follow Oliver. Dora recognises a few girls we used to hang out with while we were in high school. I have a bad feeling about this. No one knows how much Oliver has changed. After he left, people used to pick on me because I stopped going out and hanging out with the old pack, and now I’m here with the person I’m supposed to hate.

  “It’s not that bad. I can’t believe this club is still here, right?” says Dora, winking at me.

  We get inside and find a seat in the back. Oliver disappears to get us all drinks. It’s midweek so the club isn’t busy, but I already spot a couple faces I know.

  “This is wrong. We shouldn’t be here now,” I whisper to Jacob while Dora keeps chatting away with some of her old friends.

  Jacob rubs his eyebrow, staring at Oliver, who is busy with his order. “He never talked about his father before. I know him and I don’t think he’s dealing with this how he should.”

  I’m just about to say something when someone slams himself next to me. My jaw drops right down when I see Bryan Roze, the guy with whom I rebounded after Christian’s death. I want to start screaming. How come all of the sudden everyone is here?

  “Indi, how nice to see you here again. I feel like we’re back in high school. So how you been?”

  “Fine… great, actually. What the hell are you doing here, Bryan? I thought you were studying in London?” I ask after the initial shock of seeing him here. My memories race back to the night I spent with him. I was hurting and I needed to feel like a real woman, and I thought sleeping with someone would take away the demons.

  “I’m taking a little break. So what do you say? Do you think we can have some fun together like we used to?” he asks, leaning closer. His breath smells of vodka. Jacob moves over him and Dora shoots me a questionable look.

  “I’m sorry, but she’s with me, so I suggest you move along before I get angry,” barks Jacob.

  I swallow hard, knowing it was a bad idea coming here tonight. Bryan isn’t a guy who can take an offence without showing what he’s capable of.

  “Wow, Indi, don’t tell me you’re with that loser. I thought you would do so much better than that.”

  “No, Bryan, India is here with me, and if you don’t take your dirty hands off her, I’ll fuck you up so hard you won’t be able to move!” says Oliver, who magically appears in front of me, looking at Bryan like he’s just about to tear him to pieces.

  “Who would have thought so? The perfect Indi got herself a harem of losers.” Bryan smirks. He obviously doesn’t think he should move.

  Jacob tenses next to me. I can’t even look at Dora’s face, and Oliver, I doubt he has much co
ntrol left. I can smell trouble coming. I don’t believe Bryan recognises who he’s looking at. Oliver has changed, and at first, I had real trouble seeing the old Oliver in this new, astonishingly amazing body.

  “Oliver, we should leave, now!” I hiss, getting up, trying to push him away. Jacob and Dora already got the hint and are grabbing their stuff. Bryan stares at Oliver and that smirk disappears. We start getting up and I pray Oliver won’t do anything stupid.

  “Morgan? Hell, yeah, this is Morgan. I thought I recognised you,” says Bryan, following us to the entrance. Oliver is breathing so hard I think he’s going to pass out. I keep squeezing his hand, telling him to leave it, but he keeps glancing back at Bryan. When I think the threat is over, I hear Bryan just behind me. “You were fucking the awesome Morgan. Then you crawled back to me, and now you’re fucking this worthless piece of shit. I thought better of you, Indi!”

  This time all of us hear him, and I can’t hold back Oliver any longer. He dodges away from us and storms toward Bryan without a warning. His punch is quick and efficient. Before any of us can realise what is happening, my ex-lover is on the floor and Oliver is on top of him, hitting him continuously. Dora screams, Jacob tries to pull Oliver off, but it looks like Oliver is going through some vicious state. He isn’t controlling himself anymore. Someone else calls security and a couple of bouncers tear him away from Bryan.

  My heart stops for several moments as I stare at Bryan, who is still lying on the floor, moaning, covered in blood. A lot of people circle around him. Bouncers are all over Oliver, but then Jacob drags him away. Moments later, we all get out of there and jump in the car. Jacob peels away, and my heart pounds in my chest. Oliver is sitting next to me, his hands shaking. He’s staring at his bloody knuckles. Jacob swears in the front seat, and I can’t seem to snap out of what went on in the club.

  “Jacob, please drop us home,” I tell him. He nods to me in the front mirror. I manage to get Oliver upstairs before my mum can notice what kind of state he is in. I lock the door and Oliver sits on the floor, and I hand him a towel.

  He looks at me with those large blue eyes and moments later, he starts sobbing. I move closer to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

  “Get it all out. Come on. It’s only me,” I whisper, knowing his grief has started and I have to comfort him. I’m here for him.

  Present

  When I wake up next morning, my bed is empty. Oliver must have woken up early. When I check the clock, it’s just after eleven. My head starts spinning when I think about the events from last night.

  I hurry downstairs, searching for him. We have wasted so much time. He should be with his mother, as the funeral is tomorrow. Mum is at work and Josephine is in school. Other than that, the house is empty and it looks like Oliver went out when I was still sleeping.

  I check my phone and calm a little.

  Gone home. It’s time to talk. Come up when you’re ready. X

  Oliver finally decided to face his mother and their uncomfortable past. It’s a step ahead, but that doesn’t mean it’s all okay and his relationship with his mother is back on track. Within minutes, I take a shower and then change. Mrs. Morgan promised to keep my secret about Christian. I want to tell him through the letters. He needs to have some time to adjust to the truth before I face him.

