by F. Anstey
CHAPTER XI.
Courtship according to Mr. Ruskin.
SCENE--_A Balcony outside the Musik-Saal of the Insel Hotel, Constance._MISS PRENDERGAST _is seated;_ CULCHARD _is leaning against the railingclose by. It is about nine; the moon has risen, big and yellow, behindthe mountains at the further end of the Lake; small black boats areshooting in and out of her track upon the water; the beat of thesteamers' paddles is heard as they come into harbour._ CULCHARD _hasjust proposed._
MISS PRENDERGAST (_after a silence_). I have already felt very stronglywith Ruskin, that no girl should have the cruelty to refuse aproposal----
CULCH. (_with alacrity_). Ruskin is always so right. And--er--wherethere is such complete sympathy in tastes and ideas, as I venture tothink exists in our own case, the cruelty would----
MISS P. Pray allow me to finish! "Refuse a proposal _at once_" isRuskin's expression. He also says (if my memory does not betray me),that "no lover should have the insolence to think of being accepted atonce." You will find the passage somewhere in _Fors_.
CULCH. (_whose jaw has visibly fallen_). I cannot say I recall it atthis moment. Does he hold that a lover should expect to be acceptedby--er--instalments, because, if so----
MISS P. I think I can quote his exact words. "If she simply doesn't likehim, she may send him away for seven years----"
CULCH. (_stiffly_). No doubt that course is open to her. But why seven,and where is he expected to go?
MISS P. (_continuing calmly_). "He vowing to live on cresses and wearsackcloth meanwhile, or the like penance."
CULCH. I feel bound to state at once that, in my own case, my positionat Somerset House would render anything of that sort utterlyimpracticable.
MISS P. Wait, please,--you are so impetuous. "If she likes him alittle,"--(CULCHARD'S _brow relaxes_)--"or thinks she might come to likehim in time, she may let him stay near her,"--(CULCHARD _makes amovement of relief and gratitude_)--"putting him always on sharp trial,and requiring, figuratively, as many lion-skins or giants' heads as shethinks herself worth."
CULCH. (_grimly_). "Figuratively" is a distinct concession on Ruskin'spart. Still, I should be glad to know----
MISS P. If you will have a little more patience, I will make myselfclear. I have always determined that when the--ah--occasion presenteditself, I would deal with it on Ruskinian principles. I propose in yourcase--presuming of course that you are willing to be under vow forme--to adopt a middle course.
CULCH. You are extremely good. And what precise form of--er--penance didyou think of?
MISS P. The trial I impose is, that you leave Constance to-morrow--withMr. Podbury.
CULCH. (_firmly_). If you expect me to travel for seven years with him,permit me to mention that I simply cannot do it. My leave expires inthree weeks.
MISS P. I mentioned no term, I believe. Long before three weeks are overwe shall meet again, and I shall be able to see how you have borne thetest. I wish you to correct, if possible, a certain intolerance in yourattitude towards Mr. Podbury. Do you accept this probation, or not?
CULCH. I--ah--suppose I have no choice. But you really must allow me tosay that it is _not_ precisely the reception I anticipated. Still, inyour service, I am willing to endure even Podbury--for a strictlylimited period; that I _do_ stipulate for.
MISS P. That, as I have already said, is quite understood. Now go andarrange with Mr. Podbury.
CULCH. (_to himself, as he retires_). It is _most_ unsatisfactory; butat least Podbury is disposed of!
_The same Scene, a quarter of an hour later._ PODBURY _and_ MISSPRENDERGAST.
PODB. (_with a very long face_). No, I _say_, though! Ruskin doesn't sayall that?
MISS P. I am not in the habit of misquoting. If you wish to verify thequotation, however, I dare say I could find you the reference in _ForsClavigera_.
PODB. (_ruefully_). Thanks--I won't trouble you. Only it does seemrather rough on fellows, don't you know. If every one went on hisplan--well, there wouldn't be many marriages! Still, I never thoughtyou'd say "Yes" right off. It's like my cheek, I know, to ask you atall; you're so awfully clever and that. And if there's a chance for me,I'm game for anything in the way of a trial. Don't make it stiffer thanyou can help, that's all!
MISS P. All I ask of you is to leave me for a short time, and go andtravel with Mr. Culchard again.
PODB. Oh, I say, Miss Prendergast, you know. Make it something else._Do!_
MISS P. That is the task I require, and I can accept no other. It isnothing, after all, but what you came out here to do.
PODB. I didn't know him _then_, you see. And what made me agree to comeaway with him at all is beyond me. It was all Hughie Rose's doing--hesaid we should get on together like blazes. So we have--_very_ likeblazes!
MISS P. Never mind that. Are you willing to accept the trial or not?
PODB. If you only knew what he's like when he's nasty, you'd let meoff--you would, really. But there, to please you, I'll do it. I'll standhim as long as ever I can--'pon my honour I will. Only you'll make it upto me afterwards, won't you now?
MISS P. I will make no promises--a true knight should expect no rewardfor his service, Mr. Podbury.
PODB. (_blankly_). Shouldn't he? I'm a little new to the business, yousee, and it _does_ strike me----but never mind. When am I to trot himoff?
"IT DOES SEEM RATHER ROUGH ON FELLOWS, DON'T YOU KNOW."]
MISS P. As soon as you can induce him to go--to-morrow, if possible.
PODB. I don't believe he'll _go_, you know, for one thing!
MISS P. (_demurely_). I think you will find him open to persuasion. Butgo and try, Mr. Podbury.
PODB. (_to himself, as he withdraws_). Well, I've let myself in for anice thing! Rummest way of treating a proposal _I_ ever heard of. Ishould just like to tell that fellow Ruskin what I think of his preciousideas. But there's _one_ thing, though--she can't care about Culchard,or she wouldn't want him carted off like this.... Hooray, I neverthought of that before! Why, there he is, dodging about to find out how_I've_ got on. I'll tackle him straight off.
[CULCHARD _and_ PODBURY _meet at the head of the staircase, and speak at the same moment._
CULCH. Er--Podbury, it has occurred } to me that we might----} } leave this place to-morrow! PODB. I say, Culchard, we really ought} to----}
PODB. Hullo! we're both of one mind for once, eh? (_To himself._) Poorold beggar! Got the sack! That explains a lot. Well, I won't tell himanything about this business just now.
CULCH. So it appears. (_To himself._) Had his _quietus_, evidently. Ah,well, I won't exult over him.
[_They go off together to consult a time-table._
MISS P. (_on the balcony musing_). Poor fellows! I couldn't very wellsay anything more definite at present. By the time I see them again, Imay understand my own heart better. Really, it is rather an excitingsensation, having two suitors under vow and doing penance at the sametime--and all for my sake! I hope, though, they won't mention it to oneanother--or to Bob. Bob does not understand these things, and hemight----But after all, there are only _two_ of them. And Ruskindistinctly says that every girl who is worth _anything_ ought always tohave half a dozen or so. Two is really _quite_ moderate.