  Fifteen minutes later, I’m on my way to the Morgans’ house, still worrying about last night. Bryan can easily press charges. I have no idea what kind of state he’s in. I dread thinking what would happen if Oliver didn’t stop. The police will be involved sooner or later.

  I have to walk through town and say hello to a couple of people I knew from school. It seems it’s been ages when I finally get there. After just one knock, Mrs. Morgan opens the door. Her eyes are red and it’s obvious she has been crying.

  “Hey, India, Oliver said you might be coming.”

  “Isn’t he here?” I ask, confused.

  “He was, but he left about five minutes ago. Our conversation heated up a little,” she replies, nodding for me to come inside. “I couldn’t believe it when I saw him. He’s changed so much. He looks so much like Christian.”

  “I’m sorry about your husband, Mrs. Morgan,” I say. “So how did it go? You know, your conversation with Oliver?”

  Caroline’s face doesn’t show any emotions. She’s probably more upset about her conversation with Oliver than her abusive ex-husband being dead. This should be normal if you’ve gone through years of abuse.

  “I’m dealing with it. Although, his death came as a shock. Oliver hasn’t been easy on me.”

  “God, I hate that he didn’t wait for me. He kept saying he wanted me here,” I say.

  “He listened to me and I think it’s a start, but we still have a long way to go. I asked him about you and I think I crossed the line. He stormed out of the house straight after that.”

  I sink back to my own thoughts. I haven’t mentioned to his mother that we’re together now. I’m not sure how she’s going to react, knowing what her other son did to me.

  “What do you mean… that you asked about me?”

  She doesn’t give me a straight answer. Instead, she looks away, taking long, deep breaths.

  “Have you told him about what happened with Christian?”

  My stomach twists in knots and those memories from that night rush back to me.

  “No, I wanted him to rebuild what he had with you before I tell him. We—” I pause, hesitating, unsure if she will get why I’m trying to make this work with her other son. “We are trying to be together.”

  Caroline looks astonished for a long moment, probably trying to read me.

  “You and Oliver?”

  Okay, here we go.

  “It was always Oliver, not Christian, but I was too scared to do anything. Christian overwhelmed me.”

  “Then I don’t understand why you’re holding back. If he finds out from someone else, he will feel betrayed.”

  “No one else knows, apart from you. I told Dora some things, but not everything,” I say, feeling like I need air. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. Caroline doesn’t get it. I need to wait for the right moment.

  “I know my son. He was always so alienated, but now that you told me, I understand why he got upset when I asked about you. He wants to protect his love for you. You have to tell him.”

  “Please, don’t tell me what to do. You should worry about setting your relationship with him on track, and I’ll deal with this secret,” I say more firmly. “I need to go. See you tomorrow at the funeral.”

  I don’t let Caroline say more. I need to find Oliver and ask him how he feels about his mother now. I call him, but his phone goes straight to voicemail. I go and visit all the places he might be in, but by afternoon, I’m running out of options. Dora and Jacob have sworn to me they haven’t seen him when I explain to them what’s happened.

  In the evening, he still doesn’t show up so I ask Jacob to drive me around, but it looks like Oliver doesn’t want to be found. In the end, I go to bed, assuming he needs some time alone. I would have known if he were arrested or in any kind of trouble. News in Gargle spreads fast. Mrs. Morgan would call me straightaway. I finally drift to sleep in the early hours of the morning.

  Next day is Saturday. Mum, Josephine, Dora, and Jacob are downstairs. The funeral starts in an hour. Oliver will show up; I know he will. He probably needed some time alone to come to terms with everything that went wrong in his life.

  “Ready?” asks Mum with a calm voice. The three of us nod in agreement.

  The ride to the church is short. When we get inside, I search for Oliver, but he isn’t here. My heart skips a beat, but I try not to show that I’m anxious. Oliver can’t miss the funeral; he has to put that part of his life behind him. Mrs. Morgan asks me to sit with her. She doesn’t have anyone else and Oliver isn’t here yet. Minutes roll by, and I keep looking back at the entrance, but Oliver isn’t there. Ten minutes later, it lo
oks like everyone is in, and I keep looking behind, praying for him to arrive.

  “I don’t think he’s going to show up,” whispers Mrs. Morgan with a sad expression. I nod, fighting with tears. Oliver abandoned not only me, but also his family.

  When the priest is just about to start, someone slides in the seat next to me.

  “I’m glad you came,” I say to Oliver, who shields his emotions. He takes my hand and then nods to his mother. He’s wearing a suit and has shaved. I lost faith in him for a moment, but he’s back. The ceremony starts, and I think maybe there’s still hope for us. Oliver might be lost, but I’ll help him find a way to my heart.

  The rest of the day feels like a dream. Some distant relative to Mr. Morgan shares some tears, whereas Oliver and his mother stay immobile in grief. They remember that Mr. Morgan was the cause of their pain, yet they are coming to terms with his death. After an hour, everyone moves to Mrs. Morgan’s home.

  Oliver doesn’t say anything to me, but later on in the evening, he takes me to his old bedroom upstairs. It looks like Mrs. Morgan hasn’t touched anything. His old posters are still on the walls. All these emotions from our night together stir back within me unexpectedly.

  “I think we should go back to Braxton now,” he says as I run my fingers over the edge of his table, feeling calm despite knowing the whole nightmare with his brother started in the attic above us.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Normality